#i hate rob gronkowski

[svndrenched]

I hate Luca because it glorifies being an Italian child

this anon spiked a can of san marzano tomatoes on my kitchen floor like rob gronkowski.

[classix0996]

NEW ENGLAND WHAT ARE YOU DOING. OH MY LORD.

[gayidungeon]

Gronksgiving

You are at Thanksgiving dinner at your uncle Rob Gronkowski house, the football player for the New England Patriots. Everyone has left leaving you two alone to clean up. You have been doing this every year since you were little and it is always a good time.

Rob tossed a football in the air. His stomach hangs out. He ate so much. Your mom would be proud of what you did today.

"Hey, you can do better than that." You say as he throws another one.

He looks down and smiles. "Yeah, I know." As he pretends to fumble the ball and you fake out a catch. He looks surprised and smiles as you drop it. "Oh whoops, I guess it was a fumble after all!"

Gronk grins. "Hey come here, let me hike it to you" he says. He gets into a three point stance waiting for you to get behind him.

You get behind him and get into position; your head right infront of his massive ass. You know what he's planning, he does it every year to you. You let him though because he ways find it hilarious.

"Red 52, red 52" he says.

"Down. Set.." instead of saying hike, he shifts and rips a massive fart in your face. You always know when it's going to be bad one when he has a goofy grin while he does it. It burns your eyes and you fall on the ground choking.

"Oh come on, I said I was going to do that!" he laughs as you get up and rush him.

He hugs you tight. "I trick you into that every year."

"Yeah I know."

"How many years has it been now, eight?"

"Yeah. Hey, can we do something else now. Like wrestling."

Rob laughs again. "Sure thing buddy. You're on."

"SWEEEEEEET!"

You both change into your sweats and grab a Soda. Rob heads to his room and grabs the step ladder and stands in the middle of the room. "Ready?"

You love when he does this, it's one of the three favorite things you get to do every year. You nod eagerly and get crazy psyched up as he sets the ladder down.

"Wrestle!"

The wrestling match follows the same pattern it always does. You choke him with the rope, slap his fat stomach and get him in a head lock. He's so much bigger and stronger that he could probably out muscle you into submission but Rob has never taken advantage of that. For some reason he lets you get in these really good holds on him.

"Yep I'm winning" Rob says as he collapses on his sofa.

You tackle him extra hard, punching his shoulder pads as hard as you can. "I think you're losing."

"Nope, I'm still winning" he says through a laugh.

You climb on top of him and start wailing into his stomach as hard as you can. That's one of the other best parts about coming here, is how strong you feel after playing with Rob. Sometimes you think he's part ogre. "Ok, ok stop." He says shielding his face.

You don't stop.

"Stop or I'm going to start farting" Gronk threatens you.

You laugh and continue hitting him. He grabs you hand and flips over pushing all of his weight on top of you as you hit the ground hard.

"See I told you I was going to win" Rob says in between laughing.

You look up at him. "Only because you cheated."

"I did not!"

"You broke the rules, no cheating!" You smack his belly. It jiggles like the moon in the water.

"Ooooooh you're going to pay for that." Rob says as he mimics tearing off your arms and beating you with them.

"No, I think your punishment should be a stinkface" Rob says. You know what that is. It's one of the worst things ever.

"You got to be kidding me." You beg as he sits on your chest.

"Nope."

As you try and fail to push him off he grabs your wrists and puts them behind your back. You feel your arm wiggle around as his massive butt thrusts into your face. "Stop, please stop." You whimper as your nose is hit by a wall of awful.

"You can always give up" he laughs.

You try and fail to get him off you as he sits on your nose. You're crying, tears flying everywhere and dripping off his cheeks. You'd laugh if you weren't crying for real.

"And here it comes" Rob flexes as he starts farting in your face.

"NO STOP!" you yell as he flexes his butt muscles one last time and holds the pose. Mucus flies out of your nose and into your mouth, it tastes awful.

"Go on. Say you love uncle gronk's farts"

You push and struggle but you can't get him off of you. Your face is soaked in tears, snot and nasty gas as Rob laughs at your misery. Eventually you give in and whisper it. "I love uncle gronk's farts."

He finally gets up and lets you go. You let out a yell as the tears keep coming and you lay on the ground hopeless.

"I think that's the most fun I've ever had" He says as he pulls his shorts back up and waddles over to you. You wince as he picks you up easily. He sits down on the sofa and you sit in his lap as he puts his arm around you. You bury your head in his fat chest as the tears finally stop. The smell is still there, but it's fading slowly. He gently pushes your head back so he can look at you.

"Thought we were done with that." He laughs as he pats your head softly.

"Sorry, I just get emotional sometimes." You explain as you wipe your nose on his sleeve.

"It's OK, but I got a question. Why in the hell did you pick me?"

"What do you mean? You're the only option besides my parents." You say confused.

"Yeah but I'm a weirdo and you know it."

You pause for a moment as you try and think of an answer. "The truth?"

"Of course.

"You're the closest thing to a father I have. I know you're weird and all but I like it. You take care of me and stuff when you're not being a jerk."

"I thought you hated me because of all the farting." Gronk says.

"Yeah sometimes you're horrible, but I know deep down you're a nice guy. I'll put up with your stupid shenanigans because despite it all I think you care." You pat his belly. It's not as hard as a few months ago, you know it won't be long before he gets back to his regular flabby self.

"I had no idea." He says as he hugs you closer.

You wince as feel his sweaty belly fat against you. It's gross and smelly but right now it feels warm and welcoming.

"I love you too buddy" He whispers in your ear as you bury deeper into his embrace.

You hear him fart into the couch cushions. "Well you asked for it" he laughs as you laugh to yourself thinking about how crazy your life is.

"Well as long as it's not in my face" you say to him.

"That'sif you're lucky kid".

"What do you mean?"

"I love farting on faces." Gronk says. "I love seeing the looks of shame and horror on their faces."

You sit up as he laughs. "Well it's an acquired taste."

"Haha kid you'll get there soon enough". You lean back and snuggle into his belly again. "I love you Gronk, I really do."

His stubbly chin rubs against your forehead as he chuckles out loud.

[lizadoesrph]

how to: sports guide -- FOOTBALL edition.

Sports and lack of knowledge when it comes to sports is literally my biggest pet peeve in the RPC, so here is a little guide especially for those muses who play football! Please like or reblog if you’ve found this in anyway helpful! Please feel free to refer to this guide whilst making muses or college rps! Part one here. 

disclaimer: I have not, nor ever played football. everything I know is from personal knowledge with people who have as well as being a huge fanatic of the sport myself.  As well as personal experience of a college athlete.

Overall.

Football is America’s sport. let’s be real, y’all can say its baseball but you would be wrong. Okay maybe not, but football is my LOVE when it comes to sports so I am so bias.

For my babies from the South -- they will follow college football to a T! They will probably have parents who are legacies and they follow their teams. The power house conference for college football is the SEC (south eastern conference), and overall the most dominant team in recent history has been Alabama followed by Clemson, and Ohio State. Saturdays are THE game days.

For my children from the North -- this is much more about the NFL. The Dallas Cowboys are known as America’s team, however... nobody really likes them unless you’re a cowboys fan.  The most dominant team in recent history are the New England Patriots.  Game days range from Thursday night to all day Sunday to Monday night! Thursday, Sunday Night, and Monday Night are known as “prime time games”

Myself, personally, I follow both college & NFL pretty closely since my family is from the North but moved to the South when I was young. 

For those in the west, football isn’t as big of a thing as it is on the east coast -- but seattle LOVES their team. Take a quick research on the NFL team near your muse’s hometown if they are from the states!  Maybe they have family from somewhere. And.. Green Bay is more or less America’s Team (Go pack go babbbyyyy)

Positions.

Special Teams.

This is usually reserved for second strings to get reps in. I could go into gunners, and all that but... not a star position.

Place Kicker - Usually an ex-soccer player who chose football over soccer.  A very valuable asset to a team, but underrated. Can always get crowd hypes up when they make a tackle. usually the position who gets the most death threats (sorry) example. mason crosby Punter - Same with Place Kicker, can sometimes be the same person. see pat mcafee who did both in college. Usually ex-soccer player and VERY overlooked.  They are usually the holders for place kickers during field goals. example. JK Scott. Returner - can make or break a team. bringing back a punt or kickoff for a touchdown will literally create the hypest environment. example. Tyler Ervin.

Offense. 

Quarterback - 1 // yeah, yeah, yeah. there’s more positions than this, I promise. example. the goat. aka aaron rodgers. Running Back - 2 // Smaller boys, fast, and shifty.  They usually do some dirty work, but a good one is a jack of all trades -- blocking, route running/catching, and carrying.  example. aaron jones. Full Back - 1 // Bigger boys than running back and these are the unknown angels on the field.  They are usually used to clear ways for running backs and help with down the field blocks, but also used for pass protection blocks. example. danny vitale. Tackle - 2 // Have you seen the movie “The Blind Side”. this is it. They are on the outermost boys of the offensive line. ( Kinda skipping over the offensive line since.. I doubt people are gonna play as them. ) example. david bakhtiari Guard - 2 // This is the boys on the inside, on either side of the Center. example. elgton jenkins Center - 1 // Very important role, in charge of getting the ball cleanly to the Quarterback whilst also getting up as fast as possible to start blocking against lineman and linebackers. example. corey linsley Wide Receiver - 2-4 // Probably the second most glorified role depending on the team. Tall, fast, shifty, with strong knowledge to run different routes, look and track the football to catch it.  Whilst also knowing where they are on the field at all times. example. davante adams, allen lazard. Tight End - 1-2 // Very important but scarcely utilized. There are either receiving tight ends or blocking tight ends.  The best will do both and do it effectively.  As much as I hate to say it, Gronkowski is probably the best example you will find.  These are big, strong players who probably have some of the biggest loads dumped on them when it comes to expectations. example. Rob Gronkowski, George Kittle.

Defense. (the best)

Lineman -  2-4 // usually in charge of stopping the run / pushing the lineman in to put pressure on the quarterback (nose tackle) these are the big boy 300 pounders example. kenny clark. Linebacker - 2-4 // split up into outer / middle/ inside. They are in charge of either coverage or rushing the quarterback depending on the playcall. The biggest jobs of most in containing either the quarterback or running back from breaking out into a big run. These are probably some of the most popular defensive roles since they can do so much to receive recognition (interceptions, great coverage, sacks, forced fumbles, ect.) example. Preston Smith, Blake Martinez  Cornerback - 2-3 // These can probably be the smallest people on the team, but they also need to be the fastest with a really solid vertical.  There is a lot of studying that goes into this role when it comes to knowing who you are playing against. Needs to interrupt the pass, and cover your receiver well.  example. Jaire Alexander Safety - 1-2 // my personal fav. position in the game.  This used to be split in strong/free, but it really isn’t used much anymore.  A smaller linebacker -- either assist in the run defense, assist cornerbacks, or provide a safety blitz (rushing the quarterback) example. adrian amos.

( yes I listed all packers as examples except at TE bc Jimmy Graham doesn’t deserve that recognition )

Recruiting.

Recruiting in Football is WACK. You get ranked from zero to five stars depending on how good you are in high school.  Zero stars being not so great and five stars being the best of the best. Five star recruits are the most likely to go to those SEC schools.  You get unofficial offers from colleges, and you will “sign” to a school on National Signing Day when it usually in February!  This year, they have an Early Signing Day which is happening mid-December! 

As a senior in high school, an athlete is allowed FIVE “official” visits.  This is where the school will pay for everything the athlete does, and is the last attempt a college gets to convince that player to come to their school.  An official visit is usually for a recruits top five schools. 

Once you sign a letter of intent ( an official, legally binding document that says you will go to the college of your choice to play the sport (football in this case) with the amount of scholarship money the school promised to give you.

College.

If your muse makes it this far, there is a 99.9% chance football is literally their heart and soul.  Those who are at big schools probably have dreams of going to the NFL.  If this is true..... there is a 99.9% chance they don’t go to classes lmao. 

In season, they spend around 30-50 hours working out, practicing, studying film, in meetings with coaches. you will be busy. you will hate your life. everytime you don’t have class, you will likely be in the field house or hosting parties somewhere. nobody drinks like college athletes drink, trust me, I was one.

Most college football players have mandatory study hall, around 2-8 hours a week they have to check into a room, the library, or their academic advisor to make sure they are on track and eligible for the following semester.

IMPORTANT: 

College athletes have a clock of 5 years once they step on a D1 field. You are no longer eligible to play D1 football after these 5 years. ONCE you commit to go to the NFL draft, you are no longer eligible to play NCAA football. You have FOUR years of eligibility, after these four years you are no longer able to play NCAA football. This clock resets for every sport. You can play in the NFL and return to college to play college basketball.

You can receive a medical or academic redshirt. these rules are complicated, but mostly won’t matter in RP unless you want?? your character to tear their ACL. It will take a small google search, but if that is too much, feel free to message me.

[tabloidtoc]

People, August 31

Cover: Brandy -- what really happened to me 

Page 3: Chatter -- Cardi B on her drive, Orlando Bloom on taking a break from acting to raise his son Flynn, Sterling K. Brown on his son’s reaction to his two 2020 Emmy nominations, Rob Lowe on his two adult sons moving back in with him and his wife during quarantine, Maya Rudolph on Kamala Harris whom she impersonates on SNL running for Vice President, Jamie Lee Curtis on her obsession with acquiring toilet paper early in the pandemic 

Page 4: 5 Things We’re Talking About This Week -- The Crown casts a new Princess Diana, Patrick Star lands his own series, The Fresh Prince scores a reboot, the last Blockbuster becomes an Airbnb, Dennis Quaid adopts a cat named Dennis Quaid 

Page 7: Contents 

Page 8: StarTracks -- stars get back in the game -- Serena Williams at the Top Seed Open in Kentucky, her husband Alexis Ohanian and their daughter Olympia cheer her on at an earlier match 

Page 9: Rob Gronkowski and Tom Brady hit the practice field during the Tampa Bay Buccaneers training camp in Florida, Los Angeles Lakers players LeBron James and Anthony Davis celebrated their win over the Denver Nuggets 

Page 10: Black-ish actor Anthony Anderson celebrated his 50th birthday with a socially distanced drive-by party, pregnant Gabby Barrett and husband Cade Foehner, Prince Charles and Camilla Duchess of Cornwall attended a memorial service marking the 75th anniversary of V-J Day 

Page 11: Stars in the Sun -- Andy Cohen and son Benjamin on the beach, Gavin Rossdale went for a shirtless stroll on the beach in Santa Monica, Alessandra Ambrosio plays volleyball, Simon Baker caught some waves while vacationing in Sydney 

Page 12: Armie Hammer and Gal Gadot in Death on the Nile, a bearded Adam Sandler worked up a sweat playing basketball, Kevin Hart with pregnant wife Eniko and kids Kenzo and Heaven and Hendrix 

Page 13: Stars’ Best Friends -- Lenny Kravitz and his dogs Leroy and JoJo Dancer, Patrick Dempsey snuggled with his pup, Reese Witherspoon and her dog Lou, Liev Schreiber and girlfriend Taylor Neisen walk their dogs on the beach in the Hamptons, PLEASE ADOPT, DON’T SHOP 

Page 15: Scoop -- Chrissy Teigen and John Legend surprise baby news 

Page 16: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new divorce dispute 

Page 18: Heart Monitor -- Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas birthday bliss, Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker new couple?, Becca Kufrin and Garrett Yrigoyen breakup buzz, Madonna and Ahlamalik Williams going strong 

Page 19: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s move to Santa Barbara -- celeb neighbors include Oprah Winfrey and Rob Lowe and Katy Perry 

Page 20: How Miley Cyrus is moving on from her split with Cody Simpson 

Page 21: Bindi Irwin’s pregnancy joy, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau life after Game of Thrones 

Page 23: Passages, Why I Care -- Chance the Rapper created an organization to help give back to the youth in his hometown of Chicago 

Page 25: Stories to Make You Smile! 

Page 27: People Picks -- The Vow 

Page 28: Project Power, Love in the Time of Corona, Tim McGraw -- Here on Earth 

Page 29: The One and Only Ivan, Tesla, Pure 

Page 31: Books 

Page 32: Cover Story -- Brandy’s rhythm and blues -- back with new music after nearly eight years the onetime teen sensation opens up about success and struggles and how depression nearly took her life 

Page 38: Joe Biden and Kamala Harris -- this is who we are and this is America -- the Democratic running mates open up about the audacity of their partnership and the modern family ethos they’ll bring to the White House and the 4-letter word they’ve both banned at home 

Page 42: Russell Crowe -- the highs and lows of fame -- 20 years after Gladiator the star reflects on what he’s learned and why he’s happiest on his farm in Australia

Page 46: Matt Mauser -- mourning after a tragic crash -- he lost his wife in the helicopter accident that killed Kobe Bryant and now the musician is raising their three kids and honoring her memory 

Page 50: A Rise in Hate Crimes -- murdered for being transgender -- statistics show an alarming increase in violent deaths among transgender women -- inside 6 of the chilling cases 

Page 54: Gloria Estefan -- what I know now -- the queen of Latin pop reflects on her historic career and her 41-year marriage and the near-death experience that changed her life

Page 58: August Alsina -- All I can do is tell the truth -- eager to move on from his entanglement with Jada Pinkett Smith the R&B singer opens up about healing after loss and addiction 

Page 60: Holland Taylor -- I’ve been really lucky -- the Emmy nominee is busier than ever but all she’s feeling is gratitude for her life and her relationship and her maturity 

Page 64: Joe Manganiello -- this is the real me -- he’s known for his sexy roles but beneath the rugged exterior beats the heart of a Dungeons & Dragons nerd 

Page 66: Raising 10 children with 6 adopted with fetal alcohol spectrum disorders Alicia and Josh Dougherty rely on patience and faith and the healing power of family -- they all bring so much joy 

Page 70: Suze Orman --this was a journey to hell and back -- the personal-finance guru undergoes emergency spinal surgery and learns a powerful lesson about prioritizing her health 

Page 73: Kate Walsh -- what my life’s really like -- her vacation turned into a move to Australia and the Umbrella Academy star shares how she’s staying connected down under 

Page 75: The search for a COVID-19 vaccine -- Dr. Tom Frieden one of the nation’s top infectious-disease experts answers your questions about the race to stop the coronavirus 

Page 77: Beauty -- New Products You’ll Love -- 25 best Fall buys for $25 or less -- Catherine Zeta-Jones 

Page 78: Skin-care essentials -- Rihanna

Page 81: Healthy hair finds -- Tracee Ellis Ross

Page 87: Second Look -- Jonathan Majors and Jurnee Smollett in Lovecraft Country 

Page 88: One Last Thing -- Tim McGraw 

[ravengirl94]

I do not know how you go from that horrendous a deficit that late in the game to WINNING but my boys pulled it off. God I love this team, even if they give me anxiety and aneurysms. Do not go gentle into that good night. Always keep fighting. Now go shave your face, Julian.

[rooneywritesbest]

The Purge Of The Sports World And New England Taking The Throne Again

The clock winding down oh no are you kidding not again. I just don’t get it he’s a 41-year-old quarterback. The passion of karma was supposed to come into factor and play a role in this super bowl. The Rams were the team that Brady beat for his first. So wouldn’t the fix set in saying that Brady will lose and pass the torch to Jared Goff and Sean Mcvay? I guess not that guy or as the fans call him around this area. The GOAT, it’s weird to think how can someone a human be compared to an animal. Or does it stand for something else? Not sure and i really don’t care all I know is that guy needs to retire and move on. But unfortunately, now that he got his sixth tonight. Which made me puke. Bro that offensive line was like steel no one was getting through there. This is total bs. Great and the game is over so a sad day because half of the NFL can be wiped from existence. So Rooney listens to me that guy needs to go it makes me sick. I just hate that guy he’s a cheater and thief. GOAT more like FOAT let me say it out loud Fakest of all time. Every Ram fan or NFL on the planet after the spectacle they just witnessed from the GOAT TB12 and his Teammates 87 Rob Gronkowski 11 Julian Edelman Superbowl MVP may i say and add. The emotion and feeling of disdain towards this city, or to coin region. Just comes from the realization that the city of Boston is a blue-collar area that bleeds the colors of the sport teams that take place in the pantheons of the city. With the RedSox taking charge at the top of MT Boston. Representing the pedigree of the city and the essence of the culture of being a Bostonian or masshole. The Elysium of Fenway Park and the moments that the stadium holds and the ghosts of Fenway still buying a ticket and sitting down at the glorious Green monsters seats. To the Boston Celtics and The Boston Bruins Taking shelter at the prestigious proverbial halls of the TD Banknorth Garden. Howling with the spirits of the fans and players that have their names raised in the rafters and the banners that will stay up high till the end of eternity. To finally the Sacred hollow grounds of Gilette stadium. Which will be christened and baptized by another Vince Lombardi Superbowl trophy. The snow will soon disappear and fade into the afterthought of everyone's mind. Then the world series Boston RedSox will raise the trophy and add a Superbowl to the collection. So in closing say what you will about the Pats or the Red Sox or any Boston team. The city of Boston is just an elusive mystery that non-fans of the teams dressed and clothed in White and green or White and Red Or Black and Gold or Even Blue and Red. The term we get when we leave and emigrate from the kingdom of New England is: "Masshole

Well just say we pick up our phones after 6 rings during football season. Now in closing thought is Boston a football town or Baseball city or does the core four sports work in tandem and act as pillars of foundation holding up the city and the blue-collar massholes that inhabit the region of the United States only known to the Faithful As New England Hey 12 championships in 18 years not to shabby

[pastourprimesports-blog]

NFL Divisional Round Preview: By: Teej

It is a sad time of the year, but also the best time of the year! It is true its NFL playoff season, however that also means we are close to the end of the NFL season, only 11 total games left.

Quick recap from the wild card weekend, ready go. Eagles got a couple fingers on a last second field goal, Chargers forced a sack fumble to advance (Thank god), Colts dominated the Texans, and the Cowboys ran past the Seahawks. Now on to this week, where teams are playing to advance to the AFC & NFC championship games.  All 4 match-ups are projected to be great games; all 8 teams are coming in hot into the playoffs.

AFC Match Ups

Colts at Chiefs (Saturday 4:35 pm)

The Indianapolis Colts come in at 10-6 after the regular season and starting 1-5. They are the first team to ever make the playoffs with a starting record of 1-5. The Colts are hot on both sides of the ball, defensively they have Darius Leonard who many think should without a doubt be Defensive Rookie of the year, he did after all make the All Pro Team (but not the Pro Bowl, not sure how that happens) The Colts also have a brick wall at the offensive line led by their 2018 1st round pick Quenton Nelson; or as he recently stated in an interview on “The Pat McAfee Show 2.0” you may also call him “Mean Son-of-a-Bitch”. Though they are young on both sides of the ball, they are complete on both sides of the ball. They have veteran leadership as well, Andrew Luck is fully back, as well a veteran presence in special teams with Adam Vinatieri.  

The Kansa City Chiefs have been red hot all season, mainly due to this seasons soon to be MVP Patrick Mahomes II. Mahomes and the Chiefs finished the season 12-4 even with the 27th ranked defense; to be honest their defense is terrible, no two ways about it. The Chiefs did get their former all pro safety Eric Berry for only 2 games this season and is questionable for Sunday. The Chiefs need all the help they can get on that side of the ball. O and if you haven’t heard the Chiefs simply don’t win home playoff games, they have not won a home playoff game since Joe Montana did back in 1994. This is why I am taking the Colts in this game both to cover the spread (-5.5) as well as to win the game straight up.  

Chargers at Patriots (Sunday 1:05 pm)

The LA Chargers come in to this game off a win against the Ravens where they stacked the box and shut down the high school offense of the Baltimore Ravens. They almost let it slip through their hands in the 4th quarter, but were able to stop the Ravens final drive with a forced fumble. The Chargers may be the deepest team left in the playoffs. They have young super stars on both sides of the ball as well has veterans, the Charges led the league with 7 pro bowlers, led by their captain and leader Philip Rivers who is trying to earn his first trip to the Super bowl and earn a ring like his two 2004 1st round counter parts . The Chargers are expected to have Melvin Gordon back for this game though he may not be 100% he is still a game changer, as well as are the Chargers wide receivers which just may be the deepest in the league, especially now that they are getting their promising young star tight end Hunter Henry back this Sunday.  Their defense also is full of Talent from their D-line all the way back to their secondary. With stars at Defensive end (Joey Bosa), linebacker (Melvin Ingram), and Safety (Derwin James), these three super stars are the reason I am taking the Chargers on Sunday (-4).  

As a lifelong Pittsburgh Steelers fan its very rare for me to ever cheer for the New England Patriots, for obvious reason (Jesse caught it). Today is no different, I will not be rooting for the Patriots this weekend, nor do I think they have enough on either side of the ball to win. The one thing that the Patriots do have on their side is home field advantage (again) and the best coach and quarterback of all time. With these two people one the Patriots sideline you can never fully count out the Patriots. With that being said I don’t see how the Patriots have a chance to advance past this round. The destiny that I have come to hate may finally come to an end. Brady is not getting any younger, nor is Rob Gronkowski who has been dominate for so long but this year he has often looked very slow and beaten down. With Gronk looking slow, the Patriots having recently cut Josh Gordon (he got high again) and not much defensive depth, they are having to rely on Julian Edelman and Chris Hogan as well as pass catchers out of the back field (James White, Rex Burkhead).  While they have a stud rookie running back in Sony Michael, I truly don’t think that is enough.  However you can never count out Tom and Bill (God damnit just retire)

Cowboys at Rams (Saturday 8:15 pm)

Dallas comes in off a big win versus the Seattle Seahawks last week, where the offense ran through two weapons. Those weapons are Amari Cooper, and the NFL rushing leader Ezekiel Elliott, both offensive weapons went over 100+ scrimmage yards. I see that trend to continue for one of these young starts this week.  I would fully expect Elliott to have 100+ scrimmage yards against the Rams; this offense goes through him this is no secret. Simply this game will come down to the Dallas Cowboys run game and the Rams front 7.  

The LA Rams come in off their bye week they earn witha record of 13-3 where they were red hot all through the season, every football fan will remember their record breaking Monday night game versus the Chiefs with the final of 54-51 in favor of the Rams.  The Rams are stacked on both sides of the ball, with their defense being led by Defensive player of the Year Aaron Donald.  Some names fans may recognize on the defense besides Donald are Suh, Donte Fowler, Joyner, Peters, Shields, and Aqib Talib, unfortunately  these names have not produced . In fact their defense has been by far their weakest link. Their offense is high powered but, Goff can be thrown off his game with just a little bit of pressure; they have arguably the best offensive weapon in Todd Gurley, as well as weapons at wide receiver in Brandin Cooks, and Robert Woods. The Rams surely miss their young star slot receiver Cooper Kupp however, who has been out since 10 with a torn ACL. With all that being said I do not see the Cowboys being able to keep up with the high powered Rams offense. Take the Rams to win but I would not take the Rams +7.

Eagles at Saints (Sunday 4:40 pm)

Philadelphia’s savior Big dick Nick is back into the playoffs again, they got past the Bears and now onto the New Orleans Saints. Well for all the Eagle fans I am sad to say Nick Foles magic will run out in the “Big Easy”. Though the offense has played better with Nick Foles under center, with the line blocking longer and giving Foles more time to launch deep balls to Jeffrey, as well as the reemergence of Darren Sproles. The Eagles defensive has been plague with injuries this season. No place has been hit harder by injuries than their defensive backs, they have gone through cornerbacks faster than I go through 2 ply after a night of beer and Taco Bell. Expect their Cornerbacks and Safeties to get bullied by Drew Bress and Michael Thomas.

“WHO DAT, WHO DAT SAY THEY GONNA BEAT THEM SAINTS” well I got some news it will not be the Eagles. The Saints come in off a bye and this gave the Saints much needed time to rest up and get healthy. The Saints were rolling early and throughout the season but their offense seemed to take a step back late. I fully expect the Saints to be healthy, prepared and ready to roll against the Eagles. The Saints have two great running backs in Ingram and Kamara, as well a young stud at wide out Michael Thomas, the Saints are also getting Tedd Ginn back this week which could open the Saints offense even more than it already was. The Saints defense turn around their season midway this year and we are seeing what we expected from them based off last year’s stats. Between the Saints weapons on offense and the Saints defense turning their season around expect them to cover (+8).

Hope you’ll sit back and enjoy the games both Saturday and Sunday, enjoy a couple of brews while watching. Here is to the Patriots being out this round!

[junker-town]

Introducing ‘The Corden-Fieri Scale’ for athletes

Photo by CBS via Getty Images

Every single athlete falls somewhere on this.

Everyone loved James Corden in 2016. His late night show, inoffensive comedy, and carpool karaoke entranced the world with his polite, British comedy stylings. Then his star began to dim. People grew weary of Corden. A 2020 AMA on Reddit turned into a disaster of epic proportions, with less questions being asked than dozens of people sharing tales of what an epic dick Corden was. From yelling at servers in restaurants, to intentionally knowing only senior staff on his set and treating everyone else like dirt, rumors of Corden’s self-inflated ego were legendary, and he’s been taking a reputation hit ever since.

Rewind the same five years and Guy Fieri was a joke. People dunked on his fire shirts, his frosted tips, his donkey sauce, and piled on when celebrity chefs treated the Food Network star with disdain. Fieri took this all on his chin, and soon rumors got out about him too — this time about how genuinely nice, kind and caring he was about other people in his orbit. While James Corden was bombing on Reddit, Fieri was raising $21.5M for struggling restaurants in the middle of Covid, ensuring family businesses and mom-and-pop places found a way to stay afloat during massive economic struggle.

Every athlete you know, every athlete you love, and even the ones you hate — all have a place on the “Corden-Fieri Scale.” The ultimate taxonomy of popularity applicable to anyone famous, especially athletes. I posit that there are two paradigms of popularity: The Corden and The Fieri, cultural yin and yangs. People who the world loved and grew to detest, and those who were mocked, only to win hearts later.

There’s a critical caveat in applying the Corden-Fieri scale: We can’t apply it to genuinely garbage humans, regardless of their fame in sports. Those who have perpetrated violent crimes or discriminatory acts, putting them on the Corden path are disqualified. These people don’t deserve being ranked in this harmless exercise. Like Corden and Fieri themselves, the goal of the scale is to see how the public reacts to people’s genuine personalities becoming known by the wider populace, and how we adapt to it.

To best understand the Corden-Fieri Scale let’s apply it to a few notable players in the NFL and NBA .

Tom Brady, Kevin Durant (Strong Corden)

This isn’t about how a player is perceived by the fanbase, but in the wider culture of sports. Over the years fans have grown weary of Brady, and he’s been a state of Cordening himself since 2005 or so.

Frustration with his winning, his lack of personality, the manufactured online presence he has, then the supplement company that bilked $1M from small businesses during Covid, Brady is the epitome of an athlete who has been on a strong Corden trend for much of his NFL career.

There’s no question that early in his career Durant was on the path to True Fieri, but moving from Oklahoma City, forming a Warriors Super Team, faking online accounts to defend himself, then forming a new super team in Brooklyn have put him firmly on the path to becoming the NBA’s biggest Corden.

Paul George, Russell Wilson (Leaning Corden)

Paul George was generally liked among NBA fans, but his moves after Indianapolis put him firmly on a path to Corderndom. We’re not talking out-and-out hatred quite yet, but people are growing weary of the promise that George is one of the best players in the NBA, only to see that fail to materialize. Sprinkle in some playoff failures and chasing a super team and you have all the trappings of someone destined to be a long-time Corden.

When it comes to Wilson he too has been generally liked, but he’s always been seen as a little corny. Hawking alkaline water didn’t help his cause, but much like Corden himself, people are just growing tired of Wilson.

Larry Fitzgerald, Tim Duncan (True Neutrals)

There’s no question of the greatness of Fitzgerald and Duncan, but does anyone really have a strong feeling one way or another? They both seem like genuinely nice, moderate guys who don’t make waves in either direction.

Kyrie Irving, Aaron Rodgers (Leaning Fieri)

Kyrie Irving is a fascinating case of the chaotic on the scale. There’s no question that since entering the league Irving was on the path to becoming one of the NBA’s biggest Cordens. His adherence to flat earth theory and tendency to bounce around teams didn’t ingrate him to fans. But, since arriving in Brooklyn he’s become a paragon of the Fieri turnaround. Whether it’s fighting for athlete rights, calling out injustice, or making his voice heard — Irving is on a path to Flavortown.

Outside of Green Bay (and, well, the NFC North) there weren’t a lot of strong feelings about Aaron Rodgers outside of his on-field play. Recent off-field moments, whether it’s hosting Jeopardy! or announcing his engagement to Shailene Woodley has put him on a path to generally people liking him and moving from a neutral, to a Fieri.

Tony Romo, Giannis Antetokounmpo (True Fieri)

Tony Romo never, ever got enough credit as a player — but as an announcer he’s become one of the most beloved figures in football. His faultless announcing style, paired with his overall likeability has made Romo the firmest Fieri in the NFL’s orbit. Nobody has anything bad to say about Romo, and we all love him.

Similarly, Giannis Antetokounmpo is almost universally loved by NBA fans, and has been since entering the league. The joy in which he plays the game, paired with a personality that’s magnetic makes him not only one of the league’s best players, but one of its most revered. Playing and thriving on a small market team helps, and unless there’s a major change in his future we can expect Giannis to be a strong Fieri in the NFL for a long time.

Rapid fire, as dictated by the SB Nation staff.

Shaquille O’Neal: Leaning Corden.

Alex Rodriguez: Leaning Fieri.

Randy Moss: True Fieri.

Brett Favre: Strong Corden.

Cris Cyborg: Leaning Fieri.

Rob Gronkowski: True Fieri.

Serena Williams: True Fieri.

Mike Krzyzewski: Leaning Fieri.

Urban Meyer: Leaning Corden.

Novak Djokavic: Strong Corden.

Annika Sorenstam: Leaning Corden.

Margaret Court: Strong Corden.

Hope Solo: Strong Corden.

Jim Boeheim: Leaning Fieri.

Tiger Woods: Leaning Fieri.

Lance Armstrong: Strong Corden.

Zach Randolph: True Fieri.

Try this method yourself. Every single athlete, coach, or owner can be put on the Corden-Fieri Scale. This will consume a lot of your day thinking about it, so be warned.

[kirkminihane]

Post about the best twenty moments from my show

from a big fan on Twitter:

Top 20 Storylines/Moments in Kirk Minihane Show History

20. Intern Nick promotes Jon from Scranton working with Entercom and Kirk explodes 4/17/20 Mike walks out

This particular show started off with a bang as Kirk promised to fire whoever made a fateful instagram post and then immediately backed down, by the end of the show Mike was so worn down he just left.

19. Kirk Is Done With Gerry Callahan, But This Time for Real? 2/16/20

There have been highs and lows with Kirk's former partner Gerry Callahan, including brilliant dissections of what Gerry continues to do on his highly rated podcast co-hosted with Dave Cullinane. Kirk blew up at Gerry's disloyalty and various negative things Gerry had done to Steve and a lot came out.

18. Kirk and Big Cat for the first time 10/8/19

Dan Katz may have abandoned Kirk in his time of need, but he is tolerably entertaining and his chemistry with Kirk would have been monetized by a competent company. There was a reunion at the Super Bowl.

17. Kirk bails on the show during Kelleher Appearance 11/1/19, plus Kirk names Kelleher designated survivor 10/28/19 Kelleher's first appearance 9/9/19

The tension between Kirk and KMS superfan Rich Kelleher makes for great radio as Kirk literally knows everything Rich is going to say before he says it. Lots of funny stuff here.

16. Menners can't handle calls, Kirk consistently hates Mayo with the storm of a thousand suns

Justin's pathetic speech to the listeners, Menners' sensitivity with his restaurant, and the fact that Kirk unblocked Mayo just to later block him again make the machinations of the show's YouTube channel ripe for comedy, including the drama over the stolen YouTube views.

15. Should Blind Mike Be on The Kirk Minihane Show? 11/27/19

The first of a continuing conversation about why Mike is bad on the show and yet Kirk can't find anyone to replace him, so just tortures him.

14. Kirk arrives in Miami to start trouble, but Dave says, "You're Just Here To Do Radio"

Kirk's frustration with Barstool began at the Super Bowl when Dave Portnoy shut down various "humorous" plans, like Mike was going to go in a drag bar and pretend it was media row, I'm sure the audio would have been awful. Kirk was completely quiet during a Rob Gronkowski interview and he and Barstool golf "personality" Riggs haven't spoken since. A monumental week of radio.

13. RA Minihane gets Abraham Hands in the Boston Globe

Kirk charged listeners to get fake stories in the Boston Globe, stories that were obviously made up but the Globe didn't bother to check out. So they published a nonsensical coronavirus anecdote from someone named Abraham Hands who was concerned about stolen pizza money. All the credit in the world to beloved parody account RA Minihane. Just an absurdly funny moment.

12. Cullen episode is TV show written by Kirk 4/30/20

Kirk quickly wrote this satire of legendary fraud Boston Globe reporter Kevin Cullen that plays out through forty minutes of an old radio serial. Great production from Steve Robinson. As Kirk said, no other podcast could do this, and no other podcast would even attempt something as ambitious. It's really amazing Kevin Cullen is still working at a newspaper.

11. Kirk goes to war with Mariah Carey's fans, the Lambily

The sheer absurdity of this feud exemplified the silly side of the show I believe they should have embraced more while at Barstool. Just madness.

10. Kirk navigates anger between Mike and Steve 12/2/19

So Kirk went to lunch with Adam Minihane and Steve, and got Steve to say a lot of things about how he doesn't like Mike on the show. The next morning Kirk brilliantly exposed Steve to Mike, sparking genuine anger between them. An episode I could listen to a million times because it's just a genius completely understanding his friends and how they relate to each other, and yet staying quiet enough to let them figure it out for themselves.

9. Blind Mike wants to be fired 1/2/20 Portnoy Hates Blind Mike 1/28/20

Mike was an intern at Barstool Sports years ago, and his whining, pitying attitude towards work and life irritated something in Dave Portnoy. Psychologists have speculated that it is something within Dave that he hates about himself; in any case, Mike's continued frustration with being hated by the place he loves is exposed by Kirk to great humor.

8. Kirk ends Kelleher and solves Pizzagate 11/12/19

When Kirk is mad he pops on with a fifty minute episode, the length he is contractually obligated to Barstool to fulfill. Here he excommunicates a big fan and destroys listeners who think the show appropriated funds meant to create a disparaging billboard of Bob Murchison. Just awesome precision of anger from Kirk.

7. Kirk and Mike make fun of Cullinane handing the show off to Steve 7/26/19

For some reason Steve took a three week vacation as soon as the show started, which left Kirk with an impressive fill-in, Boston-area producer Dave Cullinane. Here, Kirk and Mike riffed about what an English-accented Cullinane might say to Steve upon his return.

6. The Protest in Woburn Finishes Murchison, But Blind Mike Drank Too Much, Unexpected Live Show 11/4/19 Plus Steve vs. Linda Part II 11/5/2019

The Kirk Minihane Show planned a rally in Bob Murchison's hometown. Rich Kelleher made himself the center of attention, arousing Kirk's ire, and Mike was fed drink after drink by the Minifans, ensuring he was a slurred mess for an impromptu live show. This was the first indication fame was getting to Mike's head.

5. Mike and Will completely screw up disrupting Red Sox Truck Day event 2/4/20

Mike's best story on the show was the disastrous recap of his evening trying to shout down Sam Kennedy and getting kicked out of a Red Sox media event. Neither he or intern Will thought to record any of it.

4. Kirk Wanted Mike to Go on a Florida Trip But He's Busy With Alba 6/1/20-6/4/20

Intern Will and the guy behind the Latino Kirk Minihane parody account decided to go to Florida. To torture Mike, Kirk pretended he wanted Mike to go at the last minute. When Mike asked Alba to reschedule a birthday party for his work trip, she threatened to end the relationship. A rollercoaster made out of nothing.

3. Mike tells Francesa that Dave has coronavirus 3/31/20

Mike had been making tremendously unfunny calls to Francesa for a few months, but when he announced that his boss Dave Portnoy had coronavirus, Dave had to be convinced by Big Cat not to fire Mike. The complete lack of loyalty from one Erika Nardini was noted by Kirk, as he saved Mike's job again.

2. Steve's No Good, Very Bad Morning In Watertown 1/16/20, 1/17/20, plus Steve deletes missing audio 2/24/20

For some reason Steve forgot to cut up a stunt where Kirk tried to get into Fenway Park, and Kirk subjects him to two hours of listener calls. One of the funniest moments ever in radio.

1. Mike gets drunk in Madawaska 2/11/20, including Mike and the Minifans 2/7/20 and DEC's 2/7/20 appearance on the show

If Steve's Reckoning was the best Shakespearan comedy of The Kirk Minihane Show, this was its Hamlet. Mike gets drunk for the second time during a crucial live show that Kirk hilariously sited in Madawaska, Maine, right near the Canadian border. Minifans showed up anyway, but they saw a terrible show due to Mike. Kirk was so mad he banged his head against his steering wheel. In response, Kirk puts Mike through the wringer in an empathetic way.

[teejeepdesign-blog]

Punk professional uncle no kids shirt

LAdie V-neckAs a Chief’s fan, I have nothing but respect and admiration for his talent and Punk professional uncle no kids shirt. As a fan of the game in general, I hate to see one of the all time greats leaving the game. Thank you Rob Gronkowski for all the great memories. And as Chief’s fan some very painful ones too (meant as a sign of respect). None the less, very sad to hear of his retirement! Wishing you and Patriot Nation all the best!Best Punk professional uncle no kids shirt Buy it Now: Punk professional uncle no kids shirt

Home page: TEEJEEPSHOP

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/world/tv-producer-fired-calling-nfls-tom-brady-a-known-cheater/

TV producer fired calling NFL's Tom Brady a 'known cheater'

Image copyright CBS

A TV producer in Pittsburgh has been fired for labelling New England quarter-back Tom Brady a “Known Cheater” during a news broadcast.

Mike Telek, 27, told US media that the stunt, in which the words appeared at the bottom of the screen, was just meant as “a little wink for fans”.

“The graphic that appeared Monday violated our news standards,” KDKA-TV said in statement about the firing.

A charity to help the jobless producer has raised over $1,000 (£760).

The New England Patriots will face off against the Los Angeles Rams in Sunday’s Super Bowl championship in Atlanta.

The game will be Brady’s ninth Super Bowl appearance.

The “Known Cheater” label stems from the 2015 controversy that came to be known as “Deflategate”, in which the New England Patriots were accused of secretly deflating footballs to win a playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts.

US senator wants NFL non-call response

Media playback is unsupported on your device

Media captionTom Brady, Todd Gurley and Rob Gronkowski enjoy Super Bowl Opening Night

Brady, 41, was by suspended by the National Football League (NFL) for four games and fined $1m for his role in the scandal.

“While fans are entitled to have personal opinions, we have a journalistic responsibility to provide unbiased reporting,” the CBS-affiliate said after a screenshot of the network’s aston went viral.

“The graphic that appeared Monday violated our news standards. The individual who created the graphic no longer works for KDKA-TV.”

In an interview with Deadspin on Monday, Mr Telek said: “I mean, it’s Pittsburgh, we hate the Patriots, we hate Tom Brady, so it was a little wink for fans.”

He told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette after his firing that “never in my wildest dreams did I think this would happen”.

“Who knew people take screen shots like that?” he said, adding that he plans to attend a job fair on Saturday at a local casino, and will place a Super Bowl bet on the Patriots while he’s there.

“Of course. Brady is the greatest of all time.”

According to a GoFundMe page set up by Mr Telek’s friends, he is refusing to take the donations himself. He is hoping to raise $10,000 and donate the sum to a charity in Brady’s name.

[kentremendousblog]

There are many reasons to root against the Patriots in the Super Bowl. There are also many reasons to root for them. Which team you root for really depends on which team you prefer. I am describing sports fandom! This is fun.

Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times has written an article about the Super Bowl teams, in which he has listed twenty (!) reasons to root against the Patriots. 

Old habits die hard:

It’s a coach wearing a hoodie against one who dresses in Navy SEAL mottos. The Super Bowl pitting the New England Patriots against the Atlanta Falcons features competing auras as clear as the rumple in Bill Belichick’s sweatshirt or the curl of Tom Brady’s upper lip.

1. You made two references to Belichick’s hoodie (which, FWIW, he doesn’t really wear anymore) in the first two sentences.

2. “Competing auras?”

3. “The curl of Tom Brady’s upper lip” is not a thing that I think of as “clear,” in terms of like “famous” or “legendary” or “anything.”

4. “One who dresses in Navy SEAL mottos?” Like...sewn into his clothes, or something?

5. What?

According to Public Policy Polling, the Patriots are the most disliked team in pro football for a second consecutive season. By comparison, the relatively blah Falcons are beloved. 

The “relatively blah” Falcons are “beloved.” You wrote that sentence, saw nothing wrong with it, agreed with its internal logic, and never looked back.

Even with this week’s revelations about the Falcons’ past concerns over their players’ use of pain medication, 

First, you made the sentence wonderfully passive (”...their players’ use of...”) instead of what it should’ve been, which is active, because they were concerned that their team doctors were actively giving the players too much pain medication. Second: you can’t just drop that in and hope we don’t notice that it utterly undermines the premise of your article. Or can you?!?! (No, you can’t.)

this truly feels like a Super Bowl of not just David vs. Goliath, but that old favorite, Good vs. Evil, and here are 20 reasons why:

Gonna go out on a limb and say “20″ is an overreach. But let’s see what you got.

1) The Patriots are convicted scoundrels, from Spygate to Deflategate, the most untrustworthy sports franchise in America since the 1919 Black Sox. Remember, Brady was suspended for the first four games this season for his alleged involvement in the deflation of footballs. The Falcons are too trusting. They panicked during Monday’s media night when offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan briefly lost a backpack that contained the team’s game plan. Seriously, who still carries their game plan in a backpack?

I’m not going to re-litigate SpyGate or DeflateGate here. But I do take issue with the idea that the Falcons are “better” than the Patriots because their coach lost his backpack during Super Bowl week. That doesn’t seem like the opposite of a scandal. It seems utterly irrelevant.

You also conveniently ignored that recent time the Falcons pumped noise into their stadium, illegally, and were fined $350,000 and a draft pick. As well as the aforementioned (by you) revelation that they were doping their players like racehorses. But a coach lost a backpack, so they’re...nice?

2) The Patriots are led by the Trump Trinity: owner Bob Kraft, Coach Bill Belichick and quarterback Brady are all confirmed devotees of President Trump.

No argument here. Sucks. Hate it.

The Falcons use an official hashtag of #RiseUp, which coincidentally was also the hashtag for the worldwide protests to Trump’s recent controversial executive order on immigration. This is why thousands of tweets filled with scathing Trump criticisms contained a Falcons logo.

Not sure they chose “Rise Up” to fight Trump, but I’m giving you this one. This should be the entire article. Stop here. Don’t go for twenty...I beg you...

3) Upon arriving at the glitzy media night, Brady said, “For us, now, it’s just trying to ignore all this.” Upon his arrival at the same event, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan said, “To get here and see this deal tonight, it’s pretty cool.” 

4) Asked about Trump’s immigration edict, Brady said, “What’s going on in the world? I haven’t paid much attention.” Asked a similar question, the Falcons’ Mohamed Sanu said, “I hope we can pray as a country for the world to be united.”

...Kind of feels like (3) is neutral and (4) is a subset of (2), but I’m feeling generous, so I’ll let you have these as well.

5) Asked to sign a soccer ball, Belichick refused “because it’s not a football.” Asked to speak into a giant turkey leg, Falcons center Alex Mack agreed but only if he could later have a bite.

Yeah, see, you’re reaching, a bit. “Bill Belichick doesn’t like soccer balls” and “Alex Mack likes meat” doesn’t seem like “evil” vs. “good,” to me.

6) During a joint interview with the teams’ owners, the Patriots’ Kraft was asked to name the most famous person in his cellphone. The Falcons’ Arthur Blank interrupted and said, “Trump.”

Again, we’re kind of back at (2), here, man. 

7) The Patriots’ success began with “The Tuck Rule.” The Falcons’ success began with “The Dirty Bird.”

A team of scientists from the Institute for the Discovery of Something has examined this statement, and determined that it is exactly nothing. 

8) Brady announced that his 9-year-old son Jack has a certain cool NFL running back on his fantasy team. That running back is the Falcons’ Devonta Freeman.

The team of scientists from the Institute for the Discovery of Something just read this and committed suicide, because it is so thoroughly nothing that they realized their entire careers have been meaningless.

9) Off the field, the Patriots often wear ski caps with fuzzy balls on top that make them look like 12-year-olds. The Falcons wear dark caps with “The Hood” imprinted in red, which is short for the “Brotherhood” theme preached by Coach Dan Quinn. 

You’re only at the ninth reason (out of 20) that the Patriots are evil and the Falcons are good and you are Mr. Incredible-style reaching for “preferred head wear.” Sure you don’t want to rethink the premise?

10) LeGarrette Blount, New England’s star running back, has quit his way to the Super Bowl. When he was unhappy in Pittsburgh in 2014, he walked off the field before the end of a game and was kicked off the team, only to be signed by the Patriots three days later. The Falcons’ two running backs, Freeman and Tevin Coleman, selflessly share carries and catches and even touchdown celebrations, with Quinn using video of one of their end-zone hugs for inspiration.

Blount has had his ups and downs, temperament-wise. But why do Freeman and Coleman get points here for sharing carries? They don’t call the plays. And Blount shares carries with Lewis and White. What are we even doing here? (Answer, for me: procrastinating from real work.)

11) Asked if he knew any Lady Gaga songs, Belichick responded “Next.”Asked the same question, Freeman said excitedly, “Lady Gaga? Of course, that’s Lady Gaga!”

Not caring about Lady Gaga = evil. Knowing about Lady Gaga = good.

12) Less than 24 hours before kickoff in the 2012 Super Bowl against the New York Giants, the Patriots infamously cut Tiquan Underwood, a wide receiver so devoted he had the team logo cut into his hair. The Falcons aren’t cutting people, they’re adding them, with owner Blank flying about 150 employees to the Super Bowl game with rooms and tickets at a cost of more than $1 million.

The Patriots aren’t bringing anyone. The Patriots are luring orphans to the game with fake tickets just to laugh in their faces when they are turned away. The Patriots cut a guy five years ago. The Falcons have never cut anyone. The Falcons have a roster of 4,000 players on the payroll because they care. No one from the Falcons has ever made an illegal three-point turn. The Patriots yell at dogs for no reason. The Falcons founded Doctors Without Borders.

13) The Patriots’ most famous cheerleaders are the dudes who dress up in Revolutionary War attire and shoot muskets in the end zones. They once fired off a round during a kickoff that so startled the opposing team that a complaint was filed to the league office and the guns were silenced except for after scores. The offended team was the Falcons. The Falcons’ most famous cheerleader is Samuel L. Jackson, who performs in a pregame “Rise Up” video in which he sounds like he just discovered snakes on a plane.

Yes, you correctly remembered that Samuel L. Jackson was in “Snakes on a Plane.” Well done. Then you used it as a way to suggest that the Falcons are “good” instead of “evil” (represented here by having Revolutionary War cosplayers standing in the endzone). Not well done. Badly done.

14) The Patriots are known for the giant touchdown spike of Rob Gronkowski, who will miss this Super Bowl because of a back injury. The Falcons generally allow their offensive linemen to deliver the touchdown spikes in honor of their shared effort. The linemen actually brag about who can bounce the ball highest. Ryan Schraeder, a tackle, even posted photos of one of his spikes on the walls of the team practice facility.

The implication here is that the Patriots are evil because their tight end is injured. That is reason 14 that the Patriots are evil. Gronkowski, who spikes footballs after touchdowns, is hurt. Reason 14.

15) The Patriots brag about following “The Patriot Way.”The Falcons brag that their 74-year-old owner boogies with the team after games, with Blank admitting, “I love to dance, I look like a chicken.”

I think, now that we are at #15, here, that this might have been better if you had just listed “reasons to love the Falcons” or something. The point-counterpoint thing is where you got into trouble. Thank God we’re done, though, because oh wait we’re not close to being done.

16) One of Brady’s nicknames, “Tom Terrific,” was lifted from former New York Mets pitcher Tom Seaver. Ryan’s nickname, “Matty Ice,” is the completely original idea of some of his high school buddies from Penn Charter School in Philadelphia.

I want you to go back to the beginning of this piece, that you have written, and remind yourself of your own premise. The premise is: The Patriots are Evil and the Falcons are Good. Right? Okay. Now come back and look at reason #16 that you cite as evidence of that premise. Tom Brady’s nickname was also used for Tom Seaver. Matt Ryan’s nickname was given to him from some of his friends. Does that fit your premise?

And by the way, “Matty Ice” is pretty clearly a ripoff of “Natty Ice,” a slang name for Natural Light Beer, and a catch-all term for any awful, high-alcohol, poor-tasting beverage. I’ll just go ahead and show you what the Urban Dictionary has to say about it:

So, piece of good evidence #16 that you cite, to make your claim that the Patriots are evil and the Falcons are good, is that the Falcons’ QB’s nickname is a reference to something that is cheap, dangerous, of low quality, and vomit-inducing.

17) Two of the last big postseason defeats suffered by Brady came at the arms of quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning. Ryan said this week that two of his closest mentors, through texting and phone calls, are Peyton and Eli Manning.

“And therefore, your honor, and members of the jury, I have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that the Patriots are evil and the Falcons are good. The prosecution rests.”

“Sir, it’s four in the morning and you are very drunk. Please leave this Cheesecake Factory.”

18) The Patriots’ locker room is a stark, somber testament to one of their mantras, “Do Your Job.” When the Falcons redesigned their locker room last summer, they brought in a ping-pong table. It became so popular, there are now three.

It’s been a while since I did one of these, and I forget: what’s dumber: the journalist for writing a piece like this or me for spending the time to comment on it? I honestly don’t remember. It’s me, right? I’m dumber?

19) The Patriots defeated the Rams by 16 points. The Falcons defeated the Rams by 28 points and, if this seems like a completely irrelevant comparison, it’s been 22 years since I could make fun of our football team in a Super Bowl story, so bear with me.

Literally don’t even know what this means. Completely lost. It’s definitely not a “reason” why the Pats are evil and the Falcons are good. I mean, if you are a Rams fan, wouldn’t you prefer the team that only beat them by 16? It’s almost like the “20 Reasons Why” gambit was a bad idea!

20) If the Patriots win Sunday, they made it clear they will not be comfortable accepting the Lombardi Trophy from Commissioner Roger Goodell, whom they blame for the Deflategate debacle. Tom Brady Sr., the quarterback’s father, recently reflected this sentiment when he called Goodell a liar and said, “Somebody that has Roger Goodell’s ethics doesn’t belong on any stage that Tom Brady is on.” The Falcons will gladly accept the trophy from anybody. It would, after all, be their first.

Reasons!

[junker-town]

Tom Brady to the Raiders needs to happen because the NFL has reached peak nonsense

Winslow Townson-USA TODAY Sports

We all need this to be reality.

The NFL is at its best when stupidity is on display for the world to witness. In the pantheon of unbelievable notions is the idea Tom Brady could end his career with the Raiders — and yet, here we are.

Raiders are poised to pursue quarterback Tom Brady if he doesn't re-sign with the Patriots before free agency begins, league sources told ESPN.https://t.co/rAloZCF2W1

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) February 2, 2020

Adam Schefter cites “league sources” who believe the Raiders would go all-in on Brady ahead of their move to Las Vegas. It’s the kind of short-sighted nonsense that flies only in the NFL — which is why this makes so much sense. The ESPN article mentions the immediate marketing value Brady would bring to the new city, along with how adding the greatest quarterback in history would make the Raiders a draw from the jump, and while some of this is probably accurate, I love it because it’s dumb. Really, really dumb.

We can ignore the fact that Derek Carr had a higher completion percentage, threw for identical yards and finished with a higher quarterback rating than Brady in 2019 — because these are logical concerns to address by those who believe in logic. The Raiders, by nature, are illogical. They’re run by the beating, bizarre heart of Jon Gruden who would absolutely, 100 percent bench Carr for Brady for no reason other than he presumably likes Brady more.

This is everything the NFL should aspire to.

There is nothing more beautiful than the idea of Brady, whose tuck rule call against the Raiders in 2001 spawned the “Brady Rule,” playing for the very team who was screwed over. It’s about watching one of the NFL’s biggest, most fervent fan bases scramble to profess their love for a player they’ve hated for 20 years.

This is all so dumb that every NFL fan should embrace this potential ideal future. But we can make this even better.

With Brady in the fold in Las Vegas, there’s a natural progression here. He needs a friend from the past. A reliable hand to make the transition easier. He needs Rob Gronkowski. This handcuff is the perfect way to start Brady’s career with the Raiders, and while rumors of Gronk un-retiring have been a thing in the past, never has the potential been there for him to live it up in Las Vegas.

This is the only possible scenario where I see Gronk willing to return to the NFL. Sure, he has a cushy job in broadcasting where he can basically set his own work schedule, but almost nothing will be expected out of him in Las Vegas other than being Gronk, and occasionally catching a few passes.

The rest of the time he’ll be free to experience everything Vegas has to offer, and I am here for whatever ensues. I’ll even watch the eventual reality TV series that comes from this.

Please, football gods, I don’t ask for much. Just make the Las Vegas Braiders a thing.

[conversationswithcole]

mind tricks

Sup y’all. Guess whose back and better than ever!!!! I re-downloaded Tik Tok today out of desperation for entertainment in my state of extreme boredom and now I just keep repeating Tik Tok audio tracks in my head. 

I have one of those minds that never stops. My thoughts are always wildly racing and most of the time I don’t even know how they evolve from one thing to the next. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I find that I function my best when my mind is busy. A lot of times when I fall into a deep depressive episode or my anxiety is so debilitating I cannot talk myself out of it I force myself to go to sleep because that is the only way to put my mind to rest. Sometimes that doesn’t even help because I dream so vividly and am prone to nightmares. When I wake up all I wanna do is go back to sleep until it’s over and sometimes it’s so overwhelming I don’t think I will have the strength to push through. 

With the help of therapy, medication and self discipline I have been able to practice and form habits that have been a tremendous help to managing my anxiety. Although I have come a long way from where I was a year ago at this time, I still suffer through episodes of panic and irrationality.

About a month ago I decided to stop taking birth control. I started taking the pill 14 months ago because my period had been so painful that I would spend days in bed and on the floor of the bathroom in agony. I was wrestling with acne, which was something I never really had an issue with before and I was desperate for a solution. Obviously there are a lot of reasons for women to use birth control, and while the one major benefit is prevention of unwanted pregnancy, I was feeling unhappy with the way my body was reacting to the medication. Birth control is full of hormones and we all know what happens naturally when your hormones are out of whack so with the addition of these extra hormones into my body I just wasn’t feeling myself. My mood swings were all over the place and I just felt like even with my little pockets of sunshine that my overall mood and mental state was depressed. 

The mind is the most powerful organ in your entire body. So why isn’t mental health everyone’s number one priority? There is a lot to learn about mental health and in no means am I an expert. But I have been exploring my own mind and working towards creating a healthy mentality to give me the best life I can have. Since I stopped taking birth control I can feel such a difference in my everyday mental state. I feel more balanced, my emotions feel less erratic and overall I feel happier and healthier. In addition to the benefits it has had to my mental health, the physical effects are substantial. 

Obviously birth control was not the root of all evil and my struggle with anxiety and depression is not cured because I decided not to take the pill anymore, but it did have a considerable effect on my preexisting mental health issues and I was able to listen to my body and figure out what works and doesn’t work for me. 

My anxiety has been playing mind tricks with me for years. The first year of my relationship with my current boyfriend Vincent, was more of a nightmare than it was a fairy tale. This relationship was unlike any that I have ever experienced before. It really threw me for a loop. My therapist diagnosed me with fear of abandonment. I have very strong anxious attachment tendencies that coincide with this fear of abandonment. I lacked any sort of self confidence in my relationship and worried every second that something wasn’t right. There was no way that he actually wanted to be with me, I am not good enough for him and we were doomed. I felt threatened every second of everyday by things that didn’t even exist. I took every little thing that was said or happened and over analyzed it to the point where I made up scenarios in my head and convinced myself they were true. Vincent wanted to hang out with his friends instead of me? Well he must hate me, I knew this was too good to be true, he is going to break up with me, I need him to tell me none of this is true RIGHT NOW or else I will continue to spiral. I legitimately felt like I was going out of my mind. I was driving myself insane and I had no idea how to handle what was going on. It took months for me to figure out that I was actually pushing Vincent away with these made up anxious thoughts and they way I responded to them. I swear to The Universe the number of nightmares I have had about Vincent cheating on me even though he has never ONCE given me any reason to think so is unreal. I was so fearful of the unknown and the possibility of losing him that without that constant reassurance I would spiral out of control.

With the help of a therapist, my own will and of course the support of my amazing partner Vincent, our relationship gets stronger by the day. Even though my anxiety isn’t going to go away completely, the difference now is that I know what I need to do to bring myself back down to earth and talk myself out of the irrational dark hole in my mind. It happens far less often and most of the time I know it’s just another one of those mind tricks.

Over the weekend Vincent and I got into a small drunken argument over a Michael Jordan and Rob Gronkowski jersey. Yes you are reading this correctly. He told me that he purchased himself the two jerseys but he was afraid to tell me because he knows how much I love them and would want jerseys of my own. The alcohol induced dramatics of the argument left us going to bed full of anger, which doesn’t sit well with me, so in turn I had a nightmare about him cheating on me and telling me he never loved me. Absolutely nonsensical. We woke up in the morning and quickly apologized to each other and moved on. In the past I would cling onto the nightmare and my mind would whorl out of control and I would actually think it was true. Anxious thoughts can be so powerful that it can be damn near impossible to differentiate between what is real and what is made up.

Certain things can be a trigger for my anxiety. It is important to recognize the situations that trigger you and figure out what helps you move past them. Share this information with the people in your life. Sometimes you don’t know that something is a trigger for you until it happens. Surrounding yourself with people who are willing to learn about your struggles and show that they want to do what they can to help ease or eliminate them from your life. You should never be afraid to speak up for yourself and let others know when you are struggling. 

In addition to having these people around to help you, you need to be that person for yourself when no one else is there. You are strong enough to overcome the mind tricks that have been holding you back for so long. You need to recognize the symptoms and analyze your behavior. My fear of abandonment and the anxious uncertainty about the future isn’t gone but I have realized that when my mind wanders to that place that I am strong enough to redirect it to a place of peace and calmness. Focus on what you know for certain and not on what you don’t know. Like I said earlier, your mind is your most powerful tool. Use it to become stronger and build you up, not bring you down.

[tabloidtoc]

In Touch, March 2

Cover: Chip and Joanna Gaines dark family secrets 

Page 1: Contents 

Page 2: Who Wore It Better? Katy Perry vs. Jenna Bush Hager, Lucy Hale vs. Zendaya, Zhavia Ward vs. Awkwafina 

Page 4: Who gets the final rose? The top 5 Bachelor theories 

Page 6: Crib of the Week -- Sam Worthington’s contemporary villa above LA’s Sunset Strip 

Page 8: Brie Larson looks so different from when she was 16 thanks to subtle plastic surgery 

Page 9: Number of the Week -- $200,000 of Pamela Anderson’s debt Jon Peters claims he paid off before their 12-day marriage ended, Makeover of the Week -- Camila Cabello got a bob, Daredevil of the Week -- Tom Cruise has even crazier stunts planned for the next installment of the Mission: Impossible franchise, Defense of the Week -- Macaulay Culkin says Michael Jackson never did anything to him, Man Candy of the Week -- Vlad Kvartin, Winner of the Week -- Princess Beatrice has finally set a wedding date after having to postpone twice because of the scandal surrounding her father Prince Andrew, Loser of the Week -- Jussie Smollett is indicted on six counts of disorderly conduct related to the 2019 hate crime cops say he staged

Page 10: Up Close -- Duchess Kate Middleton made friends with an alpaca and a snake and other animals at the Ark Open Farm 

Page 12: John Krasinski and Ellen DeGeneres, Kaley Cuoco, Brooke Burke 

Page 18: Justin Bieber and Jimmy Fallon take a lap on the Zamboni after playing hockey 

Page 22: Harrison Ford blasts Jimmy Kimmel with silly string along with “Science Bob” Pflugfelder, Hailey Baldwin celebrates 25 years of bareMinerals

Page 23: Tony Goldwyn, Rob Gronkowski 

Page 24: Jason Sudeikis with the Harlem Globetrotters, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman at Dollywood, Jennifer Lopez 

Page 26: Cover Story -- The truth about Chip and Joanna Gaines’ family 

Page 30: As their children Presley Gerber and Kaia Gerber spiral downward, Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber wonder where they went wrong 

Page 32: Vanessa Bryant -- My brain refuses to accept husband Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna Bryant both gone 

Page 34: Selena Gomez claims Justin Bieber abused her 

Page 35: Justin Bieber admits he almost died from drugs 

Page 38: New fears for Britney Spears as she was a mess 

Page 39: Friends beg Adele not to lose anymore weight, Tyra Banks gains 25 lbs. and is fine with it, Star Sightings -- Rachel Bilson and Christian Siriano (pictured), Bebe Rexha (pictured), Justin Bieber, Ally Brooke (pictured), Dak Prescott (pictured), Megan Roup (pictured) 

Page 40: Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas’ baby announcement, Jeremy Renner has a new girlfriend in Eiza Gonzalez, Victoria Beckham got drunk at British Vogue’s BAFTA afterparty

Page 44: The Big Interview -- Jonathan Van Ness says settling down is the furthest thing from his mind 

Page 46: Beauty -- pretty pastels -- Gigi Hadid 

Page 48: Underneath it all -- Camila Mendes

Page 50: Did I Really Do That? Shakira duped Zootopia, Penelope Cruz slipped into a Chanel bag 

Page 51: Kristen Wiig ripped off ribbon candy, Diplo borrowed from Boss Hogg 

Page 52: Animal Overload -- My cat looks like Spongebob’s Squidward 

Page 56: Entertainment 

Page 58: My Night at Home -- Luis Guzman 

Page 60: Double Take -- Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg 

Page 62: Horoscope -- Pisces Daniel Kaluuya

Page 64: Last Laughs