#i couldnt stop myself from crying thru every step of it. which is really abnormal for me
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What they don't tell you about crying 14 times in one night is that it sucks very bad actually
I think I'm done crying for now lol
#speculation nation#that is not a hope that is an assurance. a Promise. a declaration of my state of being.#i'll be upset more later but i cried 14 times which is Already excessive. for like. Anyone#but ESPECIALLY for me#i cried only like 4 times all of last year. 12 months 365 days and only 4 times i cried.#& 3 of those were for the same general occasion lol. in february. so march thru the end of the year? NO crying at all.#and here i am crying 14 times in one night? i thought the 7 for trimax was excessive! and it was! but this is TWICE that#... real talk. ive cried more for cassy than i did for sammy. at least for the initial stuff.#i couldnt stop myself from crying thru every step of it. which is really abnormal for me#and i think it was bc of the whole uh. bad memories thing. i have trauma related to sudden cat death.#and what do you know it was triggered by another sudden cat death.#so my 9 months baby boy. so dear to me. but ultimately so brief in my life.#he made me cry more than my 14 years old cat i grew up with. sammy was my Brother. and his death tore me apart.#it's pointless to compare deaths and their effects though. they both mattered to me in different ways#and their deaths have hit me in different ways. that's just how it goes i think.#but. yeah. im done crying for now. im gonna try to have a gentle night. and then tomorrow will just be whatever it will be.#really glad i dont work tomorrow. even if it comes at the cost of me missing my des rocs concert 😭😭😭#animal death ment/#negative/
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