#i guess it's just a question of is doin some dmg gonna make the whole thing less worth it for him
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#one of these days when he tells me to ~fight back~ i'm gonna end up doin it for real#may i interest you in a stiletto heel through your eyeball#see how he likes the nails when i tear into his fucking face#would it end terribly for me? absolutely. would it still make me feel better? it might!#always did it the way i know he wants it even though he never actually told me not to make it too hard for him#cause i know which fantasy i'm supposed to be playin into (n i guess it'd ruin the illusion if he had to actually y'know. communicate)#but cause he never said it i'd technically still be doin what i'm told if i went all in n actually tried to hurt him#which would be a great defense if he actually gave a shit#wouldn't be the firt time i get my ass beat for doin what he said instead of what he meant#*first#i guess it's just a question of is doin some dmg gonna make the whole thing less worth it for him#or is it just gonna make him take it out on me worse. which i don't want n also might have the opposite effect#if it's the kinda release he's lookin for but hasn't gone far enough to get lately#it's just. fucking gross. i don't wanna do that shit.#n i don't even wanna know what it's doin to my head on the subconscious level#nothin good that's for sure#spdrvent
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