#i got an anon the other week that was basically like f u i bet you have an extra chromosome

[kosher-salt]

Every few years I discover another thing about myself that the nazis would have gassed me for immediately.

[misc-headcanons]

Request: NSFW Alphabet (Yoruichi)

(A while back, there was an anon that requested NSFW headcanons for Soi Fon, Yoruichi, and Rukia. Since there was only one slot left at the time, I opted to just do Yoruichi and save the other two for another time!)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Very cuddly, and she enjoys just lounging in bed with you after sex and playing with your hair, stroking you or tracing little shapes into your skin

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Yoruichi’s very confident in her body, but if she had to pick one part of herself she likes the most...probably her thighs/legs. The inside of her thighs are pretty sensitive, and thanks to centuries of training she’s got some strong-ass thighs (she can easily break open a watermelon with them). As for her partner, she likes their ass and she is not afraid to show it. Expect a lot of groping, playful spanking, and pinching.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

She’s a squirter, but only on occasion. Sometimes it happens when she cums, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s more likely to happen during oral sex, though.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

One night after drinking with Kisuke, she had a horrifying sex dream/nightmare about sleeping with a strange amalgamation of Soi Fon’s body...with Yamamoto’s head. She still has no idea where the fuck that came from.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

She’s one of the most sexually experienced characters in Bleach, with the only person more experienced probably being Shunsui and a few others. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

She likes any position where she can show off her flexibility. In her mind, if she’s got the talent to get into those positions then she might as well show it off! She prefers being on top, but no matter what position she’s in she’s going to either be dominant or the two of you will have equal control.

http://sexpositions.club/positions/248.html

http://sexpositions.club/positions/240.html

http://sexpositions.club/positions/311.html

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

She’s a mischevious little minx in and out of bed, and she tends to laugh/giggle during sex (especially during foreplay). If you two have been together for a long time, she’s more serious; for the most part though, she’s still more humorous.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

She keeps things fairly well-trimmed, but it’s not really high on her priority list. She’ll shave it on a whim, and sometimes she thinks about trimming it into a random shape just for fun (she once shaped it into a little lightning bolt just for the hell of it). Her hair’s the same shade as on her head.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

She’s very intimate and very intense. Rough kisses and gripping the sheets one second, and soft feather-light touches and nibbling on your ear the next. Sex is always an adventure with Yoruichi, and you never really know what to expect next.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

She does it pretty frequently, up to three times a week. Her sex drive is fairly high, so if her partner isn’t there she just takes care of it herself. She usually sticks to private places so nobody walks in, but if someone does she’s not flustered by it in the slightest.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Femdom

That thing where you’re covered in warm oil during sex (she’s fond of patchouli oil because of the scent, but she’s down for whatever her partner has)

Bondage (her or her partner) and shibari. How do you think she got so good at using that wire/string during the Blood War arc?

Threesomes/Group sex

Minor petplay. She likes wearing cat ears and a tail, but if anyone’s gonna wear a leash it’s you. She’s a wild kitty.

Seeing her partner get overstimulated (drooling, talking incoherently, doing that ahegao face~)

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

When she was captain of Squad 2, she was fond of having sex on that chair/throne in her barracks. She likes having sex in semi-public spaces; if you’re a Soul Reaper, she’s going to sleep with you in your Squad’s barracks. If you’re an officer, you can damn well bet that she’s gonna bend over that desk and ride you in your chair.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing her partner get flustered

Sparring with her partner

If her partner is wearing something more revealing than usual, she can’t keep her hands off of them.

Like I said before, her thighs are very sensitive but that’s not the only place that will get her riled up if you touch her there. Her earlobes, her collarbone, and her hips are also very erogenous zones.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Watersports and scat. She wouldn’t do that to her partner, and she doesn’t want to be that submissive towards her partner in turn. 

Consensual non-con and/or dub-con. She’s not going to relinquish control like that, even if it’s just pretend.

Anything like fisting. She knows her limits, and while she’s had some...larger partners, she doesn’t want to risk hurting herself. If you want to be fisted, she’d be reluctant and she would make sure you’re lubed up as much as possible before she’d even attempt it.

Electrostimulation. It makes her hair stand up for like, weeks afterwards and it’s really annoying.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

She likes both, but she thinks that there’s no better end to a long day that getting eaten out by her partner. She also likes to ride your face, too! She’s quite skilled with her tongue, and her record for making a partner cum is forty six seconds (though to be fair, she cheated a bit by using her Shunpo abilities to flick her tongue around at the speed of light towards the end)

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

She keeps a fairly quick pace, and since she has a high amount of stamina she can keep any pace her partner wants for as long as possible. She tends to overstimulate her partners because of how fast and rough she can get, so if she can see it’s getting to be too much for you she’ll slow down a bit.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

She likes quickies quite a bit. Like I said, she has a high sex drive; so if it’s the middle of the day and you’ve got work in an hour, she enjoys having a quick session to satisfy her urge without going for too long.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

As long as it’s not one of the kinks in her N/No section, she’s open to it. Even fisting, if she’s not the one receiving, she’ll try if you’re really into it. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

ENDLESS STAMINA. She can go for three rounds minimum before she starts to get even a little tired, and if she knows you’re not doing anything the next day she’ll make sure to fuck you so hard that you can’t leave bed for a while. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

She’s got a few vibrators that she uses when she’s masturbating, and if her partner is into it she’ll use them on them as well during sex. If she’s having sex with her partner, she’s usually so good at making you cum/overstimulating you that there’s no real need for a toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

VERY BIG TEASE. The only time she lets up is if you’re so overstimulated after a few rounds of sex that you’re crying and begging for some rest. If you’re not at that level, you’re going to get nipped/stroked/edged/mercilessly teased and you’re gonna love every second of it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Gets louder and moans quite a bit when she cums, and after a few rounds she’ll start panting a bit with every thrust. She also enjoys dirty talk, whispering in your ear about how good you make her feel and moaning for what she wants you to do to her.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

She’s had a threesome with Tessai and Urahara. A few of them, in fact. They’ve got a chill thing going on, and if she got a partner she wouldn’t mind introducing them to their “get-togethers” if they were okay with it.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Her labia and inner walls are a darker shade of brown compared to her skin, but her clitoris has a pinker undertone to it. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Quite high, as previously mentioned. Shunsui may have more experience, but Yoruichi has the highest sex drive of any Bleach character. Due to her catlike abilities, her sex drive gets even higher in the spring in a sort of “heat”. If she had it her way, you two would have 24-hour sex sessions in the spring. But she doesn’t want to kill you, so she uses her vibrators if she knows you can’t go another round.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It depends on how many rounds she went through. If it was just one or two, she won’t be that tired but she’ll fall asleep if you cuddle her for a long while afterwards. If it’s four rounds or more, she falls asleep more quickly (within about ten minutes or so).