#i do not care for season 3 at all. the rest of sonic prime was so enjoyable and made me smile and they bonked it all up

[findyourflame]

thoughts about sonic prime

season one? amazing. wonderful. fucking phenomenal

season two? alright! pretty fun! still enjoyed it enough to be hyped for season three

season three? .........

what season three i dunno a season three.

[mama-qwerty]

Thoughts on Prime S3 - Dread

So I binged Prime season 3 last night. Overall it was a fun ride--the animation was beautiful, the characters' expressions and movements were fantastic, and the voice acting was stellar.

But there were a few things I that poked me the wrong way.

Buckle up, folks. This is gonna get LONG.

Let's start with my beloved. Dread. Specifically, his 'redemption'.

We all knew it was coming. They weren't going to let a Knuckles be a manipulative, selfish, greedy, double-crossing asshole. This is a kids' show, after all, and all the characters have to do the right thing in the end. So his switch to help the heroes save the universe wasn't unexpected.

But the way it was handled gave me whiplash.

We have Dread being a magnificent bastard in season 2. Oh so ruthless and selfish and looking out for number one and eyes on nothing but his Beauty. So much fun to watch this guy be so un-Knuckles like and enjoy every second of it.

But then season 3 comes and he's just . . .

This.

He planted himself by the door and just . . . sat there. One of the most fun and animated and enjoyable characters of the last season is now set decoration.

So. Okay. I'm gonna do what I love to do. Deep dive into his head.

He's moping. He's depressed. He's lost his Beauty, again, and has no idea where it is, or how to get it back. That was his entire focus. He had it, he had it in his grubby little mitts, but lost it.

The first time he failed to get it, he lost his ship, his crew, his courage, and his confidence. He threw himself into denial, becoming a Party Pirate who only cared to be jolly and jovial and distract himself with fun every day. Any mention of his past made him testy. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to be reminded of it. He avoided fighting his past crew when they attacked, because he didn't want to face his failures, face his past. So he didn't. He hid. He ran.

But then Sonic gave him an opportunity. A chance to succeed where he'd failed before. And that greedy light was in his eyes again. The tunnel vision, the single focus, the obsession came back full force. And this time he managed to claim what he'd been lusting after for who knows how long. He finally got his Beauty, and it reinforced those feelings of obsession. Of possessiveness.

He manipulated his crew into thinking Sonic was the bad guy for wanting it, and turned his back on them the first second they no longer served him any purpose. His eyes were only for his Beauty.

Then the Chaos Council snagged it from him, and he latched onto their ship like a tick to get it back. He endangered himself, left his home, left behind people who were loyal to him (for whatever reason), all because he wanted the shiny rock back.

And then he lost it again when Nine and Sonic took all three shard pieces back to Ghost Hill. He fought with his urban counterpart, essentially cutting any possible ties of loyalty and help there, and was now stuck in a city he didn't know, with no allies, nowhere to go, and no Beauty.

So it tracks that he would be feeling pretty low. He failed to do the one thing, the only thing, he'd ever wanted to to in his life. He had it. And lost it. Three times.

He's not feeling bad because Nine has them and will use them to destroy everything. He's disappointed in himself for failing. He has no purpose now. Treasure was all that mattered to him--that specific treasure--and now that it's gone and outside of his reach, he feels he has nothing left to care about.

(And as an aside, I love his pose here. Boy just looks so defeated.)

So, okay, I can get that he would be feeling all "Poor Dread, lost me Beauty again" right now. And I think him refusing to go after the rest of his crew when Nine threatened them was also on point. He's still got tunnel vision--"No treasure, what's the point?" It sticks with the Dread that was established in season 2. Nothing in it for him, no treasure, no valuable shiny rocks, he's not gonna waste his time or risk his skin for it.

He has shown exactly zero loyalty in the past, so this fits with his characterization.

Now here's where I would have done things differently. Because very shortly after this, he's right there with the others when they decide to make the raid on Nine's encampment. No hesitation, no grumbling about how he'd 'better be rewarded after all this' or whatever. It's like he's a completely different person. The Dread from season 2 would NOT have done this of his own free will.

Let's back up to before Sonic and the Roses left to save Batten, Sails, and Catfish. Black Rose stopped to ask Dread if he was coming, to which he responded with the aforementioned "No treasure, no point." Rose simply said something along the lines of a disgusted "Some captain" and walked out.

But this was the PERFECT opportunity for a seed of redemption to be planted. Instead of simply walking out, Rose could have turned to him and said something like:

"No point? Look around you! Everything's coming undone, and there'll be nothing left if we don't stick together and stop Nine!"

"Then it shouldn't matter if I go or not!" he replies, shooting her a snarl. "Me Beauty be gone. I be a failure. There ain't nothing left f'r me."

"Ya know, you had people who were loyal to you. People who would have fought by your side until the end. That should have been what mattered to you. But you chose a shiny rock over them instead." She tsk'ed. "Some captain."

To which he would have been all "Sod off and leave me in peace" as they left to rescue the rest of the Angel's Voyage crew.

But the seed would have been planted.

And there could have been a scene, a quick one, where, when Sonic's talking about giving himself up to Nine, Dread has a devious look. "If we go to the fox, he'll have me Beauty. I c'n sneak in and get it back while the others be busy." And then he'd chuckle to himself because he's oh so smart and clever, before standing and joining the others with a boisterous "Let's take the fight to him! We'll teach that no good landlubber t' mess with us!" or some such piratical speech.

So it would appear he's all gung ho about joining the fight, but he still has his selfish reasons that would have stuck with his season 2 characterization.

And then, during the looong fight, we could have had little glimpses of others coming to his aid. Ren specifically, and when his urban twin saves him, he'd look surprised, because they didn't exactly part on good terms.

"Ye . . . saved me?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I thought ye didn't like pirates. Me specifically."

Ren shrugs. "We're all in this together, right? You're here helpin' now, ain't ya? 'Sides, I hate the world endin' more than I hate you. C'mon. Less yakkin', more punchin'."

And that would make Dread think. Just for a moment. Another seed planted. Then he'd blink and head back into battle.

I would even keep the whole 'Jack appeals to Dread's greed' scenario. Because Dread still has that mindset. So he heads in to go for the Prism, sinking back into the Gollum-esque obsession again. But when he sees Black Rose in trouble, that's when those seeds really start to take root. What she said comes to mind again, and he remembers every time they'd helped him. Maybe different members of the crew had jumped in when he was overwhelmed in the fight. He sees other variants helping each other, or helping members of the different groups. How they're putting their lives on the line for people they don't even really know. Helping each other. Saving each other.

He thinks of Ren, who saved him regardless of their last meeting.

With one last look back toward the Prism, Dread jumps down to save Rose.

It could have been handled so easily, with just a few extra seconds of show. Cut out some of the extraneous fight scenes and add some more character interaction/growth. It would have made Dread's redemption seem more genuine, and less of a "Let's just throw away all the characterization he had last season to get to the end."

Love me some Dread. I just think he could have been handled a lot better.

[inkedkoi]

Bingo Card: Part One

Continuation of "Hold On To “What If”: Overanalyzing and Rewriting Sonic Prime" essay

[Once Again, spoilers for Sonic Prime, all media here belong to their respective creators.]

✨//🌻//✨

Long at last, I get to explain what the hell I had on my bingo card. For those who are unaware, after Prime released the teaser and trailer of S3, I went through them frame by frame and made a whole list of theories I wanted to post. But since I was traveling, I didn’t have the time to post them, so instead I made myself a bingo card when S3 was just around the corner. Here’s a post from Twitter as proof:

I’ll go through each row, explaining what I placed, and the meaning behind the label I put on the box. The text in BLUE represents my past self BEFORE S3 premiered (or in italics just in case) and the RED text represents my thoughts AFTER watching S3. Let's start with the first row:

Chilidogs

Pretty self-explanatory

Label: “X”: (absolutely) confirmed [pic from S3 EP7: ending]

Time Difference

Back in Season 1, they established that time affects differently between Shatterspaces and they kind of showed it in Season 2 when the Boscage gang and the Dread’s crew were surprised to see him, likely because they hadn’t seen him in a while. So, it wouldn’t be surprising if this gets brought up in Season 3.

Transcript:

Renegade: “A day? You’ve been gone weeks.” Sonic: “Time must move differently there.”

[S1 EP6]

Label: “N/A” — Oh, past Koi, they didn’t even mention it once.

Rusty Rose’s backstory

It would be great if we get her backstory since all we know from her is that she’s mechanically enhanced when she said it back in S1 EP1,

Transcript:

Rusty: “Survival required adaptation, as you will soon learn.”

[S1 EP1]

Not only that but it looks like she lost her ability to feel.

Transcript:

Sonic: “You can’t suddenly be this heartless.” Rusty: “Birdie would disagree.”

[S1 EP1]

As a cyborg, she was an assistant to the Council, a so-called “valuable asset” (until they abandoned her in S2). It could explain the contradiction of the Council not using Flickies for their bots but one had to be used for Rusty to live, and in turn, it could explain why she had to serve the Council, because she had a debt to repay.

Label: “—”: we didn’t get a flashback to why Rusty had to adapt to survive. But we did get a sort of implication from Rusty’s speech to another bot:

Transcript:

Rusty: “You don’t feel anything, but I do. And that’s what makes us different. My masters had me believe that Birdie gave me my inner strength and power. But I know now it was another lie. Told to keep me under their control. Symbolic of my oppression. But I don’t need this little bird for power. And this little bird needs to be free. The only thing I need is me!”

Very “I am… All of Me” speech, Rusty. Honestly, with this, we don’t need a flashback. With what she said, it can be determined that Rusty had to adapt in order to survive, likely being operated by the Council. Of course, as most of her body has changed, she must’ve lost her ability to feel, either by damage to her brain or being forced into the image of a robot. It came to another price: the Council wouldn’t simply let one of their “creations” go when the Rebellion is around. They used Birdie against her, as a threat, telling her that she needed Birdie in order to live. Rusty had a debt to pay. As the viewer, we could still have fun with it and theorize the rest,

What exactly happened to Rusty, as implied that she may have been in an accident? Did she work for the Chaos Council before she had to adapt? Did Birdie sacrifice herself to save Rusty?

I had my own little backstory for her, that Rusty used to be an assistant of the Council (Dr. Rose), highly intelligent and physically strong. But she cared too much, seeing how her home was destroyed by the Council. She had doubts but she couldn’t risk her safety. She befriended Birdie, could be one of the experiments the Council had or part of their “zoo”, but it reminded her of the past. Perhaps one day, she saw something she shouldn’t have. It was the last straw for her. After releasing Birdie and guiding the flicky through the vents to reach the computer room where she was at, Rose went to grab the files to assist the Rebellion. But when she tried to escape, she was caught by a security protocol, harming most of her body. The Council found her and the files, along with Birdie trying to defend her from them. To protect their Empire from downfall, they operated her with mechanical limbs, losing most of her memory. Once she was conscious, they lied to her: telling her that she was badly damaged but they were lucky that they could fix her up as she was their “most valuable asset”, and gave her a new name: Rusty. Birdie’s cries could be heard from the inside of her chest cavity. Confused and worried, she attempted to open her hatch to free Birdie, but they stopped her, telling her that it was Birdie’s sacrifice that saved Rusty’s life. Without the flicky, Rusty wouldn’t be able to live. Unable to see their true intentions, she decided to pay her debt, to be under their command, becoming colder and colder. It didn’t make it better that every time she saw her own reflection, she looked like any other badnik. Almost. Did she wish that deep down, she didn't have to be this way? Sometimes. And yet, she understood that it was necessary. Besides, the Council needed her, she should stay loyal. That was until they abandoned her in No Place, as their way of getting rid of her for good. What happens to her, from water to pirates, they don’t care. Nothing would damage their empire.

...Uh, I didn't mean to ramble. Anyway, I think the canon scene that we got is still just as powerful, even more so with the fight afterward. Rusty finishes off the bot with the hammer. Despite Rusty not being Amy, it was symbolic of Rusty breaking out of her chains and seeing her self-worth. After all, it’s what made her connect with Black Rose. Both Rusty and Birdie were finally free, that is beautiful.

To be continued...

Previous Part || Next Part || Masterpost

[sage-nebula]

Longer thoughts on Sonic Prime, now that I've had a few days to sit on it. Under a cut because of length / those who don't care / spoilers / whatever else.

Like I said before, I thought it was fine. It's definitely not a bad show by any stretch and I think that younger kids who are perhaps new to Sonic / only know Sonic from the movies / don't know Sonic at all but want to watch a new cartoon will enjoy it. I can't fully explain why it didn't pull me in. It could be the fact that I binged all of it partly out of obligation because I felt like I had to watch it as soon as possible to avoid spoilers, so I didn't give myself time to just pace through the show normally. But I mean, I've binged other things and loved them (see: season four of The Dragon Prince), so I don't think that's exactly it. I think it's more to do with the writing, but before I talk about that I want to talk about some things I did like about it, first.

The vocal performances were, for the most part, excellent. Knuckles' VA was kind of . . . eh . . . at times, and it's very hard to separate Tails / Nine / etc from Rainbow Dash, but Devon Mack absolutely KILLED IT as Sonic, which is a big deal since Sonic is the main character of the show. I wouldn't mind Devon taking the lead on voicing Sonic in other projects, because he did a very good job. So happy for him, especially since he was a fan of Sonic before landing the gig.

The animation was very good too. I like the little animal quirks the characters were given, such as ear twitches and whatnot, and it was fun to see Sonic so expressive when he's supposed to be an expressive / emotive guy. The action sequences were easy to follow and nicely done too; it's a very fun show to look at, you can tell the animators had a good time with what they were doing.

I noticed some musical callbacks to the games at times that made me, a nerd, pretty happy. There weren't too many of them, but there were enough that it was a "oh hi there" moment when I caught them.

I like how Rouge has been handled for the most part, from her having outfits that are more legitimate outfits to her having little quirks like sleeping like the bat she is. I will say I think she should've been the captain in the pirate saga, but like, whatever, I like that even though she's clearly there so they could have more than one girl in the cast, she's still being treated with respect overall.

Miles "Nine" Prower and Rusty Rose are my beloveds. The rest of the cast I could take or leave, but those two are my morally grey, ruthless babies and I love them so much.

Now for the writing . . . I think my main issue is that, outside of Nine and Rusty, I feel like I haven't been given much reason to care. Like, yeah, Sonic is having a hard time—but Sonic is always having a hard time and he always pulls through so it's like, whatever, he'll be fine. He's been infected with a metal virus, he's been cyber corrupted, he's going to get vivisected in Scrapnik 3 next week, he's always having some kind of issue, and he always ends up fine, so I'm not too invested in that. Insert a variant of the time knife meme like "yeah yeah Sonic having a bad time we've all seen it." Like that just doesn't capture my interest much anymore. Sonic emotionally going through it, mayhaps, but physically? Nah.

But like, where Nine and Rusty have interesting stories and characterization and circumstances to me (Nine being ruthless and morally grey, Rusty potentially gaining her own agency and personhood and hopefully still killing people along the way because she deserves it and I'm here for women's wrongs), I just can't say the same about the others. The Eggman council is just—if I can be unabashedly negative here, I hate the entire concept. It's so cartoonish and stupid. Which, I know this is a cartoon, but for a dystopian universe it feels over the top ridiculous to have a fucking baby and moody teenager and whatever else, not to mention OoC for any version of Eggman to want to share power with anyone, even other versions of himself. And "Mr" and "Dr" are both prefixes (with "Dr" denoting more respect than "Mr") so to have them layered as "Mr Dr Eggman" is just so stupid and irritating—

But I digress.

So I don't care about the Eggman council, and despite spending more time with them I don't see enough depth or potential for rebel Rouge and rebel Knuckles to really care too much about them either. Putting aside my irritation at jungle Tails being called "mangey" even though he doesn't have mange (mange is an actual skin disorder in animals and he clearly doesn't have it, just call him FERAL, that's what he ACTUALLY IS), I felt the jungle episodes were just kind of a slog to get through even though watching Amy yeet the others out of the forest with her hammer was pretty funny. (although, missed opportunity calling her Thorn instead of Briar, you know, like Briar Rose.) It's not helped by the fact that we only spent two episodes there, so there's not time to give more depth to the characters—but with two episodes already feeling like a slog, more might've been worse? It's hard to say. And with the pirate episodes, again, they didn't really get my attention until Rusty showed up. That's when things got more interesting, for me. Otherwise, I just didn't feel much of a reason to care about these variants. It seems to be much less "here's how these characters naturally would have developed in these circumstances" and more "hehe hoho fun costumes yay :)" with Nine and Rusty being the exceptions to that rule.

A lot of this has to do with the fact that, I'm not the target audience for this show. Yes, I'm a Sonic fan—but this is a show that's clearly intended for a younger audience, one that's perhaps not that interested in Sonic lore, and that's fine! Not everything is going to be for me. I am not a fan of the Archie comics, for example, from what little I know of them. I'm not interested in Sonic X. I think SatAM is overrated, so on and so forth. I do enjoy the movies for what they are, but mostly because a.) I'm glad they weren't a trash fire, and b.) I am ALWAYS going to be drawn in by found family of any type for reasons relating to being raised on AoStH and also my own messed up childhood / adolescence. But I don't have to love every single piece of Sonic media just because I'm a Sonic fan. As I've said, the great thing about Sonic is that there's something for everyone. Prime isn't really for me (outside of Nine and Rusty), and that's OK. I'm cool with that.

But that said, I do think that there are places where the writing could be improved. There are places where the dialogue feels clunky (as in, "people don't talk like this"). There are names of variants I take issue with. And I think that if a bit more thought was put into WHY the characters are the way they are other than "jungle people" or "pirates" it would be better. But little kids aren't going to care about that, and little kids are the ones this show is for, so again. It's not a big deal. And at the end of the day it's not something I'm going to lose sleep over.

I will probably still watch season two, just so I can see how Nine and Rusty develop. If they weren't in the show, I probably wouldn't bother lol. But since they are, I will Do It For Them. Nine and Rusty, my beloveds.

But yeah, those are my thoughts. It's OK. Not really my thing, but I don't hate it either. Would take a whole spinoff about Nine and Rusty, though. Let Nine say fuck. Let Rusty murder. It's what they deserve.

[sonicunleash]

SONIC PRIME SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 (THIS IS LONG. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL MY INITIAL THOUGHTS.)

OKAY SO FIRST OFF. GOD. Everything with new yoke is so so good. By far out of the universes they made new yoke a very very engaging one-- all the characters feel complex and thoughtful and it's not just a one-off universe. You care about their plight and while circumstances have changed them as people, theyre all still believable and complex like you can see why they've become this way. They dont feel like theyre being forcibly FIT into their roles in new yoke if that makes sense.

On that note, god Nine is so good and CARRIES when he has the focus. He's such a good introspective on Tails, and his deeper feelings and who he is without sonic, who he would be if he had to make it on his own. They do a wonderful balance of showing he's been forced to "grow up" because of the eggman empire, while also showing that he's still just.... a really lonely 8 year old who thinks the world is against him. So when sonic shows up and reaches out to HIM, gives him the first good connection he's had... he clings to it and clings hard. But he's new to connections and friends and doesn't really understand yet how to work them I think. So when sonic doesnt make it to save him, when sonic can't stay in the grim because he has other friends to save, nine takes it personally. It's all just. so so well done and in my opinion, out of all of the introspections they try to do with sonic's friends-- the most faithful, heartfelt, and engaging one. Which, is somewhat a given since it seems like Nine is going to remain a major, overarching character, along with the rest of new yoke.

ANYWAYS. Nine and New Yoke aside, I think another thing sonic prime is doing well so far is building up stakes with its main plot. Its not throwing nonsensical plots twists at you, but just builds in this great steady way that you're putting the pieces together on the situation the same time the characters are, and realizing just how deeply things are getting fucked. It's been REALLY engaging on that front and I'm happy for it.

But uhm. On a different note, the universes outside new yoke were.... lackluster. Both try to delve into another one of sonic's friends, and their feelings and sonic's relationship with them, but I think like... In the writers' heads right now, new yoke is the "main" plot heavy universe, and the others are one-off side universes that exist only as stepping stones to forward it. And you can... tell. Neither of the other universes' storylines are as engaging, and none of the alternates of the characters have the thought and depth that the new yoke ones have. And I think it kind of hurts the storyline, cause, well. You can tell. They WANT to engage you emotionally with amy and knuckles' nuances but they just fall flat and lose that impact theyre going for.

And god dont get me started on thorn and the jungle universe. That was just the biggest waste of what. 2? 3 episodes? I ever watched. I could not fucking care about that plot at all.

Uhm what else.... Well I think shadow is done... alright. He's being helpful, or, well, an ally (kinda hard to be helpful when youre a Void Ghost allowed only like 2 minutes of screentime), rather than a pointless obstacle, and his anger at sonic has reasoning behind it. His voiceacting also isn't as terrible as I thought. It's still not Right but its not kirk thornton-- and doesnt have that overexaggerated roughness. He is still very obviously sonic primes hype man though. He's got something going on, and clearly they want to do some kind of plot with him, but over the course of the 8 episodes he gets a little... repetitive. He kinda just relays the same thing to sonic every time we see him. Like Okay Sonic Fucked Up is Shadow going to just keep telling sonic that or is he gonna like. help.

I guess we'll see. I gotta be honest until that ball gets rolling im more invested in Nine and whatever happened there with Rusty Rose seeing Black Rose. someone please help rusty

[egg-emperor]

It's a shame that X had its really weirdly OOC moments for Eggman (most prominently in season 3, which you might have seen my criticism post of in the past) because aside from that, I personally adore X Eggman for the things they did get right. I feel that they still captured multiple important aspects of his character quite well.

The things I feel they got right were his loud, confident, and rude demeanor, the skill of his manipulation tactics, the way he actually did have his share of pretty damn evil moments despite the humor, the way that, for quite a while across seasons, he evidently didn't give a damn about anyone else and not even what planet he was on as long as he could conquer it. I didn't mind how humorous things could get because I love every time he's evil and a jerk but makes a game of it just as much as I love to see him get serious, and he still did the latter when necessary. And if you've seen that other analysis post of mine, I also really liked the moments where they presented his lack of empathy well. ( Which they really fucked up later but still, it was great while it lasted :') )

That's what makes the OOC moments all the more disappointing and surprising because he had a lot going for him earlier on, when it was accurately capturing his important assets that really make him feel like himself. It's weird that the stuff he does in season 3 legitimately contradicts things he did in previous episodes of the show. Like it wasn't even a case of character development as some might try to argue (which I wouldn't have wanted either way because it doesn't work for him period lol) but it came out of nowhere and made no fuckin sense for his personality and actions we'd seen on earlier eps. It was so jarring

But besides that, I still treasure it for the positives. To this day, X Eggman brings me as much joy as he did back when the show was one of the first pieces of Sonic media I consumed. I still have to give it credit for the way it really helped fall in love with him even more, since the only two games I'd played at the time was Heroes and Shadow 2005, where he hardly got any focus. Despite not seeing much of him prior, I was still lucky to recognize that the OOC moments in X weren't right for a character like him, instead of it letting it lead me to the false belief that he's not so bad of a guy. It was all his best evil asshole moments and fantastic humor that was making me fall for him all the while instead.

Yeah maybe it is thanks to my huge nostalgic fondness that makes the OOC moments easier for me to rewatch it without getting too frustrated to the point I don't enjoy the rest of his portrayal. Especially considering that I watch the English dub the most lol. I get not liking it for how much they fucked up but man, Imo it's still worth watching for Mike Pollock's performance alone, as from the very beginning he already suited Eggman perfectly and brought so much charm and humor in the best way. In the present, I still can't stop smiling at and the jokes never miss with me, he's the only one I genuinely find funny when a lot of the jokes usually don't land with the other characters.

The OOC moments do of course still bother me all the same as I care a lot about how accurately Eggman is portrayed in any media. I'll never hesitate to call out the flaws in the writing and characterization (hell, I literally had that Eggman X supercut I made get interrupted a text rant about why that one bs line in ep 67 really bothered me lol) but I can't deny that as a whole, it will always have a very special place in my heart and it's currently still my favorite Sonic show ever. I hope Prime presents an Eggman with an attitude as great as earlier X Eggman had, without the OOC stuff this time. Not gonna get my hopes up, but it'd be nice.

[diegest]

2010 V.S. 2019

Age 15 and almost 25

(This is long a messy but I wanted to make some kind of post about it before the year ends.)

I was making a stink face bc my then best-friend was over and said something funny before she took the picture and afterwards we busted out laughing. We were at my then step-dads parents house out in the country walking down to their creek either just getting done swimming in their pool or intending to get in it after going to the creek.

I was most likely a freshmen or sophomore at the time of this picture. (Probably right before sophomore year started...) It was definitely during Summer. I either had a flip Nokia phone or an LG Neon at the time as I upgraded from one to the other. I had my first “job.” I was a veterinary assistant after school for a few hours a day and did some work out there during Summer as well. I wasn’t paid and used my time as a volunteer to play with animals, hold them down for simple procedures, walked dogs, and it helped me gauge whether or not I wanted to actually pursue being a veterinarian. I had competed in track for 6 years in a row by this point and was probably finished with it by the time this picture was taken. (Two Elementary School leagues, all three years of Middle School, freshmen year of High School). I was crushing HARDCORE on my childhood best friend whom I’ve known since the age of 6 but neither of us could handle our feelings for the other and things would become super awkward until we had actually dated 7 years later. I was tan as hell because of track practice, walking to both pools in town, and walking to Sonic with friends during sleepovers.

I was struggling trying to find my identity as a teenager while maintaining being in the middle of my parents joint custody battle and being forced to be 100 miles away from my friends two weekends out of the month. I was a cynical older sister of two step-brothers and did not use my time with them as wisely as I wish I could have, sometimes being a real bitch to them looking back at it. I had no control over my hair color or length and remember desperately wanting to layer it to look like a scene kid despite how naturally thin it is. I had just started dabbling in eye liner (not pictured, as I preferred and still prefer my poolside activities over makeup), wore converse every day I wasn’t wearing flip flops for the season, wore baggy jeans, the same Paramore hoodie daily, and had an extreme creative drive that I miss deeply. I was bullied horribly for my teeth, nose, skin (I had terrible eczema that pool water, cortisone shots, and Summer weather in general helped tremendously with!), height, cup size, fashion, hobbies, having split parents, and then some. My metabolism was extremely high and I was in my athletic prime. I had a touch of internet fame by drawing my own personal characters on deviantArt.com as well as fan art for games and shows I was super into using my first Wacom tablet on my first laptop and to this day still have a folder of fan art created for me on my computer. I was obsessed with cats, rock music, anime, and drawing. I could drive a boat and got both a high five as well as scolded for that time I flipped myself into the water to retrieve my dads hat while we were going full speed over white-caps because I was too impatient for him to circle around and wanted to impress him and the rest of the family. I was for the most part unafraid of most things.

I was secretly extremely depressed and suicidal during the school year to the point I had missed my period for 5 months because of stress alone and I’m certain at the time this picture was taken, I was almost breathing a sigh of relief I was off from school for the summer. I had a close knit group of friends still before it had combust the following school year. I was “working” as a veterinary assistant but also had interests in pursuing being an animator, art director, cartoonist, children’s book illustrator, or graphic designer by this point and my mom encouraged me to pursue whatever I was comfortable with. I wasn’t really boy crazy like my friends were, instead having my heart set on one in particular and probably still having a soft spot for my ex whom I was with for 3 years prior. My bedroom contained my artwork, sports posters, cat posters, band posters, and trophies/medals from my days running track. My friend and I, though not legally allowed to drive, would occasionally sneak to Taco Bell using her parents car if they weren’t home and we never got caught or pulled over for it. My grades were A’s and B’s, though I could not pay attention in History to save my life because I was too preoccupied with doodling on my papers and ignoring this asshole who was two classes above me who had called me ugly but then admitted he liked me at one time because of my attitude?? He’s still an idiot from what I’ve heard only he’s an idiot who knocked up a few women post-high school, is apparently married now, and no surprise to me - is still stuck in that same small town with no goal to go anywhere outside of it.

I was scared of the outside world beyond my small town and had no idea how rough it would get for me. The family issues and my trip to family court had not happened yet. I had yet to become estranged from my family. I was small and awkward as hell. I struggled to hold conversations or make eye contact unless it was with people I felt most familiar with since people were kinda fucking mean. I could argue back but would immediately break down and cry from the interaction at the first chance I’d get. I’d use books, art, and video games for the escapism. Life felt scary and fragile and so very uncertain but at least I had a few individuals in the world whom I loved so much and who I know loved me.

I’m 24 now. I’m now in control over my own hair cut and color. I choose to keep it long as I didn’t even like the way it looked short when I finally chopped it as a teenager. It’s been red, reddish blonde, blonde on top and brown on the bottom, dark brown to blonde ombré, and now platinum blonde with my natural color as a shadow root and I quite like it. I don’t really dabble in makeup unless it’s for an occasion except for covering up my acne as my body decided that having zero acne in my teen years was just too good for me while I was battling eczema instead. I’m not nearly as tan or athletic as I’m forced to be inside at most times. I still love to swim though and I take every opportunity to go to my childhood beach during the Summer when I can in particular. I still don’t consider myself to be family-oriented despite this year really challenging that for me. I have a ton of amazing friends and people who care about me and feel like recently in particular, I’m always busy with someone doing something and making memories as we do whatever.

I have a bachelors in Psychology and a minor in Art, though I did not pursue a masters in art therapy like I had originally intended. I was heavily burnt out from school and my baby brothers worsening medical conditions and the news that he had been in a children’s hospital for quite some time with my family deliberately choosing not to tell me made me choose not to pursue one for the time being. I was working at Dairy Queen while technically sharing a lease with my ex before finding a job at a psychiatric hospital that I loved and getting my own apartment to myself and my cat, whom my ex gave to me as he saw she benefited me more than she benefited him. Though I lost that job, I can now say I have two years of field experience in Psychology and almost 6 months worth in social work and feel like I’m always learning something.

I’m not as creative anymore because the years of crippling depression, anxiety, and being forced to create for school absolutely ruined any creativity I had once had. Though occasionally I’ll have the opportunity to channel that creativity into a video game or quick doodle for a child.

I’ve moved to two cities after moving out of my high-school “home” town (not quite home but a good chunk of my upbringing!) and have every intention of doing it again within the next year after I save up some. I don’t take shit from anyone and have taken after the best parts of my moms personality in my opinion with the added benefit of my dads patience and keen eye. I’m known for making people around me comfortable and able to laugh and decompress and have been fortunate enough to use that power professionally. I would like to go back to mental and behavioral health as I miss the thrill and excitement as well as the camaraderie with fellow staff members in the pursuit of helping individuals. I’m very likely starting a new position in my company as early as next week and have been extremely excited about the pay and hour boost. I’ll be getting my dog in just over two weeks and am excited to start our life journey together. Though I had developed my moms serial-monogamist trait for a while there after my 6 year-long relationship had ended in the pursuit of finding someone to fill that gap, I feel very comfortable lately simply being pursued and wanted without the commitment. I’m addicted to sushi bowls, coffee, and chocolate. My passion is helping others. I feel comfortable in my body enough that I would love to pursue modeling of some sort and have been lucky enough to dabble in that a bit already. I also have a bit of a love for fashion now, though I rarely feel the urge to actually properly plan my outfits unless my goal is to dress to impress or for the sake of photography.

I’ve learned to allow myself to enjoy the things I enjoy without the fear of judgement from others. I still love nerd-culture and have somewhat recently taken an interest in cosplay and want to attend more conventions. I’ve learned that it’s an accomplishment for me to have gotten this far, to have my own place, and that it’s alright that I don’t have everything figured out and not everything has to be figured out right away. I don’t have the same best friend I had 10 years ago, but we’re still in contact and I love my current best friend tremendously though I don’t get to see him often. I’ve learned that my current group of friends may be temporary, but while I’m lucky enough to be around them I’m going to do what I can to make them feel as loved and cherished as possible and make plenty of memories. Ivy and I are doing well and I know we will continue doing well even with Atticus by our side. I value traveling way more and will continue to travel and see new things when I’m able to. Eventually I’ll narrow down a Masters program and go back to school when I feel ready. I might even work alongside my brother at some point as we had talked about working on a project together and I’m pretty excited. This is getting really really long oops

I also just look dope as all hell with blonde hair and have gotten the notoriety of being “that blonde girl who wears the leather jacket” and I’m beyond thrilled about this. I’ve come a long way and I’m proud of myself. It’s hard to believe that lanky, tan, dark haired, greasy-headed kid is me but I think she’s come a long long way and I’m genuinely proud of her for doing so and not ending things when she’s had the opportunity. Here’s to 10 more years of careful and concise progress and glow-ups~