#i have a virgin martini in hand and a cardigan draped over my shoulders like a cowl

[anonymous-dentist]

glad to see the karlnapity people are having a normal one tonight

[lokisgame]

Waiting On A Friend

originally posted on AO3; one thing leads to another...  

Watching girls go passing by It ain't the latest thing I'm just standing in a doorway I'm just trying to make some sense Out of these girls go passing by The tales they tell of men

The one person, who has strangely and inexplicably withdrew herself from his orbit. Their current assignment being desk duty or whatever BS errands for whatever division that needed hands to do their dirty work, like pulling all night stakeouts for three nights in a row, alone, has made both of them edgy. They were used to having their own space, where they could talk openly, act naturally and work in peace. To make things worse Scully was acting weird ever since Diana came back, and he was starting to worry about it. Ever since Gibson brought his attention to it, he noticed how Scully became detached and kind of overtly profesionall, he recognized her reaction as something of a professional display of jealousy. He saw it every now and then, the strictness, the brusque professionalism, the short clipped sentences. It was her version of territorial behavior. Feeling threatened, she puled up her defenses. Neither of them would ever say it out loud, but they knew it, when they saw it. Gibson almost broke the rules, something that would surely make Mulder's life very difficult. The silent agreement between them broken in front of an outsider, would require explanations and declarations, neither of them was ready or keen to voice at that or any other moment. This was their matter, handled wordlessly, through gestures and body language and that subtle change in vibration of the air between them. The truth was, that anything that might have been between him and Diana was over years ago. He barely thought about her anymore. But their past existed and with that past came a certain degree of intimacy that was not repulsive to him, but at the same time not as welcome or comfortable as it might have been, let's say 4 to 5 years ago. It meant something, but that something meant next to nothing. To him at least. What was an inconsequential gesture to him did however tick Scully of like an omen of changing allegiance. He broke the rules, without the benefit of celestial conjunction as an excuse, and now it was up to him to fix it.

A smile relieves a heart that grieves

A wave of motion caught his eye and he saw her approaching through the gathering crowd. Her small frame and red hair unmistakable, navigating between the handsome lawyers and even handsomer lobbyists with their expensive suits and even more expensive ties, she was like a small meteor flying towards him. The heat of her passing grazing their orbits made them turn and stare after her. Her high heels clacking against the wooden floor, doing very little to bring them to her level. Casual Scully was small, truly petite, fragile and cute. If he Tried to tell her that to her face and she might kick his ass seven ways untill Sunday, but it was a fact, one he wasn't that conscious of usually, but the though did hit him now and then. Scully was beautiful, graceful and tough as nails. She was many other things too, but right now, with her face slightly flushed, wearing jeans and a soft casual light blue cardigan draped over her shoulders like a billowing cape she was mostly cute. And she smiled only at him. "Where's the fire FBI woman?" He teased as she finally stopped before him catching her breath. "You tell me, you called me here." She laughed incredulously but didn't sit. He might have exaggerate a bit over the phone when he called and invited her to join him, but her smile gave him hope he might get away with it. "Come on, let's go outside" "But I just got here" she protested weakly as he got up and steered her gently in the direction of the stairs that lead to the roof patio. "Please, I'll explain everything, but not around all this witnesses" he winked at her and she followed.

The early evening was mild and the sky was clear. The roof patio of the establishment offered comfortable white couches and a stunning vista of the city. Sunset painted the sky in all shades of purple, the moon was rising and the city geared down for the evening. A beautiful summer, Saturday evening. "I've never been here" she said looking around for a place to sit. "This way" he gently guided her to a couch far removed from the prying eyes and ears, as he always did. She sat next to him and took in the view, the light warm breeze, the waiter who was walking around lighting the tea lights on each table. This wasn't the usual place for either of them. Between the diners on the road, restaurants close to work where they sometimes indulged in long lunches discussing cases (change of venue proved successful in promoting new ideas) and their homes, they rarely (bordering on never) spent time together in a place like that. She seemed to be as awed as he was, which wasn't exactly his goal. He feared it might be a little too much to early, but the place had good reputation and he felt like they both needed a neutral ground to find themselves together anew.

Don't need a whore I don't need no booze Don't need a virgin priest But I need someone I can cry to I need someone to protect Making love and breaking hearts It is a game for youth

"So, Mulder, what gives?" She looked at him expectantly trying to make sense of it all in her own way. "You want something to drink?" He asked motioning for the waiter, clearly staling. "White wine, if you please" she answered dubiously. He ordered whiskey for himself under her arching eyebrow. He didn't usually drink, but tonight he thought he might need it. He feared he over did it, his doubts were starting to outweigh his resolve. He turned to her, resting one elbow on the back of the couch, focusing on her to take his mind of the memories of awkward dates. She was his friend for crying out loud and he intended to keep her that way. "It's nothing really, I just" he trailed off lowering his gaze, almost losing his nerve, why was this so hard all of a sudden? "You just what?" She prompted, not used to seeing him stammer and grasping for words, he always had something to say, one way or another. "I wanted to talk" he sighed, now or never "I missed our talks. I haven't spoken to you in a week" "Three days" she corrected him without malice. "Whatever, felt like a week and I missed it" he let himself go, just started blurting things out "we lost the X-files, they took our office, and not so long ago" he wanted to say I almost lost you, but he caught himself before he jumped of that ledge, settling for a close second "we were a team." "We're still a team, Mulder, we still work together" she never made anything easy for him, this wasn't about work. "Geographically yes, I know that, but it's not the same" he reached for his drink, taking a small sip and resting the glass on his bent knee "I miss our freedom, and" he hasitated staring at the gold liquid swirling around the ice cubes, the warmth of his hand melting it, if only his life was that simple "As presumptuous as it might sound," he looked into her eyes, willing her to understand "I miss my friend."

He knew he was pushing the line. He was pushing it from the day he found out about her cancer, about the fertility clinic, about her remission, about Emily, about 5 billion other things that weren't her. He wanted to tell her how most days she was his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night, how he was scared shitles of losing her, terrified of the day when he would wake up and not know when he would see her again. He was tired of loneliness, that recurring fear that resurfaced with every bump in the road they shared. The loss of X-files didn't destroy him the way he once thought it would. Now that he had a frame of reference, a bench mark of grief that he knew was his limit. He knew that work he could pick up again, he'd find a way, but without her, he wasn't sure if he would have the strength to do it. It was selfish to place all his hopes in her, knowing how loyal and devoted she's been, selfish to ask more of her, but he needed to know. He needed to know she would not turn her back on him because she thought he had a replacement for her in the wings. He was grasping, reaching out to her, hoping she'll meet him half way. Three days that felt like a week without her was what it took for him to notice what was missing, and he wasn't sure he would make it a week or even three days without it. "So, Scully, tell me, how was your day?"

But I'm not waiting on a lady I'm just waiting on a friend

She gave him a long look and finally said "Well, my car broke down, I might need a lift on Monday" He smiled and felt it, the threads intertwining again and resting his head in the palm of his hand he relaxed "tell me what happened."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I've been holding out so long I've been sleeping all alone Lord I miss you I've been hanging on the phone I've been sleeping all alone

"Mulder, when did you move to DC?" The sun went down, but the city around them hasn't lost it's charm. Under the twinkle lights everything looked better, their warm glow softened all the lines and that's what he wanted, for them to be more open. "High school, senior year, why?" She looked down at her half empty, second glass of wine. "No reason, I just never asked" She sat next to him, wrapped in her soft cardigan, watching him with sweet, unguarded eyes. She was honestly curious about it, it was worth a try. "I moved here to live with my father, he wanted me to go to Georgetown, but I preferred Oxford." He smiled at the memory "The farther away from him the better." "What was Oxford like?" She wanted to know more, was it the wine?

Scully usually kept her interest in people to minimum, she never liked to pry. Yet tonight, as she looked at Mulder, and the way he leaned in with his arm over the back of the couch, his whole body angled toward her, pulling her into his space, made her think of a night, nights - plural, and confessions wasted on strangers. Nights she wanted to share with him, but never seemed to find the right moment. Somehow they both realized, their time was now. "It was certainly a change from what I was used to. Bit of a shock at first, the freedom" his look became distant but not as sad as she expected "Once I moved to England, old Bill stoped calling, mom called sporadically, so it was basically me, finally free. Not that they cared much when I lived with them, but still, the knowledge that I was accountable to no one but myself, it was liberating." "You didn't miss home at all?" "I missed my friends" she raised her eyebrows "What, don't look at me like that, I had friends in high school. I almost had a girlfriend!" "No!" That was news to her, one she never heard before, apart from stories of his cold parents and missing sister, he never talked about his life before Oxford, and even those informations were scarce. She realized that Fox Mulder was a bit of an X-File himself. "Yes! I wasn't a complete loser all my life Scully." She laughed, he seemed amused as well, but his choice of words made her realize that the words of Eddie Van Blundht must have cut him deeper than she thought. "You're not a loser!" He probably thought that it took one to know one. She pushed him forward "What was she like?" "Brilliant, bold, took shit from no one" his chuckle was full of fond memories "especially from me! Reminds you of someone?" All she could do was smile "Sounds like a great girl" "Yeah, she was." He looked down at the almost empty glass in his hand, and she watched his smile turn from amused to wistful to sad. Once awakened, her curiosity could not be easily silenced. "What happened?" "The usual, we grew up and apart, nothing dramatic" he replied with a slight shrug "she met someone else, I met someone, the letters became few and far between. Life happened. Now when I think about it, she was the only good and honest person, who cared about me, at the time." "Have you seen her, since then?" "No, I haven't heard from her in years." He downed the rest of his drink and smiled at her with unguarded eyes "She's probably a dean at MIT right now or something like that" "We could find out"

"Agent Scully, are you suggesting we use our position to gather information for personal reasons?" He laughed at her arched eyebrow "I'm a bad influence. Besides it would feel weird." "Yeah, I guess you're right" she backed down smiling over the last of her wine. "You're agreeing with me? Just like that?" He couldn't believe his luck. "Enjoy it, while it lasts" "I am, immensely, and you know what, I'm hungry. You're hungry? Come on, have dinner with me Scully." "What? Right now?" His offer seemed to take her by surprise. "YEAH, why not?" "We... it's Saturday night, and we don't have a reservation." Two glasses of wine weren't enough to kill her rational mind. "That's it? Come on, I know a place." He signaled the waiter and paid for their drinks. "This seems to be a theme for this evening." She shook her head setting her win glass aside. "You liked what we had last week when I dropped by?" He got up and reached out his hand to her in invitation. "Yeah" "Okay, let's go there" Since she didn't move he leaned over and simply took her hand in his, pulling her up. If she waited for a comment about her small feet, it never came, he was serious about this. "Alright, but only if I can go dressed like this." "You look perfect, come on, I'm starving." His smile could power the city for a week.

Sometimes I say I won't miss you child I guess I'm lying to myself It's just you and no one else

"Have you sold the property yet?" They ended up in a small Italian restaurant, the food was simple but tasted great. The wine flowed, loosening tongues and greasing the conversation. "The house on Vineyard? I'm keeping it." She paused with a forkful of salad halfway to her mouth. "You said you hated it, too many bad memories. What changed your mind?" "I hate the house, not the place. I'm renting it for now, but one day I will move there." "I don't understand." He smiled at her, leaning over the table, as if he was about to share a secret with her. "I'll tear the old one down and build a new house in its place." "You want to build a house?" Her eyes went wide and he had to laugh. "Sure I do! I have this idea in mind, how it should look like." "Like what?" There was that curiosity again, was it the wine? She'll probably think he means it metaphorically, but he doesn't. He means every word, literally. "I want a bedroom with huge windows facing the ocean. Upstairs master bedroom. Just think about it." He looked up and her eyes drew him in, the vision took shape in his mind "You wake up, sun is rising over the horizon. Every year, for three days at the beginning of May, the sun rises in this one spot, where it's perfectly framed by the trees outside your window. The cloudless sky changes colors from purple to blue, the sun's reflecting of the water. The morning is a bit chilly, but the sheets are warm, and it's Saturday morning, with no places to go, no people to see. You have coffee in bed, read the newspaper listening to seagulls and distant crash of the waves. Doesn't it sound perfect?" "Sounds very peaceful." Somehow his story has put roots in her heart, she could almost feel the warmth, it must have been the wine, it couldn't be his eyes. "How about you?" He brought the glass again to his lips, the liquid courage was the theme of the night "You have a dream home Scully?" "I always thought about it in terms of people, rather than places. With the right people, paradise could be anywhere." She glanced down, avoiding his eyes, there was something in them she wasn't ready to confront. "And what people would that be?" He no longer felt like he was pushing, more like he was drawing her in by opening himself to her. "It's pretty simple Mulder" her cheeks flushed slightly, the wine, he repeated to himself, it's the wine, it's not you, it can't be you she's thinking about "people I love and people who love me." "I think you've earned all the love and peace in the world Scully." A shadow passed over her face and she looked up abruptly. "What brought this on Mulder? Is this about the X-files?" "Not at all" he shook his head slowly, opting for honesty "Well, maybe a bit about that too. But mostly, I've been wondering lately. What would it be like, to just let it all go. I'm starting to wonder if my heart is still in it as it used to," That wasn't the answer she was expecting, not from him, "We will get the X-Files back Mulder, I still have things to do, and so do you. You can't give up." "I know, and I'm not" that also was true "Actually I've been looking into ways to restore the burned documents, but I still have to find a way to convince Skinner to let me do this. It will take time and money, but I'm sure we can make it." "Right now, there's no chance in hell he'll agree to it." He sighed, back to shop talk, how could he save this? He waited too long for a night like this. "Yeah. I have to tell you one thing Scully. I'm not sure how long will I take this bullshit assignment. The bullpen life is killing me!" "Come on, it's not that bad" She smiled sympathetically but she knew it was worse for him than it was for her. "It's the noise. The noise is the worst." "It does feel a bit crowded sometimes" "I feel like we're constantly under surveillance" he leaned over the table dropping his voice to a mere whisper "Like they're watching our every move and glance." "The Syndicate?" She was instantly worried and hid her lips behind her glass, taking a sip and looking around inconspicuously. "No, other agents! The gossip I heard, believe me" she almost choked on the wine laughing, and he took the glass out of her hand "Easy! Easy! You'll suffocate Scully. Breathe" Once she calmed down the smile was back on her face "Mulder, I never thought you'd care about office gossip." "They can say what they want about me, but I won't stand by idly when they talk shit about you." His eyes danced with something that was equal parts humor and complete seriousness. "I can take care of myself, thank you very much." "I know you can, but it doesn't change the fact that it pisses me off, and I want us out of there, ASAP." It was his turn to avoid her gaze. "Mulder" "I want you all to myself again." There, he said it, though he was still afraid to look up and show the true meaning of his words. "Is this what this evening is about?" "No" it was his first instinct to deny his true feelings for her, a defense mechanism, but the wine made him chance a glance at her, and see her expression turned serious, in vino veritas her eyes have said "Yes... I mean, I guess. We never really talk all that much, do we." "No, we don't." Her voice was soft, perhaps she did want the same things he did. "And that's what I want to change." "So... let's talk about desert." He finally looked up, she saved him again apparently deciding it was enough confessions for one day, small steps. "What would you like?" He rested his chin in the palm of his hand, confident her smile kept his secret. "Chocolate cake?" She mirrored his position and her smile turned wicked. "Will you share?" Teasing was normal, teasing was safe. "Is this a date?" The question caught him off guard but instead of crushing him, it lifted him up, like an air balloon tied to his heart. "I don't know, is it?" Was she bluffing? The smile reached her eyes "You tell me." Could this be easier than he thought? "Would you like it to be?" She didn't let this go, got his hopes up, now he wanted answers. "This is starting to feel like a Monty Python sketch. Argument Clinic." He smiled at her, she was backing down, and he wasn't going to let her. "I've been arguing with you for over five years." Come on Scully, don't let me down. "Okay, you win. I'll share the cake." Her laugh filled his heart. "Dear Diary, our first date."

The girlfriend Mulder speaks about, is Phoebe, from Kami Garcia's "Agent Of Chaos" - give it a try.