#i dont even think ill be able to go back to silks this week :(
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i am still so weak dude even just using the trackpad on my laptop for a minute or maybe even less to scroll on tumblr was enough to make my arm tingly nd numb
#and it just spreads out through my body i am so oug......#i slept since 1pm yesterday to 6am today i think? and i still feel so tired my brain cant function#i just feel so heavy n like even breathing is taking every ounce of energy i have#i dont even know why it's hitting me so hard right now#usually i only pass out once or twice in a month n i recover pretty quickly but this has been rapid fire n constantly getting worse#i dont even think ill be able to go back to silks this week :(#and that fucking sucks not only because i really enjoy it but also it's the only thing that gets me out of the house#it's the only thing i have to use against my anxiety#i just feel like im stuck getting physically worse n because of that ill be forced to mentally regress from all the work ive put in#at the same im. doing a lot better mentally i think just because i hav my partner n being able to spend time w them just. changes everythin#everything is so much better & feels so much more possible#maybe ill be ok if i have that#it's not the full isolation downward spiral that would usually happen#i still have something 2 push myself for#i still have a bit of a continuous thing going im still not. failing? maybe . i dont know#from the second i go 2 sleep 2 the second i can talk to them again i cam looking forward to it i am buzzing#i just wish my body would allow me to have good things o(-<
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