#i am very tempted to get into perfumery just so i can make a good black coffee scent

[helium-rambles]

Coffee Perfumes

Ever since I got into perfume, I have dreamed about smelling like black coffee. Not to spoil the review, but that dream has not come true. Nonetheless, here's all the fragrances I've tried that I've been told smell like black coffee (in alphabetical order by brand)

Alkemia's Caffaeum (five year aged black amber, Arabian coffee, labdanum, benzoin) This smells very perfume-y to me. If I smelt this on someone else, I would think it was a mainstream spray instead of an indie oil. It doesn't trigger migraines for me, but it's still not pleasant. Vaguely cough-syrup like. Other reviewers have said this scent is mostly amber, and amber rarely agrees with me, so that's probably why I don't like it. I understand in a vague way where this might smell like coffee. There's a richness to it that imitates coffee, but it doesn't work for me.

Bath Sabbath's Cupajoe (Freshly brewed coffee with hints of vanilla and cream) This one is nutty. If you drink primarily nutty coffee, this will probably smell like coffee to you. The vanilla adds some sweetness, but not enough to completely distract from the "coffee" scent. Alas, this doesn't work as a coffee scent to me, but I get where some people interpret coffee.

Haus of Gloi's Coffee Haus (coffee, chocolate, caramel, almond) People rave about this being the ideal black coffee scent. "You can't even smell the chocolate and other notes" they say. I think the people who say this have never smelt coffee before. This is straight up chocolate. Like, it's semi-sweet chocolate so I think people are tricked into thinking it's coffee by the fact that it's darker than milk chocolate. But as a lover of coffee and dark chocolate, I'm not buying it.

(Special note!!! After everyone in my household had thoroughly denounced this perfume as pure chocolate, we received a free sample of Frederick's brand cold coffee. We were convinced it was a mocha that they forgot to put the coffee into, but the ingredients list only coffee beans and water so....if you drink Frederick's brand coffee, I guess Coffee Haus does smell like coffee?!?! Still, I cannot in good faith recommend this as a coffee scent.)

Osmofolia's Cold Brew (ice, coffee beans, espresso) My reaction to this can be summed up as: What the fuck. People swear this smells like straight coffee and I would like to know what drugs they are on. This is floral and fruity, with maybe a hint of musk. It's a pretty nice actually, just not what I wanted at all. I thought maybe I was just having a weird reaction to this perfume because it is SO FAR OFF from coffee. Then my housemate tried it and also was like, "Oh, this is a nice fruity-floral scent. What's in it :) ... COfFEE?!?!?!?!?" So I thought perhaps they scent me the wrong sample. However, after trying another one of their perfumes with coffee as a side note, I'm pretty sure it's just this house's coffee.

Poesie's Whisper Your Bitter Things (coffee beans, clove, cinnamon, jasmine, neroli, vanilla bean) Okay, I can't give a good review of this perfume, because I seem to be anosmic to most of Poesie's notes. This smells like nothing for the first 20 minutes, then suddenly hits you with a blast of citrusy florals. My housemate can smell it from the beginning, but still smells no coffee. They do get the spices and florals, though. So, depending on whether you can smell this or not, it may or may not smell like black coffee. Who knows.

Possets Hophead (coffee and five ambers) This is fruity amber. No coffee, but like Caffaeum, I get where people can mistake the richness of amber into a coffee scent. It's basically the same scent as Caffaeum without the off-putting perfumey-ness.

Red River Apothecary's Raktajino (roasted espresso and sweet marshmallow fluff) You have no idea how sad I am this didn't work for me. Not only was it the last on my list to try, but it being named after a Star Trek drink made my inner nerd very happy. Alas, that marshmallow is soooo sweet. I do get the coffee underneath. It's nutty coffee, similar to Cupajoe, but deeper. I would possibly accept this as a coffee scent if it weren't for that dreadful marshmallow :(

Samar's Buzzworthy (Espresso, dark cocoa, vanilla cream, hazelnut) I get a powdery-chocolate from this. It reminds me of this coffee-scented chapstick one of my friends had in high school. Needless to say, that chapstick did not smell like coffee. My housemate gets an overwhelming amount of powdery vanilla. It's very reminiscent of marshmallows to them.

In conclusion: I will not be smelling like coffee any time soon :(