#i dont know man its 3am im just rambling about jay

[lesbaimsey]

okay so prewarning this one has spoilers for just roll with it: riptide episode 90 that was streamed on twitch today so if you havent seen it and plan to stop reading now ok? ok

so. jay ferin. i love her more than words can express. and in todays episode she seemed to have a bit of a moral dilemma in her head, and didn't outwardly express it much

and a little bit ago condi tweeted saying it was "interesting" how jrwi fans were pointing out her behavior as odd or different.

now some people would see a tweet like that and go "oh wow so is he planning a villain arc for jay or something?" but those people would be Wrong ive decided.

i think jay is having doubts about becoming a pirate. she had just finished telling an old friend that her crew was trying to make a positive change in the world, and convinced her enough for her to have let jay go.

and what happens as soon as she finds chip? the two of them kill someone. and yeah, it was self defense. but they killed someone, and their last words were a word of warning. a message saying that they had made a huge mistake, fucked over allport and potentially the world.

and IMMEDIATELY afterwards, gillion comes crashing down THROUGH THE GROUND AND INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN, with the weight of a fully packed 18-wheeler, killing a man on impact. and sure, kuba kenta was a fiend and absolutely would have killed gillion if gillion hadnt beat him to the punch(or drop, i guess). but gillion had still killed a man, and this certainly wasn't his first time doing so.

and immediately after THAT, both chip and gillion wanted to take kuba kenta as a prisoner. they even tried to convince jay to let them when kira gave them an out to leave if they had just left him. jay had to step away and tell kira just to take him.

and once all of that was said and done, this person who was once a close friend and had agreed to let jay go (not once but TWICE) looked her in the eyes and asked why she was on their side. the side of the riptide pirates.

and for that moment, jay couldn't think of an answer.

but once she got back on that boat, a million answers hit her in a flash. she watched as ollie's eyes lit up as he slowly turned the wheel of the ship, she watched the proud expression on alphonze's face as he guided him through it, she watched earl smack gryffon over the head with his cane for making a mistake while they cooked, she watched queen absentmindedly humming while plucking strings on their guitar, she watched chip excitedly take roofus aside for their drinks, and when she felt that presence walk up behind her, she felt a pang of guilt.

these people were her family. maybe far more of a better one than (most of) her blood family ever was. and she doubted them. she felt guilty for ever even considering the possibility that this wasn't the choice she should have made.

but she thought for a second about what drey had told her. on the midnight rose, crew members had squabbles all the time. hell, her own crew had plenty of them as well. and she knew that just like all the other fights they had, this would pass.

and if it ever comes down to it, if the morality of the riptide pirates starts to gray a bit more, jay knows that she can just whip them back into shape. or just challenge them to a duel. it's definitely her turn anyway.

and as gillion pats her on the shoulder as he leaves, jay decides once more, even if only she is there to know, that she is (and hopes to forever be) a riptide pirate.

and so she leaves gillion to his horrible horrible nightmare ridden sleep, and she leaves chip to catch up with his old friend.

but those two dumbasses are DEFINITELY getting an earful tomorrow.