#i cant even find any accessible psychiatrists in my area who specialize in bpd
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#im trying to tell my sibling that i want to go back to a psychiatrist bc i think i have bpd#and theyre not understanding that this is really frightening and bleak to me#and that id like some encouragement lmao#i cant even find any accessible psychiatrists in my area who specialize in bpd#and i feel like if i get a diagnosis everyones going to assume all of this bullshit about me bc its such a stigmatized illness#i just feel like such a bad person and i feel like a bpd diagnosis would just make everybody hate & judge me more#and i think about reaching out to people i wasnt good to in the past and i just imagine them telling me im crazy and that they still hate me#even tho theyre still a large part of my life in the form of thoughts and memories#its like i hope people will forgive me for sabotaging our relationships etc if i can let them know that ive an illness that made me do#those things without really realizing how wrong they were bc bpd#and i just would like to have different meds and perhaps an ounce of hope for myself#this fucking sucks so bad and im sure none of this makes sense#anyways im a bad person and i wish i didnt exist lol!
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