#i have Thoughts about how they handled wesper but anyway

[celine-song]

Shadow and Bone Season 2 Episode 4: Every Monstrous Thing

[averrse]

some s2 thoughts~

note: i watched the whole season in one day after also watching the kaz parts of s1 (also known as 12 hours of sab in a row) so i don't know i might have forgotten some things. also i'm aro af, and the amount of romance in this show makes me feel weird, so if i seem like a hater about most of the ships, it's only because i am (but no hard feelings to anyone!)

also this is almost 100% about kaz because while i respect that there are other characters in the show, i have not a lot to say about them except in relation to kaz.

...

wesper got in the way of kaz and jesper having more of their weird friendship moments and i'm bitter about it because i'm a hater. but i did like every scrap they did throw me... especially jesper's little monologue about how much they care about each other and kaz agreeing with 99% of it god bless they are a version of sunshine/grumpy that i do really love

kaz and nina had some GOLD interactions and i'm so happy about it. the way he kept making it clear she's part of the crows now? the way he seems baffled by the fact she can just talk to people and they like her? WAFFLES?* every time they say words to each other i am transfixed.

*i need everyone to know how much i enjoy fake dating (or marriage in this case) when the two people are TRULY not interested in each other that way

also kaz appreciating the poetry toyla was reciting. it reminded me of how kaz dresses like the merchers instead of being flamboyant. he Does Not want to come across as a farmboy orphan, and i feel like being that familiar with poetry is related to that.

i'll get back to kaz and inej i have a lot to say, but. in general, i think their relationship was handled well and i do mostly like it, i just kind of wish it were platonic.

kaz blowing up the club a++++++ no notes

truly did enjoy kaz being unhinged about pekka. i appreciate kaz's bad side more than i probably should.

also appreciated that, while kaz had some little moments of vulnerability with the people he cares about, it was very clear that he has a lot of mental health consequences because of it. he loves his friends so damn much, and it is So Difficult for him.

i don't know if the show was... actually doing anything with this (since most of what the darkling did was sulk under a chandelier this season) but i do like the parallel of kaz keeping people around him who DON'T unquestioningly do whatever he says--and i think that's in part because he knows he could veer into actual evil if he didn't--while the darkling doesn't trust anyone enough to listen to any criticism.

it is so funny to me whenever the crows show up in these high magic situations and they are SO unequipped for it but they just kinda manage anyway.

okay now i'm going to do a whole thing about kaz and inej now

things i liked:

they didn't kiss or touch much.

inej realizing that the moment with kaz was a hallucination because he was functioning like a normal human.

i didn't feel like the narrative was telling us that she's supposed to fix him.

BUT they still do look after each other.

kaz walking toward her after the battle in the last episode, then jesper running out to hug her. my emotions.

things i didn't like:

him getting angry at her for not being there during his pekka revenge was weird to me, especially given that he kept telling her to leave over and over through the season. i could go with this conflict but i didn't feel like it developed in a way that worked for me.

the last scene between them for so many reasons god i hated it. first of all, i don't like that he grabbed her. i don't like that he tried to convince her to stay instead of looking for her family. i thought one of the character arcs for him was that he was respecting her need to look for her family, then it got thrown away at the end? i didn't get it.

second, as someone who also has extreme touch aversion connected to ptsd, i thought her line about his armor was actually offensive? if she'd made it about his withholding information from her and not expressing his emotions properly, that would've been FINE. but she made it about the fact he has trouble touching people. from experience, i can ASSURE you that's not something he can control. i just found that totally out of character for inej, who generally understands him pretty well.

and ANYWAY, couldn't she just have left because she needed to do this for herself and not make it into some kind of "break up" situation. they are friends FIRST, in my opinion, and he could've just respected that she needs to do this like he needed his revenge. if they wanted to show that, yes, he's still not the greatest person... he could've just gotten quiet about her leaving or even done some light guilt tripping about leaving the others behind.

a;sdlfkj okay i think that's all i have to say right now.

[wy-van-sunshine]

wesper fanfic!

Plot: After the “Crooked Kingdom” events, Jesper and Wylan live together at the Van Eck residence. One night Wylan can’t fall asleep and he looks for some company from Jesper. He finds him staring at that small portrait of a red-headed child which Marya Hendriks had drawn during her exile in the care house.

Wylan had some trouble falling asleep in the last few weeks. His life had radically changed: his devious father was to stand trial and he would probably end up to Hellgate; he had somehow gotten involved in a gang of criminals and - in case that wasn’t enough - he had found friendship as well as love among those criminals. He was now an independent boy, ready to replace his father in the city business, possibly to make a better job than him, and his life felt almost... happy?

Wylan didn’t remember many times in which he felt happy, definitely not since the day he was told his mother was dead.

But mostly, now he felt loved. 

Wylan had been in love before - or at least he thought so - but he never felt that same warm feeling come from the person to whom he gave everything he had.

Still, as a simple student afraid of every aspect of life he probably didn’t have that much to share. 

But Jesper knew everything about him. He knew him in a way no one ever did, maybe even better than Wylan himself. He knew about his most hurtful experiences and, even though he often mocked him about his little flaws, Wylan knew he didn’t do it to do him any harm. He would never. 

So, basically, when Wylan thought about his new life he felt as if his universe and timeline had completely changed: he was a whole new boy, but he didn’t mind at all. 

That evening was different, though: he had already had these thoughts while trying to sleep, but he was so tired from the heists he had attempted with the Crows that the need for a good night sleep was stronger than anything else. 

But now two weeks had passed and his mind was thinking at incredible speed, leaving him no space to rest. He lied in his bed for about an hour, then, after stating it was useless, he stood up to reach the living room and spend some time with Jesper. 

Jesper always got in bed later: they shared the room, but Wylan’s need to sleep and the sharpshooter’s relentless energy were not the best thing after the heists, so Jesper had started to leave the redhead some space in order to let him rest - not without mocking him a little about it, obviously:“Go to sleep, sunshine. I have to say, though, I thought I’d fallen for a young boy, not for the oldest man alive!”.

Wylan smiled thinking about how every insult coming from Jesper embarassed him, but at the same time it somehow made him feel special. After all, that was his way to flirt and he knew it.

“Hey, Jes?” he said softly, entering the living room and looking over the sofa on the left. The view warmed his heart: the room was a little dark and the only light, coming from the fire in front of the sofa, played with Jesper’s features in a beautiful way. Every time Wylan fell a little more for him, he couldn’t explain how, but he did.

The sharpshooter lift his head and looked at him, smiling while putting a little paper he held in his hand in the pocket of his shirt. “Already missing this hot piece of Zemeni boy, sunshine?”

Wylan’s cheeks flushed with red - he would probably never get used to Jesper’s candor - and he walked up to the sofa, where he sit next to his boyfriend. 

“I really hate you, you know?” he said staring at the ground, but leaning in on Jesper’s chest, waiting for him to wrap his arm around his shoulders. 

“Evidence shows the opposite, actually” answered the Zemeni with a grin, circling Wylan’s shoulders with his arm. “What is it, anyways? Why aren’t you sleeping?” 

“Am I not allowed to wish for some time with my boyfriend?”

Jesper smiled, his eyes spreading light:“Of course you are, love, don’t even need to ask. When did we estabilish I am your boyfriend, though? I must’ve gotten lost somewhere between our kiss and- ouch!” Jesper couldn’t finish his sentence as Wylan punched him on the thigh, laughing softly with a sound the sharpshooter loved with all his heart. He laughed back and placed a tiny kiss on the redhead’s neck. 

“I suppose my need for sleep is over, now I just lay in bed thinking about everything that’s happened and I can’t help but making my mind wander” said Wylan answering the original question. He turned over to look at Jesper in the eyes, letting a grin shape his lips:”Which means we can go to bed together now”

“Wylan Van Eck, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” asked Jesper with an astonished but amused expression. “Wow, hanging out with us really made you a terrible person”

The redhead burst out laughing, laying his forehead on the sharpshooter’s shoulder, his eyes filled with tears of amusement:”You’re so stupid”

“I am learning from the best, you know”

“Stop it!” 

They both laughed out loud for a while, Wylan’s whole body shaking and Jesper’s arms wrapped around his waist in an attempt to calm him down. Eventually, they both relaxed and silence fell on them, on their hug which neither of them felt like breaking, not just yet. Wylan’s forehead still lay on Jesper’s shoulder: after keeping his eyes closed for a while, enjoying the moment, he opened them and his gaze fell on the little piece of paper laying in the pocket of his boyfriend’s shirt. It was inside and he couldn’t quite see what it was, but he was pretty sure he recognised it and his heart made a huge, joyful leap. 

“What were you doing, anyways?” he asked, pretending like he hadn’t seen anything “I noticed you were looking at some paper... was that something business related?” 

Wylan noticed with silent amusement Jesper’s eyes starting to wander in the room, meeting everything but his gaze:”Erm, yes, yes, business. A merchant wants to buy- no, sell some of his... well, yes, business related stuff. Definitely. I’ll think about it tomorrow, anyways” Jesper cleared his voice, trying not to choke on his own words ”Shall we go to our room now?” 

The redhead smiled, leaning in on the sharpshooter in order to kiss him. Their lips met and Wylan seized the moment of distraction to rapidly take the paper from Jesper’s pocket and jump off the sofa not to get caught. He stared at the little drawing of him as a child, made with love by his very much alive mother Marya: he remembered Jesper had stolen it when they visited her, but he didn’t think he was still keeping it after Genya had used it to restore his aspect. He smiled, looking at Jesper with not even Saints know how much love in his blue eyes. 

Wylan didn’t think he would ever see bold, enterprising, outgoing Jesper blush... and yet there he was, his dark skin slightly changing colour in realisation of what his boyfriend was learning. The redhead said nothing for a while, a huge smile laying on his lips as he stared at the sharpshooter. After some time in which Jesper did nothing but move anxiously with his whole body on the sofa, Wylan finally broke the unbearable silence.

“Jesper Llewellyn Fahey, you are a big softie!”

If possible, Jesper blushed even harder, hiding his face in his hands and cursing the day his father revealed his middle name. Thank you, Da. Not only do I have to deal with this, I also have to hear Llewellyn being called a big softie. Jesper wasn’t enough. He didn’t like the way he was handling the situation: he was desperately looking for some of his sarcasm, but he was not prepared to face his feelings in such a strong way. He felt so stupid.

Suddenly he felt some gentle fingers wrap around his wrists and he lifted his head, meeting the blue oceans resting in Wylan’s eyes. The redhead was smiling, a light he had never seen before shone in his gaze. He was... wait, was he about to cry? 

“Wy?” he asked, not certain about how to behave. What was happeing? If anything, he should be the one crying from shame.

“You really like me that much?” 

Wylan’s question was so simple, so genuine. Jesper couldn’t help but falling a little more for him every time he witnessed how pure he could be. 

“What... of course I like you. A lot, I’d say. How is that something to cry for?”

Jesper put a hand on the redhead’s cheek, brushing away with his thumb a single tear running on it. 

“I have never had someone like you, Jesper. I have really never felt like someone cared for me this much. Not my father, not my friends, not my crushes. And now you’re here and I... I don’t know how I deserved any of this. Are you even real?”

The sharpshooter laughed softly, his shame completely gone, his love for that skinny, clever boy stronger than ever. 

“You’ve earned every single part of this, Wy. You are so amazing and please, every time I tease you punch me, because you deserve eveything, more than me, more than anything this world could ever offer you. Please know how much you’re worth. Please.”

Wylan smiled, sending his tears back, then he sit on Jesper’s lap and he placed both hands around his neck:”I don’t care what I do or do not deserve, all I care about is you. As long as you’re here, it’s okay” 

Jesper kissed him slowly, with kindness, grateful to the Saints, to Djel and to whomever was up there for placing that merchling on his way.

“Back to the original matter” said Wylan after a while “I’m putting up posters in every street of Ketterdam to tell the world what a big softie Jesper the sharpshooter is”

Jesper laughed out loud:”Yeah sure, everyone will believe that. It wouldn’t work out, anyways”

“And why is that?”

“Your mother drew you as a beautiful child and you’re really not that handsome, No one would say that’s you.”

Wylan grinned and punched Jesper twice on his arm.

“Damn! What the hell was that for?”

“You just told me how amazing I am and that I should punch you every time you say the opposite. It’s on you”

“Fair enough”