#i can tell griffin is going for a whole lies of p thing (or at least was before clint put on the helmet) and i am HERE for it

[asha-mage]

Everyone else talking about Lady Godwin's new horse girl drip but I'm just sitting here still mulling over how raw and under appreciated it was for Clint McElroy to have Pinocchio fucking stake Dracula through the chest with his nose while pretending to be the spirit of his dead child.

[kimabutch]

WARNING: this post contains huge goddamn TAZ: Balance spoilers. It’s also 1800 words long and I’m literally begging for someone to actually read it cause I put 3 hours of work into it.

In my opinion, one of the biggest unanswered questions at the end of TAZ: Balance is whether Lucretia knew that Lup was in the umbrella. It's a compelling question, in my opinion, and I’ve seen a few fic authors explore it. But today, I figured I’d pull an Angus McDonald and lay out all the facts, and see what we get from them. For this analysis, I’m going to be running on the assumption that Griffin knew what he was doing the whole time (even though that’s clearly false) because it’s no fun if you just handwave everything away like that. Also, I’m super grateful to @tazscripts, which was an amazing resource for me while writing this. 

To start, let’s go over motivations. Now, there’s lots of reasons to believe that Lucretia wouldn’t want to keep Lup trapped in an umbrella. Apparently, after wiping everyone’s memories, Lucretia “looked everywhere” for Lup and “could hardly bear Lup's absence” (Stolen Century, 7). She clearly feels horribly guilty for not finding her. She says as much to Barry and Taako, explaining that her barrier will protect them all “save for Lup,” because “there was nothing [she] could do” (Lunar Interlude V, 2). And when Lup does emerge from the umbrella, she apologizes and says that “she looked for so long” and that she’s “so happy [Lup’s] back” (Story and Song, 1). It seems very possible that if Lucretia had suspected that Lup was in the umbrella, she would have gotten her out of there as soon as possible, or at the very least tried to confirm whether or not she could be in there.

On the other hand, if Lucretia knew, she might have also felt that, as far as her plans were concerned, Lup being in the umbrella in lich form was safest. Lucretia was already terrified of lich-Barry remembering what she had done to them, and had “to take measures to keep him at arm's length, just in case” (Stolen Century, 7). She was worried, rightly, that Barry would try to stop her, especially if he knew what she did to the others. But she had good reason to suspect that Lup would be even more angry after being trapped in her own umbrella for years, separated from both her love and her brother. Instead of keeping Lup at arm’s length, like Barry, why not just keep her in the umbrella, where she couldn’t interfere with her plans?

So while Lucretia has a good defence — that she loved Lup and wouldn’t have kept her in the umbrella if she had the chance — she also had a very good motivation to keep her in there. The big question then becomes: could she have reasonably known that Lup was in there?

And this is where it gets complicated.

Now, it’s indisputable that Lucretia knew what the umbrella was. She claims, in Moonlighting, that she doesn’t know (Moonlighting, 2), but given that the Starblaster crew spent an entire year working together to make their magical items in the 92nd cycle (Stolen Century, 7), she’d have to be the worst chronicler in the world not to write down what everyone made. Presumably, she feeds some information to Leon the Artificer, since he tells them the obviously fake story of the “Umbra Wizards” who supposedly crafted the item (Moonlighting, 3). Importantly, he calls it the “Umbra Staff,” which is exactly what Lup calls it when she makes the item, and knows exactly what the umbrella does, even though no one but the Starblaster crew would probably have known (Stolen Century, 7). Lucretia clearly recognized that Taako had the “Umbra Staff,” and either told Leon to make up an origin story for this “Umbra Staff,” or actually lied to Leon about its origins.

(This is a little off-topic, but I also think there’s a very real possibility that Lucretia told Leon to ply Taako for information about how he acquired the umbrella, to avoid raising suspicions herself. She herself never asks where Taako got the umbrella (Moonlighting, 2), but Leon does (Moonlighting, 3). I don’t think this actually factors into whether Lucretia is guilty or not, but it’s interesting to think about.)

So, yes, Lucretia knew about the umbrella’s abilities, and she knew that it used to belong to Lup. I’m not sure that this alone could have reasonably allowed Lucretia to even suspect that Lup was inside the umbrella. But let’s look at other information that Lucretia had at her disposable to help her connect the dots.

Firstly — she may have known how Taako acquired the umbrella. I think it’s possible that Leon told her that Taako got it off a “dead guy” “in a cave or something” (Moonlighting, 3), or even that Killian noticed that Taako picked it up in a room with a skeleton in a red robe, and told Lucretia that, although Killian wasn’t in the room when Taako picked it up (Here There Be Gerblins, 5).

Secondly — she may have known that when Lup left the Starblaster, she had her umbrella. I feel like this is something that the Starblaster crew would have noted as they searched for her.

Thirdly — she almost certainly knew a little about how liches work, given that two of her best friends were liches and she lived with them for almost twenty years (Barry and Lup become liches in cycle 82 — Stolen Century, 6). Lucretia is super sharp, and almost definitely knew that liches are basically made up of magical energy, which is exactly what the umbrella sucks up. This is the point that I see lots of fanfiction writers bring up, that these are the dots that she could have easily connected, had she really thought about it. I think there are some problems with people saying this. To begin, I don’t think Lup herself knew that the umbrella posed a danger to her, given that she made the umbrella while she’d already done the whole lich thing (Stolen Century, 7). And then, there’s Barry, who sees Taako holding the umbrella in Crystal Kingdom, hears that Taako “took it off this dead thug with a red robe,” realizes that “dead thug” is Lup, but still doesn’t consider that Lup might be in the umbrella, even though he’s a lich himself (Crystal Kingdom, 7). Shit, Barry literally sees the umbrella suck up Edward in Wonderland and doesn’t begin to consider that the umbrella might have done the same to Lup, even though he knows she died with her umbrella in her hands (Suffering Game, 7). And this is Barry goddamn Bluejeans we’re talking about, the same guy who offers to blow himself up just to hold Lup in her lich form (Story and Song, 1) — you really don’t think that Barry would break the umbrella the second that he suspected Lup was in there?

So in this point, I think it’s fair to say that Lucretia might have connected these dots, but she can’t really be held responsible for not doing so anymore than Barry, in my opinion. They all kinda fucked up on that front.

Lucretia does, however, learn even more information than Barry over the course of the story — extra clues that might have helped her piece everything together.

For one thing, she definitely sees the Test of Initiation, in which Taako inexplicably pulls out the umbrella from his bag and fires a spell that is beyond his capabilities (Moonlighting, 2). I think there’s a reasonable chance that she could recognize Lup’s magic, or at very least have used it as a clue. More importantly, though — she must hear, during Lunar Interlude III, about the giant L-U-P burned into the walls of the cafeteria. She must hear about that and immediately inquire into who was using the cafeteria — I can’t think of why she wouldn’t. And hell, she might even be able to get a first-hand account of what happened from the “kitchen staff cleaning up in the backroom,” who are close enough that Taako “can hear them clinkin’ and clankin’ around back there” (Lunar Interlude III). So she see Lup’s name burned into the walls, knowing that Lup is a goddamn arsonist, almost certainly knowing that this was done by Taako who she knows doesn’t have his memories back, possibly even knowing that his umbrella did this… and she still doesn’t get it? Or else, she does get it, but by now, it really, really is safest just to keep Lup in that umbrella.

I think this might be the single most damning point for her, where it seems like Lucretia either knew, or should have known. There’s only one thing that might save Lucretia here, and that’s this: she set up a pretty powerful anti-lich ward on the Bureau (Lunar Interlude V, 1). She has every reason to think that no lich can get on her moon, at least not in lich form. No reason to think that Lup could have gotten past her protection.

So, in summary: there are a lot of clues that Lup was in the umbrella, many of which Lucretia probably could have noticed, although she is definitely not the only character who didn’t. There’s at least one reason that Lucretia might have ruled out Lup being in the umbrella, but several more reasons for, at the very least, investigating what was going on. Given that Barry also failed to put many of the same pieces together, it seems odd to say that Lucretia must have done so and kept it a secret just because she had a motivation for that. But at the same time, she did have more pieces than him, and more time to put them together (given that he spent most of his year regrowing his body and frantically trying to protect/warn the THB).

To get back to our original question — did Lucretia know that Lup was in the umbrella? I’m don’t think we have an obvious, concrete answer. I think there are still signs pointing all ways, and that all interpretations of it are pretty valid. It’s interesting to think of Lucretia keeping Lup in the umbrella for the same reason that she erases everyone’s memories and sends the THB on near-deadly mission — not because she wants to, but because she feels she has to. It’s also interesting to think of her missing the forest for the trees, of being so caught up with her own personal mission that she doesn’t think to ponder the clues she has right in front of her face. Personally, I think it’s most likely that after Lunar Interlude III, Lucretia has some suspicions or maybe even just subconscious doubts, but doesn’t really indulge them because she was too afraid of knowing how badly she’s fucked Lup over, or of trying to get Lup out of the umbrella with the Hunger looming overhead. I think all of these interpretations both fit within her established character and add to it, in their own ways. All of them, as shown above, fit well within the plot.

But I want to end this post by recalling Lup’s own interpretation of events — that Lucretia absolutely didn’t know she was in the umbrella. That Lup somehow, after everything, “can’t fault” Lucretia “for not looking in [the umbrella]” (Story and Song, 1).

And I think that’s important too.

Thank you so much if you read this far! Please feel free to add to it, I have so many feelings.

[obtusemedia]

The best songs of the 2010s: #75-51

#75: “The Only Thing” by Sufjan Stevens (2015)

It was tough to pick a single song from Sufjan Stevens’ masterpiece, Carrie and Lowell, for this list. The album, about his dead mother, is consistently beautiful and tragic throughout.

But “The Only Thing” has the most devastating line of the whole album, and possibly the whole decade, delivered in a wobbly falsetto: “Should I tear my eyes out now?/Everything I see returns to you somehow.” Case closed. Now please excuse me while I cry for the rest of the day.

#74: “Best Song Ever” by One Direction (2013)

If you can’t appreciate this slice of pop-rock perfection that shamelessly rips off The Who, I’m not sure we can be friends.

“Best Song Ever” still sounds as the pinnacle of One Direction’s career, with its fizzy arena-rock chorus and adorable lyrics about that one special night with a mysterious woman, never to be seen again. The Millennial Whoops are plentiful, and they are irresistible.

Yes, “Best Song Ever” is a corny boy band song. But A) it’s the best possible version of a corny boy band song. And B) boy bands are wonderful. Just embrace the cheese.

(Also, One Direction was the greatest boy band of all time. Don’t fight me on this.)

#73: “Pray For Rain” by Pure Bathing Culture (2015)

Portland shoegaze duo Pure Bathing Culture delivered the closest approximation to a prime Cocteau Twins single since the early ‘90s.

It’s got the icy synths and shoegaze guitars to throw any listener into a hypnotic groove. The secret ingredient that makes “Pray For Rain” stand out, however, is the thumping, snare-heavy beat that invokes both military drum lines and trip-hop. It adds a propulsion to the otherwise dreamy track, creating a dissonant yet incredible experience.

#72: “Not” by Big Thief (2019)

Unlike the hushed folksy whispers of Big Thief’s first 2019 album, “Not” is a furious, noisy firebomb of an indie rock jam. Lead singer Adrianne Lenker’s warble is pushed to its limits, as her vocals crack and strain while the song’s tension (and noise level) slowly ratchets up in the song’s first half. 

Then, the pent-up energy is finally released for an explosive, discordant two-and-a-half minute guitar solo. It’s pure chaos and anger distilled into one instrument, and the greatest moment so far of Big Thief’s promising career.

#71: “Dog Years” by Maggie Rogers (2016)

The strength of Maryland indie-pop prodigy Maggie Rogers’ first few singles is how in tune with nature she sounded. I’ve dubbed it “REI-pop.”

And none of her songs are more reminiscent of a high-end outdoors store than “Dog Years” — and yes, that’s a compliment. “Dog Years” incorporates noises like wind chimes and owl hoots to its soulful synthpop production for a unique flavor. Rogers delivers on the vocal end with a stunning performance reminiscent of blue-eyed soul greats like Daryl Hall.

It’s a bummer that mainstream indie pop nowadays is going to mostly sound like Jeep ads. But “Dog Years” proves great art can still be created in that avenue.

#70: “The House That Heaven Built” by Japandroids (2012)

With “The House That Heaven Built,” Vancouver, BC indie rockers Japandroids made a perfect road trip anthem. The chugging guitars shoot to the sky, the drumming is furious, and the fist-pumping “OH OH OHs” are plentiful.

“House” is like a Bruce Springsteen collaboration with The Replacements: righteous fury backed by raucous, bar-friendly punk-rock. When lead singer/guitarist Brian King informs the listener that if “Anything try to slow you down/Tell em all to go to hell,” it’s something anyone can feel in their bones.

#69: “Adorn” by Miguel (2012)

“Adorn” is dangerously smooth. The chillwave-meets-80s-R&B production gets you halfway there, but Miguel’s buttery vocals are the main attraction here. From his endearing ad-libs (“whoap!”) to his effortless vocal runs on the gorgeous melody, he sounds like a seasoned pro.

I’m going to give y’all a hot take — “Adorn” is the Millennial “Sexual Healing.” It strikes that same nocturnal, sexy flair, and Miguel is working it just as hard as Marvin Gaye did. It’s too bad Miguel never was quite able to make something quite as impressive as “Adorn” again, but that single (and its accompanying, phenomenal Kaleidoscope Dream record) will cement him as a ‘10s R&B icon.

#68: “The World’s Best American Band” by White Reaper (2017)

White Reaper never claimed to be the world’s best band. Nope — they want to be the world’s best American band. So it’s only fitting that Louisville’s finest dirtbags cooked up a warm slice of some of the greasiest, sleaziest and most proudly stupid capital-R RAWK in years.

This is the kind of music Van Halen would’ve made if they were a low-rent Millennial indie band. This is the kind of music Gardner Minshew probably listens to. And it’s glorious.

#67: “I Just Had Sex” by The Lonely Island feat. Akon (2010)

This list isn’t really trying to measure importance or anything like that. It’s basically just the songs that made me the happiest this decade. And there are few songs that make me smile as much as The Lonely Island’s pathetically hilarious “I Just Had Sex.”

There’s so many golden moments here, from “I called my parents right after I was done!” to “The best 30 seconds of my life!” and “I think she might have been a racist?” The comedy trio was really on their A-game.

But what makes “I Just Had Sex” more than just a goof is that it’s also catchy as hell. That Akon chorus is legitimately one of the best pop hooks of the decade. What made The Lonely Island so brilliant in their turn-of-the-decade peak is their ability to make songs that often surpassed the actual pop hits they emulated, while not sacrificing hilarious lyrics.

(Also, shoutout to “Jack Sparrow” and the legitimately impressive baseball-themed “Let’s Bash,” both of which could’ve also snuck onto this list.)

#66: “Oh My Darling Don’t Cry” by Run The Jewels (2014)

Sometimes, you turn to hip-hop for inspiring messages and thoughtful, provocative lyrics (something Run The Jewels has certainly delivered on with tracks like “Early”).

But sometimes you just want an aggro banger that makes you want to smash through a brick wall like the Kool-Aid Man. That’s what “Oh My Darling Don’t Cry” brings to the table, thanks to its heavy helping of fuck-everyone defiance and El-P’s trademark apocalyptic, frantic production.

#65: “Your Best American Girl” by Mitski (2016)

In her signature song, “Your Best American Girl,” Mitski took the thrashing ‘90s guitars and epic chorus of Smashing Pumpkins’ “Today” and turned it into a conversation about race, insecurity and love.

Mitski, who is Japanese-American, vividly describes the angst of trying to fit the lily-white image of the “American Girl” for a boy. The song begins with insecurity — “Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me/But I do, I think I do” — and then flips that statement into a proud stand for her roots: “But I do, I finally do.” It’s a powerful declaration, fitting of one of the decade’s most powerful rock anthems.

#64: “A Real Hero” by College and Electric Youth (2010)

Consider this spot a placeholder for all the best songs from the 2010′s best soundtrack: “Drive.”

Out of that soundtrack’s three stand-out singles, “A Real Hero” is the best by a hair. College’s slick, pulsing production is a perfect contrast to Bronwyn Griffin’s whispered, ghostly vocals. It’s the perfect love theme for an aggressively hipster-y movie where Ryan Gosling plays a dude in a gold satin jacket, drives around L.A. silently, and crushes a guy’s head in an elevator.

But shout out to the other two classics on Drive, “Nightcall” and “Under Your Spell,” which are also musts while driving around at night feeling moody.

#63: “Birthday Song” by 2 Chainz feat. Kanye West (2012)

“Birthday Song” is gloriously stupid. It’s the kind of song you laugh at the first time you hear it, but after a few more listens, you’re rapping along with 2 Chainz and Kanye.

And it’s hard not to rap along when there’s this many quotable lines: “SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY SO I CALL HER BIG BOOTY.” “I’M IN THE KITCHEN. YAMS EVERYWHERE!!” “Last birthday, she got you a new sweater/Put it on, give her a kiss, and tell her, ‘DO BETTER.’” And of course, the most iconic line of them all: “All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe.”

“Birthday Song” is so ridiculous that it’s only a couple jokes removed from a Lonely Island single. And that’s what makes it so fun.

#62: “Every Day’s the Weekend” by Alex Lahey (2017)

Aussie indie rocker Alex Lahey made the best Blink-182 song of the decade with “Every Day’s the Weekend.” It’s got a soaring chorus with the all-important “WHOA OHs,” a chugging guitar riff, and it’s catchy as hell.

Just toss in a lackadaisical attitude and a “I Gotta Feeling”-style days-of-the-week chant and you’ve got a pop-punk classic.

#61: “Take a Walk” by Passion Pit (2012)

While MGMT burned their cultural capital by making zoinked-out psych rock (which was pretty solid!), their peers Passion Pit doubled down on their signature synthpop sound in the early ‘10s. Their 2012 album, Gossamer, is one of the all-time great albums with a happy, bouncy sound but crushingly dark lyrics. So naturally, its first single is a perky pop tune about financial struggles!

“Take a Walk” is so catchy and uplifting musically — just try getting that iconic synth riff out of your head — that Michael Angelakos’ lyrics about the Great Recession seem out of place at first. But it gels anyways. The uplifting music just emphasizes the dire situation Angelakos and his then-wife found themselves in, and it makes the soaring synth riff read as more melancholy than optimistic.

#60: “Gretel” by (Sandy) Alex G (2019)

"Gretel” is like an indie-folk song that went to the Upside Down. All the requisite parts are there — gently strummed guitar, lyrics with a man-of-the-people feel, humbly Middle American vocals — but it feels warped and twisted.

The easiest way to describe it is like if a typical folk-pop song CD was left in the sun for a solid week or so, allowing it to melt. And then you tried listening to it. It would sound positively spooky. Yet through the oddball production and eerie vibe, Alex G’s defiant chorus still shines through. A statement like “Good people gotta fight to exist” somehow sounds more powerful in a bizzaro song like this.

#59: “Downtown” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Eric Nally, Grandmaster Kaz, Melle Mel and Kool Moe Dee (2015)

Macklemore might have been the 2010′s most unfairly hated artist. Yes, he’s corny. Yes, Kendrick should’ve won those Grammys instead. But the dude was fun, inventive and a unique voice in hip-hop at the time.

“Downtown” is a prime example of Mack’s talent. Or at least, his knack for assembling a fantastic supporting crew. Old-school rappers Grandmaster Kaz, Melle Mel and Kool Moe Dee deliver some forceful interludes, and Eric Nally and his wildman vocals give “Downtown” a killer, Queen-esque chorus. And of course, producer Ryan Lewis helps sell the song, with a constantly-switching beat that ranges from ‘70s funk to bombastic arena rock. Even Seattle legend Ken Griffey Jr. makes a cameo in the Spokane-filmed video!

In a late-’10s hip-hop scene filled with mopey sad white boys like Post Malone and NF, Macklemore’s goofy vibe and dad jokes are sorely missed.

#58: “Flesh Without Blood” by Grimes (2015)

In a decade filled with wonderful alt-pop weirdos, Grimes might have been the weirdest. One of her standout songs, “Kill v. Maim,” is about Michael Corleone from The Godfather Pt. II, but if he was a time-traveling, gender-switching vampire (yes, really).

“Flesh Without Blood” is comparatively normcore, but it’s still Grimes’ best slice of bonkers pop magic. Written from the perspective of a fan angry that she sold out, the track rides a surf-rock guitar groove into the oblivion. Grimes’ squeaky vocals are almost taunting in tone, but the hooks are so massive and the production is so fresh that I doubt listeners mind.

#57: “Slide” by Calvin Harris feat. Frank Ocean and Migos (2017)

Arguably the biggest name in cheeseball EDM took a shockingly sharp pivot into silky-smooth funk with “Slide.” And it worked! It worked weirdly well!

Of course, it helps that Calvin Harris has always had impeccable taste in guest vocalists, from Florence Welch to Haim. And by snagging once-in-a-generation talent Frank Ocean (and the fun, if not legendary, Migos) for “Slide,” he possibly pulled his greatest coup yet.

...well actually, no. His best song will always be the gloriously trashy and very British “Dance Wiv Me” with grime legend Dizzee Rascal. But the slick tropical grooves of “Slide” are a worthy contender.

#56: “I Belong in Your Arms” by Chairlift (2012)

I could’ve sworn this was in an old John Hughes movie. The wintry synths and retro-chic vibe of “I Belong in Your Arms” certainly would’ve fit snugly into the Pretty In Pink soundtrack, but no — Chairlift’s best single came out this decade.

“I Belong in Your Arms” is stunning in its atmospheric beauty. Singer Caroline Polachek’s vocals are almost Elizabeth Fraser-esque, drifting over the waves of keyboards while still packing a heavy punch on the chorus. And the song’s burst of energy doesn’t feel like a temporary sugar rush — it feels like the real thing.

#55: “Make Me Feel” by Janelle Monaé (2018)

“Make Me Feel” is unabashedly a Prince homage. And if anyone in modern music could successfully replicate the Purple One, it’s Janelle Monaé.

The genre-blurring, impossibly funky “Make Me Feel” immediately grabbed me upon release, with its sharp guitar edges, soft-loud-soft production and sticky hook. But Monaé’s vocal performance is what truly makes the track pop. She clearly had the time of her life here, switching on a dime from smooth and sultry to giddy yelps. If there’s a perfect Janelle Monaé song cooked up in a lab somewhere, it’s probably nearly identical to this.

#54: “Some Nights” by fun. (2012)

Jack Antonoff has always excelled as the second-fiddle. Whether that’s in being the less-famous person in his former relationship with Lena Dunham or being the behind-the-scenes production wizard for megastars like Taylor Swift and Lorde, he works best in the shadows (despite his solo side band, Bleachers, being pretty damn good).

And of course, the project that first brought Antonoff into the mainstream was his band fun., in which he was the lead guitarist and a songwriter. At the time when the band hit their brief apex in 2012, it seemed like frontman Nate Ruess, with his vocal acrobatics and theatrical style, would be most primed for solo fame, but that fizzled.

Eight years later, “Some Nights” stands as a testament that Antonoff (and the other two guys in fun.) can write an incredible arena rock anthem just as easily as a synthpop banger. The song turns a quarter-life crisis into a soaring epic that sounds like a glorious U2-Queen hybrid, with a drumline added on top. Despite cribbing its chorus from Simon and Garfunkel, “Some Nights” still holds its power.

#53: “The Less I Know The Better” by Tame Impala (2015)

There’s one thing that instantly hooks you into Tame Impala’s Instagram-filtered indie pop masterpiece: that bassline. It carries the whole song on its back.

Not to say the rest of “The Less I Know The Better” isn’t good — Kevin Parker’s jealousy-tinged lyrics are fairly relatable, the twinkling synths are nice, the melody is appropriately yearning. But that slap bass ropes all those elements together into a legitimately funky rock tune. If Tame Impala’s mediocre new singles had that bass, maybe they’d be less forgettable.

#52: “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine (2011)

Florence Welch might be the decade’s most underrated vocalist. Her voice has the power of a Mack truck, yet she can still convey subtlety when needed.

“Shake It Out” is not one of those subtle moments. It is arena-pop filtered through gospel; a song that sounds like it was meant for a cathedral. Welch describes battling her personal demons like they were literal demons. Couple her wailing with layers upon layers of organs and massive drums imported from the “In The Air Tonight” solo, and you’ve got a song too big to fail.

#51: “Young Blood” by The Naked and Famous (2010)

I really, really wanted to include more tunes from the golden era of radio-friendly indie pop, circa 2008-2012. But a lot of the best stuff — MGMT, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Phoenix — fell in the previous decade. And others are more nostalgic faves for me than actually great songs (sorry, Grouplove and Matt & Kim).

But The Naked and Famous absolutely still hold up. “Young Blood” still has the insanely high-pitched vocals and twinkly synths of that era, but the New Zealanders throw some distorted ‘90s guitars to create a unique sound. It’s like the Weezer writing a Passion Pit song (but way better than that would imply). Lead singer Alisa Xayalith’s piercing voice is an instrument all of its own, soaring across the synthesizers and guitars like a bolt of neon light.

“Young Blood” might be an early ‘10s time-capsule, but it has hooks for days and a somehow-still-fresh groove.

[lil-loucifer]

All greek myths you fool

Why are you like dis

GODS: Life

Zeus: What’s your name or nickname?

I go by “Lou,” but I have plenty of nicknames. You, for instance, call me “Lulu”

Hera: Where are you from?

NorCal.

Athena: How old are you?

Just turned eighteen B)

Hephaestus: When is your birthday?

July 19.

Aphrodite: What’s your relationship status?

Single af

Poseidon: What are your pronouns?

He/him/his.

Dionysus: Are you and extrovert or an introvert?

I am very much an introvert.

Demeter: Do you have any pets?

Two asshole dogs.

Apollo: What kind of music are you into?

All kinds of shit, honestly!

Artemis: What do you first notice about new people?

Whether or not they annoy me?

Hades: What’s a big fear of yours?

Being alone and unwanted and worthless!! :D

Ares: What’s a big pet peeve of yours?

They kinda come and go depending on the situation.

Hestia: Where do you consider home?

Uh... Probably my house, I guess? 

CREATURES: Lasts

Pegasus: Last movie you watched?

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (It just got released on Netflix so I finally got to watch it ewe)

Mermaid: Last tv show you finished?

Uhhhh fuckin Young Justice, probably

Centaur: Last book you read?

The Dark Prophecy. 

Siren: Last song you listened to?

Almost Human, by Voltaire

Gorgon: Last thing you ate?

Some pop-tarts?

Cyclops: Last time you cried?

I dunno, honestly, but I can tell you it as within this month >:D

Minotaur: Last time you were truly happy?

I don’t really know tbh

Sphynx: Last text you sent?

A good night text to a friend :P

Chimera: Last call you made?

Probably to my aunt to tell her I finished an errand -_-

Griffin: Last thing you did before going to sleep last night?

Uhhh, things. 

Nymph: Last dream you remember?

I always default to the Naked Chris Evans dream.

Satyr: Last time you couldn’t stop laughing?

My sister fuckin told me about the time my dad asked my mom out, it was hilarious

HEROES: Experiences

Heracles: Have you ever had a dream come true?

Not really, I don’t really have dreams.

Theseus: What is your worst regret?

Repressed ._.

Perseus: Have you ever been arrested?

Almost! :D

Cadmus: Have you ever had your heart broken?

Hell yeah I have! >:D

Achilles: Have you ever had to be hospitalized?

Nah, I’m a lucky boy

Actaeon: Tell about a memory you wish to forget.

A web of lies and deceits he weaved around his friends, his loved ones, all to preserve his own pride. That fucking piece of shit. 

Bellerophon: Have you ever passed out?

Nah.

Agamemnon: What is an achievement you’re proud of?

I have literally just been wasting oxygen my entire life~

Oedipus: Have you ever been in love?

Maybe?

Jason: Have you ever travelled abroad? Where?

I’ve travelled to the Philippines with my mom when I was like, five or six. I spent have the trip in a fever haze :P

Atlanta: Have you ever stood up for someone else?

Yeah, I think? We never spoke again after that, so...

Hippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.

Alright, soo, in senior year of high school, I signed up for an elective science class right? It was fuckin’ forensic science, so yeah, I know a few CSI techniques, like, you ask me to dust somewhere for prints, I’ma fuck it up, but I know how it works.  But that year, the higher-level science classes had to do a fuckin presentation to the sophomores and shit, to encourage them to sign up for science classes even after they’d fulfilled their graduation reqs for science. 

Anyways, one of the courses the presentation would involve was Forensic Science. I signed up to be in the presentation group so I could ditch classes the whole day, and it was pretty hype. 

So, there were a bunch of science kids backstage, preparing little experiments and showcases to show to the audience; like, the chemistry kids had a small smokescreen, the AP Physics kids had something involving wind socks? And the fuckin Marine Bio kids had a fucking skull from a shark. I shit you not. 

And then there was us. Forensic fucking Science. So, our teacher, Ms. P., she was in charge of hosting the damn show. So, I guess she was so caught up in the planning for it that she forgot to suggest a showcasing for us. So when the presentation team for Forensic Science, by far the largest group of six, compared to the other’s average of two or four, talked to our teacher to ask what we should say and/or do, she replied “I don’t know, improvise?” 

So we improvise. Our routine got better throughout the day, but it would normally start like this: I say in my best creepy tone of voice “Hello everybody, we’re here to talk to you about murder,” and briefly go over what the rest of the people in my team would do, then they talk about the technical aspects and the activities, a little bit of what we learn, one guy makes a reference to pop culture, and then we finish it off with a shitty pun. Then we’d go backstage again and wait until the last presentation, Marine Bio, finished up their part, and go back onstage to answer any questions the audience might have about the classes. 

Now, we didn’t really have much visual aid, compared to the other sciences. The AP Chem kids wowed people with their home made smokescreen, the Physics kids did some kind of breathplay shit, and the Marine Bio guy let the audience pass the shark head around so they could get a better look at it.

The most riveting thing my group had was, apparently, me. Like, really. Standing next to the other forensic science kids, I was basically Abby from NCIS, meaning I stood the fuck out my dyed hair and actual Forensic Science class shirt I wore just for the occasion, and I behaved in the most weird/interesting manner I could manage. So naturally when we go back up on stage for the Q&A session, the one person who had questions about Forensic Science, directed his questions towards me. Now, that shouldn’t be a problem for someone who knew shit about the class.

The thing is, it was fuckin me. I didn’t know JACK SHIT. So I had to fuckin improvise. 

“What kind of cases do you get in Forensic Science?”

Fuck. Shit. We haven’t done any mock crime scenes yet. Fuck.

“Well, we uh... We get a huge variety of cases, scenarios, situations and the like, Ms.P. changes it up all the time. ...Uh, you feel me?”

Then someone else stepped in to save my dumb ass, and I hung my head and moped back to the group. Everyone finished up asking their questions, and we had to remain on stage while the audience filed out to leave. 

But then, the Marine Bio guy dashed up to the mic podium and worriedly said, “Yo wait, guys, where’s the shark head?” 

He never got the shark head back. 

So the Marine Bio guy’s freaking out, he jumps off the stage to look for the shark head, and the Ms. P. turns to me and says, in the most serious tone of voice, the funniest thing anyone hasever said to me: 

“Find the head.”

And after a few objections, I left to lead the Forensic Science team to find the head.

Since I’m a shitty leader, they didn’t listen to me, so I tried to profile the crowd on my own. 

So after several disastrous attempts at finding the shark head, a guy from the Forensic Science team, Don, says “Guys, I found the head.” 

Turns out one of the guy’s friends was the last one to hold the head, so he just snuck backstage and left it on the Marine Bio guy’s bag. 

MAGICAL ITEMS: Favorites  

Trident: Who are your favorite people?

My close-ass friends, like you

Lightning Bolt: What are your top three favorite movies?

NOT “The Lightning Thief.” 

1: Wreck-It Ralph

2: The Kingsman movies

3: Patch Adams

Sun Chariot: What is your favorite mythological creature?

I got nothing, sorry

Lyre: What are your top three favorite songs?

CAN’T CHOOSE

Caduceus: What is your favorite color?

Blue or black!!

Aegis: What is your favorite book or series?

Percy Jackson holds a special place in my heart.

Scythe: What is your favorite tv show?

Lucifer, on Fox

Bident: What is your favorite way to spend free time?

Video games, probably

Harpe: What are your top 3 favorite places?

1: Borders Barns & Noble Whatever fuckin bookstores we’ve got left

2: Somewhere quiet and dark and lonely. 

3: Where the food is

Cornucopia: What is your favorite place to eat?

...In my room?

Winged Sandals: What is your favorite thing to do when you hangout with your friends?

I dunno, I don’t really have friends to hang out with :P

Golden Fleece: What is your favorite animal?

Cats and dogs!!

PLACES: Goals and Wishes

Olympus: Describe your dream job.

Just fuckin chilling? I dunno. Something quiet, but not too boring. 

Tartarus: What’s a short term goal you hope to achieve?

Graduate college?

Underworld: Describe your dream vacation.

Staycation~

Styx: How would you like your life to look like in 10 years?

Stable job, reliable income, close friends and confidants. I hope to be able to properly comprehend and acknowledge my own emotions one day.

Athuna: If you could live anywhere in the world for the rest of your life, where would it be?

I think I’m good where I am.

Sparta: Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s on it?

Not really.

Elysium: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Mimicry of skills, abilities and powers.

Ogygia: Describe your dream husband/wife/life partner?

Top trait: Low standards

Troja: What is the craziest thing you wanna do before you die?

KNIFE FIGHT A BITCH IN A WAL-MART PARKING LOT

The Labyrinth: Have you ever died and came back to life as a vampire?

Yeah, totally.

Delphi: Are you currently doing anything to pursue your dreams?

I don’t have dreams -w-