#i dont care. i cant live like this anymore it is miserable

[tamagotchikgs]

i think for the first time ever in my life i have a Place where i belong, where im safe n maybe actually cared for & that should just make me happy (and it does, oh,h, sosos much) but also. scared. soso scared i am scared i am terrifed

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

[scarletcomet]

I am so fucking miserable

[hpdgirlfriend]

day whatever the fuck of thinking abt cutting everyone off

[doperel]

ventie in tags

[melissa-titanium]

GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined

[girlhorse]

truly been at my limit for a long time now and i dont know what to do anymore

[nlshe]

im SICK, SICK i tell u about this situation

why make my place where all the family stays and hangs out when there are other people to stay with and he wont say no to them so im here feeling like im taking care of everyone but to him im not its just a place

but its MY place when is it gonna be MY PLACE

[sillypilled-friendcel]

...

[desolationlovers]

so ive been at my job for six months and every day i am still exactly as exhausted and confused after every shift as i was when i started which has me starting to think that its not gonna get any easier. unfortunate. depressing. miserable. i have severe depression.

[sonikkublue]

goin on here to rant so most my ppl dont see, im not that active here anyways so who cares, i sure dont. my year has dragged me to my lowest point till ive become sucidal again. i dont like thinkin abt it but its there

i want to quit. i want to quit friends, i want to quit art, i want to quit everything. everything. including my au. i want to drop dead off the internet and prob go kill myself or reflect or smth. idk, one of those is better than the other, but again i dont know. everything is always hurting and ive been so numb to everything since this year has started, its only gotten worse. my friends arent makin this any better either

im done bein used, im done getting manipulated, im done seeing ppl favor one another right in front of me, im done w/ ppl not listenin to me when i try expressin smth im struggling w/, even if it wasnt much or none at all. i dont even vent a lot or at all. why?? cuz no one ever fucking listens, gets mad at me while i try talkin, pushes my issue away w/ another topic immediately. they my friends act more excited towards the other everyone else gettin smth meanwhile i get lil to none. i recognize im not gettin appreciated as everyone else in my friend group, like they're uninterested in me anymore. that they dont care. ive tried bein positive, i cannot. my friends have offered and offered and offered for me to talk to them if im ever bothered- "u can always talk to us if smth wrong" or smth like that...ok?? last time i broke down in call, one of my friends was playin cookie run to distract themselves, so they werent even fully listening...another time i just got flat out ignored, my issue got pushed aside by another art topic, "damn". NO ONE FUCKING CARES. i already know the cycle. too many times ive lived thru it and im only enabling it by gettin vulnerable. at this point, i cant trust my own friends cuz its so hard too believe them when they keep doin the same thing to me over and over. they're trying to prove smth to me to make me think they care. i dont fucking believe it cuz no one has ever shown care back for me, regardless of how much i give to them. theres that word again. i give so fucking much, and i hate myself for bein this way. most of the time i wish my au didnt blow up cuz its put so much pressure on me like the new friends that came and left in my life, me realizing i have to maintain an audience... idk, maybe im a lost cause. i cant do any of this anymore. i want to die. i dont like thinkin it, but i want too. theres so much stress, so much unbearable stress and anger. and no one will fucking care. ive been hurt by my own friends too many times. i dont say anything cuz its just gonna happen all over again, no how many times i *try* and bring it up to them, they will not fucking listen. no one ever fucking listens to me. i didnt like makin friends from the beginning, ive loved bein alone from the start, but everything happens naturally...unfortunately

i give and give and give and i get absolutely nothing back. im all used up.

idk everything fucking sucks rn. i didnt have to worry abt all of this when i was a smaller acc and i had myself. thats all i needed. now im just miserable. im depressed, sucidal thoughts are everyday, i cry to myself everyday and night cuz of it, im stuck living w/ this thing i made out of my pure "imagination" and that same thing almost made me kill myself one time, ive almost killed myself twice a couple months back- one in my parents bathroom and almost sneakin out of my window to wander away from home.

one day im goin to leave, and im not gonna say a word

[the-kitty-hell-system]

so you're a little person with did, scolosis, lung cancer, npd, paraplegia, brain damage, vEDS, blindness, deafness and ''many more'' but you're somehow able to type coherently and use social media, attend school and survive this long. yeah, okay, sure jan. i'm sensing another hiv-living type of pretending in the works, and that's not even touching on the transfem intersex poly muslim lesbian stuff. get a job.

yk i shouldnt really be answering this because youre obviously just wanting my attention but whatever your logic is dumb as hell 1. im not in school anymore. i actually had to get out because of my disabilties and a personal situation happening. i also had accomodations BECAUSE IM DISABLED. 2. you can.. have multiple disabilities. idk if you knew that.. but mental illness and physical disabilities are common with eachother. also, many genetic conditions run in my family, both my parents are disabled. the conditions i have cause other conditions. or the injuries i had caused multiple effects. 3. ive said this many times on my blog but i dont.. talk coherently? my caregiver helps me type and communicate because shes also my interepter. i sign to her, she types what i signed. also, i have multiple ways to help me nagivate my disability online. i have cochelar implants that allow me to hear my screenreader, allowing me to know what others are saying. i also use a braille keyboard (i dont use it often though because yk, my caregiver often types for me) 4. ive also mentioned this several times in my blog, but im not expected to live long?? like... i am dying. youre acting like im not. i was born with vEDS, i was diagnosed with cancer later in life. 5. ah yes you cant be all those things at once. it isnt like that doesnt make sense. yes... you can be intersex. and polyamorous. and a lesbian. and transfem. and muslim. my religion, gender, and identity are not things you can just say im lying about LMAO??? like ohh noo you have too many labels you cant have that many youre faking like literally nobody in the real world really cares. i have partners who love me very much! which if youre so miserable to go ask a disabled people and fakeclaim them for literally no reason, then... thats on you! anyway, this is really fucking stupid. stop fakeclaiming disabled people, if you seriously have a problem with my blog just block me and move on. it isnt my job to cater to you fuckface. you dont know my life and i dont know you, so shut the fuck up? "get a job" i think you forgot to realize im disabled, im physically unable to work. im under full care of two caregivers for a reason? i cant do a lot, honestly. its why im on social media so often because its something i can do, even if i do need help to use it. leave me tf alone, just because im disabled doesnt mean i dont have a life and feelings and thoughts. theres a reason i say "many more" because i dont want to be fakeclaimed just because im disabled and i have a lot of problems. im severely disabled, if you cant handle that, then leave.

[marvelita85]

Insest, sex, mention of sex,

The only thought repulse you, marrying that rapist, your brothers tried to talk in your favor you knew even in their side Aemond was fighting against it but Aegon asked your hand as a truce between blacks and greens to asure his safty and his family to give you the queens tittle if your mother renounced to hers

- you cant ever start to concidered giving y/n to him.... Helaena died miserable being beside that...- Rhaenyra coulnt keep talking

- hear me out... y/n is a smart girl... she knows what to do... how to handle them... both brothers showed aftection for her... with the right move we will have a very strong player from the inside

- mother... Daemon is right... - you didnt call him father ever he was your real one, you were very much like him you werent naif you knew the part you had to play in that game

- you realised you will have to perform your wife duties with him... he wont spare you, he will break you...

- mother thats what they think, that Im breakable... I am a dragon I wont break, I promise you here and now they will bend to my will and I will make them pay for almost killing Luke with tears of blood

Rhaenyra huged you and you close your eyes knowing the next raven to kingslanding would seal your fate

-I wonder what did he conquer to wear the conqueror's crown

- probably the whole flee bottons street whores

- dont remind me I have to spend the rest of my nights with him...

- he probably will ignore you... - you look at your brother Jace and he try to give you a kind smile, there was no doubt in your mind you hated him, his face wasnt a please one when you didnt wear the dress the queen mother wanted you to wear for the ceremony, you wear your dark and red colors, not the green of your new husband

- I see you are not wearing the dress my mother have chosen for you

- your mother is not the queen anymore, I am and I'll wear whatever I want to wear not your mother's choice beside green was never my color

The hand was serious he knew the union was going to be a problem but there was no way of taking the idea out of Aegon's mind

Aegon wasnt bad looking he looked young and beautiful, but his actions were the reason to dislike him, you were hoping he drink so much he would pass out in the wedding night but you werent that lucky, your eyes found Aemond's one looking back at you devastingly knowing you wouldnt be his anymore ever there was a chance between you

Aegon was enjoying every moment, you remembered the bedding ceremony and you thought you could be sick in front of everyone, at the mare sujestion Aemond and Daemon rise from their sits looking back at Aegon with murderous eyes, you look back at your father rising from your own sit offering your hand to your husband, Aegon look back at you holding your hand and both of you alone left the party to his chambers

- I know you wish for me to be my brother.. - you frown looking at him, you sat back into the matress of his bed - I wish to show you I'm not the monster you think I am - Aegon said getting closer and you tried to calm yourself this was a night you had to survive

He wasnt agresive or rude to you, on the contrary you were surprise at the care Aegon plunged into that night, you tried to be calm and quiet, let him have what he seek with that marriage and what you thought would be the only night transform in almost all nights but Aemond lived there too and that was a passion you couldnt tell your heart to doze

Your plan was working to perfection, you had your husband satisfied with you, even you fill your ideas into his head that it was better for him to take another hand that his grandfather was old and he didnt find the same expectations as your grandfather did in the past

- who would you name as hand... - Aegon asked from bed one night, you smile touching the conqueror's daga resting in one of the tables closer to the bed, it would be so easy to plunged it into his bare chest and be done with it all but Aegon's death would result in your own and you didnt want that....

- maybe... Ser Criston.... - he was a green too but more volatile and hot tempered than Otto that would make it easier for Daemon to bring him out to battle if the oportunity arise

- my brother's knight?

- he protects you too... besides I believe you need change and Otto cant give you that anymore - Aegon smile grabbing your hand pushing from it and kissing your lips , your side of the family was safe because of your marriage but you wanted them to pay for what they have done

Aemond was your next target, when you knew your husband was in your hands you move to the prince, who always have wanted you and didnt mind sharing you with his brother

That lilac eye watching you everytime you cross path into the castle you smile to him caress his hand when you pass beside him without anyone noticing

He couldnt keep pretending nothing happend one day crossing path into the hallway going into his chambers you stop just in front of him there was no words exanged just both of you and even your plot of revenge against the greens was working you couldnt deny the atraction you had with the youngest of your uncles, one was your husband but if you could have chosen it would have been Aemond instead

- my queen....

- it sounds nice coming from you... are you going to start being loyal to me?

- I was always... I'm sorry for any harm I could have cause you with my actions...

- you almost kill Luke - you dare to step closer to him your chest almost touching his, Aemond grab your arms but didnt let you go

- I didnt I never wanted it

- you are getting married soon...

- you should have been my wife...- you smile closing your face to his

- you didnt have balls to make me your wife - you were so close he only had to low his head a little and his lips would touch yours

You didnt realise but his door was just in front of you, his arms hold you against his body as he crushed his lips into yours, your body responded inmediatly and he walked inside his chambers with you in his arms, Aemond worked his fingers into the laces of your dress as well as your hands into the claps of his leader tunic

In his bed you consumated what should have been your greatest love, Aemond was atentive, caring and exelent lover far better than Aegon and you discover that instead of his brother Aemond seeked your pleaure instead of his own

When he sat in his bed taking you with him kissing your lips again, his hair was half undone, his eyepatch rest in his place but you moved your hand removing it, Aemond wanted to hide from your eyes but you undone his hair falling around his bare shoulders and his left zafire eye shined to the light of the candles around the bed

- dont hide from me Aemond... you look beautiful

- you are the most beautiful here my queen

- you should have been my king... not Aegon... you - he kissed you again but the doubt was planted into his mind and even your plan was still in montion to get ride of the greens once and for all, your heart betrayed you falling for one of them

[sleepy-vix]

just finished the burning god ^^👍 what the fuck

spoilers below

fuck i was a fool to pray that kitay would live

also i had a feelign tjat rin woulg kill her self in the end and im SO INFINITELY GLAD that nezha didnt die in that cave water thing following that monster/dragon, but FUCK I DIDNT WANT THIS ENDING

WHAT THE FUCK RF KUANG

HOW DID U EVEN DREAM UP THIS MONSTROSITY

im so glad that nezha at least lives but actually is that any better than death???? poor boy never wanted to be a ruler. UGHHH I JUST REALISED KUANG ADDED THAT CHAPTER WHERE VAISRA ASKS NEZHA IF HE WANTED TO BE A RULER TO HURT US EVEN MORE

fuck you kuang

you twisted genius

nezha never wanted to be a ruler. his father never cared about him, he was tortured by the stupid dragon god thing, thrust into a position in charge of a whole fucking country- and not a good one at that, forced to hunt down the girl he loved because of duty, and then forced to WATCH HER KILL HERSELF AND HIS CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND and he had to keep going bc he has a whole fucking country to rebuild and hesperians to outplay

fuck all of the characters in these books are so haunted i love it and i hate it and i wish i'd never ever met them

and kitay...

i wanted so so so badly for him to live. i hate that he was so clearly helpless in the end. i knew that he loved rin and it was so glorious that he loved her but FUCK i didnt want him to end like this?!?,!;&:!:&:$. like... she was trynna kill him at the end. i thought hed die by jumping in front of an arrow for her or smtg 😭😭 we didnt even get to see much moments of them simply being best friends

"i cant help but love you" WHAT THE FUCK.

this is so unfair i feel so sick in the stomach i could vomit actually

the only person's death who i'm remotely at peace with is Rin's bc i anticipated it from the start and it was so cleary necessary, even though it was tragic. the whole thing with her spiralling at the end made me so sick in my stomach because i hated her briefly, but really i couldnt actually HATE her because shes rin and shes only twenty one (i just realised shes only SIX. SIX years older than i am) and shes been through so much fuck fuck fuck this stupid ass story i wish i never even had the ability to read. i want to hug rin and just stop time forever

a big part of me wishes that rin never tried to kill nezha at all, that she was completely sane (tho tbf, her going insane was totally warranted considering everything shes been through) and she had made some clever deal with the hesperians where she never used her powers ever again but not have to die and she could BE ALIVE with kitay and nezha but.... it makes sense that she dies (even though i hate that). it goes against her nature to live and bend to the hesperians, and her death would give nezha more credibility, and she probably wouldve gone even more batshit crazy having to act civilised and not wage another war... so

UGHAVSAJSBAK

i dont even know what to say anymore it all happened so fast and i still cant accept it

the weirdest thing is that the people i feel most sorry for are the ones who are alive (which is not many, but still...): Nezha, first and foremost. 21 years old and he has to singlehandedly play politics in order to save a fractured country. agshjss i wish kitay could have lived to help him through it omfg

also chaghan. him and his people are going to be the only ones left who have access to the pantheon, but they'll probably have to go to war or submit to the hesperians aghhh and chaghan has to lead all that with HALF OF HIS SOUL FUCKING DEAD (rf kuang... i curse you)

also what the hell happened to Lianhua? :( poor girl is gonna get tracked by the hesperians aswell

ushshajshsjss i cant think anymore. im so fucking miserable ^^,

atleast i can look at fanart now :(

[altea-devotion]

One thing: Yandere Kama x reader🤭. It’s fine if you’re not that far in the story. Thanks for reading the request.

I did not know Kama but i did some search on her ! I hope you will like it.

For now i only do headcanon if you want more dont hesitate to tell me !

Yandere! Kama x GN!Reader

~~Headcanon~~

Kama, as the God of Love, should see pretty easily the first sign of hers love for you. But, she lie to herself.

She lie to herself when she push away every servant and human who want to be more close to you, saying that she just want to see you miserable and without love

She lie when she push you away, she tell herself you just another human, she love you yes, but like she love and hates every human.

She dont want you to be with another one tho, and even though she try to act like she doesnt care, when she see you with someone else and that person try to flirt she almost run to be beside you and mock their adempt.

She then take your hand and bring you somewhere else to talk

She cant believe you let other person think THEY can have you when you have the GOD OF LOVE who are just here ! She want your attention !

And that the moment she found out she was, in fact, in love

After this she certainly dont wanna talk to you, for one or two weeks

The time to process things

Even though you dont see her, she stalks you, trying to understand how you make hers fall in love cause, surely you did something ?

And no, you are just that charming.

Its just the way you are, how you eyes twinkle when you see something you like, or how your lips part when you laugh, how you smile make the room more brighter.

She not gonna tell you all that tho. Never.

She will treat you more gently, but subtly, she will still laugh at you and act like your life is nothing to her.

But behind close Doors, she will slip some compliment for you, just for à sec tho, acting like she dont say anything just after so you better make attention for all she can say !

Behind all her act, she afraid, afraid that you will hate her like humans before will, afraid you will not reciprocate her love for you.

And surely, if she was not so obsess about you, she would be almost ok with it

But now ? No, she cant live without

She will now, want the holy grail, only to wish for your immortality, maybe making you à servant. So she can for always be with you

She not asking your opinion on this tho, she will give you the time to process your newfound immortality after. But you have to understand, how can she be the god of live if hers love not beside her ?

After you two are a things, she would act more gently, acting almost like an young women with her first love.

She would insist for having dates where she could hold your hand and then act like if you are the person asking for them.

After breaking her first facade of a sly and sassy god who despise you, you will see she adore you.

She will not call you pet name tho, the most she will do is calling you Love, partly because she shy, and also cause she resent her job as a god of love

If you ask her to be more gentle, that she really Hurt your feeling, she would first laugh at you but then you will see she, in fact, dont mock you anymore

Your happyness is the most important thing for her. Even more if your happyness is with her.

And it will, she would make sure of that.

[gideoncoal]

i think im done trying to heal tbh. i keep trying and failing and trying and failing and i cant stick to anything so i just dont see a point anymore. the only good therapist ive ever had fucked off and left. ive let down or pushed away almost everyone i care about. im nothing but a burden and a problem on my family. and i cant even begin to figure out how to fix myself because theres just too much bullshit from years of being denied the care i desperately needed. im tired of living in fucking misery every day because my brain doesnt produce the chemicals it needs. i dont remember what it feels like to be happy, or just BE. i just know the physical sensation of being so depressed my whole body feels like a raw wound.

so im done. im giving myself the rest of this year to try to fix my shit. one more miserable fucking birthday. if i get to new years and have to face another shit fucking year on this wretched planet im ending it all. im gonna make good on my promise to throw myself off of vic gardens. i wasnt able to make it all the way last year, but this time will be different. i hate it here and i want to be done.