#i have seen people link the turquoise suit to toxic masculinity and like. you do you. but NO

[bookshelfdreams]

turquoise is such an interesting colour choice for stede tho

the colour of a cloudless sky, wide empty oceans, gemstones and feathers and bug wings. it's blue with just enough green in it to set it apart from the colours of uniforms, ink, royalty. inappropriate for a man of stede's standing, who should not dream of the sea at all or if he does, only to aspire to a career in the navy, and even this is barely acceptable.

but no, he chooses this: bright and shining, eye-catching and yes, a little obnoxious, a little controversial. a colour that invites disdain and mockery, that is loud and unapologetic: this is me, deal with it.

everyone hates me anyway might as well do what I want.

and there's the problem with that colour because while it is something that stede chooses for himself, makes his colour, it's not something he seems to feel - happy in. of course that's because he barely feels happy at all. it is him aggressively being himself, being strange and off-putting on purpose. it's the only way he knows how to be confident.

and yet, it is also a colour he wears to comfort himself. it's aspirational, a symbol of what he wants to be, a reminder that this life he feels so trapped in isn't all there is. before he runs away to sea he wears different hues of it when he feels isolated, misunderstood, a spectator in his own life: the teal cravat at his wedding, the petrol suit when he stands for the family portrait, and again, when Mary asks him to play with his children. muted and darker, but still the same greenish-blue, the same aggressive colour that wants, demands people to have an opinion on it.

but he can't be like this all the time, it's exhausting; he wants people to like him. he's desperate for a connection, to be seen and wanted, and that's why there's another prominent colour palette in his wardrobeone that is the polar opposite of his ocean colours: the soft yellows, oranges, beiges. earth tones that he wears when he wants to make himself palatable, when he wants people to look at him and see someone they might like. when he gives mary the anniversary gift (here is a piece of me, i am reaching out the only way i know how), when he wants to put on the fuckery, when he buys the treasure map (i can make myself into someone you could like, please don't go away), the beach day with calico jack (please, please i promise i can be normal, please).

where the blue is bright and loud, these make him blend in; where blue is controversial, these are unobtrusive and pleasant. this, too, is a defense mechanism, a way for him to hide himself, and stede widely fluctuates between the two extremes. thinking his true self is something disgusting to be hidden, versus aggressive displays of his own weirdness because pushing people away is better than to be rejected; at least this way he has some agency.

he leaves his earth tones at the beach with calico jack, when he realizes that abusers loom everywhere and he will never make himself palatable to those determined to hate him. and he kills himself and buries his old life in a teal suit: to live his life authentically, he has to stop performing his own weirdness. he has to realize that he deserves to be loved and embraced, not just reluctantly put up with; he has to start wholeheartedly loving and embracing himself to do that.

so what does that leave him with?

there's been a lot of ink spilled over ed and stede being red- and blue-coded respectively, and how stede's blue seeps into ed's red to give him purple. the same thing happens to stede too. only once do we see him wear something completely different, and it's when we see a montage of little moments of ed and stede connecting with each other. when stede opens himself up and forgets to put on a performance. ed's red seeps into the blue, replaces the green and he's wearing

lavender.

stede allows himself to be seen, forgets to be self-conscious for a moment, and it's signified by a colour heavily associated with queerness (and yes, he wears the lavender breeches in the "stab me!" scene too. it's really not subtle).

I hope this becomes his colour in s2.

further reading:

this piece by @rewritethestars on the significance of lavender

this two-parter by @chocolatepot on stede's wardrobe in the context of historical gender norms

(ids in alt text)