#i feel like the x reader tags are relatively obvious too like i dont care sorry

[supersoldierslover]

A Messed up Situation Part 12

Summary: You have the perfect life in LA, there is nothing that you would change. However when your mom calls you telling you to drop everything because your father is sick. You see yourself going back home where you have to deal with your family and your first love Bucky Barnes.

Words: 1.555

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Now im’ really sorry

I can thank you enough @unbetaedimagines you betaed this form and gave amazing in feedback

Catch up here

After someone you love passes away, you have the need to feel alive.

A couple of years ago, you read an article by your dear friend Wanda where she was talking about her brother’s death. You don’t know why, but that article in specific got stuck with you.

There she tells you all she did when her brother died, all the nights that she cried, all the junk food that she eat and all the man she slept with because of the need of feel something.  You never understood why she lost control of things but now you do.

You feel empty.

It’s been two days since your father died and today is his funeral. Because he died at home, there were a few complications so the funeral could only be today. You hate that, you are extending your grief.

You look at yourself in the mirror; you just wish all this would be over and you would be back home.

Being here in at your childhood home it’s weird for you. Your mom is trying to be strong for all her children but every time she sees something from your dad she starts to cry, you siblings come and go but they stay long enough to comfort your mom.

There are only two people that you like to talk are Bucky and Wanda. Bucky doesn’t push you to talk about things, he is happy just staying with you.  Yesterday he even brought Lydia to cheer you up. Play with the little girl helped you a little, you can’t deny that.

Wanda, she just lets you vent. She doesn’t judge you when you are being selfish, or when you a drinking a whole bottle of wine before bed. The only thing she asks for you is for you to be careful and you swear that you are trying to make good decisions.

“Sweetie, are you ready?” You mom asking knocking on the door, you nod going downstairs. There you see, Bucky sitting on the couch with Lydia on his lap that is almost falling sleep “What you are guys doing here?” You ask you imagined that you would meet them at the graveyard.

“We are here for emotional support and Lydia wanted to see you.”  He says when Lydia sees you she lunch herself in your arms and you can’t help but smile “Well it’s nice to see you too, Lydia.”  

“Daddy said that you were sad, so I bought you my favorite teddy bear.” She says pointing at the bear on the couch. You wonder how she understands the situation that is happening. Lydia is only 3 but she is so smart.

“Thank you, Lydia. I do need something to cuddle at night.” You say kissing her cheek and giving her back to Bucky “You can always cuddle with daddy, he always cheers me up when I’m sad.”

She says sweetly and you nod. You wish you had spent more time with the Barnes family but your mom needs you “When all this over, I will give her all the cuddles sweet.” Bucky says kissing your cheek.

When you arrive at the funeral, your mood changes drastically and it was for the worst. You feel like you could puke, everything sounds so fake and annoying. You never saw so many tears in your life.

There are so many people that you never saw I, a few you imagined that were friends of your dad from work, other neighbors but most of them?  You are sure that this was just a social event in this small town.

You feel Bucky’s hand on your shoulder, giving you some comfort. The whole funeral feels like a nightmare, radon people came talk to you wish their condolences and giving you hugs.

But for you the worst part was when people started to talk, first was a friend of your dad from work. He was very sweet, in the way that usually middle age man are. He said how much your father would be missed, how good he was at drinking beer and how good he was at his job.

A lot of people talked, some of them were friends of the family, others distant relatives. Whoever what made you lose at all, was not your mom saying that she lost her soulmate or your grandmother saying that no mom should bury their children.

But was when your sister started to sing the song that your father used to sing when you were little. There was something inside you saying that you should get out of there.

“Where are going?” Bucky asks when you start moving “Home.” You say, without giving too much explanation. He is not going to understand, this is not just about grief it’s about not belonging anywhere.

“Let me give you a ride, to your parents’ house.” He says and you take a deep breath, this is not the home that you were talking about. You look around seeing, Lydia with your nephews and your brother, they look so oblivious to everything that is happening.

“Bucky, I’m not your daughter and I’m not your responsibility… so I suggest that you take care of her not me.” You say walking away, you knew that you were being cruel but would be a lot easier this way.

He holds your arm, not strong enough to hurt you but strong enough to stop you “Sweetheart what is happening?” He asks with a soft voice, you clean a few tears out of your face “I don’t want to be here, Bucky… I feel like I’m getting insane.”

He sighs, looking at Lydia, then you and then your brother “Come on, your brother is going to take Lydia home for me… Let’s talk.” You feel his hand on your back leading you to his car “What is wrong.. Besides the obvious?” He asks, he sounds so worried about you.

All you know is that you want to scream.

“I don’t belong here, I hate this place… I need to be back to LA, where I actually have something to do besides… this.” You say running your hands on your hair, you need to come back to work where you are going to be useful.

“What changed? You were fine yesterday….” He says confused and you sigh “I wasn’t fine, maybe I was grieving in a different way.” He nods, stopping at a red light “You looked happy with me and Lydia, yesterday… I thought that we were helping you and you us.”

He says sadly, he is heartbroken right now and that is why you have to go. You can’t cause him any more pain.

“And you were, but you knew that I wouldn’t be here forever, we both knew that this cannot last forever. We were foolish to let this happen.” You say holding a few tears, besides being with your father in this final days, Bucky was the highlight of your trip.

“How can you say that? I love you, I being in love with you for so long and I don’t regret being with you again.” You rest your hand on his thigh, and he rests your hand on yours “I hate to break your heart, Bucky.”

He parks in front of his house, but before you can be angry that he didn’t take you to pack your bags, he says “I’m used to…” You move on your sit, pulling him for a kiss. Why do you feel so confused?

You don’t want to hurt Bucky, but here you are doing exactly the same. Kiss him is wrong and the logical part of you knows that but the emotional part of you just want to give him some comfort.

“Oh, Bucky…” You say breaking the kiss, you have to be the mature right now. You have to think about him and Lydia. The little girl got so attached to you in these last few days that you don’t want to hurt her.

Would kill if you hurt that little girl.

Bucky doesn’t answer you; instead, he kisses you again and again until you are breathless and your lips are swollen. You allow yourself to give in, to him and the bliss that he is providing you.

You don’t know how but between kisses, you manage to leave his and car. You feel a synchrony that you never felt before, with any other man that you ever been with. Even with Bucky himself.

He seems to know every trick to your body, he knows how to make you moan and keep you pleading for him.  One moment you were against the walls with your legs around his waist and the next you were grabbing the bed sheets underneath you.

You don’t how much time has passed, all you know that you were bring to the edge again and again.  In the end, you are so exhausted that you don’t even feel yourself falling asleep.

When you wake up, you are washed with guilty. You should have been more responsible, you sigh doing the only thing you can. You pick a piece of pepper that is one his nightstand leaving him a note.

You get dressed silent, before kissing his forehead and saying “Goodbye Bucky, I love you in a way that you never going to know….”

PART 13

Now I’m really sorry about that but trust me it was the only way...

PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ON THE TAG LIST, I’M REALLY EXCITED FOR THIS SERIES.