#i feel that maybe....... coming here with mixed intentions... the narrative might lend too much to a barok van zieks type inner dialogue

[soulscursed]

penned by  @deathchasing —

❛ you inspire me to be better! a better “what” is up for interpretation. (person? arsonist? alien?) ❜ 

there are few things that the doctor deems worthy of attention outside of his work, and beyond the pristine and hallowed walls of his laboratory. Attention worthy, a junkie is not.

A common story of attention-starved adolescence giving way to adulthood oppositional disorders and deviancy, and a predictable result of paternal failings — perhaps. But credit must be given where it is due. Octane's defiance, carved from such trivial deprivations, is nothing if not persevering.

When pestering Caustic throughout their few shared matches was not enough, Octane had set his sights beyond the arena. Caustic rarely leaves his lab unattended; it had been locked tight before the match, with little else of interest but a singular, innocuous gradual reaction left to run its gradual course securely in his absence.

He was not anxious — not like some paranoiacs amongst them, so self-important as to make productions of fortifying themselves behind steel walls and security protocols. But he was vigilant, as any academic with delicate projects should be.

Despite it all, there was Octavio Silva, grinning widely from where he'd perched on one of the lab's stools to await its overseer's return. Giddy with pride at his successful break-in, and perfectly oblivious to his unwanted presence, he peers across the room at Caustic expectantly.

Impractical a man as Silva was ( a child, really. ), even he has his own well-practised methodologies. His specialities lay less in the applied sciences, and more in deriving pleasure from poking and prodding at his colleagues. A goal without purpose, at first glance. But one needed little data about Silva to know that, for him, attention proved as effective a drug as adrenaline.

Regardless of the facts, some Legends proved more receptive to Silva's techniques than others. And as much as Caustic minded his personal property, he was not among them. He would not reward misconduct with the sort of outburst Octane sought. But, he supposes, a compliment warrants a response.

( After all, Miss Nox did not raise an uncivilised vagrant. )

" And yet. Given the source of your inspirations, your ambitions prove... "

The words sour his tongue, curling thin lips into a sneer that remains unseen beneath the mask. " ... rather lacking. "

He scans the laboratory for something amiss. Nothing out of place or visibly broken. Small mercies — though it does little to ease the doctor's weariness. Even under close scrutiny, men like Octane have their ways of leaving unscrupulous messes behind them, left unseen to fester until the grisly consequences bloom.

" Well ? I don't suppose you broke into my property just to sing my praises. "

Perhaps too much credit. It was likely Octane enlisted help for the actual break-in. Even more likely that he'd pawned the dirty work off on whoever ended up becoming his little helper. Caustic files away a mental reminder to find names — they must be dealt with, properly.

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 5-6

- mixed feelings about eugene’s first impressions of cassandra here. on the one hand, she did make a snide remark about him being a thief, which must sting when he’s already making an active attempt at self-improvement and attending classes in criminal justice. this isn’t tts eugene - who spends 6-7 months loafing around the palace basking in luxury until cass drags him for being self-absorbed and lazy. this eugene has a work ethic and seems to feel some actual responsibility regarding his new role as rapunzel’s consort. it’s not fair for cass to make a snap judgment about him based on his past and decide to be rude to him because of it.

on the other hand… he and rapunzel did just barge into her space against her will and her subsequent prickliness was reasonable, which eugene doesn’t seem to have any awareness of. and taking into consideration the likelihood that this cass is supposed to be about 17 while eugene is an established adult, that isn’t a fun vibe.

- sort of amused by the role reversal of eugene, in the licensed fanfic cassunzel s1 au, is the one who introduces rapunzel to the library. i guess the key to unlocking rapunzel’s romance option is to not show her the books. but also, why is eugene the one showing her around lol

- did he steal from the coronan palace so much that he just knows where everything is

- the dialogue in this chapter is… hm

“You can take these books back to your room if you want,” Eugene said.

“I can?” I said, staring at the stocked shelves around me.

“I think I’ll open a window,” Eugene said. “It’s a little musty in here.”

like what’s going on here? is this a dialogue bug introduced by spot editing that didn’t get patched before publishing? does eugene have adhd? is this a romance novel™ thing to demonstrate that while eugene and rapunzel talk to each other plenty they’re not on the same wavelength to such an extent that raps asks a question and eugene responds with a complete non-sequitur, which will be contrasted with how completely rapunzel and cass ‘click’ together later? hello?

- one point in favor of the romance novel™ theory is that immediately after this eugene conks out instead of sharing in rapunzel’s discovery and exploration of the library and it is implied he is having a fun flynn rider dream ie he’s lost in his own fantasies and oblivious to rapunzel’s. symbolism!

- anyhoo, this is when the plot device of the ‘lost lagoon’ book of poems turns up. i will say that, having spent the better part of my teen years working in an actual library, it beggars belief to say that a book got shoved behind other books in a popular section (sports) by mistake and got left that way for so long that dust blooms out of it when it’s finally cracked open again; likewise, anyone who attempted to intentionally hide the book this way is an idiot. my dude, you are in a palace riddled with secret passageways. maybe hide the secret book there?

like it’s not even well-hidden. rapunzel pulls out one (1) book from the sports section and immediately spots it. which also just feels dumb. like… there’s a million other ways this book could have been hidden. inside another book would have been more believable. rapunzel rips a bone-dry book of census records off the top shelf because she’s insatiably curious about corona’s people and surprise! it’s got this slim little book of poetry crammed inside it. like ??? i know it’s juv fic but make an effort

- coronans canonically speak english according to this i’m die

- rapunzel hides the book from arianna just… because, and i can’t help but feel this is another case of anxiety written by someone who doesn’t quite get it. she’s ‘just not ready’ to share this book of poems that means absolutely nothing to her yet except that she thought it sounded pretty.

but like. this girl grew up with gothel, who made a habit of belittling her interests, thoughts, feelings, and desires. everything rapunzel had she had because gothel deigned to give it to her, and anything she valued could have been snatched away just as easily. in the film it’s made clear that rapunzel hides pascal’s entire existence from gothel, and while the reason for this isn’t spelled out, it’s clear to me that she was afraid gothel might hurt or get rid of pascal should she learn of his existence. so, like. this is all a recipe for rapunzel having this general anxiety about things being taken for her and with this fear being linked to mother figures it makes sense that arianna would tend to trigger it especially. there is a perfectly obvious, understandable reason for rapunzel to be terrified of sharing anything she found by herself and sees value in or is excited about with her new mom, even if she knows rationally that arianna would never take it from her.

as it is, it really comes across more as an arbitrary plot device to keep the lagoon a cassunzel-only thing.

- there’s a lot of odd characterization decisions in this book but i think rapunzel being resistant and reluctant with regards to the idea of having a human companion is probably the weirdest. ??

- arianna feels like she’s characterized the way a lot of fanworks characterize her, i.e. the authorial mouthpiece who (in the case of cassunzel fic specifically) overtly ships cassunzel and does things to facilitate that relationship. don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see her doing stuff at all, but… i dunno, i find this brand of arianna doing things just a little wearying. let her just be her own character.

- implication is that arianna and the captain agreed that cass would be rapunzel’s lady-in-waiting, arianna okays this with rapunzel and then tells rapunzel to announce it to cassandra at this public holiday feast. with no prior warning. wow. i think the kindest possible reading here is that the captain has been telling arianna that cass would be delighted and honored to receive this position and arianna assumes he’ll give cass a heads-up as a courtesy beforehand, but that paints the captain in a pretty bad light on account of him lying and essentially manipulating the queen in order to force his teenage daughter to accept this huge responsibility that she vocally does not want. in any case, absolutely nobody involved in this shitshow gives a damn what cass wants.

- lagoon comes in hard with the saporian!cass symbolism l o l. rapunzel reads a saporian poem out loud, not knowing what it means but loving the sounds, while daydreaming about becoming friends with cass.

- arianna seems to genuinely believe cass will be thrilled to have the lady-in-waiting gig sprung on her, which seems to lend credence to the theory that cap has been talking it up as something cass wants. or the intention here is to paint arianna as an out of touch noblewoman, but i don’t think that’s what howland was going for. i don’t know, it’s an odd conversation.

- eugene calls cassandra “sport” lmfao

- lagoon cass has never read a book in her life, apparently

- i don’t want to keep harping on this too much but it keeps leaping off the page at me; cass’s behavior throughout this dinner scene really just bleeds teenagerhood. eugene and rapunzel both make actual stabs at conversation by asking her about things they know she’s interested in, and cass brushes them off/stonewalls them. in tts, on the other hand, cass is actually pretty open to deep conversations with both rapunzel and eugene—it’s just that they never. ask her about herself. eugene goes 6-7 months before he asks cassandra a personal question in cassandra vs eugene, which if i remember right is the only time he asks her a personal question. rapunzel gets very invested very fast in becoming friends with cassandra, but she does it by strong-arming cass into being her partner in a contest, and when cass decides to open up to her it isn’t in response to rapunzel asking her things. the dynamic is totally different.

- actually now that i think about it - lagoon cass feels a lot like the cranky new dreamer version of cass (you know, the flavor of new dream fans who resent cass for ‘being mean’ to eugene, ‘being controlling’ of rapunzel, and ‘stealing’ eugene’s narrative spotlight). this cass is rude, she does come off as a bit spoiled and very bratty, she is nasty to eugene for no good reason, and while i do sympathize with her on the grounds of her evidently being a child i don’t find her to be especially likable or compelling as a character. if cass acted like this in tts i think the cranky new dreamer contingent of the fandom would have a much stronger leg to stand in - especially if she was still supposed to be 22.

like… this:

“So,” Eugene said, distracting me. “What’s it like to be the daughter of the captain of the guard? You obviously have a thing for weapons.”

“So,” I said.

“Have you been training since you were a little kid?” Eugene pressed on. “Do you have friends in the castle?”

“No,” I said. “Who needs friends?”

“Jeez!” Eugene muttered while Rapunzel whispered with the queen. “I don’t need just any icebreaker here, I need a pickax.”

I rolled my eyes.

this is way more interest in cass as a person than eugene shows in tts… like ever. at this point, eugene has met cass ONCE for a few MINUTES and he already knows more about her than he does in cassandra vs eugene, after six or seven months of frequent contact. yet cass scoffs and gives him monosyllabic answers and radiates way more hostility for way less reason than she displays even in tangled before ever after. i think eugene is totally justified in going, yeesh, what’s this kid’s deal?

- rapunzel goes straight from “i’d like you to be my lady-in-waiting” to “you’re my new lady-in-waiting!” without waiting for cass to answer. and i mean, at this point it is a done deal, queen’s orders and all, so i can’t hold this against rapunzel at all. but man, the adults involved in this decision sure aren’t concerned at all about making sure rapunzel learns how boundaries and consent works.

How was I going to train? How was I going to live the life I was born to live?

Fury heated my blood as I stared down the moon.

heh.

i wonder how much howland knew regarding the planned villain arc, because on the one hand lines like this are drenched in foreshadowing, and she’s done a much better job establishing cassandra’s belief in destiny than tts did. but on the other, had she known about the gothel twist, she would surely have known that cassandra is several years older than rapunzel, and that doesn’t square with how cass… acts.

this is half-remembered hearsay so take it with a grain of salt, but i seem to recall something about cass, in her original conception, being younger than rapunzel (and also aware of her parentage, and secretly villainous all along). could howland have been working from information given to her during the transitional stage between that proto-cass and tts cass? that would explain a lot.

- the last paragraph of 6 is the most effective passage in the book thus far:

This was a decision that had bars around it. I couldn’t protest without falling out of favor with the king and queen, and then there would be no way I’d ever be allowed in the guard. I couldn’t argue my way out of this with my father. A royal assignment was the final word. My fate had been sealed. I fell to my knees and stifled a scream.

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 8

Siuan reminisces, Egwene Amyrlins, and ACTUAL COMMUNICATION.

Chapter 8: Clean Shirts

Haven’t seen that chapter icon in a while.

Siuan now – there’s been a lot of quick POV shifting in this book so far. I suppose it’s been mostly centred on Rand and Egwene – and their various affiliates – these past several chapters, but it definitely lends a feeling of a quicker pace. Which works, given where we are in the series.

No sailor would miss [those clouds]. Not dark enough to promise a storm, not light enough to imply smooth waters either.

A sky like that was ambiguous.

The whole world balanced on the edge of a knife, with little to tell right now which way it will eventually fall. Rand himself barely balanced between Light and something very like Shadow. A world uncertain, moving towards the ending.

What, you thought I was going to ignore Portentious Atmospheric Details?

HA. IT GETS BETTER.

On a day like this, however, when there were gloomy clouds but no proof of storms, the dockmasters would charge a full day’s rent. And so the fisher had to make a choice. Stay in the harbour and wait, or go fishing to recoup the dock fees.

A fisher. Or should I say a Fisher. This delights me.

She doubted many fishers had chosen to go out this day.

Well I can think of one probable capitalised exception…

Lelaine has no time for symbolically important discussions of the sky.

Siuan could still sense shock in some of the Aes Sedai she passed. Egwene was to have been carefully controlled. What had gone wrong?

Egwene. That’s what went wrong. You Aes Sedai all thought you had a prayer of controlling Egwene in the first place, failing to realise that this is the girl who took one look at someone else’s Call To Adventure and said ‘mine now’. And that was just her starting point.

Siuan would have taken more smug delight from those looks if she hadn’t herself worried about Egwene’s continued captivity in the White Tower. That was a lionfish’s veil indeed. Potential for great success, but also great disaster.

Yes, well, that describes approximately every single situation in the plot as things stand, so. I’m sure it’ll all be fine. What could possibly go wrong? Aside from everything?

Lelaine and Romanda are still doing their thing, though things seem to be shifting slightly in favour of Lelaine at the moment. Okay.

I’m a bit ambivalent about this particular conflict at this point. On the one hand, it’s probably more realistic for it to continue, especially given Egwene’s absence and the sense of uncertainty that brings. On the other hand, I find it hard to actually care about it, because Egwene’s arc has moved past this, and so this ends up feeling a bit stale. But then, just because her story is no longer just with the rebels, that doesn’t mean the rebels should magically have all their problems solved; that would make it too easy. So it works, I just don’t really care. Ah well.

When she’d first been Healed, her reduced power had been a disappointment. But that was changing. Yes, it was infuriating to be beneath so many, to lack respect from those around her. However, because she was weaker in power, many seemed to assume she was weaker in political skill as well! Could people really forget so quickly? She was finding her new status among the Aes Sedai to be liberating.

That’s an incredibly mature and sanguine way of looking at it. And the fact that this doesn’t even scan as self-deception is truly impressive. There are indeed advantages to her new situation, especially for one with her political acumen combined with a prominent past and a present need for discretion, but to truly understand and embrace that – especially without then giving up the advantage it conveys – takes a special kind of resilience.

So Siuan’s sent Lelaine off on some pointless political trail of distraction, mostly by mentioning Romanda. You would think that if your goal were to become the political leader of a group known for their politicking and manipulation, you’d at least try to hide what can be used to manipulate you. Romanda and Lelaine are so perfectly unsubtle and they fall for this shit every time. It would be fine as a front, maybe, but it isn’t even a front. They’re really that easily led.

The Amyrlin needed to hurry up and finish with her plotting in the White Tower. What good would it do to undermine Elaida if the Aes Sedai outside crumbled while Egwene wasn’t watching?

It’s a fair question, and does highlight the complexity and delicate balance of Egwene’s entire situation. She won the rebels and brought them this far, and she’s winning her strange not-quite-war in the Tower, but she can’t forget one while she deals with the other. That’s rather the point, isn’t it? The Aes Sedai need to be unified; the Tower needs to be whole. Otherwise something is always going to be falling apart.

Either Lelaine is teasing Siuan about having a crush on Gareth Bryne, or she is actually that oblivious.

And Siuan is definitely not going to let Lelaine pay off Siuan’s debt to Bryne. Because reasons.

That would just move her debt from Bryne to Lelaine. The Aes Sedai would collect it in far more subtle ways, but each coin would end up being paid one way or another, if only through demands of loyalty.

Okay that is definitely a valid reason.

Lelaine is indeed actually that oblivious. How has she risen this far?

Siuan gets a ride on the back of a turnip wagon, which makes this the second time in this series that Aes Sedai have ridden with vegetables. The cabbage merchant from Avatar is probably sweating nervously somewhere.

Secrets, those powerful, dominating secrets. They had become her life. No love save for youthful dalliances.

So Moiraine was just a ‘youthful dalliance’? I think not.

No time for entanglements, or much room for friendships.

I suppose she could be putting Moiraine in the ‘frienships’ category here, which…okay. In a general sense, I have no problems with that. Nor will I ever, under any circumstances, try to argue that friendship is in any way less meaningful or important than romantic love.

And very likely, Moiraine wasn’t intended to be specifically implied by ‘youthful dalliances’, or even by ‘friendships’; they were close friends and they loved each other, but they both chose the Blue Ajah and they both knew what dedicating themselves to this cause would mean: they would have to put it above everything, including their own personal wishes or relationships.

So, fine, it’s not a direct slight and I’m not trying to go out of my way to find things to be indignant about. But my issue here is more that…it’s as if the relationship Siuan and Moiraine shared in their younger years is forgotten by the narrative itself. Because either Moiraine was indeed a ‘youthful dalliance’ – thus implying that ‘girlhood things should be left behind with girlhood’ as Tarna put it – or Siuan’s relationship with Moiraine is so insignificant that it doesn’t warrant a mention at all. There’s a sense of oversight there, and it bothers me a bit.

On its own, it might not stand out as much of an issue. However, there’s a pattern here of including but then almost simultaneously dismissing love between women. This isn’t even a particularly egregious example, but it becomes frustrating when mixed in with the tendency to treat ‘pillow friendships’ as a kind of youthful phase that all but the evil ones grow out of.

No series is perfect, and you can’t have everything, and I’m sure Jordan and Sanderson had good intentions – or at least, did not have bad intentions – with regards to this sort of thing. But the execution falls short for me sometimes.

She’d focused only one one thing: finding the Dragon Reborn. Helping him, guiding him, hopefully controlling him.

Moiraine had died following that same quest, but at least she had been able to go out and see the world. Siuan had grown old – in spirit, if not in body – cooped up in the Tower, pulling her strings and nudging the world. She’d done some good. Time would tell if those efforts had been enough.

She didn’t regret her life. Yet, at this moment, passing army tents […] she envied Moiraine. How often had Siuan bothered to look out of her window toward the beautiful green landscape, before it all had started going sickly? She and Moiraine had fought so hard to save this world, but they had left themselves without anything to enjoy in it.

Having said all of that, I absolutely love this bit here. I do really love the way the friendship aspect of Moiraine and Siuan’s relationship is presented. They are bound so closely by love and a shared goal, but one of those has had to take precedence. They loved each other before prophecy took over their lives, but their shared secret and their determination and devotion forced them down different paths.

And yet, from both their perspectives there has always been a strong, if understated and often bittersweet, sense of the friendship that underlies this shared quest. They never came to resent or hate one another, and they both kept firmly to their aim, and accepted the rest as it came. It didn’t destroy their friendship because they both accepted that the quest would have to come first. And so when it did come first, and when it did separate them, and when it did – at least as far as each of them knows – kill the other one, they understood that, too. It’s a strange kind of mutual trust and understanding upon which to build a somewhat strange relationship, but there is something rather beautiful about that.

And Siuan’s musings here are really lovely, in that same kind of bittersweet and nostalgic way. Take what you want, and pay for it. She and Moiraine have both lived by that. Siuan has no regrets, because this life is the consequence of the task she accepted. And she may envy Moiraine, but even now she does not resent her.

The last line especially is beautiful. I really, really hope Siuan and Moiraine both survive what is to come, and reunite at least once to share in the completion of their decades-long task. Even if they then go their separate ways – because that is how it has always been for them, and somehow it works.

Or they could just decide fuck it, let’s retire early and go on a roadtrip full of pranks and mischief to see the world we’ve helped win for ourselves. That would also be acceptable.

Siuan the Amyrlin hadn’t had any time for entanglements, but what of Siuan the attendant? […] Was there, perhaps, room in her life for a few more changes? 

The wagon reached the far side of the army camp, and she shook her head at her own foolishness as she hopped down, then nodded her thanks to the wagon driver. Was she a girl, barely old enough for her first full-day blackfish trawl? There was no use in thinking of Bryne that way. At least not right now. There was too much to do.

So I’m quoting this mainly for the last part, because my usual line when complaining about characters getting caught up in romantic subplots is ‘stop cheating on your plotline!’

Which is to say, I appreciate Siuan’s priorities here. Even though I’m probably supposed to roll my eyes and tell her to just live a little, the world is ending after all.

Though I don’t particularly mind the thing between Siuan and Bryne; it’s relatively unobtrusive and doesn’t interfere too much with the plot or either character’s competence.

And by ‘thing’ I mean…utter failure at flirting and an ongoing low-level prank war.

“I have to say, Siuan, that I’m surprised. I had assumed that an Aes Sedai would know little of work such as this, but rarely have my uniforms known such a perfect combination of stiffness and comfort. You are to be commended.”

Siuan turned away from him, hiding her blush. Fool man! She had caused kings to kneel before her! She manipulated the Aes Sedai and planned for the deliverance of mankind itself! And he complimented her on her laundering skills?

The thing was, from Bryne, that was an honest and meaningful compliment. He didn’t look down on washwomen, or runner boys. He treated all with equity. A person didn’t gain stature in Gareth Bryne’s eyes by being a king or queen; one gained stature by keeping to one’s oaths and doing one’s duty. To him, a compliment on laundry well done was as meaningful as a medal awarded to a soldier who had stood his ground before the enemy.

It took rather a lot of explanation and narrative enforcement to make that work, but I think it does work in the end. It certainly fits with what has been established about Bryne’s character. He doesn’t give a single shit about where someone is supposed to rank; he cares about character and competence. He gave the army to Egwene when most Aes Sedai still thought she would be little more than a puppet, because he could see in her something worth serving.

So…yeah, it’s a bit of an insulting compliment, from a certain perspective. Siuan’s indignation is not entirely out of place, and I like that it’s acknowledged. But I also like that she understands Bryne enough to know that it is actually a meaningful compliment – and also that he clearly understands her well enough to know that she would be able to take it as such.

Ah, and now we’re back to the question of why Siuan broke – or truth-twisted her way out of – that oath in the first place.

“So you claim I’m a liar?” she demanded.

“No,” he said. “Just an oathbreaker.”

Ouch. Point to Bryne.

“That question drove me here, you know,” he said. “It’s why I hunted you all that way. It’s why I finally swore to these rebel Aes Sedai, though I had little wish to be pulled into yet another war at Tar Valon. I did it all because I needed to understand. I had to know. Why? Why did the woman with those eyes – those passionate, haunting eyes – break her oath?”

That’s…a surprising amount of openness and honesty, and I rather like it. Especially because Siuan has been wondering for so long why he did follow her, and why he stayed. And she toyed with the idea that it might be because of her, but then discarded it as a silly fancy, but now thanks to the wonders of this new invention called communication, she knows that really is a large part of the reason. So credit to Bryne for deciding to just…tell her.

“Another excuse,” he said softly. “Another answer from an Aes Sedai. Will I ever have the truth from you, Siuan Sanche? Has anyone ever had it?” He signed, and she heard papers rustle, the candle’s light flickering in the faint stir of his movements as he turned back to his reports.

“When I was still an Accepted in the White Tower,” Siuan said softly, “I was one of four people present when a Foretelling announced the imminent birth of the Dragon Reborn on the slopes of Dragonmount.”

His rustling froze.

Yes. Honesty begets honesty; it’s not the first time that has proven true in this series. Bryne finally gives her an unguarded truth…and so she finally gives him this. And it’s no small truth. This is the foundation of most of her adult life, and it’s been a secret and a burden for so long, because she has so long had to work within a system of secrets and shades of truth, all the while carrying something of this gravity.

Very, very few have ever had the truth from her. Moiraine. Rand, arguably, in TGH, though even then it was given somewhat as manipulation. And Bryne’s reaction here shows that he knows just how closely-kept a secret this has been. That he knows just how much of the truth she is actually surrendering to him, here.

I always love moments like this, when a character finally faces another and tells them everything. When done well, it grants a particular and very satisfying sense of catharsis – especially when the reader knows the secret, but has watched the character carry it so long in silence, never able to truly explain themselves, and often suffering for it.

It’s a great moment of honest, open communication, on both sides. That’s a rare thing in this series, but the payoff is almost always worth it; the moments where characters finally do communicate are often beautiful and fitting and genuinely effective.

I think this is a large part of what makes the whole Wheel Of Absolutely No Communication thing work, at least for me. It’s frustrating as hell sometimes, sure, and there are definitely moments where I want to just bash characters’ heads together and tell them to JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SACRED.

But, while characters frequently and spectacularly fail at doing exactly that, moments of genuine honesty don’t tend to result in further misunderstanding. When characters do finally open up to each other, it is almost always rewarded.

Where some authors lose me is when they bend over backwards to prevent those moments from ever happening at all, or else let them happen and then force the miscommunication or misunderstanding to persist anyway. Instead of feeling realistic, it almost always ends up feeling contrived. WoT toes that line sometimes, but the payoffs make it work for me.

So we get a quick recap of New Spring, because Bryne clearly hasn’t read it yet.

“There was only one other person I knew I could trust, and she is now dead.”

And neither Siuan nor Moiraine could really afford to grieve, when they thought the other to be dead. They knew it could come to this, but…it’s such a loss, for both of them. Please let them at least find out that the other is alive.

“You blame me for the loss of a barn and some cows. Well, then I suggest that you consider the cost to your people should the Dragon Reborn fail. Sometimes, prices must be paid so that a more important duty can be served. I would expect a soldier to understand that. […] Should I have spared even a moment when the entire world was wearing the hangman’s noose?”

She held those eyes, demanding an answer.

“No,” he finally admitted. “Burn me, Siuan, but no. You shouldn’t have waited.”

And he offers to hold her oath fulfilled. She refuses, of course, but this is what I mean by payoff. They have each been entirely truthful with each other at last, and instead of answering in the negative here, or refusing to understand, he accepts her explanation. And she doesn’t question his. There is a reward for honesty.

Now they’re back to incompetent flirting, but progress has been made. They trust each other now, and that’s no small thing. Oh, they trusted each other before, but more in the sense that they each believed the other to be a decent person. Now they both know something close to the full truth, and they each revealed it willingly, and the very act of doing so – each one knowing how much it means for the other to speak that openly – has forged a much stronger bond of genuine trust. They’re together in this, now. Even if they can’t sort out other definitions of ‘together’.

When other oaths no longer have a hold on me, she thought. When I’m certain the Dragon Reborn is doing what he is supposed to, perhaps there will be time. For once, I’m actually starting to look forward to being done with this quest. How remarkable.

…Okay, and with that line, I am now far more worried about her survival than I was a few minutes ago. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I think Siuan will make it; I could see it working both ways.

Bryne has worked out her Tel’aran’rhiod schedule, and possibly the general notion of Tel’aran’rhiod itself. Of course he has.

She’d have to do something to get back at him. Mice in the bedsheets.

Ha. Oh, Siuan, you are incorrigible. Nice throwback there, to a prank she and Moiraine planned back in their Accepted days, given how that time has been on Siuan’s mind this chapter.

“A sword, Siuan?” Egwene’s voice suddenly asked. “That’s novel.” Siuan looked down, shocked to find herself holding a bloody sword, likely intended for Elaida’s heart.

Things I didn’t know I needed: Siuan Sanche with a sword. Is there fanart? Please let there be fanart.

Egwene was getting very good at the calm serenity of an Aes Sedai. In fact, she seemed to have grown measurably better at that since her capture.

Well, she’s had a lot of practice. And more than that…it’s not a brittle mask of serenity on her. It’s true serenity, an outward reflection of inward calm purpose and understanding. She’s not trying to make herself harder in order to face pain, or make herself seem stronger in order to appear commanding. Instead, she has come to understand, and with that has come a strength that is unforced.

She showed more of herself around Siuan than she did the others. They both knew how heavily Egwene had relied on Siuan’s teaching to get where she was.

Though she’d probably have made it there anyway, Siuan admitted. Just not quite as quickly.

Siuan and Moiraine dedicated themselves to the task of finding and guiding the Dragon Reborn. But they – Siuan especially – have arguably been more successful at finding and guiding Egwene.

That’s not to say they failed in their task; Moiraine did find Rand and has been a lasting influence on him, especially once she realised that she needed to approach things differently. Meanwhile Siuan is no longer Amyrlin and has not seen the Dragon Reborn in over a year, but she has been instrumental in helping Egwene become a true Amyrlin. Which will, I have no doubt, end up being a critical step in ensuring the world’s survival. Without Egwene as Amyrlin, I struggle to see how Rand and the White Tower would reconcile to the point where they could approach the Last Battle as allies. With Egwene, it will undoubtedly be difficult, but their once-friendship might just be enough.

So Moiraine and Siuan have both ended up following the task they swore themselves to, but – like so many other things in this series – not quite in the way they planned. And I like that they both played a role in guiding Egwene, as well as Rand, given all the other parallels and inversions between the two. It’s nice symmetry, both of Moiraine and Siuan and of Egwene and Rand.

Egwene decides she doesn’t want to spend a moment longer than necessary in the study of the Mistress of Novices. Shocking.

“One of the Forsaken was in our camp,” Siuan said. She hadn’t wanted to think about that too frequently. The knowledge made her skin crawl.

“Is anyone dead?” Egwene asked, voice calm though her eyes looked to be steel.

It’s nice to get an outsider POV of Egwene during this part of her arc. So much of it has been told through her own eyes, and it’s all kinds of fantastic, and it’s definitely important to see it from her perspective because a lot of it is about her own understanding and growth. But I always love seeing what characters look like to others, and seeing Egwene through Siuan’s eyes here helps to emphasise what has changed outwardly, and how very like a true Amyrlin Egwene looks to those around her.

Even when Siuan says it was probably Halima, wielding saidin, Egwene barely reacts visibly. No doubt this is a shock to her, but she lets almost none of it show. Because what good would that do? She can’t go back and suspect Halima, she can’t save those who were killed, and letting herself be thrown by this won’t help anything. So she takes it calmly, and focuses on what she can do. And on what needs to be done.

“Mother, it appears some of the men who follow al’Thor have bonded Aes Sedai.”

Egwene blinked a single time. “Yes. I had heard rumours of this. I had hoped that they were exaggerated. Did this Asha’man say who gave Rand permission to commit such an atrocity?”

“He’s the Dragon Reborn,” Siuan said, grimacing. “I don’t think he feels he needs permission. But, in his defence, it appears he didn’t know it was happening. The women his men bonded were sent by Elaida to destroy the Black Tower.”

“Yes.” Egwene finally showed a sliver of emotion. “So the rumours are accurate. All too accurate. […] “We shall have to deal with the Dragon’s foolishness at a later date. Perhaps his men acted without his direct orders, but Rand must take responsibility. Men. Bonding women!”

I can’t entirely agree with Egwene here. I can see where she’s coming from, because she is Amyrlin and Aes Sedai, and while Siuan can give her some context for what has happened, neither of them knows all of it. But…while the forced bonding of Aes Sedai is hard to call a good thing, it really was probably the best of several bad options. And the notion that women should be able to bond men but not the other way around is kind of absurd – at least, if it is accepted that saidin has been cleansed.

As for Rand taking responsibility…that’s a difficult one. On the one hand, he had no idea any of this was happening, and it wasn’t on his orders, and he was far from happy about it when he found out. On the other hand, he himself thinks of the Asha’man as his creation, his responsibility. It’s a tricky one because he thinks of them that way when he needs or wants to, but he also has all but ignored the Black Tower since putting Taim in charge of it. He keeps trying to have it both ways, and it keeps coming back to bite him.

That said, the offer of recompense kind of is his way of taking responsibility. Or at least of trying to offer as close to a solution as possible. The whole situation is a mess, and there have been several points at which there really are no good options.

It’s also interesting to see how Egwene thinks of Rand versus how she thinks of the Dragon Reborn. Here, he takes the latter role in her mind, because it does come down to issues of command and responsibility. Rand has had similar thoughts about Egwene when thinking of her as Amyrlin and Aes Sedai. It’s not fair, perhaps, but their roles are larger than they are, and they have both had to accept and deal with that. Egwene is Amyrlin, thinking about the Dragon Reborn. As simply Egwene, she has been angry with Elaida for hurting Rand. It comes back to individuals versus roles, and how that can shape what they must do and think. How she can be angry with the Dragon Reborn but still care about the boy from Emond’s Field. It is, I think, similar for Rand. As Dragon Reborn he can be angry with or suspicious of the Amyrlin, but still care about Egwene. Though at the moment he’s not letting himself care about much of anything, so that complicates things a bit.

“They claim saidin is cleansed,” Siuan said.

Egwene raised an eyebrow, but did not object. “Yes,” she said, “I suppose that might be a reasonable possibility. We will need further confirmation, of course. But the taint arrived when all seemed won; why should it not leave when all seems to be approaching pure madness?”

That might be the best reaction I’ve seen to the cleansing yet, from anyone but a male channeller. She doesn’t reject the idea outright, or go on about how it’s impossible. She’s rather willing to accept it, and just asks for further confirmation. Which is not an unreasonable request; she hasn’t linked with an Asha’man, or even been told that anyone else has. But I think she would accept some of that as confirmation, where others reject all proof that is offered in favour of saying it’s impossible. Egwene isn’t doing that. And I rather love that last thought – it’s kind of a perfect way of looking at things, isn’t it? Parallels and inversions. A victory for the Shadow at what should have been the Light’s greatest triumph, and a true victory for the Light as all else darkens.

Siuan wants Egwene to come back and look after the Hall, Egwene says she has work to do here and Siuan can do fine on her own. Which, so far, has been the case. So credit where it’s due for delegating, but at some poing she is going to need to move to reunite them.

“Do your best,” Egwene said. “But don’t worry if Lelaine refuses to be diverted.”

Siuan frowned. “But she’s usurping your place!”

“By building upon it,” Egwene said, smiling. […] “Lelaine’s gambit will only succeed if I fail to return. She is using me as a source of authority. When I return, she’ll have no choice but to accept my leadership. She’ll have spent all of her effort building me up.”

“And if you don’t return, Mother?” Siuan asked softly.

“Then it will be better for the Aes Sedai to have a strong leader,” Egwene said. “If Lelaine has been the one to secure that strength, then so be it.”

Clever. And I like how Egwene points out the win-win nature of this situation. She’s not in this for herself – being Amyrlin isn’t some kind of power-trip. She doesn’t lack ambition, and she’s made use of it to get where she is, certainly. And she needed to. But her efforts now are wholly dedicated not to herself but to the White Tower. She is Amyrlin because Elaida is incompetent, and this is the best way Egwene sees to heal the Tower and see it to Tarmon Gai’don. But she will not put herself before the Tower; if she loses, or if for whatever reason she ends up unable to do what she needs to do, she can accept that another may need to take her place. She won’t destroy the Tower to keep her position. Which is a a large part of what sets her apart from Elaida.

“I’m actually learning to deal with my…new situation. It’s not so difficult to stomach, now that I see that it has some advantages.”

Egwene frowned, as if trying to figure out what advantages there could be in lessened power.

That’s very likely more than an abstract thought; Egwene is, after all, spending all her time dosed on forkroot and barely able to channel.

“Elayne once mentioned a room to me in the Tower, filled with objects of power. I assume it really exists?”

“Of course,” Siuan said. “The basement storeroom. It’s in the second level of the basement, on the northeast side. Little room with a plain wooden door, but you can’t miss it.”

OH HELL YES BRING OUT THE ANGREAL LET’S LEVEL THIS UP.

I mean. Um. Yes, good, thank you for that advice, Siuan, I’m sure it will come in handy.

“If there was a Forsaken in our camp, I’d bet half my father’s inn that there’s one spying on the White Tower too.”

Please let Egwene take out at least one of the Forsaken. She deserves it.

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