#i have another one actually but it's super unedited to meeehhhh

[introsquirrel]

Much Ado About Monkey Island

so i’ve been playing a lot of Monkey Island recently, because the BEST GAME EVER (Curse of Monkey Island, the 3rd in the series) is FINALLY ON STEAM and i strongly suggest anyone who likes witty puzzle games play it, even if you haven’t played the others because it can stand on its own and it’s all around a really great game with one of my favorite protagonists of all time.

anyway, i replayed Tales of Monkey Island after finishing Curse... in a...day.... any there’s a cut scene after the credits of the last chapter that inspired this mess. THIS IS NOT SPOILER FREE. IT HAS SO MANY SPOILERS. ALL OF THE SPOILERS.

Also this is not a rag on Morgan LeFlay. I love morgan. what a great character!

if you are unfamiliar with this series but still want to read this for some reason, here’s what you need to know: guybrush is stupid and clever and he picks up random things and keeps them in his pants (and coat pockets in the 5th game), lechuck is the series villain and is in love with elaine and has been a ghost and a zombie and a voodoo zombie who kidnaps elaine like all the time, the crossroads is like pirate greek underworld, the voodoo lady does not have a name that we know of

fic can be read here if you don’t like tumblr, and the rest is under the cut

Fic name: Much Ado About Monkey Island Rating: G Fandom: Monkey Island Relationships: Guybrush Threepwood/Elaine Marley, Guybrush Threepwood & Morgan LeFlay Characters: Elaine Marley, Morgan LeFlay, Guybrush Threepwood Warnings: Kind of a love triangle situation, but not really, this is unedited

Elaine Marley Threepwood, Governor of Melee Island, Booty Island, and Plunder Island, part-time pirate, accomplished ambassador, and wife of the legendary (if exasperating) pirate Guybrush Threepwood, took a moment to fully bask in the novelty that was being on the other side of this whole kidnapping business.

Not that it made her any happier about it, but at least she wasn’t the one caged in a weird voodoo trap while some variation of undead suitor proclaimed his love for her. Thank the pirate gods for that. She would probably run herself through if she had to fend off LeChuck again and then her husband might do something stupid like bring her back from the dead, or bind their spirits together, or dig up her grave and cry over her corpse until some bizzaro unlikely miracle happened and she spontaneously came back to life with a list of conditions to her newfound reincarnation.

“Is this how you feel all of the time?” Guybrush asks her, sounding incredulous. “Man, this is annoying and frustrating. I didn’t think it was possible, but my respect for you just raised to a whole new level of awe.”

“Thank you sweetie,” Elaine calls, mostly to shut her dumbass (but endearing!) husband.

“No, seriously!”

“Shut up Guybrush,” Morgan LeFlay says, not taking her eyes off Elaine.

This is probably the most surprising turn of events. Morgan LeFlay is very much dead, according to Guybrush. She is also a “really great person!” according to Guybrush. She is also a competent swordfighter, which Elaine vaguely remembers from issuing her a pox-induced challenge to a fight to the death for Guybrush. And also she helped kill LeChuck once and for all, according to Guybrush. And Morgan LeFlay is known for mostly killing pirates, not kidnapping them and forcing them to marry her. It was distinctly out of character for her (according to Guybrush).

Elaine isn’t certain how it figures in, but she’s 100% sure the Voodoo Lady is involved somehow.

Currently Morgan LeFlay is a ghost pirate hunter, in the corporeal world, with a very much not ghostly ship, holding very much not ghostly objects.

Definitely VooDoo Lady sea scumm happening.

Morgan takes this opportunity monologue, like a true villain. (She must have been taking lessons.) “Look, I know that you’re stupidly gaga over Elaine for some reason-”

“There’s lots of reasons! I have an itemized list!”

He doesn’t, but she’s sure that when they get home he’ll make one and frame it in a public area because he’s that much of an embarrassing romantic. (The thought of it makes her swoon a little bit, but she’ll never admit it in public.)

“-when we had a moment! A really romantic moment! I kind of compared myself to a giant ugly manatee for you so you could understand me better.”

“What? I thought you were just helping me figure out how to seduce a manatee to I could get La Esponja Grande.”

“Well, I mean, that too. It was a metaphor.”

“I think you mean double entendre,” Elaine pipes in.

Morgan growls. “I didn’t ask you!”

“I’m almost positive Elaine made that word up, but i’m also mostly positive that she’s right. She’s right most of the time. All of the time.”

“Shut up about Elaine for five seconds! Geez!”

Elaine unfolds herself from her fighting crouch. “Look, Morgan. I’m sure we can come to some sort of compromise.”

Guybrush squeaks. “I’m not agreeing to be cut in half!”

“Smuggle bunny,” Elaine sings through her teeth, “please zip your trap while the ladies talk, okay?”

“Fine, but I stand by my statement.”

“There is no compromise,” Morgan says. “To get a human form, I need Guybrush. To be happy, I’m pretty sure I’ll need Guybrush. Have you met other pirates around here? Or even other men? They’re disgusting and are either terrified of me or want to tame me. I just want to be me. And human. That’s important too.”

“Of course I’ve met other pirates, why do you think I married Guybrush?”

“Aww,” Guybrush says. “That’s so sweet… I think.”

“And we can work together to get you a human form back. Guybrush talked a lot about you, and you sound like a decent person. I would have let him help you if you asked.”

Morgan stares at her blankly. “He… talked about me?”

“Yes. How you’re a lifelong fan and how you cut off his hand. How he got you to pretend to be his wife. All the things you helped him with in at the Crossroads. I’d be jealous except he seemed completely oblivious to the fact that you had a crush on him.”

Guybrush yells, “Wait, you what?”

“See?”

Morgan looks devastated. To Guybrush she says, “Didn’t I tell you? You are stupidly loyal to Elaine, and I respected that about you, but I also hated it. It’s so unfair!”

“Oh, Morgan.”

Elaine considers for a moment. “We’ll both help you get your human form back. On two conditions.”

“Is one of them not cutting me in half?”

“What are the conditions,” Morgan asks, studiously ignoring Guybrush like a pro.

“One,” Elaine holds up a finger, “whatever the Voodoo Lady is setting you up to do here with marrying Guybrush, it has to stop. We’re married and neither of us wants that to change. I’m not going to apologize for that.”

Morgan does not look happy, but she doesn’t protest outright so Elaine decides to take that as a good sign. And also pretty much confirmation the VooDoo Lady is involved. Figures.

“Two, when doing whatever weird side quests you will inevitably get yourself into, you take me along.”

“What?!” Morgan yells.

“Oh, this can’t be good,” Guybrush says.

“I’m saying this because Guybrush runs off all the time and he works best by himself most of those times. But with all his stories about you, you seem like an accomplished woman and Davey Jones knows that we need more of those around here. I’d like us to be allies.”

Guybrush does a little dance. “Yeah! You’d both make a super intelligent and an utterly terrifyingly competent team! Okay, actually, hm. That is a little too terrifying. Especially for me.”

Morgan, on the other hand, looks a little dumbfounded. “Allies?”

“Yes. As a bonus you can hang around my stupidly clever husband to your heart’s content, but just know that he’s just as crude and idiotic as any other given pirate, just with far more charm attached.”

Guybrush is muttering to himself (or some unknown audience, he does that sometimes) while Morgan frowns and thinks about the deal.

“... Okay,” she finally says. “Okay, I’ll team up with you and try to become your ally. I heard you’re a governess right?”

“Governor, technically. Guybrush is the governess.”

“I am?”

“Governor, then. Can you teach me how to lead people without terrifying them beyond belief?”

“She might still be figuring that one out,” Guybrush says.

“Oh absolutely,” Elaine smiles, and purposely makes it ambiguous who she was answering. She sheathes her sword. “Now that that’s out of the way, release Guybrush and we can talk business.”

“Oh, um, about that.”

Elaine blinks at Morgan, in suspicion. “What.”

“He wasn’t meant to be captured there. That cage wasn’t finished yet and I didn’t add a way to open it yet. So he’s… kind of trapped in there.”

“Oh no,” Guybrush yells. “I can’t pillage and plunder while trapped in a box! I can’t scavenge the seven seas while caged like a wild animal! I can’t even use the bathroom without the rest of the ship bearing witness! This is the worst.”

“Well,” Elaine smiles. “Let’s take a look at that voodoo spell and see if we can’t Guybrush some solution together.”

“Ha!” Morgan says, also smiling, and digs out the spell from her boot. (How…?) “I guess this is our first quest together, Governor Threepwood.”

“I suppose it is, Pirate Huntress LeFlay.” They share a smile, before Elaine turns to her husband. “Honeylumps, I’m going to need you to empty your pockets and your pants.”

“In public?”

Morgan shrieks, “You need him to what?!”