#i feel lonely like twice a year but damn if today isnt one of those days ugh

[merulanoir]

So I'm now going to be living elsewhere for 1.5 months while my flat is being renovated. This means my routine is basically in pieces and oh boy how awful that feels.

My mobile network is patchy here and idk if I can get wifi in this temporary flat. It's going to be one and a half months before I get to go home and sleep in my own bed and. Yeah.

I hate this, I want to go home.

[this-is-my-toenail-collection]

Zadr week phase 2: dumbass in distress

And a short story I wrote for it :)

It had been 1 week since the truce.

One week since Dib had foolishly thought to give the smelly alien a chance. For one week Dib had put the fate of humanity into the hands of an outsider, and in one week Zim had proven himself trustworthy.

There was no denying that Zim had changed, or maybe its Dib who saw him differently. Knew him better. But for a while Zim had been the only one to listen, to sympathize. The earth was not Zim's motivation, rather, he and Zim shared a driving force.

As much as Dib hated to admit it, it was approval.

Dib still didn’t fully trust the space bug but he had been so yearning for companionship that the desire to fight dwindled on its own. Zim was just a kid…like him. Even though he deserved to be suspended in the glass tube that imprisoned him now, Dib could not help but feel as if the fear and embarassment on the Irkens face was his own.

However, none of this is the reason for the twisting of his gut. The heat rising in his face and the bile in his throat at the sheer disgusting nature of what he was witnessing.

His Father stood in front of the tube gesturing wildly and announcing things to the camera people who crowded his lab.

“Yes as you can see here I have discovered genuine alien life living amongst us.” He boomed to the press. “Until now extraterrestrial entities have been entirely theoretical, but with this discovery I have proved not just the existence but—”

Dib backs away quickly, tuning out his fathers words.

He almost vomits for the 4th time today, his mind reels at the injustice of it all. His father, the man who never believed him for a moment about Zim being an alien, standing in front of the entire world declaring his discovery.

It had happened so fast. Zim had stayed at his house every day since the truce. 'for research, Research I say!' he had proclaimed from on top of the dining room table. Dib had not snickered at the antics. Not even slightly. When Zim had asked to stay over the next day and the next Dib had started to suspect Zim's “base” was a bit more lonely than he let on. It wasn’t a big deal, his dad had never noticed any of the other paranormal happenings that were right under his nose, why would Zim be any different?

All it had taken was one night. Zim had snuck into the kitchen to raid the twice already raided snacks cabinet. Dib didn’t blame him, it must be boring not sleeping every night. Zim had traversed the house without Dibs knowledge, and without knowing about Professor Membranes non-existent sleep schedule.

Zim had not worn his disguise.

Now he was witnessing a nightmare. Dib had thought the worst thing that could happen was Zim's success at taking over the human race. Now he knew at least then no one could say he didn’t try. But now everything he had worked for was uprooted and dismissed. Overshadowed by the prestigious individual who called himself Dibs father.

Dib walks to the living room expecting to find Gaz not caring on the couch. To his surprise she’s not there. He considers going to his room to brood but he doesn’t think he can stand to be among his alien tracking gear right now. He resigns to brood in the living room and hope the press keeps the noise down.

He sits on the couch and assumes the brooding position. Knees tucked to his chest with his elbows resting on them. His fingers steeped in front of his face as he stares intently at the ground. It isnt a very comfortable position but that isnt the point.

He knows he should be happy. Zim is caught, the earth is safe and he’ll finally get to know how Erkins work. His pride has taken a massive hit but that isnt too out of the ordinary in his life, he honestly should have expected this is how things would work out. But he couldn’t shake the thought that it was supposed to be him. He should be the only one to cut Zim open and learn how he worked.

He had chased Zim all over the solar system. Hed matched the Erkin in cunning and technological prowess from day one. Now that Zim was finally defeated and it was time to reap the rewards Dib felt he was the only one who should be congratulated.

He earned this dammit!

As for Zim? He was growing to tolerate him but in the end he still wanted him dead. Zim was a horrible space cockroach who deserved to be cut up and studied for science. But Dib still felt that letting anyone other than Zims designated rival do it…in a way it stripped Zim of a dignified defeat. It was just wrong.

Dib found his mind wandering to Zim, suspended in that tube surrounded and critiqued like an art project. His face held such fear, there were wires and tubes coming out if his pack. His arms had cords pumping a strange liquid into his bloodstream.

Dib's knees started to ache from holding his very productive brooding position, he stretched them out to get the blood flowing back to his toes and found he was no longer brooding.

And his face was wet.

He took a quick survey of the room to find the source of the water. Then the realization hit him like a punch to the gut.

He was crying.

Why?! That was so unlike him! He had dealt with disappointment like this for years without shedding any tears. He wipes his eyes on his coat aggressively and prays Gaz doesn’t pick this moment to return her usual spot on the couch.

He hears footsteps approaching the living room because of course he does, but they aren’t Gaz. The news crew follow Professor membrane into the living room. Trailing so close they don’t notice the young membrane slip into the lab to avoid them.

Without the extra people the lab is eerie. The only light coming from the suspension tank that holds Zim. It casts a green sheen on to the ominous tools and inventions cluttering the lab.

Zim's eyes are closed, his posture is almost relaxed, perhaps he was sleeping? But Irkins don't sleep...

Without thinking Dib steps closer to the tube, placing his hand on the smooth cold glass. He holds it there for a moment watching zim, so still and peaceful, as if he’s already dead.

Zims eyes fly open.

Large compound red spheres suddenly upon him standing out in stark contrast from the green skin of the alien as well as the murky teal liquid hes suspended in.

Dib nearly jumps out of his very mysterious trench coat in his surprise, but he doesn’t look away.

He doesn’t know exactly what he expected Zims expression to be. Maybe one of fear or hatred…betrayal. None of these emotions show in the Erkins large eyes. There is only one message Zims gaze pierces Dib with. A challenge.

'You're going to let that dirt monkey do this?'

Dib stares entranced by that challenging gaze. It holds years of fighting and malice and begrudging mutual respect.

These eyes have haunted Dibs nightmares and thrilled his waking days. It occurs to him the biggest problem he has with Zims capture, perhaps even the reason for his crying.

The thought of never seeing those eyes again.

That horrible gaze turns questioning, wondering why Dibs just standing there. Dibs stomach drops into his shoes at the thought of waking up every day and not thinking about what Zim is doing, how Zim will challenge him, how he can stop Zim. He thinks of coming home every day and doing nothing, going to the taco place and not having to be prepare for casualties. He thinks of life without Zim in it. And its empty.

Dib doesn’t feel his feet move as he backs away from the tank. He doesn’t feel his hand rap around the heavy rubber drumstick sitting conveniently on one of the work tables. Hes watching Zims eyes, his face. It shifts from confusion to fear as Dib swings the drumstick at the cylinder.

He doesn’t hear it when it shatters.

His senses are dulled as he watches Zim collapse to the floor. People stir outside the lab. One second, two seconds go by and Zim doesn’t get up. Dib barely registers the footsteps coming toward the lab. Four seconds and Zim slowly rises to his feet. He tugs weakly at the cords in his arms, unable to break free. Dib just watches the small green creature struggle, unable to decide what to do.

“Oh its just my son, poor insane child—”

His fathers voice brings Dib crashing back to reality. He broke Zim out of the suspension tube. Hes standing in his dads office with a rubber drumstick in his hand and live cameras on him.

His dad starts walking to where Zim is still struggling with the cords. Dib pushes past him ignoring his insulting comments. He pulls the cords out of Zim a little too roughly and grabs him by the hand.

“when I say, we run” his voice doesn’t shake or crack. Uncertainty often plagues his decisions but not now. This isn’t a decision, there are no other choices. Zim is dazed but offers no argument.

“Now”

Dib rushes the reporters hoping bitterly that his stunt makes the news if only to embarrass his father. Zim drags behind on shaky legs but Dib doesn’t slow down. They had to get out of there. He nearly knocks Gaz over in the kitchen on his way out the door.

“Dib!” she growls. He doesn’t have time to explain so he shoots back

“imfinallytakingcontrolofmylifegottagocallyoulaterbyeeee!!”

He nearly takes the door off its hinges as he bursts into the evening air. He looks behind briefly to check on Zim.

Zim is deathly pale and has his free arm rapped tightly around his midsection, but his eyes are fire as he glares ahead determined to keep up with Dibs sprint.

Dib doesn’t know where they're running but he knows its not that god damn house.

His lungs burn but he doesn't stop. His heart is pounding and his mind is buzzing with adrenaline. They’ll go to Zims base, he decides.

Dib let Zim stay over, the least he can do is return the favor.