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#i cant have any mento iwness
manofmanymons · 4 months
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#mom said it's my turn on the tags vent#so like#sometimes i trick myself into thinking#i cant have any mento iwness#i do well in school#bc despite me jokingly referring to whatever tf is goin on with me as the Mental Illness#im not like#diagnosed with literally anything#not even like anxiety despite the constant sense of dread that never leaves me and the Frequent Panic Attacks#like officially on paper i am 'normal'#but i digress#i really gotta stop using how im doing in school as an indication of mental health#cuz ive come to accept that im just a person who happens to be Good At School#baby sam living through The Horrors? still did good in school#fuckinnn 9 years old having cps and the police showin up at my house askin me a bunch of weird questions#still did good in school#height of my 'actually i fucking hate all of you' phase where i was constantly in the office for getting in fights#STILL did really good in school#completely gave up on life and legitimately believed i would never be happy again bc the only person who unconditionally loved me—#and was always there for me fuckin died#still got all a's in nearly all ap classes#deeply traumatized from almost dying during the pandemic to the point where i couldn't go outside without hyperventilating instantly?#would ya believe it i still did good in school#so i should#really stop going#nothing can be that wrong with me if im getting through school#bc even during times where shit was objectively severely wrong with me#it had 0 impact on how i did in school#lowkey don't even know where to start unpacking whatevers goin on up there tho#where would i be if my parents had listened to my doctor when i was younger who said they should take me to a psychiatrist i wonder lmfao
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