#i didnt even notice their freckles were missing until like JUNE and then i just never got around to fixing it

[voidimp]

happy valentines day and also happy birthday mika!!

(left is x, right is mika, both use they/them pronouns!!)

[mr-ridleywindsorgray-blog]

Arriving in London || Ridley & Ben || Flashback

Who: @mr-ridleywindsorgray   @benedictwindsorgray What: Ridley arrives in London to work at getting his family back. Where: London, England When: June 2017 Notes: None

Ben stared at the arrivals door and felt like his heart had turned into a snitch and was darting all over the place. Lizzie stood in front of Ben with her hair neat and her best dress on with a sign saying welcome home Daddy. Ben felt terrified, what if Ridley didnt want to see him? what if he hated him for leaving for london? what if he thought ben gave up on him? Ben sighed and tried to focus on Lizzie who's smile melted his fears. they both looked up ats the arrival doors opened and ben held his breath

Ridley could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his stomach knotting itself up. The whole flight he was a mess and he was thankful the man next to him had taken a sleeping pill, otherwise he was certain he would've gotten smothered for being so antsy. He was scared. They were both hurting and they were both still in love but...was it too late? Were the wounds too deep for them to get over? He waited for the plane to empty, dreading getting off the plane, unaware that his (ex?)husband and daughter were waiting for him. He slowly shuffled off and was surprised when he got out to see two familiar faces. He fell to his knees and opened his arms as Lizzie came running over. He held her tight, feeling some tears slip as he held his daughter for the first time in far too long.

Ben felt his heart almost tear out his chest when he saw Ridley. It took every fibre in his being not to smother him with kisses. He then watched Ridley curl up with Lizzie and sighed inwardly. had he even noticed ben? "How was your flight?" Ben asked softly.

Ridley clung to his daughter, almost scared to look at Ben. Would he see love in his eyes? Or would it be cold indifference? Eventually, he stood, Lizzie still wrapped around him. "It was...quiet." He said, giving him a small shy smile. He wanted to kiss him, to squish Lizzie between them as they embraced but he didn't know where the boundaries were. "It was a nice surprise to see you both waiting to greet me." He said shyly.

Ben felt his heart melt when Ridley's blue eyes locked with his. ben blushed and a few freckles appeared across the bridge of his nose. " Well, we couldnt have you arrive with no welcoming party and Lizzie has new paints." He stopped himself from rambling on and started to walk to the entrance "So your mum called. She wants you to call her once you have settled. "He said and smiled at Lizzie who kissed ridley ad signed we missed you. Ben took hsi luggage so Ridley could hold lizzie and then he headed to the car.

Ridley felt his heart stopped as he locked eyes with Ben. He smiled softly when he blushed, he missed seeing that. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he wasn't sure they would want to meet him. "Well it was a lovely surprise after a long flight-" he said and setting Lizzie down so he could tell her 'I loved the sign. Very pretty'. He took her hand as they headed toward the doors, rolling his eyes when he heard his mother had called Ben to pass him a message. "I will, though I suspect she may have fallen asleep by then." He added, looking down as Lizzie tugged on his pants so he knelt down and smiled as she gave him a kiss and confessing they missed him. 'I missed you both too' he answered, not daring to look up to see Ben's reaction. He scooped her up as Ben took the luggage, ever the gentleman, and went to the car. "Oh um the address..." He said, rambling off the address to the condo. He had called ahead and make sure everything was set up but his heart ached, knowing that it was going to be sad to see the mostly barren place instead of their home.

Ben raised his brows and gave a rare smile. " that's at the end of our street." Ben said as he walked over to the Bentley and clicked his key fob for the trunk to open and then putting the cases inside. He settled Lizzie then opened the door for Ridley and then walking over to his side. Once on the road he tried to think of something to say " did you want Lizzie to stay with you tonight ?" He asked stopping himself from putting his hand on Ridleys thigh.

Ridley bit his lip. "I know. I didn't want to be too far..." He said, though he realized now if it didn't go well, he wouldn't be able to stay. It'd be too easy to bump into them. So close but so far. He had to stop himself from reaching for him as he opened the door for him. It felt so normal. He settled in and took a deep breath to settle himself. It was quiet as they got on the road which it hurt but he had to let it go. They would get there. "Oh...we should ask her maybe. I was just planning on crashing but I don't want to disappoint her."

Ben shrugged " it's up to you." He said as he stopped at traffic lights " if your jet lagged then we could all hang out tomorrow." Ben suggested trying not to sound desperate.

Ridley knew that it was up to him but he just was worried about disappointing everyone, getting started on the wrong foot. "Yeah, of course. I would like that." He said, trying not to sigh, mentally working on the exercises his doctor had given him to keep from spiraling down. He was here, that was a good step

Ben looked at him with a sad frown. "Listen, if you would rather crash with us tonight thats totally fine. I'll make dinner and you and Lizzie an watch a movie and chill out." He suggested. "You look exhausted and I want to use my oven so its a win win." 

Ridley wanted to say yes with every fiber of his being but he couldn't yet. The offer was amazing and it made his heart ache with how much he wanted to say yes. "I...would love dinner but I don't want to give Lizzie mixed messages by staying over until we're ready for that." He said, no matter how hard the words were to say. He was ready to be with Ben right that moment but Ben had been the one to leave so he needed to be the one to decide when it was okay to come back. 

Ben sighed. "Fine." He knew it made sense but seeing ridley looking worn out only made him worry. "Well you are still coming over for dinner so thats that." He said and smiled. "No arguments."

Ridley bit the inside of his cheek hard when Ben sighed. He hated that word- fine. It hardly ever meant fine. He had to do this right though so he wouldn't let his sigh get to him. He was going to object but he stopped. "Sure. Dinner sounds nice." He said, looking up as they passed his condo- a few minutes later pulling up to the London home. 

Ben parked up and climbed out and opened the door. As soon as Kal saw Ridley, he launched at him and yipped and barked with happiness then looked for bailey. Lizzie dragged Ridley in to the house and pushed hi on to the couch and snuggled onto his lap. Ben smiled and then went into the kitchen to make dinner. "Do you wanna drink? He called out. It was almost like normal. Almost.

Ridley felt his heart stop as they pulled up. Ben grabbed the bags and Ridley took the carrier with Bailey as they headed in. It wasn't a moment later that Kal came charging up, giving him a warm greeting. "Hey buddy." He said, scratching him lightly, laughing softly when he started looking for Bailey. He opened the carrier and let her out, watching the two take off together. He smiled as Lizzie grabbed his hand and dragged him to the couch, making it clear what she wanted. He made himself comfortable and she laid out in his lap. Maybe he wouldn't have a choice after all. "Oh um I can't drink, but thank you." He said, a sharp reminder that something that felt so familiar wasn't really anymore.

Ben nodded. "I was thinking more tea?" He called out again and then burnt his hand on the kettle. "Oww.. fuck." He grumbled and sighed. So far this was a nightmare. He walked into the lounge and asked lzzie to go get him the first aid box. She raced off upstairs and he smiled at Ridley. "Still as clumsy as ever." He said and then cleared his throat."After Lizzie goes to bed are you able to talk?"

Ridley ran his fingers through Lizzie's hair, blushing lightly when Ben implied he had been thinking of tea more than anything. He heard a soft curse and frowned when he came in, sending Lizzie for the first aid kit. He had to stop himself from fussing but at least he looked sympathetic. His heart clenched when he heard what he didn't want to hear, didn't want to face. "Yes, I am." He said softly, knowing that he wished he had some sort of delay but he would never feel ready for it.

Ben could sense he had hit a nerve. "Its gonna be.. ok." He said and sat beside him and placed his hand on his leg. "You are gonna be ok." he smiled and then got up to get the tea for them both. He brought the teapot and cups into the lounge on a tray as lizzie came in with a green first aid box

Ridley took a few deep breaths, trying to stay calm. Ben could still read him though, and did his best to reassure him. It calmed him a little, but his heart was still racing. He was almost grateful when Ben left to make the tea. He had a few moments to gather himself, get used to being here with them but not with them. It felt very cyclical, the reminders, but it was all he could do to stay together. He smiled as Ben came back with a tray to make the tea and Lizzie with her first aid box. 'Take out the aloe Princess' he told Lizzie, waiting for her to hand him the bottle and for Ben to finish making the tea. 'Now ask Papa where it hurts...'

Ben put his hand out as Ridley asked where it hurts. Anything for Ridely to touch him, even if it was just to help him. Ben looked at his hand and realised it was the one with his wedding ring still on show. "Its just here." He said and lizzie helped by pointing to the red mark on his hand

Ridley had meant for Lizzie to tend to Ben since she had her little first aid kit. It seemed though that the pair was determined to have him do it though. His heart twisted a little when he saw he had burnt the hand with his ring. He rubbed his own and Lizzie pointed it the burn out as if his hesitation was just because he wasn't sure where he was hurt. He poured out some aloe into his fingers, gently rubbing it onto the burn, making sure it was well covered but he wasn't pressing hard enough to hurt him.

Ben smiled as lizzie ran off to play with the dog. He reached over and made them both tea. "You want sugar?"

Ridley felt like he could breathe again, watching Lizzie play with Kal, Bailey curled up not too far away. He looked back when Ben asked about sugar. "Yes, one please." He said, reaching out to sip it when Ben stirred in the sugar. He toyed with the tea bag string and shrugged. "How are your parents doing?" He asked, thinking it was a safe enough topic.

Ben smiled at the mention of his parents " oh you know Mum. She wants to go to Barbados next week, dads not sure he should leave London with it being on critical alert." He rolled his eyes " but my mother is stubborn."

Ridley laughed softly when he heard the dilemma his parents were going through. "I'm inclined to agree with your father. We both know though that your mother is going to get her way." He smiled, imagining the pair of them arguing in that fierce physical way that you have to use when you communicate via sign language. 

Ben smiled and shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder which one of them I am more like." He then smiled remembering that he had his mothers adventurous lack of fear but his fathers sense. "I'd go with mums idea she wont back down, you know what she's like."

Ridley grinned when Ben commented about his parents. "I think its definitely pretty even but depending on the situation that you're in." He answered, knowing that Ben definitely had his moments where you could see which parent he took after. "Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Though it is a troubling time so who knows maybe she'll see reason." He said, doubting it but he knew his mother in law wouldn't want to cut her vacation short and rush home either.

Ben laughed. "This is my mother. She is one stubborn old dear." He chuckled as Lizzie came back into the lounge and signed to show Ridley around the house while ben made dinner. "Sure go and take a look." He said and went into the kitchen and felt the mood thaw a little.

Ridley smirked as Ben referred to his mom as a stubborn old dear. She was a lovely woman but when she set her mind to things, that was that. He looked to Ben and blushed lightly, smiling wide as Lizzie came running over. She wanted to show him around and he hesitated but Ben urged him along. He marveled as they headed around the place, wishing that there was a place for him here. He let her show him around her room, realizing his condo was going to pale in comparison on nearly every level. Once Ben called for them for dinner, he scooped her up and carried her down to the kitchen.