#i doubt anyone really checks this account anymore but.... hehe

[elizabetskaya]

$758

Life sometimes gives you lemons. Sometimes challenges. Sometimes both.

For me, quarantine had not been experienced in full. Until today.

Starting mid-March Europe, USA and a lot of other countries started imposing strict rules for their citizens to fight the pandemic. When I had to go to Russia in the beginning of March due to health reasons [not Covid], I escaped the US where the process had just started. Whilst I was having my time during those 2 weeks in Russia, where there were no signs of the upcoming disaster at that time at all, America was doing a complete home lockdown. It felt as it was a pure luck because by the time I had to go back to the US, American government started to lift up some of the hard-core anti-pandemic measures as the first peak was behind. And I remember when I landed in Los Angeles on March 27th, everyone seemed to be already pretty chilled about the situation. Yes, there were significantly less people in the streets and no cafes open, but at least you were allowed to go outside – in contrast to Russia, where people were forced to sit at home and allowed to leave their homes only twice a week to buy essentials like medicine and groceries.

I felt lucky again. In LA I could freely go running in the mornings, then work during the day, and see my ‘already-quarantined’ friends later in the evening to enjoy walks by the beach. I felt jealous of myself, you know. Los Angeles seemed like the best option to spend quarantine in, in contrast to the rest of the world.

But not me.

* * *

Today is Sunday. June 14th. And I’m not in Los Angeles. I’m in… Hawaii.

And unfortunately it is not a kind of a trip I’ve imagined it would be. I mean, Hawaii still looks beautiful to me – to the extent that I can enjoy views of Hawaii from my hotel room, which I am not allowed to leave for the next 12 hours.

Oh yes, one more thing: my flight back to LA is in12 hours. Sounds confusing, isn’t it?

Welcome to Hawaii fucking real quarantine, baby.

* * *

Six days ago it was Monday. And I was in Los Angeles.

That Monday a lot of things have happened: I successfully submitted one project, surprisingly got fired from another…

Well, not fired. It was a an agreed mutual decision but it still felt horrible like I was used..

And not only this. The main ‘trigger’ of me buying tickets to Hawaii was a conversation with my mum I had that night: same old ‘mummy/daddy issues’ that, as a result, undermine your value, question your existence in general, make you feel like a complete garbage and, most importantly, MAKE YOU DO SOME IMPULSIVE SHIT THAT YOU HAVEN’T REALLY THOUGHT THROUGH.

I am not trying to blame it on anyone here. Actually… there’s nothing to regret about at all! Life is an experience, and every failure is a lesson.

So how I ended up in Hawaii. [ To be more precise, being stuck in a hotel room in Hawaii. ]

In short, I’d put it this way: I read a right book, saw a sign from above, got completely lost, and couldn’t wait anymore.

In long…

1. By the book I mean Julia Cameron’s ‘Artist Way’, and I called it ‘right’ in a sense that this book found me in a right place in a right time. My boss, who fired me – asshole, said that I might be confusing two things: “being creative with just being able to executive someone else’s creativity in a professional form”. Basically, he called me “not creative enough”. And for a person who’s been always drawn to art in its various shapes and forms, that felt like a painful punch right in my face and, most importantly, my heart. Looking ahead, it turned out that he’s а rogue who used me, my skills and my time, and left me with just £179 for 3 weeks of intense work instead of £600 (the sum which, in my head, was supposed to be spent on any sort of a short well-deserved vacation), but that’s a whole different story. So, when I found myself in a situation that someone tried to diminish my self-worth as a creator, I had to find a way to make sure that I can still be considering myself as a creative person and that I have actually never lost this title at all (as it can never be taken away ;). So I opened my notes with books to read and the name ‘Artist’s Way’ immediately caught my attention. I am not sure who has recommended it to me but I just instantly felt it is the answer to my dilemma of self-identification. Most of the exercises in the book focus on bringing our hidden subconscious thoughts to the surface so we could take them into account when trying to make our mind on different things. As I was reading through and doing all exercises with all my heart, I saw one thing coming up over and over again – Hawaii. When I had to choose one childhood dream that I haven’t fulfilled yet, that was Hawaii. When I had to visualize a quiet place where I could mentally go to right now, that was Hawaii. When I had to think of at least one thing that could definitely make me happy at that moment, the first thing that came to my mind (and I guess would be for most people too) was a completely change of a scenery and surrounding environment – and, once again, that was Hawaii.

2. A ‘vivid sign’ was a moment when I went to check new job listings on the Russian (!) website which I used regularly, and the first thing I see is a ‘helicopter supervisor in Hawaii’. It could not be any more random, you know…

3. Me being ‘lost’ refers to the frustration I had after losing a job, AND my mum’s heart-breaking comment that ‘I was the biggest disappointment in her and dad’s life’. 1). The irony is that she said it not knowing that I’ve lost my job. 2). Now we have talked through this situation with her and it appears that I misinterpreted her words that day. Well…

4. And four. ‘I couldn’t wait anymore’. I couldn’t wait for any sort of a miracle to come to me. In the given circumstances, I truly believed I needed to DO something, to FEEL something, in order not to fall into the deepest depression since 2016. I had to create this life-saving life-changing miracle myself.

And I did.

* * *

Friday June 12th 2020. 8:16am. LAX. I am at Hawaiian Airlines’ baggage drop-off. They take my passport, they take my luggage and go: ‘Well, you know that you’d have to self-isolate where you’re planning to stay for 14 consecutive days as a part of quarantine measures, right?’. And the only thing I could say – so I don’t look likeSOME STUPID SHIT WHO HAS BASICALLY JUST WASTED $758 - ‘yes, I know’.

Long story short – I arrive to Hawaii, go straight to my hotel, do check-in and close the door of the room n1105 behind me for 4 consecutive days. Apparently, the State of Hawaii extended mandatory out-of-state visitor 14-day quarantine policy for another month on the day I purchased my tickets. And non of the booking websites ever mentioned that…

You know, at least now I can legitimately say that I’ve been through a REAL quarantine. I am not allowed to use hotel’s swimming pool, room service or any other activity that involves human interaction or me physically touching any hotel’s surface apart from my room’s.

I obviously DID read the news (when I arrived), and the reason why I am not planning to violate Hawaiian anti-rona regulations is that it looks like these guys are taking it way more seriously, and they do arrest people who do not obey the law. The State Department of Transport called directly to my hotel room yesterday at 9am in the morning to make sure that I am aware of mandatory quarantine, and that I am staying in.

YES, I’M FUCKING STAYING IN, guys. Because I don’t have extra $5,000 if you catch me chilling at the Waikiki beach. And I also do not want to have my first appearance on a news cover it being a mugshot and my name under it (cos I really doubt they’ll provide me with a full make up service before taking a picture).

* * *

They say, be careful what you wish for, son.

I wished for an escape.

I wished I could delete all of my social media (which I did) and become completely non-existent for most people for half a week.

I wished for an experience which would somehow push me out of my comfort zone, make me re-evaluate current state of things in my life and probably become that ‘restart button’ which I definitely was in the need of.

But most importantly, I wished to finally see the place of my childhood dreams. Nobody told me it would be limited to me exploring Hawaii from the hotel room balcony.

P.S. There’s actually a little addition to this story but I do not want to get in trouble with Hawaiian law (if you know what I mean) so I will leave it here and tell the rest to my closest friends in person... hehe