#i can't compare that to the Sunday before last because I don't remember enough of it

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

"I'll Text You Later."

This is a phrase that holds a special place in my heart, and I think some of you whom I've told about this might still not remember what that place is. So let me share with you this tale and really, really date myself as An Old.

I saw a discussion the other day pushing back on the idea that AI is "inevitable." And the basic premise of the counterargument was that "AI is inevitable" is not a fact; It's marketing copy. Just as the idea of Bitcoin for the purpose of selling Bitcoin was that Bitcoin is the wave of the future and soon everyone will want and use it, part of the core of all the marketing of AI is just "AI is the wave of the future, you should be familiarizing yourself with AI Prompting as a skill if you want to make it in this fast-moving high-tech world, because soon writing code yourself is going to be so slow compared to what the average person can do that developing those skills will be a waste of time - indeed, it's already a waste of time because the moment of AI overtaking it will come before you finish your coding classes this year!" and so on and so forth. But also, this AI stuff isn't inherently profitable. None of it. And if people can't find out how to make it so, it'll dissolve like fog as soon as the investment money dries up. And fog is a really good metaphor here, because it seems omnipresent and completely inescapable...for the moment. But it's also completely immaterial.

Anyway one of the examples she brought up was how the marketing folks for AI were trying to invent use cases for this shit. "Make a bespoke hand-made-of-butter emoji to express to my friends how I feel about that last play in the football game." And she was correct: This is not going to be the use case. Those advertisers missed the mark. Others came closer, though I'm not sure whether the features will be worth the cost once cost is actually part of the discussion; They had contextual voice searching. The example they gave was, "Find an Italian restaurant near Dan that's dog friendly and open today and has outdoor seating."

I think that's very well a system that could be set up. Not sure it calls for AI except for working out the tokens to then assign as subtasks. But it serves a real purpose! That could in fact help someone quickly get something they want. Like, I'd really love it if I could do that instead of a lot of the menu-traversal I do on my phone. "Hey, if I don't have anything set for 9pm on Sunday on my calendar could you put in 'Workout' as a 30-minute event there?" To have my phone...concierge...respond to that with, "You've got an event there - 'Phone call with Sarah' - but it's only 10 minutes right at 9. Do you want to set the workout right beforehand or after, or skip it?" or with "It's in. Would you like that to recur on future weeks or just be a one-time thing?" That would be rad as fuck.

And I want to give room for these marketing campaigns to find the actual use cases for the tech. They have done so in the past.

There's this one old ad that ends with the girl telling the cute guy, "I'll text you later" and then tripping over the curb because she's trying to look cool instead of looking where she's going. And this made me really angry. I turned to my dad and roared, "TEXT IS NOT A VERB!"

At the time, this was near enough to true. "Text" was in the process of being verbed, in part by that ad. The idea of "texting" as a thing one would do was being sold to the public.

And it's weird to think about this, because the ad itself is now something I think a lot of modern audiences would find strange; like if it were trying to sell people on the idea that driving a car would someday catch on, or that drinking water helps with being thirsty. It succeeded so well that the idea that the idea ever needed to be sold is now foreign to us.

Some of these ideas ARE revolutions that completely rearrange the workings of all human endeavors. Most of them are just positioning themselves that way in front of investors, but we have very limited ability to actually catch on to which ones are which early on, because a lot of times they hit their stride when picked up and remixed by another person later.

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

I went to a friend’s church yesterday and it was...really nice??

They have far more safety precautions in place than my ward does (which, admittedly, is a low bar), I vibed with the sermon style, and I was only on edge because it was a new experience. Once I got over that, and had processed everything, it felt good. In my bones. Which isn’t a feeling I get very often. And I really want to go back/start going with him more often, to the point that I’ve cried over it.

This is a bit unfortunate, since it makes it even harder to figure out how I feel about my ward. It’s only been a couple weeks since my roommates and I have started going in person again, and everyone’s been fine: they’re all polite and no one has said anything weird or hostile to my face, but most folks’ body language is clearly showing their discomfort. And, like, that’s fair: “out and proud” queer people that also go to church aren’t all that common and I’m the most masc-presenting afab person I’ve ever seen at a church. But also, I hate that I’ve been On Edge for two hours straight each time? It knocks me out for the rest of the day and really messes with my ability to participate fully in the lessons, socialize, and feel the Spirit. 

I also don’t want to make things weird with my roommates. I know they won’t push me to attend our ward every week, but I don’t want the whole “endure to the end” talk either, or to do something that would cause friction between them and me. I’ve already mentioned that I want to go more often to one of them and she went “well, isn’t it worth being on edge?” And, like, I did get a bit defensive and cut her off to say I wasn’t going to go every week, but knowing her I’m pretty sure she was going to bring up the sacrament or something similar. Which is fair, but I made my peace with not getting the sacrament every week when the pandemic started so it’s not a huge deal to me (even though I get that it probably should be...I honestly just don’t have the energy to care at the moment). And also, maybe it’s not! Maybe I want to ease into being in a space that has unaffirming undercurrents instead of forcing myself to go every week! Maybe I don’t want to sit out in the hall for an hour every other week! Maybe I want to be in a space where I can breathe!

I should give my ward a chance. I could very well get more comfortable the more time I spend there, and I don’t want to write them off. But I also want to make sure I’m taking care of my mental and spiritual well-being.

[altisee]

Slurred 'I like you'

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Shinmon Benimaru x F!Reader

Summary: Alcohol is like a truth serum to people. It will free your tongue to say what is in your heart, and you are no exception. The confession led to one thing and another, but what happens next when the alcohol wears off?

Warning: 18+ content, fingering, oral sex, alcohol consumption

Words: 1922

A/N: I’ve only written 3 so far, but I always try to upload every Sunday or Tuesday. You can use my tag #Altiseewrites if you’re interested to read everything! :))

---

Shit. That was your first thought when you opened your eyes and got up—headache with dizziness and how you badly want to drink water. Yes, all the symptoms point to you suffering from a hangover. Eyes still half shut, your abdomen started aching, but you grinned because it can't compare to last night... the kisses... the heavy petting... the sweat that sticks your bodies close... What?

Oh. Shit. You turned your head and froze when you saw the man sleeping next to you. Fuck. Now you remember everything. Company 7 was drinking last night because Waka won for the first time in months when he was out gambling Sol-knows-where. Initially, you had no plan to drink, but they started a game before the movie began and insisted that everyone participate. The rule was to drink one shot every time a character dies; sounds easy, right? But the movie title had the word apocalypse in it, so the next thing you knew, you were being carried to bed by someone.

Your thoughts came to a stop when you heard the door slid open. "Good morning," Konro greeted with a smile. "Is Waka not up yet?" Before you could even start your panicked explanation, he handed you some water and medicine for your hangover.

It was your Captain who kindly took your drunk ass to your room, yet you dared to pull his sleeve in an attempt to stop him when he was about to leave. "What?" Beni laughed as he found you cute for tugging on him like a kid. You pulled him close to you, whispered in his ears, and kissed him. Oh god, what did I tell him? But what followed next was the best sex of your life at the expense of a sore body.

"You guys are old enough, so you don't have to explain," Konro said, calming your nerves a little. "Just make sure to keep the noise to a minimum next time," He teased as you coughed on the water you were drinking. He left saying that breakfast was ready and to come to eat whenever you wanted.

There was nothing you could do about it now. You looked at Beni sleeping soundly next to you. You brushed his hair, revealing his forehead, which you planted with a kiss. Kiss? He didn't pull away when you kissed him last night. Actually, he wrapped his hands around your waist to draw you closer and deepen the kiss. You remember how he pinned you against the wall, trailing his hands on your thighs, going up to your wet folds. How could you forget? His fingers were something else, just using his hands to enter you was enough to send your body spasming that night, and just thinking about it again forms a heat in between your legs. Focus!

The last bit of rationality you have allowed you to analyze your situation as you start to ramble your thoughts.

"What if Waka was just too drunk last night? He couldn't have heard it, right?" But he was just tipsy then.

"What if he says it was a mistake and that we should forget about it?" It might get awkward. Ugh.

"But what if he doesn't remember anything???" That last thought struck you and gave you an idea that you should leave immediately.

A movement to your right drew your eyes. "I can hear your thoughts out loud, you know?" Beni mumbled, half-asleep. "Ah, did I say that one out loud?" you blushed. How could a person be this handsome despite just waking up with bed hair? Again. Focus! But how could you? You just had sex with the Empire's Strongest Hikeshi, your Captain, the one you had feelings for.

You first met Beni last year, and you owe it to your best friend for throwing you a graduation party with the 8th. After that meeting and despite being best friends with Obi, you enlisted to the 7th when you graduated. It's safe to say that he sulked for a while, but he was happy for you nonetheless.

"Yes, you said it out loud, and I remember everything," Beni said, getting up. "How could I forget? We did it like four times until you passed out." He said in a rough voice. You couldn't read his tone, so you decided to look at him despite being embarrassed. A soft blush formed in his cheeks, but you are sure yours are redder. "and no, it wasn't a mistake, and I wasn't that drunk," he muttered the words to himself. But you were paying enough attention to hear it and caused the butterflies in your stomach to go wild.

"So," he leaned close to you, "in case it was you who forgot, should I remind you about what happened last night?" he smiled, and your already flushed cheeks blushed even redder.

'I want to fuck you again,' is what I wanted to say, but I should keep it low, for now, Beni thought to himself, seeing you are flustered enough and considering that your beautiful face couldn't get any redder than that.

Before you could even answer, he cupped the back of your head with his hand and kissed you. Pulling you closer, he tenderly kissed your full bottom lip, gently placing it between his teeth and pulling it slowly to tease you. "That's how I kissed you." he nuzzled in your ears.

You are in complete bliss. You can't believe this is happening. "Waka, you are not still drunk, right?" he sensed a worried tone in your voice, so he stopped kissing your neck for a moment to look at you. "No." He said firmly. He gently pushed your body against the bed with him on top as he continued kissing your neck. "and this is how I pinned you against the wall."

"If I knew I'd be stripping you again, I shouldn't have bothered dressing you when you passed out." Why would he not dress you? He wouldn't allow you to be seen naked by Konro or anyone else. Your body was all his. He took his time to clean your body off his cum last night and even changed you into one of his clean robes. It was oversized, but it showed your petite body, which he loves.

He lifted the cloth exposing your sex. "I guess your body still remembers." He was pleased to see that it was already wet and ready for him. His hands moved to your shoulders, pulling down the sleeve uncovering your puckered nipples that were enticing him. He bent down to your hard nub and flicked it with his tongue, making you whimper. His hands trailed at your thighs until they found your erected bud. Stroking them, leaving you breathless.

He inserted one finger first, sliding slowly in and out of you, then he inserted another with a faster tempo and another. Stroking your insides faster and harder. "God, you are so good with your hands." you moaned with pleasure as you gripped his shoulders. It feels like every nerve endings in your body screamed with desire when his mouth met your throbbing bud. With his fingers inside you and his hot tongue going up and down your clit made your entire body shivered in orgasm.

Feeling weak, you felt his hard length pressed firmly to your sensitive core as he explored your mouth. You stroked him with your hand making him moan. He broke the kiss to swiftly remove his pants, showing his full erection. He was big, and you wondered how did that fit in you last night. He liked how seeing his cock instantly flushed your cheeks and couldn't hold back anymore. "I'm going to fuck you hard," he said with a lust-filled voice.

Beni was smitten by you ever since he saw you during your grad celebration. You wore a red feminine dress that fell a few inches above your knees, showing your smooth legs. He was stunned at your beauty. When you entered the 7th, his feelings only further developed. He got to know you better; you were wise and kind, your cooking skills are almost on par with Konro's, and your laugh, it never fails to make him smile.

He cupped your softly rounded breast with one hand and the other to position the head of his penis so it could slide back and forth to your sensitive bud. You groaned because you wanted more. You want him inside you. "What?" he said breathlessly with a smile. He knows what you desire, but he repositioned himself so that his cock could slide back and forth, teasing your opening but never entering it. "Ah- Waka, please," you moaned harder.

His mismatched iris stared at you. He wants you to beg him. Your hangover with your last string of rationality left and was replaced by uncontrollable lust. "Beni," you gasped, "please enter me." Saying his name made him harder, and without wasting any time, he lifted your hips and pushed his throbbing shaft inside you. You clenched him inside your wet core in pleasure. Fuck. He cursed silently under his heavy breathing. "Why are you so tight?" he groaned.

You were still sore from last night; even if it was only half his shaft that entered, it was already painful. You dug your fingernails on his shoulders in pain as he fully inserted himself inside you. "Does it hurt?" Beni asked. You nodded. "But it feels so good," that drew a smile on his face.

He moved slowly at first, but he couldn't control his lustful impulses. He buried his entire length in you over and over. He met your mouth, which you invitingly open, and you tasted your own sex from his tongue. "I've always wanted to do this," Beni moaned. He withdraws his hard length from your body and then plunges again and again inside you.

His rhythm moved faster and deeper, and he felt you tense up on his cock, which sent him grunting. You moaned as your second orgasm sped through your body. You shuddered, crying out his name. "Fuck, you are so wet." He wanted you more, so he didn't stop thrusting inside you. He bent down the slope of your neck to nip on it, placing his mark on you. Until his shaft began to spasm and pounded inside you deeply, finally releasing his load.

You are physically spent, but the orgasm was nothing like you've ever experienced. Beni grunted as he pulled his penis out of you, leaving your insides filled with his translucent cum.

He lied next to you, and when he found your hands, he interlocked them with his. "I've always wanted to do that since I first saw you wearing that dress last year," Beni said, still catching up with his breath. Both the holding hands and fucking you, of course, is what he thought.

"I purposely matched the color with your iris." you proudly smiled in response, "But how could you walk with those daggers?"

"Daggers?" you burst out laughing as he was referring to your heels.

"They are called stilettos, Waka," you smiled.

Kissing the back of your hands, he said, "I really like you too, you know," Too? You wondered, and your eyes widened when you remembered. You said you liked him when you tugged on his sleeves last night. "What? Did you forget about that? Should I remind you and your body again?" He smiled teasingly as he kissed you. "Well, I guess breakfast can wait."

[tuancore]

Lost You (Part 11) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Angst

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

Standing outside your apartment's door, you examined the door briefly, every single line and curve, remembering the time when you both first moved to this apartment after coming to Seoul, everything flashing before your eyes, rethinking your each and every decision in life. When you first came to Seoul, you felt like an outcast but with Jinyoung by your side, you had that hope of everything going to be alright, can't believe that same Jinyoung became so unfamiliar to you. Twisting the doorknob, you stepped in, just like the first time you entered with him.

Your eyes were covered with a velvety blindfold, you felt like stumbling every now and then in your heels, not knowing where he was actually taking you. He took you by surprise by picking you up in his arms, your hand naturally flying behind his shoulders. He chuckled seeing that terrified expression on your face, "Easy, angel I'm not going to drop you".

"Jinyoung, I swear if you're taking me to some horror house, you know how horrible they are" But he didn't reply you but kept on chuckling, making your stomach churn with anticipation. A ding sound, perked your ears, it was an elevator. He stepped out of it walking for awhile and then stopping again, "Angel,I found the best place for us, exactly what we were looking for", stepping in he gently placed you on your feet, slipping your blindfold.

"Welcome to our home" He grinned, seeing your shocked reaction. You gasped seeing all the showpieces and furnitures, all were exactly the same what you used to always discuss with him. You faced him with tears of joy in your eyes, smiling adoringly at him, "Everything....is exactly the same...". He nodded, hugging you gently while you melted in his arms,"You're such a crybaby..." Wiping your tears he cupped your face with both of his hands,staring into your eyes, he said,"I promise you angel, as long as I am with you I won't let you shed a single drop of tear. And that I'll keep you forever happy and safe in my arms".

The truth is promises are meant to be broken. You always heard that but never believed it until today. All of his words were nothing but sugar coated sweet talks, none of his promise were meant to keep. Dragging your feet to the middle of the living room, you stared at the large couch, it was Jinyoung's decision to keep it there so that you both could cuddle and watch movies on Sundays in each other's arms.

What was that for if he couldn't trust you enough?

Your gaze shifted towards the wall in the front, which at this point looked like some stalker's wall. Jinyoung out of many of his hobbies he was very much passionate for photography as well, and his all time favourite muse was you. You remember, how he used to budge you night and day to pose for him, most of the time you obliged which made him always run after you with a camera. After some time you got irritated, of his constant clicking, so you strictly ordered him to not to click your pics.

"Okay Okay! I won't ask you anymore to pose for me" He rose his hands in surrender, seeing a huge pout on your face.

He loved clicking your pics but it got irritating for you, since you wanted to enjoy moments with him without phones and cameras while he wanted to capture all the moments to reminisce about. So he found another way to keep on clicking your pics rather asking you to pose for him, he took your candid shots, whenever you fell asleep, or when you watered the plants, or when you cooked, when you jammed to your favorite songs, when you read books, or whenever you did some work on your laptop. He just loved you and only you. The wall was wall less and your face in frames more.

What was that for if he couldn't love you enough?

Out of so many pictures one was your favourite, subconsciously you walked closer to the frame taking out from the wall, caressing the image ever so lightly. It was a photo which was a candid shot clicked by JB, when you all went to the Disneyland in LA while visiting Mark's parents there.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Mark asked seeing your stupid grin, but failed to noticed two cones of ice cream in your hands. So you extended your hands showing him the cones, "My favourite ice cream!".

"Two cones? Each with five scoops?" Jackson commented not believing your childishness, "Ten scoops, are you even a girl?". Glaring at him you muttered 'idiot',"Of course I'm a girl that's why I love ice cream".

"More than Jinyoung?" Youngjae asked, teasing you on purpose. "Obviously!", You tilted the heads of both the cones forming a triangle as they the topmost scoops touched eachother, others mouthing an 'Ugh'. Your sparkly eyes became crescent happily biting on the scoops at once, when all of a sudden Jinyoung appeared out of nowhere back hugging you, his mouth on top of your head making it look as if he was about to bite you. Thats when JB clicked it. It was such an adorable picture and your favourite as well.

Someone really has said the truth, that only pictures last forever. Gripping the huge photogframe harshly in your hands, you threw it with a sudden force making it land at the corner of the room with a loud shattering noise. Everything was already over, so what was the need to keep reminiscing over such petty things.

___________

"Youngjae-ah.....Why?....." Jinyoung whispered in disbelief holding onto Youngjae's shoulder, he couldn't believe that Youngjae whom he thought of his smaller brother would hurt him in the most cruel way possible.

"It's not only Youngjae hyung but your so called friend Jisoo too" BamBam hissed, at the thought of Jisoo. Jinyoung snapped at BamBam with shock, another hard punch in his gut, "What are you saying?....".

"Yes, Youngjae and Jisoo were the ones playing you, noona and Jackson hyung like a puppet without any of your knowledge and if you think I'm lying then why don't you ask Youngjae hyung yourself" BamBam concluded with a stern face. Jinyoung turned around facing Youngjae with a furious eyes.

"Why the fuck would you do this to us?! Why Youngjae!?! Why!!" Jinyoung snarled gritting his teeth, his hands wrapped around Youngjae's throat almost cutting his oxygen, Mark and Jackson pulled him from Youngjae while he coughed his lungs out, his own tears spilling out.

"Because I love her....I always have....It hurt everytime I saw her in your arms smiling and giggling, I—.....I felt that it could've been me instead of you whom she loved more than her life.....and to protect my heart from bleeding anymore. I seperated you both" Youngjae's explanation made everyone beyond shocked. They all never thought the reason behind it was another complication.

"The fuck did you say Youngjae!!" Jinyoung growled breaking from Jackson's and Mark's grasp, landing a harsh punch on Youngjae's face which made him fall on the couch behind him, Jinyoung hovered over him punching him a few more times.

"Stop It Jinyoung! Stop it!!" Jaebeom and Mark shouted trying to get him to stop but he was too mad to pay attention to those words, when Youngjae pushed Jinyoung from him throwing a punch at his face, with blood gushing out of his own nose.

"STOP IT! JINYOUNG, STOP IT! CHOI YOUNGJAE!".

Youngjae got up on his feet, wiping the blood spurting out of his nose from his hoodie's sleeves, his cheeks also scraped from Jinyoung's hard punches.

"Since when?" Jackson asked sternly, glaring at him. Youngjae smiled at the mere thought of you, continuing, "Since University, she was my senior. I fell in love with her over time, she was not only gorgeous but kind as well. She saved me from getting bullied almost for an year and after that everyone stopped bullying me, how could I just not fall for her? I planned to confess her but Jinyoung hyung beat me to it! And my heart shattered when she accepted his love, I was broken......".

"Bullshit! You never told me that you were getting bullied back then!Plus she never told me" Jinyoung asserted. "I was! But whenever I was with you all I saw was you drowning in stress to get your master's degree and your father's constant ranting, so I kept quiet!".

"She never told you because I asked her to promise me to not to let you know about me getting bullied otherwise you'll get another reason to stress over and I didn't want you to!"Youngjae informed with his fists clenched in rage, "When she finally became your girlfriend, I thought of moving on so I tried dating but hell not a single girl I've been with could compare to her, I tried hard to convince myself that she belonged to you, she loves you but no my heart wouldn't listen.....it continued to ache for her, how could I just throw away the love which I had for her for past five years!".

With that Youngjae began to untangle all the strings, how he saw Jisoo working for Jinyoung, and from the way she looked at his with those heart eyes was enough to tell that she was in love with him, so he proposed the idea to Jisoo while as accepted it without any second thoughts. All they were waiting was for a right time and a perfect plan, and they got that exact opportunity when he saw you and Jackson meeting frequently without Jinyoung in range.

Coming to those photographs, he didn't had to do much at all, he simply clicked the pictures of Jackson's bedroom with every minor details, and technology gave him the exact environment Jackson's room had, but the real problem was in finding a boy who had same physique as that of Jackson and vice versa for the girl, so that your faces could be photoshoped accordingly, but that stupid girl forgot to hide her streaked hair.

"If you loved noona so much then why did you slut shame her like this?" Yugyeom snapped. "Jinyoung hyung was always insecure of the boys around her, so I kicked him on his weak spot. I couldn't believe when he believed in those fake photographs more than his own girl, I guess he really didn't deserve her".

"Youngjae......it's not love, it's obsession. Love is when you let the person you love just be happy, you completely shattered her! Jisoo and you both hurt the persons you loved! If you really loved her your heart would've ripped out everytime she suffered! It's not love Youngjae-ah, it's your obsession,it can't be love, it's not love........it's not......." JB croaked out choking on his own tears.

"After what you've done to her, Do you think she'll ever come to you? Do you?" Mark belted angrily. "She won't come to me but atleast she won't go to him either" Youngjae hollered with a sick grin, "And that's enough for me. If she can't be mine then she won't be his either".

"Youngjae fucking get out before we really do something to you which we'll regret for eternity!" JB yelled, motioning towards the door, shooting a last smirking gaze towards Jinyoung, he left without a protest.

Jinyoung dropped to his knees, feeling all the pain you felt through these days, all the tears you've shed for the pain he has given you. Small painful whimpers escaping his lips, everyone watched him crying.

"As much as I want to sympathise with you.....I can't, it's you who have brought this upon yourself" JB commented with a poker face eventhough his heart ached for Jinyoung. JB's remark send him further into the pit of guilt and remorse.

"Please..... forgive me......please....." Jinyoung stammered out sobbing hard, "I'm sorry.....I'm so so sorry", he just kept on pleading to the others, even when they were hurting seeing him before their eyes they were well aware that sooner or later this day will come, and Jinyoung will regret his each and every deed.

"You are sorry? You should be sorry. After whatever you've done to her, Do you think you deserve forgiveness?" Jackson crouched down beside him, his words hitting Jinyoung's heart like a dagger.

"Jackson.....I'm sorry......please forgive me. I was so wrong" He cried hugging Jackson, even if he wanted to hate Jinyoung, he couldn't Jinyoung was not only his friend but more of a brother. Unable to control his tears, Jackson sobbed hugging Jinyoung tightly letting him cry on his shoulder.

"Jinyoung hyung.....at some point we all can forgive you but the question is, Will Noona forgive you?" Yugyeom countered in a mere whisper. Jinyoung clutched onto Jackson's shirt, mumbling a quiet "No....".

"How am I supposed to apologise to her?" Jinyoung stared at Jackson for some assurance but found none, "I....I called my angel.....a slut.....how can I? I am such a monster, I even slapped her......when all she did was telling me the truth.....I hurt her, My angel begged me on her knees still I accused her of something so horrible. How can I be so heartless?....... Jackson, I—I made her feel so inferior......" Jinyoung gulped the knot forming in his throat as realisation hit him, facing BamBam he stammered, "BamBam....you said she is pregnant..... I—I despised my own child....our child.....How monstrous was I to hurt her this bad!!......".

By now everyone's eyes gleamed with tears, it was surely painful for him, but it wasn't anything compared to yours. Jinyoung has completely robbed you of your happiness, your everything, he tossed you away like you never meant anything to him while you continued to prove your innocence stepping on your self respect, self esteem. To be honest, he didn't deserve any forgiveness at all.

"Even if everything was set up by Youngjae and Jisoo, the way the things have degraded to, wouldn't have if you.....you" BamBam pointed out his finger at Jinyoung, "If you had faith on Noona, even a tiny bit, none of this would be happening right now. Instead of you crying here and she there, you both would be laughing and smiling in each other's arms........Loving eachother, accept it or not but you never trusted her enough. The way she was hurt, when you chose Jisoo over her......Gosh I can never forget the look in her eyes, She looked dead......so dead!".

Yugyeom patted BamBam's back with an attempt to calm him down, Yugyeom continued, "You can only pray for noona to forgive you. Everything is in her hands now".

The intense air subsided around everyone as BamBam's phone rang, answering the call immediately, he whispered, "Hello...".

The words from the other end broke BamBam to his soul, the phone slipped through his hands as he stared at Jinyoung completely emotionless.

"Noona had.....she had.....a miscarriage".

Part 10 // Part 11 // Part 12

Note: I'm not editing the drafts before posting them, so if you guys spot any errors, please let it slide, thank you so much ~~~

_______________________________________

[rogue1of1]

09/07/2022 @1402 and 09/08/2022 @0344

Oh shit what's good dawg! Long time, no see! I haven't had the chance to talk to you in almost six months that's crazy. I know a lot of shit has gone on in your life during that time so might as well unpack it here. Let's get into it.

Mama and Papa's wedding anniversary was beautiful and you even got to perform for them. I know that was probably scary doing that in front of so much people but you pulled through in the end. Shoutout Bakit Pa on being a fire song lol. The wedding was beautiful and I'm so glad it got to happen in the end. Great day overall.

GrooVe had retreat and that was dope getting to bond with everyone on the team. Can't really remember much aside from one of my teammates telling me they liked me even though they already had a mans and staying up hella late with Matt, Eileen, Sean , and Alissa the second night. The Caribbean jerk bowl at that one place was fire too lol. That's really all I remember.

Last time we talked you were telling me about the girl you liked and how you were tryna play the long run widdit but that definitely didn't workout as you got rejected a month later but it's cool no big deal. Got to celebrate Ma's 75th literally the day after getting rejected but being around family was great and yo the backyard looked extra big that night with that tarp up. A great night indeed. I was able to make and record my Afraid piece at the U also. Ma ended up having to go back to the hospital a few days after I made that piece, so everyone was making sure to visit her while she was admitted. As April was coming to a close is when everything changed.

The cousins were out for Mai's bday and you were getting ready to surprise them at Ballast Point since you were out at rehearsal. Right as practice was coming to an end, you saw your watch go off and a text saying everyone needs to get to the hospital because Ma wasn't doing good. Whole fam ended up staying there till almost midnight as none of us knew if she'd make it through the night. A lot of tears and prayers were going out but as the following Sunday morning approached, things were starting to look better as Ma looked like she was doing a lot better compared to the night before. She finally made it home on Monday and it was nice having her back home. Tuesday hit and everything looked to go bad again as we didn't know if she'll make it through the night. Everyone all pulled up to Doh's house and we stayed there overnight just to be sure she would be okay. Wednesday morning hits and we're all still there but slowly everyone left to go home, shower etc but everyone came back. We ran the Rosary and I don't remember if we ate after but all I remember is the parents going to the garage with DRom to discuss whether or not to pull the plug on Ma. The cousins circled around her and we did a toast to Ma that Doh led. Rigt after that she passed and the discussion about pulling the plug didn't matter anymore. Ma saw we were all gonna be okay and went out on her own terms. To this day, I swear she ended up travelling all the way to Vegas and told Tito Jimmy that they gotta go home together as he ended up passing the day right after so the family was in a lot of pain to end the month and rolling into the next month. All we had was each other to keep ourselves up. Just wanna give a major thank you to Adryane for checking in on me every day and even still to this day. If you ever do read this, know I'm insanely thankful for you. I also wanna thank Debs, Drigo, Salem, Matt, and Grace for being there for me as well through it all. I owe y'all everything and y'all deserve the world. So much love and appreciation for y'all.

Those novena nights were very tough to go through but I instantly had the idea to record every night as well as the viewing days so Ma could see just how loved she was by everyone while watching from above. I know she smiling down on all of us.

I was able to tough it out enough to also get back in my dance life and get ready for both the GRooVe set and Debs' Project Soup set. Went to Sean's house for Maddi's bday and ended up crashing at Debs' house since had her performance the following day. After the performance I just remember leaving early and going back to Debs' house with her so she could catch a flight and I could get my car. I ended up getting an insane anxiety attack and drove home to be alone. As I was almost home I still remember a car behind me flashing their lights and when I looked to my rear view mirror, no car was behind me. I knew that was Ma looking out for me letting me know she'll always be watching over myself and the family. It was a big sign of relief for me that we'll be okay just before the week of her funeral.

The toughest part about having to go through all of this is a fact I did not need to know during the time I was told. A good friend of mine told me literally on mother's day and which also was the week of the funeral he was now talking to the girl I just got rejected by. The following day she told me as well. At first I was a lil shook by it but it flew over my head as I had something more important to deal with. Once that passed and now a new situation was at the forefront of my problems I truly did not know how to handle it at first. For someone you called a brother to tell you shit like that and knowing what you're currently going to and add to the fact he wasn't even tryna be there for you, a lot of love and respect was lost. I couldn't be around two people that I was once so close to and one I was a teammate with. I did everything I could to avoid them even though I really was only mad at one. It was a lot to take in but in the end shit got settled for the most part. I've learned to forgive, I don't need to forget but it's okay to forgive. I did what I needed to so I could allow myself to move on from everything negative and just focus on the good in life as best as I could.

Towards the end of May, I went to Vegas with GRooVe to perform out there. Overall a great weekend and I truly believe that's where life began to look up again as I was still going through it. The drive there and back was cool as well as the team and being around them. The two people I couldn't be around were both there and I basically did what I could to avoid them as best as I could. Highlights of that weekend for me are definitely the first night in Matt and Debs' room at the airbnb with them two plus Alissa and Edris, going out with Adryane and Grace after the performance, and driving back home with Grace, Molly and JDR. Within the two days back from Vegas, definitely trauma bonded with Debs and I'd say that's when I truly got a lot closer to her. Debs if you ever read this too, just know I'm maad thankful for you. Thank you for everything these past six months. The foggy air was also cleared with the girl I once liked and that was the start of a healing process for me as well.

Nothing too much in June but started it off with Pop's bday which was beautiful and spending the weekend in Newport was dope. Father's day was shortly after which was also the same day as gfam auditions. Clooby Groovies went to the club hella often lol. The month ended with a trip to SD to perform again which was a great day as well and the last rehearsal of the season was the friends and family night for GrooVe and it was so nice seeing the support from all the homies.

July is the month of family bdays so spent a shit ton of time with the fam and that always makes me happy being around them. Went to Zedd in the Park as Drigo's plus one since he performed. Random ass night but so gas at the same time. Dropped off Debs and Aaliyah at the airport after rehearsal then kicked it with fam right after until literally the morning lmaoo. I got ti teach Eman, Debs and Drigo my Trademark USA piece and they ate that shit up. Then ended the last few days in SD for Debs' class she taught at Legacy and at WOD to watch GRV perform. July was a great month where life started looking very up again and one of the biggest things happened that I can confidently say changed my life for the better. I got a job to be the coach of the U. My fucking alma mater.

First day as coach was at the beginning of July and I got to teach the kids my Nightcrawlers piece and they did good. From that moment on I was set to bring in all the homies I could to teach them so I can show off my talented ass friends to my kids and allow them to grow as dancers as they barely learned shit the previous year on the team. It was dope and still is dope getting to watch everyone grow and the biggest goal is to show them how far they can truly make it in dance and give back everything that was given to me during my time there.

August was also dope as we started the month with starting a new GRooVe set for a performance out in LA. Another SD trip happened for Sky and Eman's classes. The kids getting to do their first performance of the year and they looked good on stage. Salem finally turned 21 and we went out to Universal Studios and that was sick too. The piece I made at 220 rehearsal the day of Debs' SD class, I was able to record. The kids had dance camp and it was so sick getting to bring in Debs, Ariel, Eileen, Kennedy, Ivan and Jan to teach. We finally got to perform our set in LA and it was a bittersweet moment as that was our newest teammates first and last performance with us. Super glad I got to meet Henry and also be able to drop him off at LAX as he went back to Australia. After that I went to SD again for my parents anniversary and it was nice spending the day there with them and then ending the night in Irvine with grass party. Unfortunate my tire blew out on the way home but we got the spare on it (thank you Debs and Tristien for the help) and made it home safe. Had a nice beach day with the kids at the U. We had a final hangout for Edel too before she left back for Canada. Then Hawaii happened to basically end the month. I can go on for days bout Hawaii but I'll leave it at it was beautiful out there and I wish I could live everyday like that lmao.

Here we are now in September and Adryane just taught my kids on Monday and I'm so glad she was able to teach them. I swear an insane inspo to me and an incredible human being. We just surprised Debs to for her birthday and now it's currently her birthday lol.

Just ended rehearsal where Nick taught us and Clancy did her choreo project and they were both fire. Soup shop remains the goated post rehearsal spot in my opinion and here we are now.

A lot of shit was said and I'm sure there's a lot I left out but I'm happy where I'm currently at in life and I hope this month, although a very busy one, will be another great one. I'm proud of you kid and how you overcame a lot of shit. We'll definitely talk soon and catch up on how the rest of this month goes. Goodluck with everything and remember, SOT/SMT bahaha.

Me