#i don't even wanna know what the constant emotional rollercoaster is doin to our heart n bp...........
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What is emotional permanence though I want him back lol
#what the fuck do i even want idk#if i could choose to. turn my brain off full time n just be what he wants me to be. not think or feel or any of this shit?#i hate that i would but i'd do it in a heartbeat#i'm so fucking tired of fighting it. i can't sleep i can't eat i can't hold a goddamn conversation without circling back to him#problem is there's always some moments of clarity in between n whatever he does to my brain has less n less of an effect#til he can't even make me numb anymore#so i try to break it off again n struggle for a while til i can't do it anymore so i fall back into his arms n it just repeats over n over#but i can't do this. even if it wasn't torture emotionally how long can the body keep this up?#i've already unlocked some new kinds of chronic tension n it's only been a few days#god fucking dammit it's like tryin to cold turkey a full ass addiction while the substance literally lives in your head n will never leave#i don't even wanna know what the constant emotional rollercoaster is doin to our heart n bp...........#spdrvent
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