#i can't take anymore emotions i am a hollow husk

[fabled-lady-twilla]

"So, how's the Jujutsu Kaisen/My Hero Academia fandoms doing right now?"

DANGER, DANGER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! ALL HANDS ON DECK! SPOILERS AND MISERY AHEAD!

WE ARE NOT OKAY!

WE ARE 100% ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY!

IN THE SPAN OF LITERALLY LESS THAN FOUR DAYS, BOTH FANDOM'S BELOVED WHITE-HAIRED FAVORITES, WHICH GEGE & HORIKOSHI HAVE TEASED/HINTED/TORTURED US WITH POTENTIALLY GETTING A HAPPY ENDING, ONLY RIP THAT POSSIBILITY OUT FROM UNDERNEATH US LIKE NOTHING!

THIS IS LITERALLY THE CURRENT STATE OF BOTH FANDOMS:

HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL, TF? WE ARE EXPLODING ALL OVER TUMBLR/TWITTER/REDDIT/ETC. ALTERNATING BETWEEN YELLING AT OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER AND DROWNING OUR SORROWS IN COPIUM JUICE. 😭😭😭

[burning-fcols]

"Fuck you asshole! I opened up to you! I trusted you! You knew how much that shit would hurt me but you went and did it anyway! Go to double hell!" husk @ angeI for break up verse -  ✩   「 @helluvaxhazbin 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」 Every. Damn. Time... Every time Angel thinks they're getting somewhat close to a reconciliation— even if they can't risk going back to how they used to be, they can still not want to rip each other's throats out —it ends up like this. Screaming their lungs out, spewing vile at one another. Lies and truths intermingled so intensely it's difficult to figure out which is which. Hatred and love and anguish an uncontrollable fire burning within his gut, threatening to incinerate him like all the stories of Hell insisted would happen. Frankly, he'd rather that than this.

Angel knows he messed up. He handled things horribly between them... had hurt Husk in a clumsy effort to keep him SAFE. Yet he can't entirely regret his decision. Only how it had happened. He was nothing but bad news for the feline... A pretty bit of poison that was going to get Husk killed in he continued to indulge. Angel never has been one to openly feel sorry for himself. Always submitted to someone else's will, pulled along like a puppet, he's careful never to show how much the strings dig into his skin. How every faux choice makes him feel less and less alive... But this time, having played the unknown martyr instead of the self-preserving asshole—

Is it really so bad for him to want Husk to accept WHY he did it?

No. Husk can't know. Who knows what the idiotic feline might suggest if he was aware Val was the reason Angel didn't want to be with him anymore. He's too loyal. Too hard-headed. He might not see the situation as clearly as the spider does. Better he thinks Angel came to the conclusion on his own... and merely regrets how it had tumbled out of him. Even if that makes apologies ring hollow even to Angel's ears.

❝ SHUT UP! JUST SHUT TH' FUCK UP!! ❞ Voice breaks, throat aching from more than being overworked in the studio. Fists clenched in front of him, claws dig into shaky palms. Entire form trembling, tears pool in his eyes, feeling hot as his boiling blood as they drip down a reddened face, ❝ I said I was sorry! How many times do I have ta keep sayin' it 'til ya get it through yer thick skull?! I hurt you! I KNOW I hurt you! An' I fuckin' HATE myself for it, alright?! An' if I could do it again, I would'a handled things diff'rent! But I CAN'T! I can't fix th' shitty thing I've done! ❞

Raising his gaze, desperation still overwhelms the glossy hues despite the indignant fire alongside it, ❝ I get why ya hate me, I DO. But I also can't fuckin' stand it... I-I can't... I can't keep doin' this. ❞ Voice loses it's edge the longer he speaks, clenched fists reluctantly falling to his sides. Tense posture loosening in defeat, wide eyes take in Husk as if actually watching him die. But at least Husk is only leaving his life instead of— ... It still hurts. More than anything that's happened so far.

❝ It hurts too much... Ev'rytime I'm around you, I— I feel like I'm dyin' all ova' again. There's esctasy an'— an' escape... an' it's ev'rythin' I eva' wanted. But then reality sinks in. An' I rememba' where I am an' WHO I am an' all the fucked up shit I did an' that you fuckin' hate me an'— an' it's not an escape at all. I don' WANT this. I don' want ta feel this way. ❞ I didn't want to DIE. ❝ An' I know you don' eitha'. ❞ That's why one of them has to stop this. ONE of them has to get clean, before they both overdose on whatever twisted relationship they've gotten hooked on now.

❝ I love ya, Husk. ❞ He mutters without looking at the other man, sweet words bitter on his tongue. Wiping at his eyes with an arm, it does nothing to stop the barrage of tears, ❝ An' I didn' go through all this shit ta keep ya safe, only ta make yer life a Double Hell... ❞ Emotions clouding his judgement and forcing his words, Angel doesn't notice his slip of the tongue. ❝ So, fine. I'll fuck off an' leave ya alone... Fer good now. ❞ No more hate-fucking. No more forgetting in the moment. No more playing pretend in the softness of the afterglow. No more clinging to the rare moments when things are unexpectedly soft the entire way through...

No more hopes lifted when things are soft even WITHOUT sex, only for them to come crashing back down when reality shows itself again. 「 ☆ 」