#i could finally have a brain that functions properly again and wouldn't that be nice

[remyfire]

If I'm finally able to get my meds this week after a full month and a half of struggling, y'all are not going to be prepared

[soreiya]

I'm the anon who sent you the anti-Varigo ask.

I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't have treated you like a board for unpopular opinions just because I'm too cowardly.

Nah, it's cool. I still plan to respond to your ask properly when my brain decides to become functional again. Because I honestly feel like one of the biggest issues with some people in the Vat7K fandom is this entitled assumption/expectation for everyone to like and support this fanfiction AU. It makes it so that those who feel differently become afraid to speak up. Even if we have valid concerns or criticisms for the story and it's characters. I don't think anyone should become ostracized because of such a thing. We don't hate friends or family IRL for having different opinions. So why should that be the case online? I for one am not going to reject anyone for something like this. I still talk to and help 7K fans on a regular basis. There are nice and talented people who like it. That being said, there are some very bad fans within the community... One thing I see a lot of are baseless accusations towards others. It's often used as an attempt to dissuade them from ships that these people are not partial to. This is why I pointed out the Varigo age gap hypocrisy a while back. Just so that these toxic fans in particular could hopefully come to the understanding that the AU that they hold so dear wouldn't exist in the first place if the creators didn't draw shippy fanarts of 14 year old Varian with their 24 year old D&D OC. They changed ages for this self insert AU in the same way regular fans do for other ships. So there really isn't a reason for these Varigo shippers to make excuses or delude themselves into thinking that they are the exception. It's not a big deal? Not everyone who changes character ages for stories is a creep with bad intentions. It's kind of insulting to the creators of the AU to think this way. Maybe someday these bullies can finally start to view things from the perspective of those who they have needlessly harassed. Sometimes I feel like fans don't understand that I probably would be indifferent towards this AU if it was easy to avoid. It's not a canon continuation to Varian's story, but those who want it to be will interject it into conversations or stories without warning or proper use of tags. So basically they become like the fandom equivalent of a stranger who plays loud videos/music on their phone in public without headphones on.

[evierena]

The Brothers eavesdropping to MC accidentally confessing their undying love for them. Part 1.

INTRO

MC was having their monthly catch-up call with their best friend in the Human Realm. At first, their friend could not believe the situation MC was living, but after a few calls they had finally come to accept the whole "I was summoned to Hell, but it's called Devildom, and now I have to live with 7 hot demon brothers and they are actually kinda nice" situation (yeah, Levi would be proud of my naming skills). Anyhow, during this specific call MC was filling in their friend with the latest update on their newfound feelings for one of the brothers, not knowing that said brother was actually outside their room, eavesdropping! And then, their friend asks "What is it about him that you love so much?"

What did MC respond? How did that brother react and what did he do with that information? Well, let's see...

Lucifer

- He was doing his nightly rounds, making sure everyone was in their room, and when he passed by your door he caught your laughter and he stopped for a second, just to absorb the sound and allow himself to relax a little. Then, out of the blue, he heard you saying: "I think I'm in love with him".

- Well, that was unexpected. He would never admit to anyone the way his heart skipped a beat for a moment there, and absolutely will never let you know that those simple words could stir such feelings within him.

- And then, with his demon senses, he heard another voice coming from your room. "Why? What is it about Lucifer that you love so much?"

- Now, for him, the world completely stopped moving, he put all of his demon hearing to work and capture every little sound around him, even his heart stopped and his blood froze in his veins to allow more silence around him.

- "He takes so much pride in his family, you know? In his position as the protector of his brothers and as the right hand of Diavolo, at first I thought that was it" you said, unaware of the petrified demon outside your door. "But now, I've come to love not just that. I love all the sides Lucifer has shown me, vulnerable, sick, angry, sad, stressed even murderous. He makes me feel motivated to be better, to strive for more, and I feel so proud knowing he trusts me that much. I just love him"

- After that, Lucifer's heart started beating like crazy in his chest, his blood running rampant through his body, and almost all reason escaped his mind. Almost.

- He managed to compose himself but he couldn't help the smug grin remaining in his face.

- Lucifer went back to his room after hearing your accidental confession, although he couldn't sleep thinking about his next move.

- For the following days he started to ampp up his game. He was always smiling at you, asking you to be by his side a little longer each time, lingering gloveless touches everywhere, he wanted to feel you and for you to feel him.

- You thought you were going crazy for sure, you didn't want to put your hopes up, but you couldn't help the throbbing sensation he provoked everytime he came a little closer a little longer, the flirty remarks, the intense stare and the knowing smile everytime you met his ruby gaze.

- So, finally, you went to his room in the night, determined to confess. And before all the courage you managed to gather escaped, you didn't even wait for him to completely open his door before spilling your heart out.

- "Lucifer, I'm in love with you!" you said closing your eyes, afraid of his reaction.

- But he lifted your chin to face him properly and you were welcomed with a smug smile and "I know" from his lips before he stole your breath in a deep heated kiss.

- In conclusion; after knowing you loved him, Lucifer intoxicated your mind with him until you confessed directly, so he could rely his own feelings to you.

Mammon

- It's a bad habit of his to just barge into your room without announcing himself, however, after so many times of you begging for him to just say something before entering, he finally remembered.

- So, he stopped himself on his tracks before doing exactly that, and that was all it took for him to hear your conversation with your best friend.

- "You are a moronsexual, I'm telling you"

- The heck is that?

- Mammon was completely confused, who was a moronsexual? What is a moronsexual? Is that something he could sell? Now, he is interested and waiting for your answer.

- "Shut it, don't call him a moron, 'kay? Besides, I don't see any problem with being in love with Mammon"

- Whoa, whaaaat? Who is in love with Mammon?... Wait, no, Who wouldn't be in love with THE Great Mammon, right?

- Mammon pressed his ear against your door, thinking he could hear better that way, but really it just suffocated the noise, and then he remembered he could just tuned his hearing. He was also beet red by that moment, internally thanking that none of his brothers could see him like that, he would never hear the end of it.

- "But, really MC, what do you love about Mammon?"

- Mammon catched his breath abruptly, remaining as still as possible.

- "Well, I love him because he's Mammon, and that means that I'll never be bored with him, and that he'll always be there for me when I need him, that I can trust him with my soul and he would never let me down. I love him because he is so generous even when he pretends he isn't, he is so sweet and cute but also really cool, and he is a total tsundere but he has opened himself to me, and everything about him is so complex and simple at the same time, I just... I love Mammon"

- You, my sweet MC, have officially broke Mammon.

- All of his blood was in his face, his heart was going rampant, his mind absorbed your words but couldn't understand what they meant, he was both ecstatic and terrified.

- And since he stopped functioning, he didn't realize you were walking towards the door until you opened up to stumble upon a teary eyed, flushed and very embarrassed Avatar of Greed.

- You knew he listened, there was no other motive to his state.

- Mammon stared at you intensely, deeply and loving and your face blushed as furiously as his. You finished the call with your best friend in stuttered, barely comprehensible words, and started fidgeting under Mammon's gaze.

- "Mammie?"

- You see, his brain wasn't aware that he was staring at you like that, he was just marvelling at how beautiful and precious you were. He was remembering all of your conversations; the way you always stood up for him, how you were always smiling at him, and that you never degraded him at all. And when you said his name he snapped back to reality.

- Then, in a both usual and unusual Mammon way, he launched himself at your arms in a very tight hug. Like you were his lifeline, and let's be honest, maybe you were, but he was yours just as much.

- "I love ya' MC" he muttered next to your ears, causing you to hold onto him even more.

- "I love you more, Mammie"

- "Nah, I love ya' much much more"

- And now you were in a duel to see who loved the other more, that eventually led to admit that you both loved each other and that was enough.

- You both spend that night in your bed, simply enjoying the other's warmth, pouring your love to your heart's content.

- And if you ever think that he will be separated from you ever again, you are terribly mistaken.

- Not that you minded, tho.

- In conclusion; Mammon would not wait another second away from you after hearing that you also love him as much as he loves you.

Leviathan

- Boy was going over to your room, to invite you play a new game he had just bought. As always, he had to take a second before knocking on your door to convince himself he wasn't being annoying.

- Then he listened to your rambling.

- "I feel so lightheaded when I'm with him, and I can't stop replaying everything on my mind when I'm alone, and I'm afraid he'll notice and be weirded out that a normie like me is head over heels for him"

- OMFF (oh my f***** father) what is this?? Is this like that time in "I accidentally eavesdropped on my normie best friend and discovered they're in love with me, how can I confess to them without being creepy?" (Ok, Levi would not be proud of my naming skills) no, no, no, waaaait, this could not be possibly be about him. Oh, no, you couldn't have possibly fallen for a yucky Otaku shut-in like him, there's no way... Right?

- "So, tell me, MC, what is it about this Leviathan that you love so much?"

- He was already sweating and trembling, but his heart definitely stopped for a concerning amount of time. If he wasn't a demon, he would most likely had already passed out right there and then.

- "I love how passionate he is, and how he always respects my privacy and he waits until I'm ready to talk, he doesn't pressure me into nothing, he gives me my space, I love how he can talk about what he likes so earnestly. I love that sparkle in his eyes when he's winning a difficult game and his razor focus when he is being really challenged by something. I feel so happy with Levi and I just want to make him see himself through my eyes so he could just stop belittle himself".

- Leviathan.exe has died. That's it.

- He literally passed out the moment those words came out of your mouth, so you heard a loud thud right outside and you found Levi face first on the floor.

- Nervousness is short to what you felt during the agonizing time he took to actually give any signs of being alive.

- When Levi woke up he didn't understand why was he laying in the floor of your room, but the moment his memories came flooding back he stand up and try to run away, his face a blushing mess.

- And as much as you wanted to stop him and apologize, you let him go, because he was clearly not ready for that conversation.

- So, a week passed and everyday you tried to contact him to no avail. Until you were finally done with playing hide and seek, you marched firmly (only in your mind 'coz you were shaking like a leaf) to his room and practically forced yourself in.

- The conversation went as you would think, stuttering, muttering, blushing messes both of you while confessing face to face your feelings for the other.

- And finally, after reassuring him, that yes, this is real, and yes you do love him, him, Leviathan, Avatar of Envy, not one of his brothers or anyone else but just HIM, he accepted your love.

- Levi gathered all of his very little confidence and went for a slight hug.

- In conclusion; this snek boy needs time, and a lot of reassurance to accept the truth and realize it's not a dream, you also love him.

Satan

- He was trying to retrieve one of the books he had lend you to study for your classes, but just before knocking on your door, he thought to himself to better do it tomorrow, it was already late and you were probably getting ready to sleep.

- That is, until he heard your giggling on the other side.

- "But, tell me, what is it about Wrath that you love so much?"

- Satan was confused and intrigued, what's this conversation about? Obviously, something about him, so he's going to listen.

- "First of, he is not Wrath, I mean Satan is the Avatar of Wrath, but he is not just Wrath, at all. He is so much more than that, he is his own person with his own feelings and thoughts, even more so than we are, because he has lived for thousands of years. He knows so much about a lot of things that are completely beyond my comprehension, but he always manages to make them reachable for my limited mind. I love how he can go from being a pain in Lucifer's ass to a soft and doting cat dad, the way he loses himself into compelling detective novels. I got it bad for him"

- Satan was speechless. His brows raised almost up until his hairline.

- He felt a pleasant warmth spreading through his body, did you really thought of him that way?

- Oh, boy, was he blushing, he even brought a hand to his face to cover from any non existent prying eyes.

- He heard you shuffling around in your room, so he decided to retreat to his own, already planning his confession as he was walking away in the hallway.

- That night, Satan wrote you a poem, an essay and a ode to you. He tried to portray his feelings, but he also felt something was missing and he cracked his head all night searching for it. He redid everything over and over again, looking for more beautiful, deeper words to describe the extent to his love for you.

- However, Satan fell asleep on top of all the manuscripts and drabbles of his "failures", and the next morning guess who was asked to go and fetch the blond demon for breakfast?

- Ok, could've been anyone, but for the sake of this HC, it was you, ok?

- So, you went, and knocked, and waited, and called for him, and knocked again, but nothing. So you enter through his surprisingly unlocked door, and found him sound asleep. And it was such an endearing sight, you just couldn't force yourself to disturb him.

- However, you did tried to cover him with a blanket from his bed and obviously (this is also for the sake of this HC) he woke up at the feeling of foreign touch.

- When he saw you, it clicked on him the thing he was missing for his confession.

- Eye contact.

- Satan jumped to his feet, held your hands, and declared his love for you with a deep blush in his cheeks, a little stuttering in his words, but so much honesty and passion in his green eyes, you were lost.

- In conclusion, Satan would try to make a romantic confession but he would ultimately just convey his feelings in a heart melting, brain wrecking monologue, you can't do nothing but love him even more.

If there's any grammar or spelling mistake I apologize, english is not my first language, and I would appreciated if you could kindly point it out for me so I can get better

Thank you for reading.

Atte. Evie

A/N: Part 2 is up! If you want to be tagged in it just ask me & I'll be delighted to.

Have a wonderful day/night and stay safe!

Tag list:

@anonymous-hq

[slutdery]

See you looking right here, don’t hesitate.

make a wish series.

A series (for each member of the unit) about their lines in make a wish (english version).

pairing | taeyong x fem!reader

genre | smut, fluff (ig)

words | 3.8k

warning | knife play, degradation, one time sex, dom!taeyong, mature content, oral (m receiving).

author’s note | my native language isn’t english, so if there’s something wrong with anything i wrote tell me and i’ll edit it...

You know that one wish? That one u'd die to fulfill? Everyone have plenty of them, but you had the chance to make one of them come true and was still difficult to believe that this invitation came to you.

You were invited to one of the most famous ball around Korea, that's something to celebrate. 'Why?' well, that's actually a simple question for you to answer. Being a photographer had its privileges. They asked you to photograph a ball with the richest people all around Asia. It was a dream to attend to that kind of event, but only selected people could go, by "Selected." means rich. Yeah, those ones that brags about themselves whenever they can and humiliate the others for not being one of them. You really hated rich people with all of your heart, but you couldn't miss the chance to go somewhere like that.

Already inside of the taxi heading to the Lee's house, where the ball would occur. You could say you were nervous, but you didn't had time for that. When you work with rich people like these ones, the secret is to be ready for whatever may come. And of course that phrase they always says "Know your place." You'll be there to work, so you have to know the place you belong and thank god is not where they are.

🌟

The house is stunning. That kind of ones that you just see in magazines and everyone wishes to live, the perfect one.

After getting your equipment ready you started taking photos of the rich fucks. It was a work that you loved doing, besides you had the chance to photograph the insides of the house. The little plants next to giants panting, details in the ceiling and that incredible chandelier in the middle of the room.

You'v decided to sit a little bit, cause your legs hurt for walking with big heels. Your attention was focused to the people dancing at the center of the room, all of them elegantly swinging to one side then another. It was something nice to see.

But then your eyes spotted a incredible good looking guy sat on the other side of the room. He had pretty big eyes and a chin that would cut your thumb if you touched. His body proportions were amazing, he was tall and thin. But you caught your eyes looking at his pretty hands, he wore many rings in those long fingers, that made it sexier than already was. Your stare got back to his face, he was the prettiest "hottest." man that you'v ever saw, and you wouldn't forget his face for a long time. You stood there for minutes fascinated by his little details that you didn't even saw his piercing gaze running through your body. When you realized that his eyes were reading all of yours moves while smirking, your brain stopped functioning for a second, was it just you or it got really hot? You washed your thoughts away and repeated to yourself 'You're here to work.', with that in mind you stood up and got back to photographing the rest of the ball.

🌟

After finishing  your job and keeping the camera on a safe place, you started walking through the big room. Actually there weren't much time left to enjoy the ball, since all the people were already leaving, but it was still a fun event. Besides now you had a new guy to stalk and dream of one day kissing him. After the good looking guy came to your mind, you searched for him all over the place, but he wasn't anywhere near. Unfortunately. The only thing left was to enjoy the last minutes in heaven. Walking through an hallway that got your attention as you passed by. Pretty decorations all over the way.

"You shouldn't be here."

A hoarse voice reached your ears making you freeze as you felt the impact of it. After realizing where the voice came you turned to where the incredible good looking guy was. ‘He's even more pretty up close.'

"Oh, sorry."

You told him and smiled at the tall guy, making your way to leave and go back to where the ball was occurring, but his giants hands held your wrist making you turn to face him again.

"I saw you looking at me."

He said getting closer to you with that smirk of earlier. His piercing gaze right into your eyes and sometimes slipping to your lips. You didn't even notice how close he was, until he let out a deep breath against your supple skin. His lips were millimeters away from yours, while his hands tightened around your wrist to the point that you could feel a slight of pain. Which made you feel a low groan leaving your mouth. He let loose of your wrist and stepped back. You let out a "Fuck." in protests. At this point you might be wet and he barely touched you.

"What? You wanted more? Oh... what a nasty girl."

His husky voice echoed in the hallway, all of your thoughts were vanished away and just the hoarse voice remanded.

"What? Hesitating on answering me, i see. When your eyes were glued on me you didn't hesitated on looking all over my body, why being shy now?"

You felt the heat on your cheeks. You didn't know what to say, nor do, he left you speechless. Step by step he got closer to you again, his body lead yours to the closest wall, pinning you there. His cold breath leaning against your soft skin while looking into into your eyes. His mouth half opened ready to say something but he didn't had time to do such a thing. You quickly got his lips together with yours, closing your eyes while feeling his busted lips. He was still surprised by the sudden action, but didn't hesitated on kissing you back, now leading the kiss. His tongue was hungry, he wanted more than you were giving him. His hands got to your waist, pulling you even closer to him. You let out a tiny gasp when his thumbs met the only part of your back that the dress didn't covered. His long cold fingers resting there, making your whole body shivers. You traveled your hands to his neck, moving your attention to his soft hair that covered his scruff, caressing it with your fingers while pulling his head even more closer. His body was so close that you could felt his boner on your thigh, moving one of your knees to reach his length. Rubbing a little bit through the fabric of his pants. The boy seems to like it since he let out a groan and intensified the warm and sloppy kiss. But it didn't last long. He slowly got away and took a step back clearing his throat.

"I don't think it's a good idea to continue these kinds of things here, but if you have time we can go to my room. By the way, my name is Taeyong."

Oh, the son of the richest man in Korea. 'Not knowing the son of the man that everyone talks about, i'm indeed not that clever at all.' you thought while you raised your eyebrow at him, thinking about his suggestion and 'Why not?' popped on your mind.

"Sure. My name is y/n."

He smiled at you and started walking. Not minding if you were following him or not, but you obviously were. The rest of the house was absolutely perfect, you didn't have any words to say how pretty it was. Literally the ones you just see in movies. You were somehow envious. You climbed the stunning stairs, with lots of tiny details that got all of your attention, stopping in the middle of the way just to stare the little panting on the handrail. You spotted Taeyong entering in one of the various doors that the second floor had, following him and getting inside of the room. Closing the door behind as soon as you got in. His bedroom was something else, it was bigger than your whole apartment. Decorations in blue, grey and black. You left Your shoes next to the entrance and started walking in the tiny corridor that the room has. When you finally reached to the actual bedroom you sighed in relief, that was a long ass ride.

Taeyong was sitting on his bed looking at the giant window that occupied almost the whole wall. When he realized that you were already there he patted the sheets signaling for you to sit on the spot next to him. You did as he told and sat right by his side.

"Can i talk with you? About... something."

He sighed moving his head to face you. His intense gaze made your legs tremble. 'He's ethereal.'

"Of course. What's up?"

"Well. I'm hundred percent sure we're going to have sex if i'm wrong please correct me."

He slipped his gaze to your lips. You bited the lower one thinking of an proper response to give him or even say that he was wrong. But you couldn't, you wanted it as bad as he.

"I'll get this lip biting as a 'Yes'."

He got his attention back to the window, and you did it too. 'Nice view.' you thought.

"I have a kink."

"I think we'all."

He sighed in response and closed his eyes. You could swear he was the most hot person that ever existed. His jawline only lighted by the moonlight, made you wanna attack him just like that. Without a warning.

"I mean, before testing my 'Kink' with you i have to ask if you're ok with it. I suppose you already heard about knife play, right?"

Your heart skipped a bit hearing his hoarse voice saying it while his gaze pierced through your soul. At the same time that it haunted you thinking of knifes cutting your skin, it aroused you too. You couldn't tell properly what you were feeling, it was a mix of adrenaline and fear. It made you even more horny seeing that he had sparkles in his eyes talking about his 'fetish'.

"I'm in."

"So easy. You're a fucking nasty bitch."

He practically jumped on you. Kissing your lips even more hungrier than on the hallway, tracing his fingers all over your face, caressing it with his thumbs. His body was on top of you with his legs in the middle of yours, his knee was so close to the place you needed him the most. You were probably soaking wet by this time, searching for something to just touch you there. Taeyong broke the kiss leaving one last peck to your lips. He left you there in the need for him to just fuck you until you cry.

He entered in some kind of room still on his bedroom. He didn't made you wait much, coming back just minutes after with a medium knife on his hands. The object fitted in his hands perfectly, like he knew just what he was doing. He knelt on the end of the bed and took his suit off, throwing it somewhere on the floor. You were so right about him being the hottest person, cause his abs were no joke. You wanted to lick all of his body so much.

"Can i perhaps give you a head? Before you know, doing what you wanna do."

"Yeah, c'mere slut."

He stood up again, now stripping his pants off. The only thing left was his underwear. You couldn't tell if he was shy or wanted you to take it off, the second one aroused you the most. You got up from the bed and knelt in front of him, his eyes widened as your hand moved to touch his body. Passing your fingers all over his abs until it reached the hemline of his boxer, pulling it down. Revealing his medium sized dick with a pretty pink tip. You couldn't hold yourself back anymore and wrapped your hand around his dick, stroking it from the basis to the top, moving your thumbs on the tip of it. He tilted his head back and let out a few groans. 'So he likes on the tip.' you thought. Quickly got your lips closer to it and kitty licked the tip, moving your tongue on his dick hole. As you did it he couldn't contain his low moans, letting plenty of them escape his mouth. His hands moved to your hair, pulling almost all of the strands into a ponytail.

"Suck it, stupid hoe. Gag on my fucking cock."

His hand pushed your head to finally put his penis inside of your mouth, letting you feel all of his length inside of it while you tried to lick his tip on the times he wasn't moving. He didn't had mercy at all. Putting all of his effort on making you gag, his dick reaching your throat while you were drooling, your saliva dripping over his balls. He suddenly stopped moving and got his hand out of your hair.

"I wanna last more, get up."

In the moment when you propped up he pushed you, making your body fall on the soft bed. He got on the middle of your legs again while studying you, his eyes went black looking at your body through the tight dress. The hand holding the knife got closer to your arm, pressing the point of the blade and moving just a little bit. The cold knife superficially cutting your skin made your body shivers.

"You like this don't you? Needy whore."

You couldn't even think of a proper answer to give him, the fear was taking control of you. His knife got closer to the bottom of your dress, moving it until it reached the top.

"Did you cut my dress?"

"Answer me when i ask you something, slut."

He opened the parts that he cut, ripping the rest that got in his way, making you mumble something similar to 'You'll have to buy me a new one.' as he just nodded and smiled for 2 seconds. Finally something that made you comfortable with the whole situation, his bright smile. Back again with the knife close to you, he now was focusing on your thighs.

"I'm gonna do it for real now. If you are uncomfortable or is hurting more than you can handle, say 'Kitten.'"

You nodded and tried your best to relax your body, you didn't wanted to be nervous cause it would make you paranoid about what he was doing. You closed your eyes as you felt the knife drawing circles with the steel on your thighs, you had goosebumps all over your body from the coldness of the knife. You felt a severe pain on your skin as he moved the blade in horizontal lines, making you wonder if he was gently cutting or scratching you. Letting out a low moan while you tried calling his name, you didn't even know if he heard his name being called or not.

He let the tip of the sharp knife rest on your skin. Without a proper warning he slightly dragged it across your derm. Now on the vertical, making you flinch while a moan escape through your lips again.

"Don't fucking flinch, bitch."

"Fuck me, please."

You murmured while opening your eyes to look at him, he was on his knees on the middle of your two legs with the knife on the same position as before on his hand. You thanked god that there weren’t any bleed, cause that made you trust him even more. He stood up the moment that he spotted your panties, entering the same room of earlier and getting back faster than that one time before. But now he had a condom on his fingers instead of the knife. You thought he was finally gonna give you what you were wishing for all night. His dick inside of you.

"Can i make a wish now?"

"Sure."

"I want you fucking me with no mercy."

"You're such a whore."

He slowly got on the bed making his way to the top of you. But now he was fully above you with his arms on each sides of your body, making him carry his weight through them. He wasn't a soft dom, that was for sure. So you weren't expecting him to kiss you that much, and he didn't. But you missed a little kiss here and there, that teased you even more. Maybe the two of you were just too different from each other. Your body was half naked already, you weren't wearing a bra that night so it was easier for him. And he didn't loose time at all, so slowly he got closer to your chest. Diving on your right breast with his mouth. His tongue played with your nipple, sometimes kitty licking it or nibbling with his teeth. You weren't holding your moan back, sometimes whispering his name as you let some of them out. Of course you were enjoying it, his tongue was literally heaven, but you couldn't take it anymore. you were so wet that your panties glued on your pussy, making it uncomfortable to wear.

"Please, just fuck me."

He stopped playing with your nipples just to look at You. The smirk appeared on his lips as soon as he saw your desperate gaze, hoping that he would finally fuck you.

"So needy, bitch."

He left the top of you and rolled to the side, laying his body on the bed and resting his head against the pillows. He got the condom out of the plastic and placed on the top of his dick, pulling it through his length until it reached the basis. After finishing it he sat on the bed and patted on his lap for you to top him. When you realized that in this position he wouldn't take the soul out of your body, cause you would be making all of the work, you moved your head to the sides telling him a 'No'.

"If you don't mind i prefer this way. Please."

You looked at him with puppy eyes, making him sigh and roll his eyes. He got up from the spot that he was sitting and came to where you were.

"No mercy, huh? Slut."

He spread your legs a little and knelt between them. After finding an comfortable position for him he raised one of your legs and rested it on one side of his shoulder, doing the same with the another one on the other side. His hands moved down, making its way to your clothed clit, he palmed it. He stimulated you doing lazy circles with his middle finger through the fabric of your lingerie. You let out a loud moan to the final sensation of something touching you there. He stopped his motions a little seconds after starting it, grabbing the fabric of your panties and putting to the side. He stood there for a little bit, looking at your bare pussy facing him.

"You're so nasty. All that wet just for me?"

You nodded in response and he smirked moving his hip for the tip of his cock tease your entrance, leaving you wanting more from the contact.

"Fuck, Taeyong. I need you inside me."

That's all he needed to listen. He grabbed the basis of his penis and shoved it into your pussy without a warning, making you tilt your head back into the pillows and groan his name from the sudden move. He wasn't kind, every time he moved his hips you could feel his cock hitting your g-spot, making many loud moans come out of your mouth. Besides being a little uncomfortable, cause you weren't too flexible, the position was amazing. And when he deep thrust you could see stars.

"You like that way, right? So fucking tight, whore."

He kept his moves deep and fast, making you a vocal mess. He wasn't much of a vocal as you were, cause you only heard low moans coming out of his mouth, but it was still hot. His hands traveled from your leg on his shoulders till it reached your thighs, you wasn't paying much attention to that, until he passed his thumbs through the scratches he made. You flinched as you felt a slight of pain, it made you moan even more than you already were, he didn't hesitated on touching it again just to see the discomfort on your face. It hurts more than you've imagined it would, but at the same time it was so good. The pain mixed with his dick hitting your spot, made you experience something u'v never felt. His fingers moved to touch you down there again, moving his index and middle finger in fast circles through your sensitive clit. You felt a knot being made on your stomach and you tried to hold it, succeeding on your task.

"Taeyong, can i cum?"

You asked while moaning from all the pleasure he was giving you, it was so hard to hold your orgasm back while he stimulated you.

"Yes. Cum for me, my slut."

He didn't needed to tell you twice, you saw stars as you relaxed your body and finally let your orgasm out. You were a totally vocal mess, your walls clenched on his dick, making him let out a loud moan at your sudden tightness. He stopped moving his fingers on your clit, afraid of the overstimulation. But still didn't stopped his fast motions, making you still moan for him.

"Beg for my cum, whore."

"Please Taeyong, cum on my pussy, fill your slut with your load."

As soon as you finished your sentence he finally let out the moans he was holding all night, it was music to your ears seeing that he finally reached his orgasm. The two of you stayed in the same position for a couple of minutes until he recompose himself. Making you form a groan in your throat when he took his dick out of your pussy. You saw him taking the condom off and making a knot at the end of it, seconds later throwing it on the garbage can next to the other side of the bed. He rolled to the spot next to you and held your arm, pulling you in a lovely hug.

"Can we stay like this for a little bit?"

You nodded and smiled in response. Moving your hand to reach his hair, caressing his strands while watching him with his eyes closed.

“You’re ethereal.”

He giggled at you and held you tightly. You Kissed his forehead and closed your eyes as well, sleeping with him just like this.

[zhanghaos-hairclips]

36:5 || 04

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

04 - Lost

It's finally the day of the party, and you've just worked up the courage to confess, but will everything go to plan?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

I arrived at the party a little early with Soonyoung and his friend Jihoon, who I'd never met before, but who seemed nice enough from the brief conversation I managed to have with him. Soon after we arrived, he excused himself to take over some snacks to the snack table, and then it was just me, Soonyoung and several bags of presents. Being at Vernon's apartment was a little overwhelming, mostly because I'd never been but also because of how big it was. Part of me had been expecting a small, cosy apartment with an old rug, but this was something else. Right in the corner of the living room was a pretty tree decorated with multi-coloured tinsel and sparkly ornaments, and underneath it were more presents than I'd ever seen in my lifetime. It was like a child's dream seeing so many gifts sitting there, so much so that, for a moment, the child within me forgot how to function properly.

The rest of the apartment was decorated with sparkly decorations, too. Gold and silver streamers hung from the ceiling, and various ornaments - santas, elves, reindeer and snowmen were dotted around on almost every surface. It would have been excessive, having so many decorations anywhere, if they didn't look so pretty. Soonyoung nudged me in my side, chuckling to himself at my reaction to Vernon's apartment. I snapped out of my thoughts as he slung his arm around my shoulder. "We should put our presents down by the others. You're gonna have all night to stare at the decorations." He suggested, pinching my cheek. I scrunched my nose up at him and he laughed, removing his arm and walking over to the tree. I followed behind him just as Vernon popped out of nowhere.

"Hey you two, y/n it's great to finally meet you in person! Lovely sweater by the way." He greeted us, giggling at our ugly sweaters and pulling us in for a hug. "Whatcha got there. All for me, hmm?" He teased, trying to peak in the bags. Soonyoung swatted him away and I watched the two of them, smiling at their cute friendship. They truly were like brothers, just as I was told.

After putting the presents under the tree, me and Soonyoung decided to see what everyone else was doing. There weren't that many of us there, since Vernon didn't want to have to clean up too much mess, so there were a few small groups doing different things. A few of Vernon and Soonyoung's friends hovered close to the snack table, including Jihoon, some more were playing random drinking games and the rest were having some sort of comedic dance-off.

It didn't take too long for me and Soonyoung to get separated as I drifted in and out of the groups, not really knowing anyone except a few faces. At first, he went over to slay the others at the dance-off, which had somehow turned into a karaoke competition after a few rounds. I watched him for a bit before deciding to watch the drinking game group. At some point Vernon must have told them to slow down, as they were now playing regular games. Jeonghan, one of the few faces there I actually knew, turned to me and invited me to join. The rest were happy enough to let me play, and soon the friendly competition helped me loosen up around the group of strangers. Every so often, Soonyoung would come over and offer me snacks or drinks, and sometimes the boys would tease us about it. It was easy enough to laugh off, though, it being a topic we'd talked about before and agreed there was nothing there besides a solid friendship.

And that's how my night continued until about half ten, at which point most of the game squad had left to get food or do something else. I looked over at the karaoke group, which had gained more "competitors". I noticed my crush among them, who was so into the song he was singing, belting the words out whilst dancing energetically, that he burst into a fit of laughter when his voice cracked. I smiled fondly. Even above the music, above the chatter, and even above my racing heart, his laugh rang out like my favourite Christmas song. I knew I was in way too deep for someone who had only met him a few times. It wasn't just the times we'd seen each other, though. It was the dumb stories Soonyoung told me about him late at night and the random quotes he or Vernon had texted me throughout the day. Those were the things that made my heart swell with affection.

Finally, I found the two of them again, sat in the kitchen with drinks in their hands. "Hey you two, trying to get a breather from the chaos out there?" I asked, grinning at them, leaning against one of the counters. Vernon nodded, adding how he was tired from cheering on the karaoke team most of the night. I chuckled to myself, remembering the sound of my crush's laugh not long before. The two of them let out teasing 'ooh's at me, my face heating up when I realised why.

"Tonight would be a great time to confess, you know. I could always sneak up to you guys and hold up some mistletoe if you can't wait until midnight." Vernon teased, wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. Did I really have the guts to confess to him? "No, really, tonight is great. You literally have a perfect excuse to kiss him. Take it, please. For both of-" his eyes widened "Us." He croaked, his voice higher pitched than normal. I chewed my lip. Was it a good idea? I mean.. if it went wrong I could always play it off with "no no I just wanted that kiss y'know I don't like you like that pffft what".. right?

And like that, I decided that's what I would do. I sat anxiously throughout the belated Christmas present opening, eyes constantly flickering up to check the time. It was 11pm, and the presents were nearly all opened, yet it felt like there were still loads left. And then it was 11:50pm and finally the last present was unwrapped. I barely had chance to pay attention to what gifts people got each other. In my head, all I could think about was what was going to happen at midnight. I briefly met eyes with the man on my mind, smiling shyly over at him as he did the same, the thought of kissing him in a few minutes making my head go fuzzy.

With a few minutes to spare until midnight, all of us poured out onto the balcony. I tried to look for a certain someone amongst the small crowd, but somehow he seemed to have disappeared. I wanted to scream. I had to find him soon, or I'd never get that new years kiss. In the midst of looking for him, I felt someone tap my shoulder. "Hey y/n, looking forward to the new year?" They asked. I turned my head, seeing Jeonghan standing there with a shy grin on his face. I returned his smile, growing nervous. I nodded, unable to speak. 

"10!" No, I'm not ready just yet.

"9!" I can't do this.

"8!" I need some more time.

"7!" One of the boys bumped into me, whispering an apology. 

"6!" Please.. 

"5!" I felt Jeonghan's gaze on me.

"4!" Give me a few more seconds. 

"3!" There's no time. 

"2!" Someone tapped my shoulder again.

"1!" I turned to look at Jeonghan.

Midnight. He leaned down, capturing my lips in the gentlest kiss I'd ever had.

And I hated it, because I wanted to run away. I couldn't find him, I couldn't find my crush and now I was being kissed by someone else. Someone who was lovely, and was by no means a bad kisser, but who wasn't him. What was I supposed to do? My mind glazed over and my body stood still. I needed to push him away but I didn't want to upset him, yet I couldn't lead him on either. But before I could work out what to do, he was pulling away and midnight had come and gone. I could hear him giggling excitedly to himself as he pulled me in for a hug. As my mind started to emerge from its daze, I looked up at the others and the first face I saw was his. Standing there right at the front was Seungkwan, eyes glossy and the colour drained from his face. I saw him swallow the lump in his throat and close his eyes, eyebrows knitting together. I wanted to reach out to him and go after him to explain, but I was still being held by Jeonghan. Seungkwan turned away, head down, and weaved his way through the small crowd.

Vernon looked between his friend and me, worry etched into his face. He covered his face with his hands, disappointed. After what felt like an eternity, Jeonghan let me go, and like a missile I was off, brain no longer caring what he'd think of me running away like that. Suddenly the party didn't feel like a party anymore. I stared at Seungkwan's back as he hunched over a table. If only I could have found him before the countdown. I wanted to explain, but I was scared that my words wouldn't come out right and all I wanted to do was leave.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Previous ☆ Next ☆ Teaser

[sagebodisattva]

Existential Nihilism

So when we talk about existential nihilism, we are addressing a fundamental core principle that underlies all of the seemingly different schools of nihilism. To me, honestly, despite the treatment I've given to these categories, I find it sort of silly and absurd that nihilism has been broken up and classified in a fragmented manner as such; as if the deconstruction of the various different inventory items of existence deserve their own distinctions. To me, this is the result of the work of non-nihilists; as, the true nihilist wouldn't have any such purpose for constructing these differentiations; the motivation, of such, being contrary to the very cause of nihilism in the first place.

The nihilist's mission is to uncover the truth of existence, and does so by means of stripping away all that is part of the facade, in order to reveal that which is rudimentary essence, aka the truth, or, the reality, and not illusion. We can draw the line of the true and the untrue at the event horizon of awareness. We are that, which precedes the event horizon of awareness. Beyond this horizon, is all collapsed wave function. It's hard to even begin to be able to realize and understand this line, because the attention is trained to not recognize it; to gloss over it with default oversight, the crux of the conditioning, and to remain stuck on the perceptibles.

And incidentally, this is the same kind of conditional lock that prevents one from realizing the nature of a dream whilst they are dreaming, which prevents lucidity and keeps the clarity of awareness in a fog, until after one has awoken. And I know that, even with this reference, not many have a experiential understanding of dream lucidity, but, even without such clarity, at the very least we can understand that a dream is not an actual reality, but a construct of an imagination. The dream experience is therefor an existential medium, hence, the only real reality is the awareness; which is the same again and again, in countless dreams. In other words, in the dream, what was real, was not the persona, the narrative, the perceptions, the feelings, other beings, animals or creatures, or even the world; it was always, and always will be, just the awareness.

And so, why is this common every day realization about the nature of dreams so difficult to carry over into the context of the so called “waking state?”, Because the attention is getting stuck on perceivables, and as such, the truth of reality becomes un-clarified. It's very hard to refocus the attention when its committed and heavily invested in identifications and associations, aka attachments. But let's look into these binding ties that anchor the awareness in the illusion.

We identify with the world, but the world does not make us what we are, as evidenced by the fact that we could feasibly be put into another world and still be the same person. So you are not the world or any environment.

So what about our thoughts, ideas and concepts? Are we our thinking minds? You have plenty of intellectual data in stored in your brain, but does any of it make you who you are, really? Some may argue that it does, but this is more conditioning, more identification by attachment. You could drop plenty of ideas and still be you. You could change your thoughts and still be you. You could rearrange, add or remove your concepts and still be you. So you are not your thoughts, ideas and concepts.

Maybe we are the perceptual senses? Everything we can speak about is the result of either sight smell hearing taste or touch, so perhaps our identities can be defined by perception? For those who identify as such, I strongly recommend sensory deprivation tanks. After some experience with these you will soon know first hand that you are not the senses, as also further evidenced by a blind man, or a deaf person. The adding or removal of any sensory instrument does not make us any more or less ourselves.

Ok, so what about our feelings and emotions? Do these solidify some kind of identity? How so, when again, feelings and emotions come and go, change, and fluctuate constantly, none of them ever remaining constant, and yet we still remain who we are throughout them all, so we are not our feelings and emotions.

What about our families, our names our ancestral lineage and bloodlines? Does this define us? This is yet another association. We would not still be who we are even if our family was removed? Would we become something else if we changed our name? If we woke up tomorrow in some other person's life on the other side of the world, would we not still be an individual? So we are not our families or lineage.

Then, of course, comes the physical body. Surely, if anything, we must be the physical body, no? How so exactly? If we removed your foot, would you still be you? What about your hand? Or your liver? Or your left buttock? If you are still you despite the removal of various body parts or organs, then obviously you cannot be the physical body either.

Then so, finally, what about the consciousness, aka the ego, or the persona? Without a doubt, this MUST be what we are. What else is left? The consciousness could be said to be the culmination of all the identifications and associations combined, what we sum up to be a self by adding the world, our thoughts, our perceptions, our emotions, our family history, and our physical bodies together. We call being aware of this confection the consciousness, but if none of the components of this culmination are a true self, then how could the amalgamation of these components be a true self either? By assuming such, we've only just made the ego that much more difficult to untangle. But untangling the persona is crucial to self recognition. And how is this done?

Deconstruction. Subtraction. Detachment. Reduction. Emptying. Nihilism. Destroying untruths, and tearing down false foundations.

When you have disassociated and un-identified with all of the false veneers, you will have arrived at that which could be called the true self; the actual reality, that, which is always so, that, which you are. Pure potentiality. This is the superpositional substratum upon which all distinctions of self awareness are produced. This is why, from this space of clear open awareness, it can be clearly known that, value, meaning and purpose, are existential, and not otherwise. And to further clarify existentiality, this means that these features are created aspects that only have a setting within the momentary facets of being. This is the truth of reality, and yet this truth is called nihilism. Why?

Because of the apparent disapproval of control freaks and dogma defenders, that don't want you to free yourself from your mind enslavement. People are so much easier to manipulate and command when they assume, in ignorance, that value, meaning, and purpose are pre-existing factors that one must find, and then adhere to. And don't worry, you won't have to look very far to find them; for there are plenty of leaches lined up, ready to usher you into a nice little role of subservient obedience; where you will be in the perfect position to be commanded, and used for the greedy selfish purposes of power hungry resource pigs. So fear not; if you are unwilling to create your own value, meaning and purpose, one will be happily supplied to you. If you find the notion of value meaning and purpose not being objective depressing, relax, one can be penetrated into you.

But, if you are one of the few among us that doesn't have a problem with the truth of existentiality, then know that your source is potentiality, your destination is potentiality, and whatever comes in between is completely up to you. You come from nothing, are headed towards nothing, so any value, meaning or purpose that arise, are going to be a result of your own directed action, duty, dedication, and responsibility. Meanings are not derived from theoretical philosophy, but a consequence of function and interaction. When it is said that value, meaning and purpose are not intrinsic or inherent, this is only true insomuch as it applies to value, meaning and purpose residing objectively. Value meaning and purpose are, in fact, inherent and intrinsic, but only so contextually; that is to say, relatively and subjectively so.

And I know why this prospect is daunting and undesirable to most people, for the realization that life is without meaning, purpose and value to be found pre-existing, means that, of itself, life is pretty absurd, and can be outright maddening; if one is searching for such engagements externally, which will often lead to angst and utter despondency in the face of the futility and pointlessness of it all. But it is only futile and pointless because you have invested in value judgements based on misplaced assumptions and erroneous conclusions. Drop them.

What other kind of validation do your values, meanings and purposes need, beyond your own commitment to them? For an atheist, I can't see where any of this causes an issue. If there is no god, then whereof would any of these aspects be derived? The only real people that this would seem to cause a problem for, would be theists. People that are obsessively worried about god, and the possibility that they wouldn't be serving and obeying him properly by not blindly following words in a book written by men of antiquity. What else could it be? I know, I know. You wanna be good and make it into heaven. How profoundly deep of you. But understand this: if you are good because of the promise of reward. or the threat of punishment, you are not good for the right reasons. There is no sky daddy out there to give a blowjob to, so get over it. Take responsibility for your own existence.

There doesn't need to be emotional anguish over the fact that there isn't any objective force out there supplying value, meaning and purpose. This agency is found within yourself, and can become a great wellspring of inspiration towards defining your own value, purpose and meaning. But, just keep in mind that creating your own value, purpose and meaning isn't an indication that your value, purpose and meaning are necessarily justified, and this is why we do need a very simple universal moral compass, despite morality also being a construct; it doesn't automatically follow that creating value purpose and meaning that victimizes other sentience is permissible. It isn't. This is why we shouldn't look past the importance of the existential agency of the entire nihilistic foundation, and understand that, in the face of paradoxical absurdity, it is up to you to define, and make of yourself, what you will; for no amount of external searching will amount to more then quiet desperation and frustrating futility; but, despite the lack of objective supplementation, creating your own intentions within nothingness isn't a license to violate another existential agency.

If you can figure out why this is, as it is an absolute moral distinction relative to sentience, that no existential consciousness wants to be victimized against their will, then you will have a less difficult journey ahead, and will be doing your part to bring peace and harmony to our shared existential paradigm.