#i have so many outtakes of this set oml

[sealrock]

decembhyur, day 9: history

ouroboros. — ♫

[just-jordie-things]

I Don’t Want to Be Out Anymore - Kira Yukimura

warnings: derogatory terms, swearing, cruelty towards minority groups, panic attack, a lil depressing (i always am) verbal self harm a/n: someday im gonna have a breakdown like this lmao

You didn’t like High School.  You hated high school.  It was literally the worst thing ever.  In fact, you’d rather saw of your own hand than attend any classes, and see the douche bags who just find it hilarious to mess with you.  Even as a senior, people were real jerks to you.  For the year being 2017, not everyone was about the whole LGBTQ+ thing apparently.

But you went anyways, cause everyone needs an education right? And the harder you studied, the easier it’d be for you to go to college somewhere far, far away from Beacon Hills.  And that sounded pretty damn good.

“y/n!” You ignored a whistle from one of the jocks from the basketball team, who were pretty cocky and always had a knack for getting on your nerves.  “Hey baby why don’t you walk on this side of the hall?” You just shook your head, not even offering them a glance.  “Oh right guys... she doesn’t walk straight” The boy snickered.  You put in your earbuds to drown out the sound of them high fiving each other.  Oh, how they think they’re so cool.

You reached your class without another problem, setting your books down on your desk and taking out a pen to begin the notes for the day in Chem.  The girl at the lab table with you squirmed a little, and moved her seat over.  You looked over at her, a slight hint of confusion on your features, and she gave you a nervous smile.

“Are you alright?” You asked, and she cleared her throat.

“Uh- uhm I’m fine I’m good” She choked the words out like they were poison, and your curiosity only peaked.

“Really? Cause you look like a deer in headlights” You said.

“It’s just I- well my name’s Becky” She said, and you nodded.

“I know...if you haven’t noticed, we have Chemistry together” You said, gesturing around the room.

“Well I’ve been working with my father, he’s a Priest you see, and I want to help volunteer in my Church you know?” You nodded, having no idea where this was going.  You weren’t very religious yourself, and you barely knew this giurl.  But she was giving you the summary of her life.  “And I think I can help you”

“Help..me?” You asked, pointing to yourself, and she nodded.

“I saw you in the hall today, and I thought you could use some help” You smiled a little bit, the idea of a friend making your entire heart leap for joy.  You’d never really had one.  Sure, here and there you make a joke with the person sitting next to you, but you’d never really considered them a friend.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’d like to help you get on the right path” Becky said with a big smile.  She put a hesitant hand on yours.

“Right path?” You repeated, unsure of what she meant.

“Well if I understand it correctly, you’re bisexual, yes?” 

“Um, yeah?”

“And I would like to help you mend the bond you broke with God, and realize you’re just confused-”

You snatched your hand away from hers, suddenly disgusted, your once jumping heart dying in your ribs.

“You wanna put me in some fucking brainwash camp?” You yelled, standing up at your desk.  Students’ heads turned, looking at you, as well as the teacher, who stopped writing on the chalkboard.

“y/n, I want to help you find the right of passage” Becky reached for you, but you grabbed your things and backed away.

“Stay the hell away from me, I’m happy with who I am” You spat, walking quickly to leave the room.  “Oh, and guess what bitch?” You snapped, turning to look back at her through the open doorway.  “Pussy tastes hella good” You said with a wicked smirk, then slammed the door.

But you rushed as quickly as you could through the vacant halls to the girl’s bathroom.  Sputters leaving your lips and tears stinging your eyes.  You put your hands on the sink, trying to control your intake and outtake of breaths, but you couldn’t.  It was all too much.

Were you really happy with who you were? You thought you would be.  Happier that you were out, out of the closet, out of the shower whatever the hell you want to call it.  But it only seemed to make things worse.  The stupid jocks picking on you more and more, and now some random girl you’d never talked to before, wants you to believe that what you are is wrong.  How twisted.  How ludicrous.  You looked up in the mirror, your mascara dripping onto your cheeks.  You let out a strangled sob.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” You cried out, fists hitting the sink as you sank to the ground.  “What’s wrong with you” You whimpered again, pulling your knees up to your chest as you continued to cry quietly.

That’s when you heard an eerily familiar sound.  The sound of a bathroom stall opening.  You averted your eyes as the girl walked out, just barely seeing her boots in your peripheral vision.

“Hey, hey are you alright?” She asked, kneeling in front of you.  You’d never seen her before, because surely you’d remember those oval shaped brown eyes and her cute button nose.  

“Sorry I thought I was alone” You watched as she sat fully onto the floor, opening up her bag and pulling out hand sanitizer, and tissues.  She handed you the small pack of travel tissues.

“I prefer not to wash my hands with the school soap.  It just doesn’t smell as good as Bath and Bodyworks’ Island Margarita, yeah?” You took a silent whiff of her lotion, and nodded in agreement.  “Now what’s a pretty girl like you doing wasting her time frowning and being sad in a school bathroom hm?” She leaned back a little, patiently waiting for you to answer.

“I-I don’t want to trouble you with my little problems.  It’s dumb anyways” The girl gave you half a smile.

“It’s no trouble.  I’ve got a free period, and I’m gonna guess I’m keeping you from going to class.  So it seems to me we have all the time in the world to talk about it” She said.  “I’m Kira by the way” She held out her hand, and you slowly raised your own to shake it.

“y/n” You said quietly, and she smiled with a slight nod.

“Well y/n, what’s making you cry?” She asked,  You took a deep breath.

“These dicks think it’s funny to make fun of me because I like boys and girls, and this other girl tried to get me to go to a conversion camp and I sorta made a scene in front of my class and now I really wish i didn’t come out to people and I’m really regretting ever actually coming to school and I might just drop out now-”

“Woah woah” Kira put up her hand, stopping your quick rambling.  “First of all, if it’s the basketball team, don’t take their shit.  They’re all gay for each other.  Walked in on a ‘team meeting’ once made me wanna puke that many people.  Ick” You giggled a little at her shaking her head with her eyes shut and tongue out in a disgusted expression.  Her features seemed to soften and she smiled when you laughed.  “In fact don’t take anyone’s shit.  You don’t deserve to frown when you have such a pretty smile” She said genuinely, and you felt yourself blush.

 The bell rang, causing her to look at her phone for the time.  “I guess all the time in the world could still only be so long” She said with a sad smile towards you, and she stood up.  “I’m gonna see you around, right?” She asked, and you licked your lips.

“I mean... I did sorta pour my heart and soul out to you” You said, making her laugh.  You felt the need to make her laugh all the time.

“You did indeed miss y/n” She said, and walked towards the door, adjusting her bag on her shoulder.  “Oh, and by the way” She said quickly, turning to face you, and you looked up at her, half out the door.  “My boyfriend was pretty chill when I told him I was a lesbian.  He’s still my best friend, I hope I can introduce you in lunch” She said with a grin.

Your lips parted, mouth hanging open as you stared at her in shock.  No words came out, and she just winked, and left.

You were in deep and you only knew the girl’s first name

i don’t write enough kira oml xoxo ~ jordie

[swipestream]

Strict vs. Lax GMs – It’s Not That Simple

There is no such thing as a Strict or Lax GM.

Whoa . . . before you jump to the comments section to yell at me, let me explain. The idea of a strict or a lax GM is an oversimplification. GMing is way more complicated than that. There are too many facets of GMing to simply have the needle buried in one direction or the other. Sure, someone can be more strict than lax, but the idea someone is strict in every way possible as a GM is a bit more unlikely. That said, there are still a few of you that want to hit the comments now, but let me crack this open and explain in some more detail.

Previously on Panda’s Talking Games . . . 

A few weeks ago on Panda’s Talking Games, Senda and I addressed this topic, and we got some requests on Twitter to put this into some kind of print form. So here we are. I am going to write out the crux of my argument here in this article, but if you want to hear this in some more depth, complete with outtakes, jump over to Misdirect Mark Productions and give us a listen.

Strict vs. Lax

As I am wont to do, let’s set some definitions for this article.

Strict – demanding that rules concerning behavior are obeyed and observed.

Lax – not sufficiently strict, severe, or careful; relaxed.

Don’t jump to the comments section yet. Yes, I know that you must know someone that you would say is a strict or lax GM, but wait. Here is the rest of the argument:

GMing Is Not A Skill

I know . . . it’s like I am trolling everyone with these headers. GMing is not a skill, it’s a bunch of skills. Somewhere I once said it was eight different skills, but honestly, I am not sure if that is true. It feels like it’s true, but it could be more. Regardless of its true number, GMing is a collection of skills that a GM performs during the course of running their game.

So a GM is not strict or lax, rather they are strict or lax in these different skills. Some GM’s may trend towards strict and others lax, but for most of us, it will be a mix.

For this article, and for the podcast episode, let’s focus on a handful of those skills, what they are and what strict and lax would look like.

Mechanical

The mechanics of the game as written by the authors of the game.

Strict: We do what is written in the rules, every time.

Lax: The rules are a guideline that we can follow or not when needed.

Setting

The place where the games take place: location, events, NPCs, etc.

Strict: No. You can’t have that type of gun because it was not invented until 5 years after the time we are playing.

Lax: Oh sure, your knight can have a katana . . . I mean a sword is a sword.

Story

The continuity of the story as it plays out at the table.

Strict: No, no . . . it was the bartender, not the barmaid who threw you out. Come on . . . keep better notes.

Lax: You sure Jonesy was dead? If he was, he’s not now. You just thought he was, but he’s here.

Table

The control you have over the table in terms of getting the game moving, keeping people focused, side chatter, etc.

Strict: Everyone quiet, eyes forward, and pay attention – the game is about to start.

Lax: Oh hey . . . hey . . . it’s your turn. Yeah, your turn – can you roll some dice for me?

Why does this matter?

It matters in two main ways: It influences you as a GM, and it influences what your players enjoy in a game.

 We will gravitate to games that accommodate our preferences, and we will run games in ways that suit our preferences. 

Your GMing style is influenced by your strictness or laxness (Bob, is that even a word? – Yup! OML) in these areas. We will gravitate to games that accommodate our preferences, and we will run games in ways that suit our preferences. For example, I like to run games fairly strictly, but I also have limited time to read and learn games. The result is that I avoid crunchy games where I would have to work harder to keep all the rules in order, and play games with lighter rules that I can run with more control.

Your players have a preference for these areas as well. You may have a player that has a high amount of strictness for Setting, especially if you are playing Star Wars. On the other hand, you may be quite lax on setting, and not want to be penned in by canon. When you go to GM a Star Wars game, the player is agitated because you keep using non-canon information, while you are annoyed that you are constantly being corrected.

So understanding your preferences, and your players understanding theirs, can go a long way for figuring out what games to play, how to play them, and how your table should run.

An Exercise

If you want to know your preferences, you can do this exercise with your gaming group. List the four GMing skills I mentioned above, and any other skills you may think of (by the way if you do think of some, put them in the comments). Then rate them on a scale of 1 to 10, with a one being totally lax and a 10 being totally strict. Now everyone rates these skills. When you are done, share your scores and discuss any large gaps.

My own scores for these are:

Mechanical: 9 – I love running games as written.

Setting: 5 – I am a bit lazy about being orthodox to canon.

Story: 9 – I love a tight story without any logical gaps or plot holes.

Table: 5 – I’m slow to start my sessions because I socialize a lot with my players.

Where do you fall?

The idea of strict or lax is an oversimplification. GMing is more complex than that, with many facets. In each of those facets, we can be strict or lax, and that is what makes our GMing style unique. There is value in understanding this both as a GM and as a player.

So take a look, score yourself, and if you are inclined, share your numbers with the rest of us.

Strict vs. Lax GMs – It’s Not That Simple published first on http://ift.tt/2zdiasi