#i frel like i'm not doin a very good job at it but i don't even know which side i'm leaning too far in
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kinda feel like at this point I need to choose between him n everyone else
#is it based on anything real or am i just makin shit up again? idk#but he does make me kinda insufferable to be around so maybe#do you want a life worth living or do you want the only thing that keeps you able to physically stay alive#trick question cause if i don't have the latter we're prob not gonna live long enough to see the first#no one else can be there reliably enough & nothing else keeps me on the nonpsychotic side on depression#i mean i could cut but it's summer n i really don't wanna make everyone deal w/ the hiding marks when swimming etc ordeal#booze makes us nonfunctional for at least a day after n we don't get enough pills a month for regular use#plus the obvious physical health reasons#like. i know it's bad for me. i don't have any better options. i don't know why no one else's taken over.#so all i got is this tightrope of not makin my problems too much of everyone's problems n not isolating completely#i frel like i'm not doin a very good job at it but i don't even know which side i'm leaning too far in#i guess maybe the problem is that i keep whining about shit that's literally just the consequences of my own choices#i feel like none of the choices i can make aside from 'just power through it' are good enough#but idk maybe it's just me imagining things again#the only thing i actually know is that i can't trust my perception of anything#spdrvent
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