#i have no idea if this was polite or helpful but godspeed and goodnight

[sanguine-inkwell]

i hate having this condition. i hate the way my body wants to stay up all night and sleep during the day. i hate the way my mouth waters and my breath instinctively quickens when i see a wound, or how much i wish i could sink my teeth in. i wish i wasn't like this. (sorry for rant but i dont i know where else i can vent)

buddy if you need to vent therapy exists? also art. art is good. discord vent channels. like i know we’re strangers so to you it’s free real estate but

that said

you’re allowed to hate a chronic condition. you’re allowed to hate having more baggage than other people, you’re allowed to hate that you started the race with fuckin’ weights on yer ankles. not every day is roses and i won’t promise you that.

but some days will be.

some days you’ll get a good day of sleep and stay up all night with no expectations. some days you’ll get a nice placebo, or maybe the actual thing. some days you’ll be satisfied. not every day. maybe not even this year. but some days.

if living like this is actively detrimental to your health, talk to a professional. talk around the issue if you have to, phrase it as pica, whatever. see what they have. it’s always worth trying, seriously. their whole business model runs on having living people to make money off of, y’know

you are like this. or at least you’re enough like this that you’re in our inbox, so that counts. my recommendation is self care and exploring the concept of neutrality instead of outright loathing. does not having arms suck? yeah, but think about all of those unsanitary handshakes i get to pass on.

does craving blood and ravenously dreaming about gore suck? sure. nowadays it’s a bit like getting horror movie messages from a demon that doesn’t know when to quit. like. “Moloch i already left you on read, can a person drink their coke in peace? or are we doing the murder fantasy again for old times’ sake.”

tl;dr eat, sleep, take a shower, take your revenge on the universe for giving you life by living really fucking deliciously, also therapy good. you don’t have to go enemies to lovers with your chronic torment, but a meh medium is possible.

also maybe talk to people in general. they’re really distracting, how can i possibly have a panic attack when someone is explaining to me how lava works

hope this helps

at the very least: mood

this was brought to you by my insomnia, sweet merciful night i think that is sunlight out the window

-mod bone