#i did manage to dodge the other one with this method so i'm pleased

[flecks-of-stardust]

feel like one of the most swag things i've done in rain world lately is stand Directly under the legs of a brother long legs because i noticed they take really big steps, and almost getting away with it

[blueteller]

The tragic truth behind Cale's self-denial – and a surprising twist...?

So this is not new information, exactly, but... I haven't exactly put it together before, at least not in order. There is an actual reason why KRS-Cale grew up to be a complete tsundere in denial of his feelings. And sadly, that goes beyong the surface of being "an abused orphan".

(Spoiler alert for those who haven't finished the novel)

So, remember how KRS inherited some of White Star's curse due to his original body being stolen through reincarnation by Cale Barrow? The curse states that "you can never cherish anything ever again".

Obviously, poor KRS wouldn't know about it. He would live his life while unknowingly suffering under the curse, losing his loved ones through various random circumstances: death, abandonment, distance, abuse et cetera. However, if something like that would happen to a person – especially someone as observant as KRS – he would be bound to eventually figure out a pattern.

And the pattern was, "I lose the people I openly care about".

It resulted in not just in KRS being distant to his colleagues; it resulted in him being in denial on purpose. Think about it: as long as he can convince himself that he doesn't care, that means the curse could be fooled into leaving other people alone.

In other words, KRS grew up conditioned to believe that "as long as I am a terrible person who only cares about my own interests... then people won't leave me."

So here's the twist. As terrible and heartbreakingly sad as this whole thing is... I'm curious – do you figure that KRS's efforts actually paid off?

I think they have!

Think about it! It was stated that KRS "was a cold bastard but really good at his job". His job was saving people. His job was keeping people alive against monster attacks. You want to tell me Cale doesn't care about people? Pfff, please! The guy obviously has a huge bleeding heart for anyone in trouble. If the curse really targeted the people around KRS on a bigger scale, it would explain why the shelter KRS was staying at when he was 20 met such a terrible end. He cared, and as unfair as it is (damn that God of Death's unreasonable cursing method) that meant it affected the people in KRS's close proximity, even if they weren't close friends.

(Like, consider this: Park Jin Tae originally survived against the odds, as he "ran away last". KRS definitely DID NOT LIKE HIM, since the man beat him up and humiliated him on a regular basis. So ironically, KRS's dislike turned into a blessing.)

Even without knowing about the curse, KRS must have subconsciously realized the root cause. So he went like: "okay, if me caring is the problem... then I shall stop caring". He totally scammed his own curse!!

Now, if that was Cale Barrow – the person that the curse was originally intended for – I doubt loophole that would have worked. In the end, the only thing White Star was able to care about was himself (and he died quite often and very painfully, judging from the context) and the curse itself (which eventually came true as Cale was able to destroy it). But from what we know about the God of Death, he was trying to remove the curse from KRS, but without much success. He would certainly be all for KRS dodging the curse's effects – since we were told that the God of Death liked humans who managed to avoid their fate. He would be like: "You don't care about people, huh...? Seems legit. Pass!"

KRS's self-denial was so good it actually worked. It actively protected people around him. And KRS was subconsciously aware of that! Isn't that crazy?! He was proud of being a terrible person, a "trash", someone who only cared about himself, because that helped the people around him! AND HE KNEW THAT!!!

...But then... LSH & CJS happened. 😭

Just imagine it... for so many years, KRS's self-denial worked so flawlessly. He cared for people secretly from afar, keeping them safe and his own emotions in check. And then he was put on a team with LSH and CJS. One person who saved him, his role model, his own personal hero. The other a friendly, warm guy who never cared for boundaries. No matter how hard KRS tried to keep his distance, they wouldn't let him. And the two of them were so capable, too! So strong and good at protecting themselves. Slowly but surely, KRS's resolve began to crack. By the time he realized how much he loved them, it was too late.

At some point a shy, tiny voice said probably whispered in KRS's head...

"Maybe it would be okay to care about them...?"

...Aaand then... the curse came back for KRS with vengeance.

How does that fit with the fact that KRS was the one that was supposed to die? Simple: there are two ways you can lose those you cherish. One, they are forced to leave. Two, you are the one forced to leave. Remember how LSH's favorite saying was that "Being alive is the best"? Weeell... as we all know, Cale really took that to heart. And since he started to cherish his own life... it was first at the line of fire for the curse.

It was either him or the other two. LSH and CJS willingly chose the second option.

At this point, KRS's heart is broken to pieces. He's like, "I knew it. This is my fault, because I let myself care about them. I am NEVER making that mistake again."

He becomes a team leader, "cold but very good at his job". He doesn't let himself have another "person he loved to death, nor a friend he would give his life to save". He keeps his distance from everyone. He is lonely and very, very miserable because he's trying his best to keep others safe, while entirely convinced that he's a bad person who doesn't care about other people.

Talk about being a master at self-delusion!

...And then we arrive at the start of the novel.

KRS's first reaction to being in a new world without any close friends or family? It's pure RELIEF. He's like, "I became someone with a reputation of being trash? Perfect!" His experience taught him that as long as he keeps distance from people, things will turn out okay. Sure there is the protagonist and the plot of tBoaH to deal with, but Cale is fairly convinced that it won't be a problem. "I've always lived my life alone. Surely, it will be no different this time."

But it is different now. Because the curse is no longer there.

It's hilarious to watch Cale being constantly confused by people liking him. He's like, what the hell?? People never liked him before! He's trash, after all! He only cares about himself. It has to be the truth! ...Right?

It's a habit integrated into his brain from many years now: everything helpful he does must be due to some hidden self-interest. He's convinced himself that he's only looking for ways to use people. The few things which he admits to himself that are less self-serving (such as helping starving children), he's like "That's basic human decency, really! ANYONE would do that! Doesn't mean anything."

My last point to prove this theory: it always confused me how Cale connected the fact that White Star's curse applied to him in his previous life. No one explicitly told him or explained it to him, after all. I was like "Wait wait, HOW did you come to that conclusion so fast without any evidence to back it up??" White Star having a similar face to KRS could have been some weird coincidence. The only real proof Cale gets is the fact that in the Sloth test his past-self was targeted by Hunters due to "being marked by the God of Death". Cale came up with the curse theory much earlier than that.

This is what convinced me that I'm right. Subconsciously, Cale KNEW. He always did – he must have felt it. He had been cursed, but after his transmigration, it ended. This is the only explanation.

Conclusion? KRS became a tsundere in self-denial because he wanted to cheat the system and keep people safe from his curse. And surprisingly, he succeeded.

This man is amazing.

[hooniee]

   — ꒰‧⁺ maple tree*ೃ༄

↷ ni-ki x reader ⋯ ♡ᵎ 

↷ genre: fluff | romance⋯ ♡ᵎ

↷ warnings: not proofread! | none! ⋯ ♡ᵎ 

↷ synopsis: almost getting squished by a freshman boy falling out of a tree, might have made your monday morning turn around ⋯ ♡ᵎ  

↷author note: hi guys! this is for @enhypenwriters​ event! strangers to lovers <3 this was one out of three i wrote and this was one i wasn’t satisfied with but it was a cute idea (or at least i think so!) please enjoy! ⋯ ♡ᵎ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*

monday morning was unmistakably not on your team. from your charger being broken and leaving your phone dead to your wicked idiot brother consuming the last slice of toast, you were not a festive person. 

"i'm heading out idiot, don't be late," you shout at your brother who just replies with an 'okay!'

rummaging around your jacket pocket, you pull out a granola bar that was half-eaten from the other day and scarfed it down. 

definitely a bit stale, but you were appreciative nonetheless.

you arrive at the bus stop and take a seat, enjoying the scenery. one of your favorite destressers in the hectic mornings.

arriving at school, you hasten your steps with five minutes remaining.

'mr.kim is going to mark me absent for the seventh time this month.'

fortunately, this was the only good thing going for you today.

you exhault in relief and take out your materials for math class as you mentally adjust yourself for the long day ahead.

this day couldn’t get any more tiring.

from an exhausting morning, your lunch period comes to rescue you from starvation.

you head outside to your usual place beneath the maple tree in the courtyard, with your sandwich and chocolate milk.

taking a mouthful of your sandwich, you draw out the scarlett letter from your bag to relish in the meantime

profoundly absorbed in your book, you didn't recognize that a boy is sitting on a tree branch right overhead you. 

he didn’t mean to stare down but it was the first time he had seen you.

he would admire you from a distance until mother nature said ‘no’

CRACK

there was the familiar sound of a snapping branch and you managed to glance up and duck it just in time to see a mop of blonde tresses right next to you.

the blonde hair boy instantly rose up and dusted himself off, clearing his throat, pretending that nothing had happened.

you were still flustered at the out of the blue fall. you place your book facing down, marking the page where you left off.

“a-are you okay? that was a pretty high fall,” glimpsing at the maple tree and back to him.

you have never seen this guy. he was tall and lean with milky skin and blond hair that touched his harmonious brown eyes.

the gaze he held on you was interesting.

navy blue nametag, an underclassman

“don’t worry princess, i’m alright. i've had worse” he returns with a wink.

a simple wink was enough to send a rush of blood to your cheeks.

'what a flirty freshman, wasn't he just embarrassed a couple of seconds ago? 360 change'

“if anything hurts, just go to the nurse. please be careful,” you say instantaneously, attempting to flee quickly.

he doesn't need to see the powerful blush on your cheeks that won’t leave.

a tug of your wrist sticks you in place. he spins you around to confront him but the grass appeared to be more appealing.

there's a moment of silence before he asks. “...are you blushing?” 

your brain was internally smashing your head against a book.

“no i am just not used to a freshman guy falling from the sky. don’t flatter yourself, i have standards.” you spit out.

"i didn't even mention anything about myself, i just asked if you were blushing," he smirks at you, feeling boastful.

how did you just betrayed yourself?

“whatever! now if you don’t mind, i’ll be going now. i’m late.”

neglecting your book and food, you hastily grab your bag and head out to your following class.

he chuckles to himself, finding your flustered demeanor adorbale. he looks down at where you sat.

"hey! you forgot your-" the freshman exclaims but you had left and no traces of your silhouette could be found.

he bends down, plucking your book and analyzing it for any name.

'you would definitely be back for this' he thought to himself.

peeping at your un-opened chocolate milk, he looks around before snagging it.

"free milk for me," he hums to himself.

you, on the other hand

you aspired to punch yourself for three purposes.

one, you forgot your food and you were perishing.

two, your book was gone

three, that damn freshman.

you were too ashamed to show your face infront of him. not when he caught you profusely blushing from a wink.

for the next few days, you dodge your usual spot and lingered in the library instead.

that method came to an end because you didn't realize how many OVER affectionate couples occupied the library.

you had mentally battled with yourself, forgetting to pay attention in classes.

'there was a chance he wasn't going to be there'

'but there's also a possibility that he'll be there"

you decided to convince yourself that he wouldn't be there. you craved not being shoved in a cubicle and have couples make out in your favorite book isles.

the next day you head to the maple tree and before you sit, you glance at the encompassing areas.

you didn’t see any traces of a lanky, blonde boy near the tree or IN the tree.

and assuming the coast was clear, you relax.

the previous book you were reading was nowhere to be seen so you brought a new book, frankly in love

you plug in headphones to tune out and you immersed yourself into the book. after a few minutes, your earbud comes out or more specifically, taken out. 

you look up and nearly screamed. the freshman boy was dangling off the tree with your right earbud in hand. barely an inch away from your face.

this was the closest anybody has been to your face and you tried not to make any sudden movements.

“what are you doing?” you furrow your eyebrows at the boy hanging. he flashed you a radiant smile that put the sun out of business before jumping down, landing smoothly.

your cheeks became warm again, grasping that you were gradually falling for this freshman you didn't know the name of.

“sorry! i just wanted to talk to you” he cheekily said, “nice blush” 

“that's fine i guess? AND i'm not blushing, i was just startled,” you avoid eye-contact.

he playfully rolls his eyes before extending his hand to you with your book.

"i believe this is yours?" the boy returns you the book you rummaged for.

your eyes widen, realizing that he had the book the whole time.

"oh my gosh! i was looking for this everywhere," you blurted.

you look at him and he smiles.

you fall back into being stiff. you had never been this anxious under someone's gaze until you met him.

this time, you tried to kindle a conversation.

“why do you want to talk to me?” you ask curiously.

you had never had someone excited to talk to you like this. you were wishing that his interest was genuine.

he pauses to consider a bit, placing a finger to his chin.

“you’re interesting and i want to get to know you more, toto” he hums and you're perplexed by the suddenly calling.

'toto? that's new'

“toto? that’s not my name, why are you calling me that?” you tilt your head.

you didn't know what was weirder, the nickname or the freshman aspiring to get to know you.

“don’t worry about it,” he smiles, 

"why are you alone out here? shouldn't you be eating in the canteen?” he settles next to you.

for the first time, you locked eyes with him and it was dangerous. you could get lost in his eyes if you gazed for too long.

“because i want to, what is with the Q&A? are we playing twenty questions?” you sneer.

this freshman recognized how to push the right buttons to make you flustered at the precise moments.

“maybe, or is it a date?” he answered

you just choked on your own saliva and you hoped he didn't catch that.

it grew quiet and he stared at you with a fixed gaze. feeling awkward, you shove the other earbud into his ear.

he flinches from the abrupt contact but loosens and smiles, recognizing the song that resonated from your earbuds.

“toto, is this she’s in the rain by the rose?” he gasps.

it shocked you because not many people know this band.

“yeah, you know the rose? this is my favorite song from them” you flash a smile, feeling content.

'something in common, maybe he's not so bad'

you both softly sway together, occasionally bumping shoulders.

"nishimura riki," he says.

you didn't catch what he said, "hm?"

"nishimura riki is my name, but you can call me ni-ki," he smiles at you.

"(y/n) (l/n), (y/n) sunbae to you," you laugh.

"what if i called you mine instead?"

[the nickname toto, came from tomato! the reader blushes easily and ni-ki is quick to notice, rebranding her as toto <3]