#i have the family package for a few services and I can't use them anyway.

[goatmaninyourarea]

Streaming services enraging me once again

[scentedchildnacho]

The security bait and switches I guess.......i think he is a pedophile and he can act out because to his politic the jacobin just read that to him gen x represents the idea that people accomplish the greater science by getting to act out whatever his psychicomachia fantasy conjures instead of public welfare

To them repression and sublimation has no relevance it's just social theory and the greater cause is accomplished by acting out whatever their fantasy life is

By pedophile I mean someone who believes we are all Gods children and should be kept like children to use however but the project did do questionable things to the families till I was like uhm really a library day for their community when there are like big houses around not everybody can just walk up to....

I will like the families much better when they stay to their community districts and just pick up a few books here or there and without the whole caravan because the library really is too small of a space for their community

More dr king there are like vacant homes everywhere that could easily be re zoned for their community so

The library has high voltage areas on it and those types of cognitive studies to children have already been precedented

Its just to cause the children stress till they collapse of third world disease already easily known and treated here and the families choose ecological not environmental settlements

Compared to Washington Park in Milwaukee Wisconsin which is also just a project the library area here is like pre pornogrAphy war 70s treaties

So I kind of agree with mean punk heroin homeless the families have settlements to leave them alone and they kept following them here

The library is a mean scary punk place and I'm for letting the researcher study street punkness it's im sorry but you all kept going at crime and you bothered them when you have really anything else

I think the inside security called the cops not the outside the pale one....

Anyway they called the cops because at first he acted sympathetic but now that I'm trapped here he wants to switch and get the cops to slander me and kill me like an heiress so I suspect a sheriff knows to not be afraid of the hygiene terrorists and started putting pressure on jobs to serve time if they won't reform into a better business strategy so they tried to claim I did something to get away with stealing personal information into registers

They just want to fill up jails with poverty and get away with it....and that's just disgusting

So I ask the cop to disarm himself because his behaviour is really inappropriate to a poverty call and normal people call a psychiatric service about poverty not a combative

The police tells me he will be nice to me but I say again why not just disarm yourself it's incorrect protocol to poverty truth is I can't harm anyone

Then he wants to know about a PetSmart cart I have outside so I just tell him it's just civilly disobedient and show him the sign on the cart that reads children could fall out of the cart

To me the upper management of the store could have replaced the recalled items with child friendly ideas but they persisted in endangering children and try to point his angry mob of dissatisfied jobs at me instead of turning on his masterly ness to them

I told him I just took it because I don't have any other way of transporting my things and I could get stress fractures on the ground from the blanket allowance and a child could fall out of the cart so to me that's what civil disobedience is a mean stripper that won't pay me and so doesn't pay her kind of wanted children either could hurt all of us and so I learn from civil rights activists how to manage situations to stop letting bitch rule with its selfish time

Its not really my obligation to care that as a grocer he could have delivered fresh farm packages to the jail he didn't have to make them take busses

And he was like the homeless coalition could give you a cart and I was like you can go ahead and try to put things in carts that aren't for the families but those are the families and I can take this because the children can't use it

If you ask me the border conflict got really bad and carts or buggies or behind the bike are for the children and children don't like falling out of

That's me sometimes about the stripper issues trying to get by I sometimes inconvenience their activity because they start appearing very selfish it's the upper management that sat and filmed all they do there so again it's not my problem that retail stores around couldnt forgive something there

I told him I am from la Crosse Wisconsin but he confessed somebody said I was some fresno chick that did things she did to justify detaining me here

That's why I don't get mad about a couple years of homelessness I was a job and apparently it was bad for something in some way but after seven years and many assaults and tank based warfare that's way over the top and I realize my job life was impoverished enough to say sorry about something and I never deserved any of that

I just said I reserve the right to be at least a few inches from the ground so I'm not completely shocked

Now I'm just like their just terrorists I don't see any valid politic to telling me to reform through detainment like situations

Well those people can take those carts because they tell the families they will top dog for their kids but nobody told me to top dog so I don't

Anyway the security isn't like personal towards me he just does that goes around jack assing at people it's the college guys he gets near and raps the table to wake them up it's the random punks he just kind of goes at everyone....

Anyway he tried to hit me today with some type of slander so he had to be in close contact with the gold bike nigger so that sort of karma is correct if people hit you they end up getting hit with whatever hits ya

Routine checks now cops know that I'm still here so hopefully something starts reversing so

So I have been homeless ever since like 2013 and it's been like this basketball game I played versus tomah in middle school where this larger more professionally developed and organized team just went at us in really mean demoralizing ways just really made us feel worthless and loser just no team spirit no tap out just everything the ref claimed I did was wrong though this big girl kept running her body into me molestively

So I think Jacobin is right their a more organized larger entity and whatever fuck fantasy they feel like they can do and I can't tell no bitch she can't rape

If they feel that their like the secret poor pretty girls really getting back at the whites then they want their fantasy

Well to those terrorists they are natives and history tells them they can be nazish at religion and

And their teacher pedophile that told them they can isn't wrong or anything

[ifyouhavegonst]

really happy i ordered two sizes of the ghooty shorts after rockabillia bungled the size chart so badly (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) I'm usually a US medium/8 (sometimes a large depending on the brand), the XL pair were too small and the 2XL just barely fit me. i heard a few people say they shrink in the wash too (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) based on what I've seen on social media it seems like the fit of the ghooty shorts is kind of all over the place. admittedly i do carry a lot of my weight in the hips/ass department but there's no reason why an XL shouldn't have fit if I'm normally a medium (i get that it was likely juniors sizing but still)

the larger pair I ordered was supposed to be a gift too, but it looks like I'll be keeping them instead ┐⁠(⁠‘⁠～⁠`⁠;⁠)⁠┌ this is kind of a long way of saying if any of you are seeking out a pair of the ghooty shorts, I'm totally willing to sell the ""XL"" pair, not for more than the total of what i paid for the one pair (after shipping/state sales tax, the total comes to about $50 usd. these fuckers were expensive.) + whatever it would cost to ship to whoever wants them (I'd try to use the cheapest shipping option, likely usps first class). I'm not trying to scalp them or anything, because i didn't buy them for the purpose of reselling them. i just want to make back what I spent without having to pay to return them. i can ship them wherever, but if you're not in the continental US, it might be kind of expensive (back in my etsy selling days, shipping to canada & the uk was like $10-20 depending on the package dimensions. I'm sure if you're even further away than that, it'll be more expensive. I'm more than happy to get an international shipping quote before payment if you'd like to know how much it would be before you buy them).

be warned though, they probably fit like a US small/6 (and that's being generous, i feel like they might even be smaller, but since I'm a medium i have no real point of reference). i really don't feel like paying to return them & I've heard some not-so-great things about rockabillia's customer service. i only tried them on for about 30 seconds because they didn't fit, so they aren't really worn or anything. they'd be coming from a smoke-free, dog & cat friendly home ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ please check the size chart and make sure they'd fit you before inquiring, I'm really good about refunds in the event that something happens to the package (loss, damage, etc), but I can't provide a refund if they just don't fit after i typed out all this information about the size, so please read carefully.

anyways like. if you read this far and you want them hit me up because i don't really have any friends or anything who would care & i want them to go to someone who actually cares about them. I'd take payment via paypal friends & family (just because i don't want to deal with the seller fees, i promise I'm not sus), but only if you promise to ignore my deadname lol.

they need a home. if you're cold, they're cold, bring them inside.

ok thanks love you (⁠づ⁠｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡⁠)⁠づ

[frogsandfries]

Wondering if I should start using CBD

I've been having that startled feeling in my chest a lot lately, and with the heat, I get an exertion headache. Then, I've been getting a lot of headaches lately. Part of that is, I got paid last Thursday, but had absolutely no way of accessing that money, so there's hardly been food in the house. Part of it is, it's too fucking hot to eat. I don't understand how they can keep making hot meals. About this time of year, me personally, I would be meal prepping, doing all of the necessary baking on Sunday so that everything can be pulled out and microwaved or eaten cold.

My body is all sorts of messed up, and I know, I know I should see a doctor. I should get my driver's permit and get on food stamps and state health insurance. I know, believe me I know. It's kind of hard though when my mail won't come to the right house and I have no idea if a replacement card got sent to me but I can't use my money without the card. I can order gift cards, but apparently I can't use them in an ATM. Which won't stop me from trying, but won't do me a lot of good if that is the case. I guess I can maybe buy bus tokens in the store, which may mean I can use a card. I'm buying an obscene number of tokens because fuck this running out bullshit.

Once I'm able to turn my money into cash, I'm talking a hundred bucks down to the bank and they're re-opening my account. Which I might just close or stop using anyway, because I think this is a sign that it's the right time to go to a credit union. Either way, fuck this cash card service. Fuck them. I don't care if it was a matter of the postal worker delivering to the wrong address.

So I've got a bit on my plate, which I'm thinking is the reason I've been having this startled, jumpy feeling in my chest (it gets worse when I'm stressed out at work; which is a different kind of stress than just trying to get customers through my line as quickly as possible, like at the sandwich/cafe). I'm thinking about stopping by the house that might have received my packages, on my way home from work, and either explaining (hey, my friend/coworker was desperately sick and I had to cover them at work, and things just got settled down again) or leaving a note with my personal info. They got the planter that was part of my order, according to my friend, they dropped it off here; maybe they'll have my pins and seeds.

I'm really disappointed. I was really excited to grow those seeds with my friend's daughter, if she was interested. Or we could have DIY'd some planters. That would have been fun. It's not that it's too late now, but more that we're kind of well into summer. But I mean, if she's anything like our family was, she'll have fun making some sort of activity of it. Maybe we can use the perler beads like jumbo miyuki seed breads, or design fused planters.

I might try to change my payment settings and get a paper check one of these next weeks. I'm so angry, if this gift card comes and it works, I'm ordering the rest of last paycheck into gift cards. Fuck this stupid cash card bullshit. Besides, if I'm reporting that my card is lost or stolen, and I'm requesting a replacement, I shouldn't be able to continue using the card. If it's stolen, someone is walking around using my card!! Buying shit that I'm not receiving! This is not a company I need to continue to work with, and I'm glad I found out sooner than later.

I mean, I'm glad I'm able to continue using the cards--I was able to order some aida to keep myself occupied until the weather cools off, and a hopefully better screen protector and a case that will actually fit my phone, and now this gift card so I can at least buy some bus tokens (high priority, I have very few left and absolutely cannot afford to lose my job), and probably some food stuff, maybe a couple other things.

I'll get it all sorted out.

I didn't hear back from my interview, so I'm thinking Monday, I'll call back. I'm learning that being persistent is kind of a good way to get a job. If your name is coming up a lot, most people are going to be like, hey, I need help--that person. I've already tried to make it clear that it's not urgent that I nail something down, I just want to fill out my schedule. As long as I know something is coming, I can relax. I want to get things moving along. I want to start stuffing my metaphorical cookie jar labeled for my van.

Oh, shit, that's another thing. I was really genuinely going to get started making payments on my loans. I should call someone to have them explain how much I would have to pay annually to start to work down what I owe. I probably have the information at hand, and I have the base knowledge to figure it out. Ideally, I would like to get to a point on my life where I can pay double that. That's what the van is for. I can't believe I'm already up from thirty-five grand to thirty-seven. It's only been.... four years, give or take.....whoops. So, what that's about five hundred in interest? Geezis..... that's kinda steep.... if I'm in this for ten years, that's almost a second loan in interest.....

Honestly, it should be illegal to do this to anyone whose risk-taking tendencies haven't been muted by self-preservation and matured common sense. Even twenty-three-year-old me would have been a little more cautious about borrowing like this, compared to eighteen-year-old me.

Of course, even if I'd been forced to wait to decide until twenty, I would have had a different perspective, I would have analyzed alternate options.

Coulda-woulda-shoulda.

Having to live my personal hell/nightmare for another year on top of what I did, alone, probably would have had me considering living in a van.

By the way, I know at this point, A) I'm rambling, and B) I'm procrastinating going to sleep, but I sure do get into some horrible situations. When I started working, it was to afford rent in the city. Instead, my own father strong armed me out of my money--even though he'd head an opportunity, basically the same opportunity as me--to save money. We were living in a shelter where the expectation was to save money to be able to at least try to rent. I don't think he did. I don't know what he did with his money, since I had a hell of a time adjusting to third shift and slept for excessive hours. Honestly, I could have and should have saved more of my money then.

Then with my ex, buying shit I didn't need because I felt like I should treat myself constantly since I was pulling all the weight, and also being banned from the kitchen. Not helpful in plan Move Out On Our Own.

Then with my "friend" from Arizona who could just not. He was like, the anti-motivator. First, I felt like his backup plan for everything--no money, bank of Stosphia has got your back; didn't get groceries after work even though you close IN THE EVENING. In the actual desert??? Don't worry, Stosphia can order dinner rather than trying to bang around in the kitchen quietly. Didn't bring your card? GOOD THING SOMEONE AROUND HERE IS AN ADULT!!!! Very...... progress defeating. Then it's like, well, where's all your money going, why aren't you saving to move out??? WELL WHERE IS YOUR MONEY???? How you got me spending all my money and somehow you're broke too??? How does this even is math.

For once in my life.

For. Fucking. Once. In my adult life. I'm under my own motivations. I've learned the pleasure of saving money. I've learned the pleasure of minimalism. I don't neeeeed Stuff™. I have a major money saving goal in mind, but I also have existing commitments in mind. I have a major goal lined up after this one, and I have concurrent goals carrying me through. For the most part, I'm still acquiring art supplies because yolo-hashtag-studio-life. Really, my studio is kind of my life, right now at least.

I strongly believe in myself. I know I can do this. I don't have any major bills or financial commitments. I'm not paying rent or a mortgage or lease on anything. I'm looking for a second job so that I can work closer to forty or fifty hours a week so that I'm earning more money week to week than I'm spending out (my phone is currently thirty-five for the service and thirty-three for the phone itself and I'm gonna say I'm spending about twelve dollars every ten days for bus fare, not sure if I can do better; but those basics come to about a hundred bucks a month before food, because my dietary needs and tastes differ a little from my friend's family). Plus, this is a good time in my life to work hard job working. I fucking hate the state if Wisconsin and can't wait to head back to my true home on the coast.

Today, the weather got up to ninety-five degrees or so, with over ninety percent humidity. Yesterday, a storm rolled up out of fucking nowhere. In a couple more months, it's going to be so cold, the wind makes you weep frost crystals. I had the most amazing winter this past winter. It snowed like twice and the snow lasted a total of maybe three days. I wore my sherpa-lined sweater, and when it was really cold, a normal sweater under that.

I came back for a handful of reasons.

I have my stuff, and I'm slowly wading through it. Personally, I think even with a name-your-price system in place, I have at least a thousand dollars in junk other people might want. Yeah. I have that much just junk. Like, not even stuff I might want to try to keep.

When I can actually access my money, I will be my permit renewed and make good on getting my license.

License in hand, you bet your ass I'm getting a camper van that's already built out.

The earliest the opportunity presents, I'm finishing my degree. I fucking swear to god I'll start thesis in spring. I'll fucking do it. I'm so done with this godawful gigantic marsh of a state. So fucking done. I will eat ramen and corn if it gets me the fuck out of this state a week sooner. I would almost pay actual money out of my actual pocket to be thirsty constantly and be able to escape the heat in shaded places than to swelter in a closet in the middle of a house because of the hot water in the air.

Speaking of junk I might want to try to keep, I'm only keeping one tote of stuff. So, I can pack this tote to minimum air space, but there's only going to be one. Once I've gone through and sorted off the stuff I definitely won't keep from the stuff I might want, it'll be time to sort down to that one tote.

One tote plus the stuff I have in this room is probably going to be too much to pack into a camper van as it is. I may break my one-tote rule for up to a crate of extra stuff. Yes, I have a crate. I'm not certain if I own it or if I'm borrowing it; I have to ask my dad. Okay, maybe a crate and a few items. I actually doubt I'll keep that many items. The fan, the heater, the soda stream and a few other items are excluded as they're basically included in stuff in my room. Used, outdated electronics are kind of excluded, but I'm probably not just going to sell them; I'm going to see what I can get for recycling them. Clothing is excluded. But like the notebooks and air tight storage containers, those are going to be put to the tote limit.

I'm keeping the clothing I can, throwing away what is utterly ruined, and first going to sell what I don't want or can't wear in good condition, and then donating what I can't sell.

Anyway.......I should get at least a little sleep yet before work..... This headache is stubbornly waiting to be fed.....

[mooncakesnake]

2020 Vision

Wow. This year -- well, technically, we're not even halfway through it, but -- it's been wild. Super surreal in my personal life and worldwide current events.

A breakdown thus far...

Start the year off with #WWIII trending, everyone worrying that the U.S. will be going to war with Iran.

All this, while Australia is on fire. Politicians and billionaires do next to nothing, but a sex worker admirably raises funds by selling nudes.

Couple weeks into January, I get a message from my former close friend, who had cheated with my ex. A little backstory: she and I met through my then-boyfriend, because she was the girlfriend of his friend. We all worked together and were buddies. She and my ex cheated with each other, leading to the implosion of all relationships involved. For years after the respective splits, even after she and my ex broke up, she continued harassing me and her former boyfriend (my friend), spread rumours amongst our mutuals, told people I made up the abuse I went through at the hands of my ex, and created all kinds of drama. Anyway, she hits me up to apologize for everything, takes full responsibility for her actions, admitted that my ex was also abusive/controlling toward her and she was sorry for diminishing my experience. Having the validation and hearing her take accountability was actually really cathartic. Finally, I got to say my piece and let go of the anger I had harboured toward her (not for the cheating, as that initiated my escape, but for her cruel behaviour afterward). I never would've imagined we'd be on decent terms with one another, again.

In February, a couple of my fiance's family members really showed themselves for how selfish they could be and how low they could go. I won't delve too far into details, but it has forever affected the way we both view them and we will steer clear of them, as much as possible.

The biggest hit of the year happened in March... COVID-19. I'm high-risk, due to permanent lung damage I suffered from an illness in my late teens. I'm extremely susceptible to even the slightest cold turning into bronchitis and then pneumonia. So, life has changed a bit. I mean, we primarily stayed home the vast majority of the time. We both work from home and are not social people. It has affected our ability to grocery shop, though. We've been using a grocery delivery service. It's an added expense I didn't anticipate, but I can't risk exposure and Starling can't, because it would absolutely spread to me. It's been impossible to stick to eating keto, due to the meat package restrictions they have in place. I'm worried about how people are pushing to open back up. I don't know how I fit into the world anymore. I am afraid. I am afraid of the medical cost associated with catching this. I'm afraid of dying.

During the start of the pandemic, I went through a health scare. I've had a herniated disc, since October of last year. I work from home, sitting at a desk for hours on end, so it never had a chance to heal. Well, that progressed into sciatica and I'd been dealing with the nerve pain for a while. We had a trip to visit my parents, which is a 5 hour round-trip drive. From that trip, due to the prolonged sitting, my back was destroyed. I could barely walk or move in general. It was excruciating. I was making my way to the bathroom sink, when the pain overwhelmed me. I overheated, felt like I was going to vomit, the room was spinning, my eyes rolled back in my head, and my legs went out completely. I fell like a sack of bricks to the tile floor. Hard. I couldn't move my legs or open my eyes. Roman had to come help me. I was terrified that I had caused irreversible damage and might end up paralyzed. Apparently, that is a risk associated with prolonged disc and nerve damage. Unfortunately, I couldn't go to the hospital, because I couldn't risk getting the Coronavirus. We just waited it out and I went on bed-rest for a few days, taking off work and  hoping it would resolve itself. While I do still have the nerve pain and my disc is not healed, I can walk and get around pretty normally.

Since then, April has been a whirlwind of people losing their minds about being cooped up, imbeciles protesting lockdown by parading about with assault rifles to show their displeasure with the governor, family members not taking the risks seriously and acting like I'm ridiculous for wanting to protect myself.

It's May, and now we have murder hornets, so it's a lot going on.

I wonder what the second half of 2020 holds.