#i guess being european i am going to be more interested in european hockey but like. cmon

[thedissociatives]

Top 5 hockey players (currently active or of all time, your choice :))

ik u said currently active or all time. but i'm gonna do both because there's literally no overlap between the two. in no particular order ofc

currently active (a solid mix of actually good players and then the random guys i decided to get emotionally attached to the past few seasons):

ben bowns

mo seider

alex romanov

andrey kuzmenko

oskar sundqvist

all time favs (this one can change around a bit. but currently is exclusively made of ppl who played for cska and are all retired):

sergei fedorov (ik i'm v much stating the obvious here but like. i can't not say him)

alex mogilny

pavel bure

igor larionov

valeri kharlamov

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Books I’ve Read in 2020

AHello! I’m trying to read as many books as I can during the quarantine, here’s what I’ve finished so far:

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (literary fiction): a son writes a letter about his life to his illiterate mother. Breathtakingly beautiful with it’s way with words this book is lovely and real in the hardest and sweetest ways. The author’s combination of prose and poetry is dazzling and intricate, this book has stuck with me for days afterward. 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (fantasy): a money-lender gets in trouble after bragging she can turn silver into gold and is kidnapped and ordered to do so by a fey creature. It may be that I am the perfect audience for this type of book, but it’s my favorite thing I’ve read all year. It’s a book that equally takes on the fantastical and real-world with compelling female characters at the center of the whole thing. A wonderful fantasy journey inspired by eastern-European Jewish folklore. 5 out of 5 stars.

Through the Woods by Emily Carroll (horror graphic novel): a series of short horror comics. Absolutely bone-chilling! This was a really fun type of scary story, especially the last one which made my skin absolutely crawl. Deliciously eerie, this was treat to read if not a little too short. 4 out of 5 stars.

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender (magical realism): a young girl can taste other people’s emotions in their cooking and begins to understand her family in new ways. This was a weird book, but it has everything you’ve got to love about that combination of the surreal and mundane. It’s sense of character was electrifying and I had fun engaging with this type of off-kilter real world. I was a little frustrated in parts bc of some characters choices, but that too was true to life. 4 out of 5 stars.

Crier’s War by Nina Varela (steampunk fantasy wlw): about a Made automaton heir to a throne and her human hand-maiden that is trying to kill her. This was an easy read with a lot of tension between the two main characters that I liked, but the writing itself was very weak. There was waaay too much exposition in parts and the dialogue had some really hockey lines. I enjoyed the twists and turns in the middle of the book, but the beginning and end didn’t have much movement. 2.5 stars out of 5.

The Huntress by Kate Quinn (historical fiction): honestly, I’m a little disappointed. This book just did not hit my sweet spots, it wasn’t fast-paced enough for me to get immersed in the plot, and the characters weren’t real enough to be wholly invested in them. That said I adored Nina Markova and the Night Witches, so that did help. 3 starts out of 5.

The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein by Kiersten White (horror sci-fi retelling): HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND. A retelling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein from the perspective of Victor Frankenstein’s wife and my God! The characters! The plot was well-enough, but the characters took the whole show for being complex and compelling. The main character was breathtakingly layered and I was wholly invested in Elizabeth and her story and the triumph at the end of this story was tangible. 4 out of 5 stars! 

Uprooted by Naomi Novik (fantasy): A story of a young woman who lives in a valley where a girl must go live with a wizard for 10 years. She is certain she won’t be chosen, but ends up having to be “uprooted” herself. I enjoyed most of this book! However, I think I liked “Spinning Silver” a lot more just because the ending of this one somehow lost me. The characters were good and plot compelling, but (SPOILERS) the big battle at the end seemed to drag and didn’t interest me somehow. 3.8 out of 5 stars.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (fantasy): excellent read! A story of a young woman in Jazz Age Mexico who goes on an adventure with a Mayan death God who is trying to regain his throne. A romp across the country absolutely brimming with likable characters and fairy tale twists. My only complaint would be that most of it felt a little predictable due to the fact we knew where we were going throughout the whole story, However, it was still greatly enjoyable for the heroine herself, Casiopea. 4 out of 5 stars!

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng (literary): a story of two families in a progressive “planned” community, how their lives intertwine, their secrets, and a central question surrounding motherhood. Deeply empathetic to its characters and introspective, this is an every-day story of people in suburbia that reads like a thriller. I could barely put it down and felt deeply for its characters and situations, 5 out of 5 stars!

Wilder Girls by Rory Power (YA sci-fi suspense): a story of a group of girls at a boarding school on an island affected by the “tox” which alters their bodies in strange ways like giving them scales or an extra spine. This was an eerie, interesting read with a wlw romance! Watch out for the body horror in this one, but it was very gripping and held my interest. Some of the pacing was off in places (like the romance), but had a very creepy atmosphere that did it for me. 3.8 out of 5 stars!

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (thriller-mystery): A thriller about a group of Shakespeare actors in their last year of college and one of their classmates who turns up dead. I enjoyed the murder mystery part of this novel more than I expected despite the fact I had guessed who had “done it” pretty early on. I really enjoyed the James-Oliver dynamic with its growing homoeroticism, but I didn’t like how the character of Meredith was handled at all. She felt like a one-note aside. I might have given this book four stars, but the ending was EXTREMELY frustrating for me and I did not like the “open-ended” conclusion. 3 out of 5 stars.

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): a weird character-driven comedy about an old grumpy man and a new family that moves in next to him. Warning for themes of suicide. Anyway, I don’t normally indulge in cliches like “I laughed, I cried, I loved one Cat Annoyance.” However, that’s exactly what I did. I laughed out loud, I cried my eyes out (THE CAT’S HEAD WAS IN HIS PALM), I loved this book. It was sweet and compelling and thoroughly immersive. 5 out of 5 stars!

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow (historical fantasy): set in the early 1900s comes a story of a young girl and her experience with “Doors” that lead to different worlds. This book had a lot of great character development and really interesting descriptions, however, I didn’t like it as much as I wanted to. I found it hard to get myself to sit down a read it. There was just something missing with the push to “page-turn,” but it was still a really good book. 3.7 out of 5 stars!

Gideon the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (high fantasy, kinda gay): I AM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS. This was book was definitely a page-turner. I was very confused with it at the beginning, but the characters and their interactions were, forgive the expression, the life blood of the story and kept me wholly invested. The ending has CRUSHED my heart, but damn did I have a good time reading it. 4.5 out of 5 stars!

Harrow the 9th by Tamsyn Muir (sequel to Gideon the 9th): I really enjoyed this book. It was just as strange and twisting as the first book, though I think I enjoyed the first one a bit more since I love Gideon. It was fun ride overall, though the ending was kind of really confusing. So 4 out of 5 stars.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (historical fiction): Overall, I really enjoyed this book! The writing style was personable and grounded in reality. I found myself really liking the main characters and the exploration of the life of a bi main character was really well done I thought. A solid book with drama and glamor to boot. 4.6 out of 5 stars!

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah (historical fiction): A story of two sisters during WWII and their resistance to Nazi occupation. To be honest, this book wasn’t my cup of tea. It was compelling, but also wholly depressing and I felt like gloried in the pain of the two main characters too much. The history was wonderful and realistic, but it didn’t make me feel anything good afterward. It was just dark. 3 out of 5 stars.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (mlm romance): I finally finished this after the heaviness of The Nightingale. This is a story of the First Son of the USA falling for the prince of England. And it turned out to be a very fun and light hearted read! Some of it was kinda generic and too political, and it coulda been shorter, but I thought the romance itself made up for it. It just made me feel so sweet and lovely inside. 4 out of 5 stars!

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman (literary humor): I’m searching out heartfelt books and this one ticked off all the marks on my “sweet” list. A lovely book that made me cry more times than I would like to admit. Compassionate beyond belief, funny and heartfelt. I think I enjoyed A Man Called Ove slightly more, but this book was also dear to me and something I hope to reread in the future. 4.2 out of 5 stars!

Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel (sci-fi): A post-apocalyptical story about a group of traveling Shakespeare actors and a symphony. Overall, an excellent read that somehow pictures a more realistic or even softer version of the apocalypse. At first, I wasn't happy with the jumping around of the story, but as I progressed I grew fonder and fonder of the interwoven characters and their journey. A very fascinating read about a world that hits a little too close to home. The appreciation of the arts and preserving humanity was somehow very hopeful and I was fully engaged with this story. 5 out of 5 Stars!

Up next: The Hidden Life of Trees by by Peter Wohlleben (nonfiction science), The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (urban fantasy), The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (fantasy)

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Ghost: A chat with Tobias Forge; is an instrumental album in the future?

Tobias Forge of Ghost has had an incredible year and it just keeps getting better. We were fortunate enough to speak with him about albums and arenas shows.

Ghost has been incredibly busy in the last year and a half. Between a new Cardinal, a new album, three dead Papas, a new Sister Imperator, multiple Chapter videos, three tours and two singles, all that’s missing is a partridge in a pear tree and Ghost has a holiday song to add to their repertoire. Tobias Forge, the leader of the band, is the busiest of them all adding countless interviews to the list of to-dos.

Given that information, we were extremely grateful when he agreed to talk with us for a bit to chat about Seven Inches of Satanic Panic, the differences between theater and arena shows and the chances of a full instrumental Ghost album.

The Interview

1428 Elm: Thank you so much for taking time from your very busy schedule to talk with us. Congratulations on the new single! Can I ask you what inspired those two songs? Any particular artists?

Tobias Forge: I can’t really talk about it that much. It’s 50 years old and I’m 38. I am personally a big fan of this style of music. I’ve always been.

1428 Elm: Would you say that Papa Nihil had any particular artists in mind when he did this music?

Tobias Forge: I don’t think he wrote anything but I think that the songs are very much in line with what was going on at the time. I definitely believe that he was influenced by the rock movement in the later 60’s. But it also does have sort of a Motown feel at times, so it wasn’t as psychedelic as some other bands were in 1969. They still had that mid-60’s sort of cheerfulness to it that for the most part was gone by then. Things got kind of darker in 1969.

1428 Elm: I can definitely see that. While “Kiss the Go-Goat”‘s theme is said in the lyrics, what would you say that “Mary on a Cross” is about?

Tobias Forge: I would say that a lot of music from that time because essentially the parent generation in the 60’s, were the people that were in their 20’s who were born in the 40’s, and their parents were born in the early 1900’s. So, the parents’ generation of the 60’s were extreeeeeemely conservative.

That’s why you have all these very subtle, sometimes not so subtle references because we’re familiar with the lingo, but back then it was very hidden from the parent generation who didn’t know what Mary Jane was for example.

Rolling Stones “I pledge myself to Mary Jane,” stuff like that. There’s so many innuendos, codes, like “Back Door Man,” “A Whole Lotta Love.” The 60’s was completely fused by playing with the lyrics just because they couldn’t rock it out. And I like that, I find that very interesting. And it takes a certain skill. Yeah, so that one, as most things from that time, has a subtle meaning.

1428 Elm: With psychedelic rock and almost pop influence rock added to Prequelle, are there any other genres that Ghost would like to experiment with? The dream genre that could be melted with Ghost’s sound?

Tobias Forge:  I think we’ve sort of touched upon most of the things, most of the genres that I liked. You can just balance it in a different way, maybe. I guess the only thing that we haven’t really done and I’m not sure if that could be a Ghost album, but is more like soundtrack, orchestral music. I like that a lot. I like when bands have a string arrangement for a song.

At least, if you have that in the background it sort of makes the song swell. But I’m not always super buzzed about a big orchestra and full heavy metal being played together at all times. There’s a lot of symphonic rock from the 90’s and 2000’s, a lot of them and it just becomes too much. It’s such a dense soundscape as is and you also add a full orchestra as well.

It sounds dramatic but not a whole lot of room to breathe so I’m not sure if I would make orchestral arrangements, like full orchestral that I would have the whole band playing along with it. It would be paced out differently. I listen to a lot of 70’s prog rock from Italy and a lot has orchestral music, very experimental.

1428 Elm: Would you ever consider a full instrumental Ghost album?

Tobias Forge: Absolutely. I love instrumental music. I always entertain having instrumental tracks. In the future, it may be 1 out of 10 but it’s always nice.

1428 Elm: You guys made the saxophone cool again with “Miasma.” You’ve talked on the next album about Ghost going back to its harder roots. Is there a past album looking back that you’re wanting to emulate or get that same emotional feel from?

Tobias Forge: No, not really one album. I always say that each new album is like a reaction to each of the previous so since like Prequelle is not a hard rock or heavy, heavy metal album, the natural reaction to that will be to write something that isn’t, I don’t want to use the word soft, it will be different from Prequelle.

The same way Prequelle was different from Meliora etc. I’ll write a record that we don’t have yet because otherwise what’s the point?  But I definitely have an album in mind with slightly more rippage [chuckles].

1428 Elm: Past albums have very strong themes and then the music takes you on a journey. Do you already have the theme in in mind?

Tobias Forge: Yes.

1428 Elm: I know you can’t say (damn!). Even from one tour to the next, your performing locations have changed quite a bit.  How was the energy performing a stage show in a theater different than that of performing in these massive arenas you’ve been doing lately?

Tobias Forge: For me, the three most important things are:1) is that we can bring the same production to every place even though technically the arena might not be dramatically bigger than playing in a theater because we’re not playing the round. We’re not playing to arena capacity.

So technically, sometimes, if the capacity of the area might be similar to a theater, which is like 3200 people or something, but the main difference is that we can have the stage. With very few exceptions, regardless if you live in a small market, the little town that no one plays in, you will get the same show as they would get in New York City or LA, which is very important for me. I think it’s extremely important that if you pay money to see it, you should get the same thing.

Which leads me to: 2) when we play the theaters, there was a constant day to day basis, “Oh, you can’t use pyro. We can’t do confetti. Oh, by the way the curtain doesn’t work. Oh by the way we have this big theater production here so the stage is part occupied.” So we had to change the set almost every day.

I am not a big fan of surprises. I don’t like that at all. I want everything to be identical every day just because the show gets better if it’s done the same way, more of less. There’s wiggle room for a human touch on the show; of course the show gets different if you have 30 ft of stage one night and then there 6 ft of stage and it’s like that every day.

It does make a difference on the band because you have to move differently. These are details, I’m talking shop here in a way that people might not think about.

1428 Elm: This is extremely interesting!

Tobias Forge: Back in the day, American hockey rinks were smaller than European ones because of the action. Americans like action, so the rinks were smaller which led to more fights, more physicality. If you came to a European rink, they were bigger which was harder for anyone used to an American rink. Same thing goes for us and the stage.

One of the most important things, I absolutely HATE sitting crowds.  Not on the bleachers or if you’re sitting on the side, that’s fine. You always want the most energized and enthusiastic people standing in the front. One big, big, big downside for theaters, in my opinion, is that they have seats all the way up to the stage and that really screws up the energy of the show.

Because you want people in the front who are supposed to be there. You don’t want people who can pay for it. You don’t want someone in the front sitting, eating popcorn. It becomes really awkward in terms of being in front of the crowd.

1428 Elm: As someone who went to two different shows in two different cities, I like to eyeball the crowds to see the difference and it’s shocking to see from one city to the other just how different the crowds can be and it makes a difference.

Tobias Forge: Oh yeah and it really does differ from city to city. And that’s one thing when we were repeatedly doing the theater circuit, which has its upsides don’t get me wrong. I definitely prefer theaters but a lot of that city temperament was sometimes lost because of the theaters because you ended up having the front section that were generally the people who were economically the ones that could pay for it.

It’s a Friday night and you come to a city that’s known for a vibrant crowd and still you have people in the front who act like they’re watching a movie. They are sitting back and then you have the people who are wanting to rock out and they are ten rows back. But unfortunately that’s part of the economics of theaters and that’s why I was very adamant about moving away from theaters.

Luckily the promoter felt, let’s try it and see how it works out, and I think the upsides are vast. I’m just happy that we’re able to bring the same show and you get the energy in the show and it feels way better now.

1428 Elm: Well the show looks incredible and I hope you have an amazing rest of your tour and a good rest in 2020 since you all have been go go going for quite a while.

Tobias Forge: Yes, well, there’s a new record so there’s not a whole lot of rest but it’s certainly paced in a different way.

Tobias was an absolute delight to speak with. If you are like me and want to have a fully instrumental Ghost album one day, let the band know your support. I think it would be an amazing change to the Ghost formula.

1428ELM.COM

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 1, Part 3

Madoka is escorting Homura to the Nurse’s Office as pretty much every student ignores their lessons and watches them through the glass walls. I would say taking her there, but all Madoka’s doing is walking behind and nervously asking how the Mysterious Student knew she was the Nurse’s Aide. Homura just says the teacher told her and continues to lead the way. Clearly she doesn’t need Madoka to guide her, so what’s the deal?

And would you stop with the creepy chime music?! Seriously, if I saw this happening in a movie and they were two guys I’d be screaming at the follower to run away from the obvious serial killer. I mean it, the two keep passing fewer and fewer students, and now I’m looking at Homura in shadow with some sort of scowl on her face. But then she tells Madoka to call her Homura instead of ‘Miss Akemi’? Madoka tries to make conversation about how ‘unique’ Homura’s name is (as I don’t know Japanese I can’t comment one way or the other). And yep that’s a scowl, Mysterious Student is pissed. Yeah, super pissed as Madoka stammers on. And now she’s spun around in an (empty) corridor to face Madoka. Sudden dramatic zoom-pan as Homura asks Madoka if she considers her family and friends to be precious. (That's not ominous at all!) Madoka of course says yes. Shadowy Homura accepts this, and says if that is really the case then she wouldn’t try to change the person she currently is. Because if she does, she will end up losing all of those things.

Ok, am I reading this right? Did the Mysterious Transfer Student just threaten Madoka’s friends and family if she takes up the Protagonist Mantle? Because that’s what I’m getting. Madoka is very confused as Homura says she should stay the same, leaves her in a surprisingly dark hallway, given all of the glass what is with this building? Sorry, just a little unnerved by the creepiness of the last scene. What the hell is going on here? Sudden flute music as we get a montage of Homura dominating math and athletics, filling a board with dense equations and arcing over a high jump still with a completely neutral face, to the shock and awe of everyone around her. And still the most emotion she shows is the occasional glance at Madoka, now that there are witnesses. Whoa what. Sudden Rabbit-Thing in a tree watching. After school in a massive, fancy mall (what city is this set in? A real one, or standard Anime City?) Madoka apparently told Hitomi and Blue Hair about the hallway confrontation, Blue Hair bemoans that the smart and pretty looking student is some sort of weirdo. Hitomi asks if Madoka has ever met the Mysterious Stranger before, she… huh, you’re telling them about your dream/vision/thing from last night? Title drop! And Blue Hair laughs about how Madoka is acting like an anime character, teases that it must be from a previous life or something. Hitomi asks some more questions, and makes a rather sensible suggestion that they actually did meet before, this is her subconscious bringing out a minor memory in the form of a weird dream. Huh. But given Homura’s rather extreme and specific reactions to Madoka, you’d think that she’d recognize her better. So what’s the deal? Hitomi has to run to one of her many lessons, Blue Hair asks if she and Madoka can visit a music store on the way home. A CD for Kamijo? Have we met them yet?

Hey, it’s Rabbit-Thing! Running through a dark alley while barely dodging busts of light. Oof, got hit there, but it’s back up and running. What’s attacking it? Oh, there’s Homura! Or at least I think that’s her, given the shadows. Are you chasing whatever’s chasing the familiar? Cut to ok time out. When is this show set, in a post-scarcity world or something? Because I have seen music stores here in America, and they are not that fancy and open. And if I know anything about Japan is that space is at a premium there, a music store this large in America would be pushing it, let alone this presumably-Japanese Mitikihara. And from the looks of it it doesn't even have CD's on display, just kiosks to browse the selection and headphones to listen. A cool design, and one that would need maybe half the space I can see. Why is it so large?! Sorry, the show just irked my business-management side there. Back to the show. Blue Hair (Sayaka) and Madoka are listening to headphones (hey, isn't that the opening theme I hear? Nice touch!) when the lyrics take a dark turn. Or rather, Rabbit-Thing telepaths for help and Madoka's Protagonist Senses pick it up. Madoka wanders off into an area that frankly looks more like a mansion than a mall, with old-style lamps and a white-and-black checkered floor- Huh. White and black checkered. Like the dream-thing earlier. Coincidence? Madoka follows the Call To Adventure^TM to this floor (apparently closed for remodeling because it wasn't fancy enough yet), creeps into a dark construction area and proves she has never seen a horror movie by calling out "Where are you?". This is just asking for Hockey-Mask McMurder to come jumping out. Guh, the ceiling's shaking! And wow an extremely beat up Rabbit-Thing just fell down. Madoka swoops in and grabs it. But if something's been chasing it, maybe you should leave Madoka (and I) are startled by a chain falling and hey Homura's here! She's been creepy about Madoka before, but maybe she can get over that and help against whatever "Get away from that thing." Um. What. Wait. Homura was the one attacking Rabbit-Thing? Homura. Homura what are you doing. Why were you attacking the show's familiar and why are you now staring down after Madoka said she could hear it? PFFFAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm sitting here getting all invested in this tense standoff and wondering just what the heck Homura is up to, when Suddenly Fire-Extinguisher. Sayaka apparently followed and provided a distraction, outright chucking the emptied extinguisher at the Mysterious Student. Now the two are running away as Homura dissipates the could with a hand-wave and what. What is going on? 2D butterflies and sudden trippy music and what is happening? Have you seen this before, Homura? Madoka and Sayaka are running, the latter wondering about Homura's outfit (huh, it is different, similar enough to the school uniform I didn't notice at first), Madoka's focusing on getting Rabbit-Thing some help. Uh, but it looks like the trippy environment is catching up to them, now they're stuck without an exit. "There's something wrong with this place." Yeah, no Kidding Madoka, the animation is all screwy! The girls are rightly freaking out as twitchy puffballs... with mustaches... look, I'm trying my best to describe what I'm seeing but there's so much going on, this is insane. So creepy Monarchs and Puffballs are dancing around the girls with creepy child chanting, strange symbols are flashing over everything, now there are scissors and thorns and JEBUS the Puffballs have blank eyeholes and twitchy mouths Finally! Some chains broke and landed around them in a circle as the creeps get blasted away. Took you long enough Homura, now stop being spooky for five minutes and help out the mundanes. Wait, that's not Homura. It's Blondie from the poster! Apparently she knows Rabbit-Thing (Kyubey) and thanks them for rescuing it (him, actually). Madoka says she heard a voice in her head, and Blondie says "I see". Like Homura did? Blondie's confirmed to be a Mitakihara Middle School student too, and is about to introduce herself when the creeps come back. Transformation time! Blondie tosses her gold egg-thing into the air and does a little jig (with some rather graceful yet driving music) as she gains a rather European outfit, complete with beret. The Puffballs scatter as she WHOA WHAT Ok, Blondie just summoned what looks to be a platoon's worth of rifles. Um. Listen, I started this with only the most basic of 'magical girl' knowledge. One thing I accepted as a given was that MGs used things like wands or tiaras to fight with, I definitely never heard of Sailor Moon pulling a gun on the Week's Monster! If MGs can actually use weapons in this show, then things just got very interesting. Seen here as Blondie unleashes an absolute storm of exploding bullets on the Puffballs. Somewhere out there an Ork feels like he's missing something wonderful. Literally seconds later, Blondie lands among the flaming wreckage, and the trippy background skedaddles. Homura finally shows up to look down at the other three (I'm sensing a pattern here), Blondie informs her that the 'witch' escaped and says she should hurry along to finish it off, she'll 'let' her take it this time. So they know each other? Partners? Um, no. Not partners, as Blondie says she'll "overlook what you did this time." I'm guessing she means attacking Kyubey (for some reason)? So if Homura was attacking Kyubey and Blondie considers him a friend... Am I looking at two factions here? What's with the disagreement over the familiar? Homura's not happy about Blondie standing against her (want to note that Blondie has kept this peaceful half-smile up this entire time), ultimately turns around and leaves to Madoka and Sayaka's relief. Blondie's doing some magic girl mojo on Kybey to heal him, we get a name of Mami as he wakes up. He thanks her for the healing and the other girls for rescuing him, and confirms it was his voice that Madoka heard. And he knows their full names. Which he knows because he has a request for the two: make a contract with him and become magical girls! Aaand credits! We've got a drawing of Hitomi, Madoka and Sayaka with some light guitar as a singer does Generic Anime Credits Song #527, not much to add here. After-credits picture of all four poster girls (Homura and Mami in magical girl outfits, Sayaka and Madoka in school uniforms) with Kyubey in the center, and the familiar saying "I will grant you one wish - any wish you desire!" And in response to the girls questioning, "Anything you want. I can grant you even the most impossible of miracles!" Wow. That was a very, very impressive first episode. Will put up my general thoughts after I've had some time to process this last part, I'm looking forward to the next one!

[thepuckbuddies]

breakfast

prompt:  We live in the same building, and you’re locked out of your place in your underwear because you were doing laundry and forgot your key. (from this post)

player: Alex Galchenyuk, Montreal Canadiens

The ding of the elevator reaching your floor startles you from where you were leaning against the wall, eyes closed. It had been a long day, to say the least, and you were beyond ready to crash. Blinking tiredly at your phone, screen reading 1:32 AM, you drag yourself out of the elevator and turn down the hallway towards your apartment, head down.

Yawning, you reach up to rub at your eye, sweater sleeve soft against your cheek.

“Uh.” You hear from in front of you. Startled, you look up to meet an equally shocked gaze.

“...am I dreaming?” you mutter to yourself under your breath. The man in front of you is gorgeous. His eyes are a brilliant blue, framed by tousled bed head and a dark, trimmed beard. His abs look like they were carved from fucking marble, or something, and his shoulders and arms show a thick swell of muscle. Your eyes track down his body to see possibly the most offensively orange slippers you’ve ever seen. Exhausted, you don’t even realize you’re staring until the guy clears his throat and shuffles a little, scuffing one of those horrible slippers on the floor.

Shaking yourself out of it, you look back up to meet his eyes, a slight blush creeping up your face. He quirks a half grin at you.

“They’re, uh. A gift from my sister,” he explains, shrugging. His voice is rich and lightly accented. You huff out a laugh and tilt your head in confusion.

“Well, they’re certainly...memorable?” You offer. His cheeks turn a little read, and you can’t help but feel endeared. “I’ve got penguin ones at home, so no worries. I don’t judge slippers.”

He makes a face.

“What, you don’t like penguins?”

“Not really,” he scrubs a hand over his hair, bicep flexing. You have to actively stop yourself from staring again but, to be honest, you’re not entirely sure if you succeed.

“Who doesn’t like penguins? They’re adorable and awkward!”

“Well, it’s kind of an occupational hazard, I guess.” He shrugs again. “I play hockey for the Canadiens, so it’s kind of ingrained.” Your eyes go wide. So that’s why he looks like a GQ model.

“What?” He asks, brow furrowing. You wave a hand, brushing off the question.

“The Canadiens, huh? That's really cool!” He smiles, a little shy, and covers a yawn with his hand. “Oh my god, I'm so sorry! You must be exhausted, and here I am keeping you up.” You frown when he scuffs his shoe again.

“Uh, I actually locked myself out when I went to do laundry? So, I'm kind of stuck here for...well, I'm not sure, actually.” You try to stop yourself from laughing but you can't keep in a burst of giggles.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing,” you apologize, grinning at him. You hesitate. “Maybe this is, like, way too forward, so I'm sorry if I'm being weird, but. If you want, you could crash at my place tonight? Instead of waiting for a key or something?” You relax when he smiles at you.

“Really? You wouldn't mind?” He asks hopefully. You shake your head. “That would be great.”

“Sweet! It's just down here.” You brush past him, feeling the warmth of his bare skin even from a few inches away. You lead the way to your apartment and pause with your key in the lock.

“You know? I'm about to let you sleep here and I don't even know your name,” you wonder aloud, turning to look at him over your shoulder. He laughs.

“It's Alex.”

“Well, Alex, it's nice to meet you. Welcome to Casa (Y/N).” You swing the door open with a dramatic flourish and usher him in.

“Nice place,” he offers, looking around.

“Thanks!” You blink at him for a second, realizing you've got a gorgeous half-naked man standing in your kitchen. “So, uh,” you cough, recovering. “Kitchen’s here, obviously. Feel free to grab whatever you’d like from the fridge. Glasses are up in that cabinet. Living room and couch are out there.” You point over the countertop into the open space on the other side. You unthinkingly put a hand on his arm to guide him out of the room. “Bathroom is down the hall, first door on your left. My room is on the right if you need me. I'll go grab you some pillows and blankets, make yourself at home!”

You take off into your room and thunk your head on your closet door. He's so attractive it's unfair, making you sound like a massive dork. “Oh, you play for one of the biggest franchises in sports? Cool!” You mock yourself, pulling blankets into your arms.

“Hey, I found some clothes that might fit you, if you want them,” you offer back in the living room after you've gathered everything.

“Oh, that's okay. I don't want to take your boyfriend’s clothes,” Alex says, shaking his head. You wrinkle your nose.

“Ex.”

“Sorry?”

“Ex-boyfriend. He's not coming back, so don't stress about it. Use them if you'd like.” Alex looks down at the clothes in his hands and smiles. He turns and puts them on the pile of blankets and pillows behind him before turning back and stepping closer to you.

“Hey, (Y/N), thank you so much for letting me stay here,” he says, blue eyes soft. You brush it off.

“No worries. I'd rather you here than be stuck out in the hallway all night.” He laughs quietly and takes another step forward.

“Still, thank you.” He hesitates, about to say something else, then seems to decide against it. Quickly, he leans forward and presses a kiss to your left cheek, beard surprisingly soft against your skin. “Good night, (Y/N),” he says, turning away. Dazedly, you brush your fingertips over where he kissed you. Maybe it’s a European thing, you think, given his accent. Whatever, you’re not complaining. You grin anyways and watch as he busies himself with the couch, tips of his ears bright red.

“Good night, Alex.”

*****

The smell of food wakes you up in the morning, soft light streaming in through the gap in your curtains. You pull on a sweatshirt and let your hair out of its braid, loose waves tumbling down your shoulders. Yawning, you pad out into the kitchen on socked feet.

Alex is standing over your stove, brow furrowed as he flips a slice of bacon. There's a plate of pancakes to his right, and the table is already set nicely for two. You lean your hip against the counter, watching him cook for a moment. His skin is golden in the morning light, cut of his muscles defined by the gentle shadows. His dark hair is even messier than it was last night, curling at the ends.

“You know, I'm pretty sure it's dangerous to fry bacon shirtless,” you say. Alex jumps, whirling around to face you. He huffs.

“Good, you’re awake. Bacon’s almost done,” he says. “And I’m a pro at this, thank you very much.” He waves his tongs at the pan. Grinning, you head to grab yourself a mug.

“Tea, coffee?” You ask.

“Tea would be great, thanks.” You let the easy domesticity of the morning wash over you as you busy yourself with the electric kettle, pulling out the honey and milk as it slowly begins to hum with boiling water.

The two of you exchange quiet small talk as breakfast finishes up, settling down to eat contentedly, across from each other. Biting into one of the fluffy pancakes, you let out an involuntary groan.

“Oh my god, never leave my apartment and make me pancakes forever,” you say. Of course he can cook well, sure,since flaws just aren’t a thing for him. You look up to see Alex blushing red and laughing.

“Well, if you insist.”

“I do. I insist. This is me, insisting you never leave.” You unashamedly get two more pancakes from the stack, dousing them in syrup.

The breakfast passes in easy conversation until Alex glances at the clock and makes a face.

“Time to go?” you ask.

“Yeah. Practice today,” he says, leaning over to pick up your dishes and taking both plates to the sink.

“Oh, leave that. It’s alright, I can get it! You cooked, I’ll clean,” you protest, shooing him away.

‘If you’re sure…” he pauses when his phone buzzes on the counter top.

“Got a spare key, finally,” he says, tapping away at the screen. “He’s headed up with it, so I guess I’d better go.” You smile through the disappointment sinking in your stomach. You really liked spending time with him and irrationally don’t want it to end. “Thank you again for letting my stay here,” he says, earnestly looking over at you.

“You’re welcome.” Alex opens his mouth to say something and stops, exhaling slowly. He shakes his head a little and turns towards the door. “Bye, Alex. It was really nice meeting you,” you add as he looks back.

“It was nice meeting you, too,” he says. “I’ll see you around?” You smile, a little sadly. You can already tell this one will be trouble for you. He’s probably got a lovely girlfriend and absolutely no interest in you.

“Definitely.”

The door closes behind him with a soft snick and you sigh, leaning against the wall. You start to turn back to the kitchen, ready to start on some dishes, when someone knocks on your door. Furrowing your brows, you open it to see Alex on the other side, face set in determination.

“Did you forget some-” you start to ask.

“Go on a date with me,” he blurts, blue eyes scanning your face anxiously. “Please,” he adds, belatedly. His whole body seems to relax when you smile and cock a hip.

“Will you promise to make me breakfast afterwards?” The grin drops from your face as you realize what you’ve implied. “Oh my god, wait, no, I didn’t mean to assume, oh wow that was forward, we can go slow, I’m so sorry—” Alex shuts up your babbling by sinking one hand into the hair at the base of your neck and letting the other curve over your cheek, thumb stroking your cheekbone as he kisses you soundly, lips a soft contrast to the gentle scratch of his beard. Your own hands fly to his chest, where you can feel the steady pounding of his heart. He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against yours. His eyelashes tickle where they brush against your skin.

“I’ll make you as many breakfasts as you want,” he says quietly into the scant inches between you. You’re trying to form a coherent response, but that kiss still has you reeling.

“Good plan,” you manage eventually. “I like that plan.” Alex laughs and you can’t help but to reel him in again.

The kiss feels like a promise.

author’s note: hey! new hockey imagines blog, here. hope you liked this chucky imagine! feel free to send in prompts, critiques, requests, encouragement, questions, cookies, marriage proposals, nuclear codes, etc.

[rockrevoltmagazine]

INTERVIEW: Sabaton

Sabaton may not be a band many are familiar with, and we say that needs to change. The Swedish heavy metal kings are seriously one of the most talented band of dudes in the metal scene today. And we had the honor of sitting down with Chris Rörland (guitar) and Hannes van Dahl (drums) of Sabaton and chat about life, music, and having the support of government to keep doing what they love! 

Your songs are very historically charged, a lot of famous battles and units of war. Were you guys big history buffs before you joined Sabaton?

Chris: (laughing) No, no…

Hannes: We were not, or at least I wasn’t. I’ve always had the opinion that it’s very important though. Something you really shouldn’t forget, but history buff? No. Am I a history buff now? (laughing) Closer to it, yes.

Chris: It comes with the territory.

Hannes: It does, for sure. When joining a band where there’s a real genuine interest in these stories and you hear stories that you can’t fucking believe actually happened for real, and like we’ve said many times, it makes Hollywood look stupid. Like, why are you making up new shit? So yeah, for sure, very fascinated at least.

Chris: Yeah, same goes for me. I wasn’t that good a kid in school (laughing) and didn’t really like it, but we have a lot of history and some things I was really focused on, and some things I was just like, man… school, you know? But now that I’ve joined the band, it’s a totally different thing. It’s pushed on you and you have to grow into it, you know? But it feels better now. You can actually make a song and it’s about something important, so it’s totally different.

Who are some metal icons or inspirations that you guys really look up to?

Chris: Oh yeah, I grew up listening to 80’s Heavy Metal… Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, everything, but the biggest influence for me was Iron Maiden. Adrian Smith (guitar), that’s my idol.

Hannes: Yeah, we come from pretty much the same school, with a few people grooving into different bands. Judas Priest, Metallica, Iron Maiden, that kind of stuff for sure.

Chris: Yeah, but now, you and me anyway, we’re into heavier stuff.

Hannes: Yeah, it seems like the more I play, and the older I get, the more the spread gets bigger. I can enjoy Fleetwood Mac as much as I enjoy Death. For sure, a good song is a good song, you know? I don’t really care who made it.

Absolutely. I see a lot of your fans out there with Amon Amarth shirts on. I’m a big fan of them, too.

Both: Oh yeah! Yeah!

  So your last US tour was five years ago, back in 2012.

Chris: Yeah, that was my first headline tour with Sabaton.

Hannes: We did one in 2011, too.

Chris: It was very small clubs and bars, where the stage was (holds up hands) this big. But it was fun to do, actually, because it was so different. It was my first time in America as well. So different from Europe. It’s getting bigger and bigger, and we’ve done supports ever since, and we feel like we’re getting bigger and growing, and felt like “let’s do another headline tour; it’s time.”

I was reading some of your history online, and it said Metalyzer was actually your first album, is that true, or…?

Chris: I can’t remember!! Was it Fist For Fight, or was it Metalyzer?

Hannes: I’m pretty sure Metalyzer was the first one. (laughing)

When I was listening to it, it seems very very different from your later work. What was the catalyst that changed it?

Chris: When Sabaton started, they wanted to be a power metal band, singing about dragons and cool stuff, and hell and stuff like that. That was just in the beginning, and then they released Fist For Fight, and then when they were about to record the Primo Victoria album, they had the music written for it, and it was such a heavy song, they were like… ah, what should we do? It was such a heavy song, it needs a heavy topic, then they started leaning toward war history and it actually fit the song really good, and they were like “fuck, this is cool!” and it fit. We learned something in the process, and that’s how they started. It wasn’t a necessary evil anymore to write lyrics.

Yeah, there’s plenty of real evil out there, why sing about dragons and stuff like that?

Chris: Yeah, exactly!

Sweden is home to some real major kick ass bands. Is there any initial struggle to push past a lot of the breakout point? Getting noticed… getting above the noise level.

Hannes: It always is, I would say, but we also have a lot of opportunities to play music because it’s a government supported thing.

Really? That’s a completely foreign idea.

Hannes: Yeah, It’s a culture thing. It’s one of the best things, really. When you’re a kid, you know, 14 or 15, it’s easy to slip into some stupid shit instead, but if you want to start a band, or even a bird watching club, and you’re more than three people, you can go sign up for it and you’ll get a rehearsal space, help with rent, get a P.A., drum kit, drumsticks…

Yeah, over here in the U.S. it’s like “starve or be successful,” those are your only two options.

Hannes: And I guess it plays a big role in the music export, for bands that are from Sweden, and I hope that they will keep it because it helps a lot. It makes the kids do something good instead of stupid shit.

It must be nice to have a government that actually helps it’s citizens. I can’t even imagine what that’s like. Speaking of government… given the current political climate, and World War III possibly right around the corner, are you guys excited about having new content to write about?

Chris: (laughing) It’s not like we look forward to war to get something new to write about.

Hannes: World War III has been right around the corner since the fucking Cold War. So, we write about history, meaning something that ended, right? So if you start covering current conflicts, then you’re going into politics and we don’t do that, because we don’t take any sides. In history, everybody knows what happened. Germany lost the war, tough luck. That’s what happened, whether you like it or not. But whatever, it has to be history. In the best of worlds, war could just stop, and we could still write another 2 million albums. So we’re all good. We will never run out of material.

So, I’ve been meaning to ask, why’d you pick the name “Sabaton?”

Chris: It actually comes from the claw we have on the “S”.

And a sabaton is a knight’s boot, basically.

Chris: Yeah exactly, it’s part of the armor. Ankle protection. So that’s where it came from, it’s like “metal up your ass!”

That’s a lot cooler.

Chris: And the best part, is if you go to a record store and look under “S”, you’ve got an S, then A, B, another A… the first thing you see is Sabaton.

Hannes: That’s not… (laughing) We could have just named the band “A”…

Chris: Yeah it was just pure luck.

I’d like to tell you about my new band “Aardvark…” Haha. You guys have two shows left on this tour, including tonight. What’s next? A European tour?

Chris: We just came from one, actually, eight months, and then we came here for the headline tour. We’re back home for about two weeks, and then festivals. All of them.

Hannes: And then we celebrate that Sweden just won the fucking World Cup in hockey. Boom! Yes!

Chris: They did??

Hannes: Yes. YES! (laughing and high-fiving)

Chris: After that, I don’t know. Probably go to Japan, and then next year we’ll see what happens.

So when you aren’t touring, watching hockey and writing new music, what else do you do? What do you like to do when you’re not doing this?

Chris: I like to be home. Spend time with my family, my girlfriend. Cats, dogs. Playing video games. If I don’t do that, I do a lot of design jobs. I draw stuff and make artwork for bands.

Hannes: Pretty mortal stuff, I suppose. Fishing, drinking too much coffee, listening to music. Spending time with family, being out in nature and enjoying the silence, weirdly enough. Just chill out, listen to good music and hang out with these guys. It’s great to be able to play music locally without playing a show. Just being able to get together and jam. We love to fuck around and play covers and stuff.

I’d love to see that. Thanks for your time, and looking forward to the show tonight.

Interview by Chris Williams, RockRevolt Contributor

Connect with Sabaton

INTERVIEW: Sabaton was originally published on RockRevolt Mag

[andrewuttaro]

Crash Course Soccer: Why should you love soccer?

Why should you love soccer? As I put together the two accompanying graphics explaining the broad strokes of soccer I thought about this question. A few months ago I wrote an open letter with all your swears and what not ranting about how awesome the sport is. Here I thought I would lay it out a little less emphatically. I’ve been pondering why I love soccer for a longtime since I myself got back into the sport in 2016. I say “got back into soccer” because I had sorta been raised on it. My dad took me to Rochester Rhinos games since the dawn of that team. That practice dropped off as the 2000s went on and my most tangible memories of soccer are the quadrennial get togethers my family had around the World Cup. Soccer brings my family together. My sisters played varsity while I only went as far as U8 soccer as an elementary schooler.

My sports viewing life begins and ends with the Buffalo Sabres. I am a huge hockey fan and I know the NHL front and back. Even though it’s been more or less a decade of torment for us Sabres fans I still watched NHL hockey. The NHL after all is the greatest hockey league in the world simply by virtue of the talent that finds its way into that league. The same is generally true across NFL, NBA, MLB and even a handful of other sports. We are very blessed as Americans to have easy access to some of the best sports in the world. The first thing you may need to overcome in loving soccer is that this is simply not true with any North American soccer league: the best players simply don’t play in Major League Soccer or even the top Mexican Soccer league, Liga MX.

But I’m not going to spring graphics and comparisons on you just yet. First we have to talk about why sports are entertaining. I’m going to do some toddler stuff here so bear with me: NFL football is run-crash-boom entertaining. NBA basketball is dodge-jump-swish entertaining. MLB baseball is click-rush-slide exciting. NHL hockey is crash-deke-pop exciting. That little exercise is meant to evoke the feelings of watching a game in one of those leagues. Each sport is very different not just in rules and goals, but in what is exciting about the sport itself. I struggle to come up with a similar onomatopoeia series for soccer… I guess it would be kick-swirl-sing but that seems stupid compared to the others. I love soccer for the game itself, but the experience of soccer is on a whole different level. I say that because Soccer functions differently in a lot of ways. The culture of soccer isn’t just supplemental like the culture around some other sports you maybe familiar with; in soccer the culture around the team is instrumental.

I’m not going to attempt to seduce you into liking soccer with pretty goals or strategic formations or even dazzle you with the much higher number of team trophies you can win in most soccer leagues. That’s what the neat graphics I put together are for. No, for what soccer lacks in having A+ talent on this continent it makes up for with fan participation. Fan participation in soccer is bar none the best you’ll find in sports. Yeah, I’ve seen the tailgates and heard the twelfth man cheers but I’m telling you it’s different; soccer fans are so empowered to participate they form supporters groups. These groups don’t just sing and cheer at games; they’re often a part of club branding, identity and in Germany for example, actual ownership of the clubs. Supporter Groups drive narrative in a way that simply has no comparison in the four big North American Sports leagues. The history of the soccer club is fundamentally intertwined with the history of its supporters. Unlike the generic nature of the twelfth man/#1 fan stuff here in North America supporters groups write the story more than the team itself even does. There’s a power in that. This power of supporters is amplified by promotion/relegation, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

I find the supporters group I’m a part of to be a better form of comradery than anything I can find in the NHL or certainly in football. Buffalo is known for its tailgating culture and I’ve participated in that; even that doesn’t compare with supporters groups. Ultimately that’s just something you need to experience but what I can tell you on this note is that there is something special about deciding which title you care most about your team winning: US Open Cup, MLS Cup or the Supporters Shield? Premier League title, FA Cup, or Champions League? There are three notable trophies in most soccer leagues and that is simply not the same in the four big sports of North America. That’s not to mention in most soccer leagues around the world there is promotion and relegation. That’s incredible. The thrill of potentially getting into a higher league for just being great at soccer, or on the other hand, the horror of being relegated to a lower league is profound. It really changes the way you look at the sport itself. My Buffalo Sabres would’ve never tanked in 2014-2015 if that would have got them relegated to the AHL. Moreover, any shmuck can start a club in the ninth division and have a route to compete on the biggest stage at the top-flight. I’m not telling you it happens all the time but that alone is incredible.

Soccer is the world’s sport. That’s not just true on a purely socio-economic level. Soccer, even in this country incorporates a cross section of humanity. Teams have people of many nationalities, skin colors, religions and orientations. While I can say the NHL skews toward white Canadians and white northern Europeans, there is just no way to talk about soccer that way. It is really the only sport that can claim to be for everyone in tangible, visible ways. That leads into my third big point: it is the single most accessible sport in the world. Promotion/Relegation makes access to open leagues egalitarian and even democratic as smaller towns and cities decide if they want to throw support behind a local startup. The materials to play soccer also make it accessible financially: in training you really don’t even need a goal you just need a ball. Moreover, no sport is easier to understand. That should really be the centerpiece of this article, but that onomatopoeia was just too fun an exercise.

You put the ball in the net, and you do it with your feet. That really is the just of it. Hockey is similarly straightforward and maybe you could say basketball is too but man, soccer is concise. I’d also venture to say outdoor sports with as little padding and player equipment as possible has a more authentic feel to it but that’s getting into the weeds and I don’t want to debate rugby with you. At the end of the day loving any sport is a subjective, personal choice. Before we wrap this up how about I share a personal story.

In 2017 I had been supporting Major League Soccer’s New York City Football Club for more than a year. Remember how I mentioned those Rochester Rhinos games I was brought to as a child? Well I had kept tabs on the Rhinos as far back as 2015 when they won the USL Cup. In spite of that title the outlook was not good in Rochester. Attendance had been waning for a decade after the MLS push failed. I was still salty about NYCFC bowing out of their playoffs in the semifinals when I got the news the Rhinos were going to go on hiatus. I was heartbroken. Normally hiatus is what comes before folding and I felt my split attention with a downstate club sucked away some of my support from the club that needed it more. The club that needed me more is still on hiatus. The Buffalo Sabres have broken my heart a lot but no sports heartbreak can compare to the Rochester Rhinos. I hope I can support them in a game again one day.

Anyway, buried somewhere in the paragraphs above is my reason for loving soccer. I hope I provided some insight for you to think about it. Once again, if you need some more help thinking about it check out the two graphics below. They are the actual “crash course” in soccer. Share this with a friend who you think might find it interesting. Maybe you’re trying to rope someone else into the sport. If you ever want to talk about it some more feel free to reach out to me @UttaroSports on twitter or right here on Tumblr. I love talking about the why of it all. I also love stories if you couldn’t tell. And if you’re interested in closer details on a specific club, oh well the Rhinos are at the front of my brain about 25% of my waking hours and 75% of my sleeping hours. I’d love to bring you into the Regulars. Either way…

Thanks for Reading.  

[datingadviceonreddit]

I was wondering how my old "friend" Paris has been doing in recent years. Looked her up on Twitter. I'm there, who's this latest "Beau". Haven't heard of these past half dozen guys since though. Nothing has changed with her. haha.Need some place online to post a bunch of text room so doing this here even though you guys will read it too. But this is for her to check out from elsewhere ok.This is gonna take some text room. Let's do the Dr. Phil and wonder and try to analyze the ongoing situation of Paris's boyfriends over the years. How come none of 'em work out.Checking the whodatedwho site,http://ift.tt/2mVxS3L's up to guy #53. I'd like to do a couple reddit style r/dataisbeautiful graphs of these guys. One sorted by most recent, the other graph would be sorted by who lasted the longest. Maybe one of you handy fellows can do that. See who lasted the longest. Sure is a lot of data. Lets take a look at their stats."Paris Hilton has been engaged to Paris Kasidokostas Latsis (2005) and Jason Shaw (2002 - 2003)."oh oh, what's this.. guys who got "serious". Note that is a VERY short list and was back in the good old days before things became jaded. She said "fuck it" to the getting married after only those two. And those were in the first period of the game. Now she's oh, in the middle of the second period at the game of life.I haven't checked out this celeb shit since I used to joke around with them in private rooms on myspace 2006. I remember that other Paris dude.. was looking like "true love" eh. Both the same first names, rich heirs.Later though that Benji guy.. seemed like he was lasting long. But when you look at these stats he was just par for the course.What else do we got here.. "Paris Hilton has been in relationships with Thomas Gross (2015 - 2016), Josh Upshaw (2014), River Viiperi (2012 - 2014), Afrojack (2011 - 2012), Cy Waits (2010 - 2011), Doug Reinhardt (2009 - 2010), Benji Madden (2008), Alex Vaggo (2007), Matt Leinart (2007), Stavros Niarchos (2005 - 2006), Chad Muska (2004 - 2005), Fred Durst (2004), Simon Rex (2004 - 2008), Nick Carter (2003 - 2004), Deryck Whibley (2003), Joe Francis (2003), Rick Salomon (2001), Leonardo DiCaprio (2000), Oscar De La Hoya (2000), Edward Furlong (1999 - 2000) and Randy Spelling (1996 - 1999).""Paris Hilton has had encounters with Todd Phillips (2011), Cristiano Ronaldo (2009), Jared Leto (2008), 50 Cent (2008), Brody Jenner (2007), DJ AM (2007), Adrian Grenier (2007), Tyler Atkins (2007), Josh Henderson (2007), Kid Rock (2007), James Neate (2006), Andy Roddick (2006), Criss Angel (2006 - 2007), Travis Barker (2006), Brandon Jack James (2006), Scott Storch (2006), Val Kilmer (2005), Lucas Babin (2004), Jake Sumner (2004), Jack Osbourne (2003), Mark McGrath (2003) and Vincent Gallo (2003)."Fuck, this is a lot of data. haha. Hope I got enough text limit room. This is actually par for the course with most celebs. MOST girls slut it up like that in Hollywood. These "encounters", most people don't know about 'em in mainstream news. Let's take a look at these numbers. lol.Fuck, I need a dataisbeautiful graph on these boys though. See which pecker was the longest, so to speak.Hang on, they got the sort by "table" and it notes, length. haha.. no not pecker length. Fuck, this is a lot of data to go thru. I'm not gonna use the word "slut" in any of this though, ok. haha. She's just a "trooper" who's hanging in there hopeful for true love, someday. ROFL! Omg this shit is making me laugh. But holy shit, that's a hell of a lot of either getting dumped or being dumped. She doesn't care though, she needs her sex all the time and will keep going at it. She's not a quitter though, I'll give her that. She's hanging in there hopeful for true love some day. lol. yes, I had to put a "lol" after that one. lolShe must have her heart hardened at this point. If they start to lose interest, she thinks, well I've seen that before. They get replaced like a servant around the mansion and she doesn't think about them twice later. She goes, oh well I guess they sorta last as long as dogs. How long did Tinkerbell last? That's the one I remember back then. But no way that's still around. So she keeps getting other "Tinkerbells" same thing as the boys.Partner Type Start End Length 53 Chris Zylka Relationship Aug 2016 present 7 months52 Thomas Gross Relationship May 2015 Apr 2016 11 months51 Jordan Barrett Encounter R Jan 2015 Jan 2015 -50 Josh Upshaw Relationship Jul 2014 Sep 2014 2 months49 River Viiperi Relationship Sep 2012 Jul 2014 1 year48 Afrojack Relationship Sep 2011 Aug 2012 11 months47 Todd Phillips Encounter Jul 2011 Jul 2011 -46 Cy Waits Relationship Aug 2010 Jun 2011 10 months45 Cristiano Ronaldo Encounter Jun 2009 Jun 2009 -44 Doug Reinhardt Relationship Feb 2009 Apr 2010 1 year43 Benji Madden Relationship Feb 2008 Nov 2008 9 months42 Jared Leto Encounter Jan 2008 Jan 2008 -41 50 Cent Encounter 2008 2008 -40 Julian Feitsma Encounter R Dec 2007 Dec 2007 -39 Brody Jenner Encounter Dec 2007 Dec 2007 -38 Alex Vaggo Relationship Sep 2007 Dec 2007 3 months37 DJ AM Encounter Sep 2007 Sep 2007 -36 Adrian Grenier Encounter Aug 2007 Aug 2007 -35 Tyler Atkins Encounter Jul 2007 Jul 2007 -34 James Blunt Encounter R Apr 2007 Apr 2007 -33 Matt Leinart Relationship Apr 2007 Jul 2007 3 months32 Josh Henderson Encounter Mar 2007 Mar 2007 -31 Kid Rock Encounter 2007 2007 -30 Harry Morton Encounter R Nov 2006 Nov 2006 -29 Criss Angel Encounter Oct 2006 Feb 2007 4 months28 James Neate Encounter Oct 2006 Oct 2006 -27 Andy Roddick Encounter Oct 2006 Oct 2006 -26 Travis Barker Encounter Sep 2006 Sep 2006 -25 Brandon Jack James Encounter Jul 2006 Jul 2006 -24 José Théodore Encounter R Jun 2006 Jun 2006 -23 Scott Storch Encounter 2006 2006 -22 Stavros Niarchos Relationship Oct 2005 Apr 2006 6 months21 Val Kilmer Encounter Mar 2005 Mar 2005 -20 Paris Kasidokostas Latsis Relationship Dec 2004 Sep 2005 9 months19 Chad Muska Relationship Nov 2004 Feb 2005 3 months18 Lucas Babin Encounter Oct 2004 Nov 2004 1 month17 Fred Durst Relationship Aug 2004 Oct 2004 2 months16 Jake Sumner Encounter Jul 2004 Jul 2004 -15 Chad Michael Murray Encounter R May 2004 May 2004 -14 Simon Rex Relationship 2004 2008 4 years13 Nick Carter Relationship Dec 2003 Jul 2004 7 months12 Jack Osbourne Encounter Sep 2003 Sep 2003 -11 Deryck Whibley Relationship Jun 2003 Nov 2003 5 months10 Mark McGrath Encounter May 2003 May 2003 -9 Vincent Gallo Encounter Apr 2003 Apr 2003 -8 Joe Francis Relationship 2003 2003 -7 Jason Shaw Relationship Aug 2001 Feb 2003 1 year6 Tom Sizemore Encounter R Jun 2001 Jun 2001 -5 Rick Salomon Relationship Feb 2001 May 2001 2 months4 Leonardo DiCaprio Relationship R Sep 2000 Nov 2000 2 months3 Oscar De La Hoya Relationship R Jun 2000 Aug 2000 2 months2 Edward Furlong Relationship Sep 1999 May 2000 8 months1 Randy Spelling Relationship May 1996 Jul 1999 3 yearsphew.. thats a lot of data. Hang on.. Some chicks they joke around about how they fuck the whole football team.. but come on here.. 53 guys.. How many people can fit in a Greyhound bus? haha.. lemme go check.Holy shit. "Greyhound currently has 65 of the G4500 models on the road. First purchased in 1995, these coaches carry 54 or 55 passengers. Greyhound has 189 of these buses in their fleet."omg.. no vancancy a couple guys from now, Paris! hahaha. Imagine walking into that bus with all the boys she fucked. That's pretty bad, Paris. hahaha! And you're not a slut? :-D Fuck, I like bugging her. haha.How many guys in a football team?"11 players. In both American and European football, no more than 11 players are allowed on the field at any one time from each team"So she fucked how many football teams? hahaha. Well she's almost at 5, because that'd be 55. That's a lot of football teams there, paris. But those are just the guys on the field.How about hockey teams. lol. Under the rules of the International Ice Hockey Federation, a hockey team is allowed to have up to 20 players on the bench with an additional two goalkeepers. So that's 22.. BOTH teams, 44. She could go at BOTH teams, plus the referees and coaches. ROFL.ok let's sort that list again but this time by which "dude" tried to be "long term" with her. Which dude lasted the longest. lol. This shit is gonna take a lot of text room.Partner Type Start End Length 01 - 1 Randy Spelling Relationship May 1996 Jul 1999 3 years02 - 49 River Viiperi Relationship Sep 2012 Jul 2014 1 year03 - 44 Doug Reinhardt Relationship Feb 2009 Apr 2010 1 year04 - 7 Jason Shaw Relationship Aug 2001 Feb 2003 1 year05 - 52 Thomas Gross Relationship May 2015 Apr 2016 11 months06 - 48 Afrojack Relationship Sep 2011 Aug 2012 11 months07 - 46 Cy Waits Relationship Aug 2010 Jun 2011 10 months08 - 43 Benji Madden Relationship Feb 2008 Nov 2008 9 months09 - 20 Paris Kasidokostas Latsis Relationship Dec 2004 Sep 2005 9 months10 - 2 Edward Furlong Relationship Sep 1999 May 2000 8 months11 - 53 Chris Zylka Relationship Aug 2016 present 7 months12 - 13 Nick Carter Relationship Dec 2003 Jul 2004 7 months13 - 22 Stavros Niarchos Relationship Oct 2005 Apr 2006 6 months14 - 11 Deryck Whibley Relationship Jun 2003 Nov 2003 5 months15 - 29 Criss Angel Encounter Oct 2006 Feb 2007 4 months16 - 38 Alex Vaggo Relationship Sep 2007 Dec 2007 3 months17 - 33 Matt Leinart Relationship Apr 2007 Jul 2007 3 months18 - 19 Chad Muska Relationship Nov 2004 Feb 2005 3 months19 - 50 Josh Upshaw Relationship Jul 2014 Sep 2014 2 months20 - 17 Fred Durst Relationship Aug 2004 Oct 2004 2 months21 - 5 Rick Salomon Relationship Feb 2001 May 2001 2 months22 - 4 Leonardo DiCaprio Relationship R Sep 2000 Nov 2000 2 months23 - 3 Oscar De La Hoya Relationship R Jun 2000 Aug 2000 2 months24 - 18 Lucas Babin Encounter Oct 2004 Nov 2004 1 month25 - 51 Jordan Barrett Encounter R Jan 2015 Jan 2015 -26 - 47 Todd Phillips Encounter Jul 2011 Jul 2011 -27 - 45 Cristiano Ronaldo Encounter Jun 2009 Jun 2009 -28 - 42 Jared Leto Encounter Jan 2008 Jan 2008 -29 - 41 50 Cent Encounter 2008 2008 -30 - 40 Julian Feitsma Encounter R Dec 2007 Dec 2007 -31 - 39 Brody Jenner Encounter Dec 2007 Dec 2007 -32 - 37 DJ AM Encounter Sep 2007 Sep 2007 -33 - 36 Adrian Grenier Encounter Aug 2007 Aug 2007 -34 - 35 Tyler Atkins Encounter Jul 2007 Jul 2007 -35 - 34 James Blunt Encounter R Apr 2007 Apr 2007 -36 - 32 Josh Henderson Encounter Mar 2007 Mar 2007 -37 - 31 Kid Rock Encounter 2007 2007 -38 - 30 Harry Morton Encounter R Nov 2006 Nov 2006 -39 - 28 James Neate Encounter Oct 2006 Oct 2006 -40 - 27 Andy Roddick Encounter Oct 2006 Oct 2006 -41 - 26 Travis Barker Encounter Sep 2006 Sep 2006 -42 - 25 Brandon Jack James Encounter Jul 2006 Jul 2006 -43 - 24 José Théodore Encounter R Jun 2006 Jun 2006 -44 - 23 Scott Storch Encounter 2006 2006 -45 - 21 Val Kilmer Encounter Mar 2005 Mar 2005 -46 - 16 Jake Sumner Encounter Jul 2004 Jul 2004 -47 - 15 Chad Michael Murray Encounter R May 2004 May 2004 -48 - 14 Simon Rex Relationship 2004 2008 4 years49 - 12 Jack Osbourne Encounter Sep 2003 Sep 2003 -50 - 10 Mark McGrath Encounter May 2003 May 2003 -51 - 9 Vincent Gallo Encounter Apr 2003 Apr 2003 -52 - 8 Joe Francis Relationship 2003 2003 -53 - 6 Tom Sizemore Encounter R Jun 2001 Jun 2001 -ok we've got a problem there. Longest dude was the first one. 3 years. After that, 3 guys that lasted one year. Looks like the "encounters" went on in the earlier years. In later years they're relationships. None of the 52 boys have broke the 1 year barrier. Happy anniversary, eh Paris. hahaha :-DThis is tough data to go thru then, now you have to look at, ok what's going on in recent years, do they last longer. But it's ALL less than 1 year though. Huge relationship issues just right there. But hey, let's analyze which chump doesn't bail out after a few months.What exactly is the problem here. This isn't just one guy. This is 4 football teams and plus the coaches and all the referees, and probably might as well throw in the fucking play-by-play commentators in the announcement box. lol ok this makes your head spin that, Houston.. sure sounds like we've got a problem.I get it, sex becomes routine after a while. I think what's going on is they lose interest and she goes, "fuck them" and gets another one.Looking at the stats, she does seem to try to make them hang around longer in later years. So you do see some improvement there. But the sheer amount is not normal. There's underlying issues here. It's like, WHY, how come they bail out.I know I read years ago they found Valtrex in her locker. But they all have STD's in Hollywood.A few months ago read about Jim Carrey's ex suing him saying he had 3 kinds of STDs or something. Hollywood, they're all inbred eh. So they all get those same diseases then it's ok if they shag each other. That's gotta come into play with why these guys don't last long.And then what's going on with no kids. At that age, you're almost done. I get it, you'd need a long term guy to do that first. So if that doesn't happen, not gonna be workin out there. But time's runnin out if she has that planned. Maybe she can't have kids, or isn't interested. Something fishy there too, abnormal.So I don't know what's going on there.. What do we got.. well nobody lasts longer than a year. The question is, WHY. This isn't just one guy either it's fucking 52 of them. haha. I don't know.. go figure. haha. It isn't just one of them, it's ALL of them. Is it her or is it them that's the problem.Where does this "new guy" stand in the rankings. If you sort it by longest, he's #11 on the all time hall of fame. haha. Pretty good though, 7 months. We'll give him a participation ribbon. lol. If he can make it past the 1 year, he gets a trooper trophy. lolLet's go back to the beginning. What went on with her there after this first guy. He lasted 3 years, it was normal.. but then wow she slutted it up, going wild with all those teams of guys. haha. It's like she said "fuck it" after that first guy broke her heart or he got bored and was routine and didn't love her, shit like that.She got burned by the fire and said "fuck this" after that. But she keeps trying though. She keeps hanging in there. She didn't quit and say fuck men, they're all assholes and dyke it up. So good for you there, sweetie. hahaha. Sometimes they do that though, they say fuck men. Christ, you'd think at this point she'd have done that. hahaha. How many times can you get burned by fire.Is the problem her, or is it THEM. That's a good question. You know how boys are. They cheat eh. They get bored after a while. The old same sex routine. Could be them. They usually are all the same.Plus here's a huge factor to the problem. She likes "hot guys", right. Well, they're even worse. As Dr. Phil would make you wonder to yourself, how's what you're doing been working out for ya.Well, I'd say, maybe it's this choice of "hot guy" which could be the problem with things never lasting long term. If you change your gameplan and go for a guy that other women don't always want to have your man, you'd take that factor out. So you got a problem there. Either way, whatever's going on, you can't dispute the stats. lol. Doesn't look good. Mr what's his name now, has a 98% chance he won't be around next summer. That's a little discouraging though, eh? :-D Fuck, this shit makes me laugh.Like what's going on here with these fucking guys. A lot of them I don't recognize their names. I betcha they "use" her as a stepping stone to initially get a bit famous and work in the industry. Then once that factor wears off, they can't go up in the industry by using her more so she gets dumped.Maybe they never really truly loved her, just pretend the whole time with fake kisses and later that shit doesn't last. This is why none of them last.But.. if they're more famous than her, that's not as much of a factor, of her being used to increase their fame. I think a lot of these more famous guys don't want to get involved with her because this sex track record doesn't look good. Everybody would think, well this guy isn't gonna last. You're looking at 98% odds, right. So everybody's staying away. Plus STD's. Not good.No wonder she has this glazed depressed look in that latest NYpost photoshoot. Plus she's always getting busted for drugs. Pot isn't too bad but how about that coke. Need it to just feel normal. That'll fuck up your mood of being "happy". Oh and when they found the valtrex they found ambien. Well she'd likely be on who knows what kinds of all sorts of pills. They all do that in hollywood. That shit fucks ya up. Anti-depressants and what not. No wonder she's not smiling in those photoshoots. lol.In earlier years there were more recognizable celeb names but lately she goes for these unknown guys who likely use her more. No shit that's not gonna work out.So there ya go.. that a fair analysis at the data. Lot of issues. Some of this shit backfires on her. She gets these unknowns who use her to move up in the industry. Then once that wears off, they bail out.She used to fuck more recognizable bigger name celebs but they have women chasing after them. Higher likelihood they'll leave.These new guys they may kinda need her to use her for the money too. Sorta like opposite of rich guys do with younger girls.So fuckin sad a lot of this. haha. You can picture the dudes kissing her and pretending they love her.. Yeah sorta works in the start but they can't fake the honeymoon for too long eh.Something's fishy though.. why do none of them last past the 1 year point. Huge barrier. There's something about what happens in a relationship then. Sex becomes routine. They want the thrill of the chase with a new person.I don't think even Dr. Phil can help ya out there. hahaha. You're on your own with your issues. lol. I perhaps gave you a few pointers about problem areas, and noticeable trends in the stats. Ask yourself WHY, about it all, Paris. Could help you figure out what the problem is ;-) via /r/dating_advice