#i didngt realise typing a lot takes so much time its like 5pm now. oops. i dpnt even lnow ifthis is coherent cause i have not read it

[emptylotfiasco]

my review for yakuza 1 on the ps2 it is a really good game. you should play it forever and ever. i will probably replay it one day or like get round to finishing kiwami cause it was really fun i had a lot of fun with it <3 the minigames are cool and the substories are good and the localisation is funny and worth experiencing for urself but it also like its not a haha play this game cause its so bad its fun it is acutally a good game and i liked it a lot. 10/10 ten million thoughts under the cut

first of all minigames love in heart massage parlour my favourite it is very funny. talking to prostitutes minigame is fun i completed all of them. almost. haruka cock blocked me for one of them. baseball is good it turns me into the devil sometimes but i like it. gambling. suprisingly not that bad everytime i had to do it. i wish they would have let me skip the 60 second long roulette animation because i know that is not real. crane game. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moving on. slot machines. sucked but thats okay idgaf they should have figured out not to put it in subsequent games though. colliseum yeah i did it it was fine pretty typical.

substories were good i did almost all of them excepttt i missed the casino royale one because i progressed the main story too far rawr </3 oh i didnt finish the gangbusters either because i run away from random encounters as much as i can. so i also didnt fight amon. but i like how maybe because ps2 limitations and resource limitations substories were super short and simple. i think in kiwami it was mixing the longer formatted substories with what were originally very basic premises and it didnt work for me. it is what made the substories feel like a slog to me in the remake. but in this game it is easier to gaf about a simple substory when it doesnt take that long to complete. the original game had a lot of the funny ones the one where you give tissues to a guy who ran out of toilet paper in the public bathroom and the one where kiryu picks up a dead guys phone and follows every instruction given to him by a complete stranger until he is eventually hired to kill himself. and the one where tghe guy makes kiryu get all the toys from the crane machine for his sugar baby. and the one where kiryu has to talk a guy down from suicide. and there were ones that werent funny but i still liked like that one with the street artist because I thought it was cool how you can use items from that substory to complete other substories and that one really long chain of substories that takes you all over the map.

Unmm jingu is a shitty villain but I think that has been knew. I thought the story and the way it unfolded was really good until the very last few chapters where the government stuff really kicked in. I did know most of the story already but like. Some parts I liked were helping the counterfeiters at the hostess club and them saying they did a forgery for kazama 5 years ago. The body of the fake mizuki being explained by a a copycat bar that was trying to capitalise on Ares success having someone pretend to be mizuki and that person getting killed. I thought that was cool and interesting I like this level of detail in my weirdly complex crime drama plotlines. I think it was funny that he was voiced by Robert atkin downes. i liked haruka trust meter i thought it was so cute i liked increasing it by buying her things. I think Yumi is interesting and Reina <333 Reina <33 Reina <3 lalalalala Reina <3 kazama. nishiki wasn't interesting but like I've played yakoza 0 so like I know he is so it's fine. Sera... Idgaf like I kind of gaf but not really. I think maybe because the only involvement he had was the jingu stuff and jingu sucks so. That one guy that tortured kiryu. Actually that is an interesting part of his character that I have heard surprisingly little about. Who else. Oh yeah shinji. Anyways. Who else.

Majima category oh yeahhh Majima oh yeah . Majima was awesome because Majima is alsways awesome. People like to say wow can you imagine playing Yakuza 1 on the ps2 and thinking that one day people are gonna want to bone Majima. That must be so crazy so insane. My asnqwr is that you're not a real Majima fucker. I've always wanted to fuck him. I've alwayyysss wanted to fuck him. I was there from the start. And I want to fuck mark hamilljima too. There is no shame in this. I don't care how many polgyons he has the sleazy bpd princess with the steel tipped shoes leather pants snakeskin jacket eye patch knife bat and tits out is a monument to sex. When he threatens that one sex worker and he's like so what do you say you wanna be my bitch I'm like ohhhh do I. plus the whole point og his appeal is that hes kind of ugly. he was pretty in yakuza 0 because they gentrified him that is not the real majima. look at his ugly ass hair cut. hes fourty yhears old and a bowlcut on his head. So if you do nat wanna bone him then you cannot be trusted and I'm the only one allowed to fuck him sorry that's the rules. I swear I was going to actually write a review part here I don't know what happened. I'm just gonna move on.

the localisation is my favourite part of the game i really love how comically vulgar it is it gives me the same enjoyment factor as the silly writing from yakuza 0. it made the game very interesting and i would miss it dearly if it wasnt there. i liked it when kiryu said are you retarded or just deaf. and when yuya said look at you fuckhead. and when kiryu said i did have the urge to hit some balls today. seems like yours are gonna have to do. and when he said step the fuck up its time to die. i loved ten years in the joint fight. come on fucker bring that shit kazuma ten years in the joint made you a fucking pussy it made me say its kiryu time and i kiryued all ovedr the millenium tower. the delivery made everything really funny and like ueah it undercut the dramatic moments but it also made me like enjoy the finale scene with jingu because i kept laughing at everything everyone said so i think there was a net benefit. there was two scenes where i thought the english dub delivery made things funnier on purpose. one was where kiryu took haruka to the bath house and he was like its take your daughter- its a social studies field trip and the one scene where date was like lets break open the amulet and reina and haruka were like NO!! and he was like haha nevermind just kidding. and the one where kiryu explains what a bath house is to haruka was funny too. i love this va i think like. as strange as the action hero deep voice is for kiryu when u have not expereinced this game hes also so sooooo awkward. so awkward. and it wraps around to sounding very kiryu. cause like that kind of is him like hes intimidating but hes also awkward and autistic and doesnt know what a cell phone is or how to babysit a child so he lets her gamble away all his savings. by the way his ps2 model has very beautiful eyelashes.

OH YEAH. i like the combat. sorry. i forgot about the central gameplay mechanic of the whole game i got distracted. like of course it is clunky its a playstation 2 game. but it also was really fun <3 i especially liked. i forgot his name but the moveset of that guy that is like the captain of the nishikiyama family is kind of sick and it was cool to fight against. the combat in this game is the exact mixture of satisfying and so frustrating makes me want to rip the skin off my face and eat it that i love. kiwami is also like this. and i liked how short andd snappy the heat action animations were not to say i prefer them but just that like. i guess it made the fights feel fast paced and it felt just as good to do them as the overly animated ones. i liked how even hough some guys had huge healthbars fighting them didnt take ten million kajillion billion years. WAIT but fuck the komaki training i couldnt even complete it cause it was too hard. that was fucked up they were fucked up for that.

i really liked the style of this game i liked the art and i liked the models and. i looked at some of these cutscenes in a very damnn that looks good kind of way. that one post that is like ps2 is peak aesthetic is so true cause it looked really nice at times.

okay the end. do not expect anyone to read this becuse i said it all for myself. i wish i did get round to making the html copy of kiryus blog work cause that is probably where id ramble about yakuza. but i hate java script and also i dont care. so tumblr post.