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#i have three unanswered asks of people that asked for comfort and advice on serious hurtful topics and i just cant collect myself to answer
taeyungie · 2 years
Text
hi i just wanted to address something regarding my asks recently so i'm redirecting to read the rest in the tags ⬇️
#first of all i wanted to say i'm really sorry for replying late or in some cases not replying at all#but i've been going through some crazy stuff irl and being here and having fun and making gifs is my only escape#recently i noticed that i've been getting a lot of asks from people who seek advice and comfort in hard situations for them#and i tried to reply the best i could but. i have to be honest#the amount of this type of sad asks that i get these days is being too much to handle for me. i'm so sorry#I'm saying this with a heavy heart because i love when people talk to me and when they trust me with things that mean a lot to them#and i appreciate it so much that you choose ME out of all people to talk to because as someone said i create a 'comforting surrounding'#i've been under a lot of stress these days but it's never been like this for me before. I could always handle everything#but these days... i just can't handle more. i'm so sorry#i have three unanswered asks of people that asked for comfort and advice on serious hurtful topics and i just cant collect myself to answer#and i want to clarify - i am not ignoring you. i'm just not in the right mindset to be a support for other people right now#it requires so much energy from me and it frustrated me because i want to do my best i want to provide the best support and love that i can#and i just don't have that energy right now#i might be okay in a week or two... but these days were bad and i know a lot of people feels that way. idk what's in the air#but i send you all my love and appreciation and i wish you the best of luck and i'm sure everything will work out <3#I'm really sorry that I couldn't help this time#❤️
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airoasis · 5 years
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To find work you love, don't follow your passion | Benjamin Todd | TEDxYouth@Tallinn
New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/to-find-work-you-love-dont-follow-your-passion-benjamin-todd-tedxyouthtallinn-4/
To find work you love, don't follow your passion | Benjamin Todd | TEDxYouth@Tallinn
Translator: Queenie Lee Reviewer: Ivana Korom after I graduated from university, I failed to recognize what profession I desired to decide upon. I had various pursuits, however which curiosity should I pursue and try and change into a job? So, again then, I used to be really all for martial arts. Here is me. But I did not need to flip that into a career. Here is my face. (Laughter) I used to be really taken with, and i was once finding out philosophy, however probably the most philosophers I most enjoyed reading – late at night, in my dorm room – recently said, "Philosophy is a bunch of empty suggestions," and there isn’t any job in philosophy, anyway.In order that was out. Being a somewhat bizarre kid, I was particularly interested in investing and finance, and i had even taken a section of the small savings I had, and invested them into gold after I was once an adolescent. I knew that following the finance root would be a particularly well-paid career, however I was wondering, like, possibly i would not make as a lot change as I might in that, it wouldn’t aid society, so ultimately, it would not fairly be that pleasurable. I used to be left with the query, "How could I pick a fulfilling career?" And, perhaps a lot of you’ve got asked your self the same query. I suggestion about this query, i realized I didn’t even be aware of how one can go about identifying a career, and i, you already know, read books, I went to careers advisors, I just couldn’t particularly find the know-how I really needed: what would I be excellent at ultimately? What talents will have to I be taught now? Which areas is there a satisfactory social need the place i will be able to make a change? These unanswered questions led me to, sort of, delay the determination by way of a number of years.As an alternative of virtually opting for a career, I founded an group committed to studying the question of which career to pick. And this group is known as "80000hours," that is the number of hours you could have in your working lifestyles, that’s a very long time, so, it can be valued at quite performing some serious study, and check out to see how pleasant to use them. We help you do some of this research, and we post all of our findings; it can be a part of a free online careers guide: 80000hours.Org. Here is some of the workforce today, surrounded through laptops and whiteboards, as average. So, you might at this point be considering to your self, "good, you hardly seem like you’re above the authorized age to drink, what could you tell me about determining a career?" good, it can be proper that some of the principal things we found out is that we have now a lot to learn. Identifying a career is a complicated hindrance and now not enough serious research has been completed into how excellent to do it. But we have spent the final three years doing study with academics of school of Oxford, and most importantly, we’ve got coached hundreds of individuals on tips on how to make real career decisions.All this research and considering has led us to the conclusion that careers advice in these days specializes in the flawed thing. For the period of most of history individuals in actual fact did what their parents did. Some persons within the Nineteen Eighties idea, "The greed is excellent," and so they serious about earning profits. But our iteration grew up with some one-of-a-kind careers recommendation, and that’s that you will have to comply with your passion. You can see that use of this phrase multiplied dramatically from the mid-nineties. However at present I think need to move past "comply with your passion," because the career recommendation to focal point on, and as an alternative of asking what our possess interests and passions are, we must be focusing rather more on what we can do for different folks, and to make the sector a better situation.Ok, so let’s return to my choice, how would "comply with your passion" follow to me? I consider what "follow your ardour" tells you to do is three things: the first is to identify your finest interests; 2d, to find careers that fit those pursuits; thirdly, pursue those careers, it doesn’t matter what. Finding a fulfilling profession is just a subject of getting the courage to pursue your passion. In my case, I was once interested by martial arts and philosophy, don’t forget? So, which profession will have to I opt for? Any suggestions? I must absolutely grow to be a Shaolin monk – Buddhism and martial arts, together. What is the thought behind this advice? You get passion match, then you definitely really experience your work, you’re rather influenced, so you are extra more likely to be triumphant, and in case you are successful doing anything you are hooked in to, then you have got a pleasing profession. And, spelled out like that, this relatively does sound like pretty reasonable recommendation, proper? I can maybe get behind that. But let’s simply believe about it in a bit of more depth. Turns out if you happen to follow your ardour, you’re commonly going to fail. Why do I say that? Let’s seem at the information.A survey of 500 Canadian scholars located that their finest passions were ice-hockey and dance. Ninety percentage of them had been sporting events, arts, track, some thing like that. But when we appear at census knowledge we are able to see that best three percentage of jobs are in art, sport, and music. So it just has to be the case that although just one in ten people adopted their passion, still, the bulk would fail to be triumphant. So this first step simply does not work. I believe the second step can be no longer risk-free. In that, even if you in shape your ardour along with your work, and you’re triumphant, that you could stlll quite effectively fail to have a enjoyable profession, that is on the grounds that you would no longer to find the work significant. This was once a bit of like me determining now not to enter finance, I proposal, good, I used to be desirous about it, probably I could be effective however i would not make a difference, probably it could nonetheless turn out to be not being enjoyable, so I feel the second step doesn’t work both.Now, at this point you possibly pondering, "definite, passion is not the one factor that concerns, if I comply with my passion, it does not guarantee that i’ll be triumphant, but perhaps as a minimum makes me more likely to be successful, and to have a enjoyable career." As a profession advice, that is the great we are able to do. But I think that’s mistaken as good. Snapshot to yourself now, the most assertive person you already know, who’ s quite promoting and persuading, they usually’re rather extroverted. Definitely anybody like that will have to go and end up an advertising accounts supervisor, like in Mad guys, or they must become a auto salesman, or whatever like that, something which includes promoting, being extroverted, and speaking to men and women.Well, it seems that would be a relatively dangerous choice: analysis of a decided be trained showed that fairly passionate sales men and women quite persuasive, assertive varieties who went into these kinds of sales jobs certainly ended up extra more likely to burn out and in fact died more youthful than natural men and women who take those jobs. Following their passion certainly made them more likely to die. (Laughter) And more as a rule, researchers have tried to show for decades that there’s a robust relationship between interest healthy and how victorious and completely satisfied people become in their work, but to this point, they failed to show a robust connection between the 2. I think this isn’t seeing that your pursuits simply don’t topic, but it surely’s simply that in terms of real profession selections, your interests are just no longer a decisive element, different things matter way more, like what your capabilities are, and what your mindset is. Indeed, we think our pursuits topic much more than they do, due to the fact we particularly underestimate how so much they modify: just suppose about your own pursuits five or ten years ago, and the way distinct they’re from in these days. I imply, back then, you’re customarily this tall, and you’re ordinarily excited about absolutely specific things.Five or ten years time, you will be serious about thoroughly unique things again. All this means that your gift interests are simply now not an excellent groundwork on which to selected a career. So, if we’re now not going to focal point on pursuits, what must we focus on? If you are no longer simply going to follow your passion, what must you do rather? If I had to sum up careers recommendation as a single slogan, here’s what i’d choose: "Do what’s useful." by this I mean focus on getting excellent at something that clearly helps others, and makes the world a greater place.That is the key to a satisfying profession. Now, certainly doing what’s useful goes to be higher for the sector, you’re going to do extra excellent like that, but humans have additionally inspiration for millennia that helping others is the secret to be in my view fulfilled and happy. I’ve just received a consultant couple of charges right here simply learn out the primary one: "a man authentic wealth is the great he does on this world." in these days we sincerely have tough information to back this up. Professor of Psychology Martin Seligman in his 2011 book: Flourish, aimed to sum up the final couple of decades of empirical research into what fairly explanations men and women to be satisfied and comfortable in their lives. And two of the important thing materials he identifies just are doing what’s priceless. The first of these is achievement, or routinely referred to as mastery, and this means getting particularly excellent at anything, working hard and getting just right at whatever.The 2d is that means, also known as reason, and this means striving to do anything bigger than just make yourself joyful, so it method making the arena a greater location. Put the two together, get excellent at something it makes the arena a better location, do what’s useful. I consider, doing what’s valuable has plenty of different personal advantages as well. For example, even if you work in a charity, the individuals who’ve the greatest have an effect on, do essentially the most valuable matters, in finding it simpler to raise fundings, and for that reason pay their fees, and that’s important, too.I have at the least discovered in my own experience, should you focal point on helping others, then tons of men and women need you to succeed, so it’s sincerely less difficult to be effective as an altruist compared to simply being in it for yourself. So, it now seems that surely the recommendation "comply with your ardour," just gets matters backwards. As an alternative than start from what we occur to be captivated with from time to time hope that success and a pleasing profession will comply with, alternatively, it is far more real to say that we will have to focal point on doing what’s priceless, after which so one can result in passion and a pleasing profession.I’ve certainly located this in my own expertise. If once I was once 16, you had given me this careers scan: "Would you like to present profession steerage to persons?" i might have clicked the "Hate it" button. I was pretty shy and into science, and the notion of giving careers advice to folks was once not attractive at all. But now I spend all of my time fascinated by careers recommendation, and am without doubt obsessed and interested by it.Specializing in doing what’s priceless has given me clear, concrete, meaningful ambitions, and that is made my lifestyles significantly better. There is no extra unending reflection on which of my pursuits represents my genuine calling, which doesn’t exist anyway. So, how are you going to really do what’s useful in your careers, what functional steps must you follow? That is what we spend most of our time trying to figure out at 80000Hours, i’m just going to provide you with a great-rapid abstract of three matters we’d say that you are able to do. The first of these is to discover, learn what you can concerning the world, and test yourself out in extraordinary matters. If you wish to do what’s priceless, you ought to realize that out there on this planet, you can’t determine it out simply by way of fascinated about your possess pursuits.Secondly, go after some skills, and take a look at and get good at them, these are abilities that are quite famous, and can be utilized in lots of specific areas. I could opt for computer programming as an example for the following decade. This bit is the place your passions do come in, fascinated with your passions does are available. Because what you are enthusiastic about now can give you clues about what which you could get fairly just right at someday, so that is worth eager about, however they’re no longer the only thing that concerns. And then whilst you get these talents, go and find the biggest, most pressing social issues that you would be able to, and practice your abilities to fixing them. Do not just opt for a crisis that’s principal, try and in finding one that is been unfairly uncared for by using different persons, seeing that that’s where you’ll have the finest have an impact on. And in the end, don’t feel that with a purpose to do what’s priceless, you need to become a health practitioner, and personally go to Africa, and support folks along with your possess two fingers. Significant social problems may also be, and probably are solved by study, by means of setting up new technological know-how, by way of spreading big suggestions within the arts.The secret is to work out where your skills can fit in to have the greatest influence. I believe the concept that we should center of attention on doing what’s useful is simply really intuitive one. I need you now to assume that you are in your deathbed, and you are looking back at your 80,000 hours career, as an alternative than close to to begin it, and image to yourselves two ways, you could have long past. Within the first you say to your self, "I was once excellent at what I did, I loved what I did, I made lot of money, now i have two residences, and a yacht, however what was it interested in? " within the 2nd you say to your self, "I certainly labored my arse off at a charity, and it regularly wasn’t convenient, however by way of my efforts I was ready to avert the deaths of one hundred youngsters due to malaria, but what was once it fascinated about?" the primary situation happens all the time, however the 2nd state of affairs is practically not possible, of direction, that was once a priceless career.Altruism is one factor you’ll be able to not ever remorse, if we relatively want to be fulfilled in our possess careers, we have to discontinue focusing so much on our own interests, and instead, ask what we are able to do for different individuals. Imagine a world wherein that was the notion on every body’s minds. So, to find a work you love, don’t simply follow your passion, as a substitute do what’s valuable. Discover, build advantage, remedy tremendous pressing issues. And from that, achievement and a passionate profession will emerge. You might have got 80,000 hours for your career, do not waste them, do what’s priceless. (Applause) .
0 notes
batterymonster2021 · 5 years
Text
To find work you love, don't follow your passion | Benjamin Todd | TEDxYouth@Tallinn
New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/to-find-work-you-love-dont-follow-your-passion-benjamin-todd-tedxyouthtallinn-4/
To find work you love, don't follow your passion | Benjamin Todd | TEDxYouth@Tallinn
Translator: Queenie Lee Reviewer: Ivana Korom after I graduated from university, I failed to recognize what profession I desired to decide upon. I had various pursuits, however which curiosity should I pursue and try and change into a job? So, again then, I used to be really all for martial arts. Here is me. But I did not need to flip that into a career. Here is my face. (Laughter) I used to be really taken with, and i was once finding out philosophy, however probably the most philosophers I most enjoyed reading – late at night, in my dorm room – recently said, "Philosophy is a bunch of empty suggestions," and there isn’t any job in philosophy, anyway.In order that was out. Being a somewhat bizarre kid, I was particularly interested in investing and finance, and i had even taken a section of the small savings I had, and invested them into gold after I was once an adolescent. I knew that following the finance root would be a particularly well-paid career, however I was wondering, like, possibly i would not make as a lot change as I might in that, it wouldn’t aid society, so ultimately, it would not fairly be that pleasurable. I used to be left with the query, "How could I pick a fulfilling career?" And, perhaps a lot of you’ve got asked your self the same query. I suggestion about this query, i realized I didn’t even be aware of how one can go about identifying a career, and i, you already know, read books, I went to careers advisors, I just couldn’t particularly find the know-how I really needed: what would I be excellent at ultimately? What talents will have to I be taught now? Which areas is there a satisfactory social need the place i will be able to make a change? These unanswered questions led me to, sort of, delay the determination by way of a number of years.As an alternative of virtually opting for a career, I founded an group committed to studying the question of which career to pick. And this group is known as "80000hours," that is the number of hours you could have in your working lifestyles, that’s a very long time, so, it can be valued at quite performing some serious study, and check out to see how pleasant to use them. We help you do some of this research, and we post all of our findings; it can be a part of a free online careers guide: 80000hours.Org. Here is some of the workforce today, surrounded through laptops and whiteboards, as average. So, you might at this point be considering to your self, "good, you hardly seem like you’re above the authorized age to drink, what could you tell me about determining a career?" good, it can be proper that some of the principal things we found out is that we have now a lot to learn. Identifying a career is a complicated hindrance and now not enough serious research has been completed into how excellent to do it. But we have spent the final three years doing study with academics of school of Oxford, and most importantly, we’ve got coached hundreds of individuals on tips on how to make real career decisions.All this research and considering has led us to the conclusion that careers advice in these days specializes in the flawed thing. For the period of most of history individuals in actual fact did what their parents did. Some persons within the Nineteen Eighties idea, "The greed is excellent," and so they serious about earning profits. But our iteration grew up with some one-of-a-kind careers recommendation, and that’s that you will have to comply with your passion. You can see that use of this phrase multiplied dramatically from the mid-nineties. However at present I think need to move past "comply with your passion," because the career recommendation to focal point on, and as an alternative of asking what our possess interests and passions are, we must be focusing rather more on what we can do for different folks, and to make the sector a better situation.Ok, so let’s return to my choice, how would "comply with your passion" follow to me? I consider what "follow your ardour" tells you to do is three things: the first is to identify your finest interests; 2d, to find careers that fit those pursuits; thirdly, pursue those careers, it doesn’t matter what. Finding a fulfilling profession is just a subject of getting the courage to pursue your passion. In my case, I was once interested by martial arts and philosophy, don’t forget? So, which profession will have to I opt for? Any suggestions? I must absolutely grow to be a Shaolin monk – Buddhism and martial arts, together. What is the thought behind this advice? You get passion match, then you definitely really experience your work, you’re rather influenced, so you are extra more likely to be triumphant, and in case you are successful doing anything you are hooked in to, then you have got a pleasing profession. And, spelled out like that, this relatively does sound like pretty reasonable recommendation, proper? I can maybe get behind that. But let’s simply believe about it in a bit of more depth. Turns out if you happen to follow your ardour, you’re commonly going to fail. Why do I say that? Let’s seem at the information.A survey of 500 Canadian scholars located that their finest passions were ice-hockey and dance. Ninety percentage of them had been sporting events, arts, track, some thing like that. But when we appear at census knowledge we are able to see that best three percentage of jobs are in art, sport, and music. So it just has to be the case that although just one in ten people adopted their passion, still, the bulk would fail to be triumphant. So this first step simply does not work. I believe the second step can be no longer risk-free. In that, even if you in shape your ardour along with your work, and you’re triumphant, that you could stlll quite effectively fail to have a enjoyable profession, that is on the grounds that you would no longer to find the work significant. This was once a bit of like me determining now not to enter finance, I proposal, good, I used to be desirous about it, probably I could be effective however i would not make a difference, probably it could nonetheless turn out to be not being enjoyable, so I feel the second step doesn’t work both.Now, at this point you possibly pondering, "definite, passion is not the one factor that concerns, if I comply with my passion, it does not guarantee that i’ll be triumphant, but perhaps as a minimum makes me more likely to be successful, and to have a enjoyable career." As a profession advice, that is the great we are able to do. But I think that’s mistaken as good. Snapshot to yourself now, the most assertive person you already know, who’ s quite promoting and persuading, they usually’re rather extroverted. Definitely anybody like that will have to go and end up an advertising accounts supervisor, like in Mad guys, or they must become a auto salesman, or whatever like that, something which includes promoting, being extroverted, and speaking to men and women.Well, it seems that would be a relatively dangerous choice: analysis of a decided be trained showed that fairly passionate sales men and women quite persuasive, assertive varieties who went into these kinds of sales jobs certainly ended up extra more likely to burn out and in fact died more youthful than natural men and women who take those jobs. Following their passion certainly made them more likely to die. (Laughter) And more as a rule, researchers have tried to show for decades that there’s a robust relationship between interest healthy and how victorious and completely satisfied people become in their work, but to this point, they failed to show a robust connection between the 2. I think this isn’t seeing that your pursuits simply don’t topic, but it surely’s simply that in terms of real profession selections, your interests are just no longer a decisive element, different things matter way more, like what your capabilities are, and what your mindset is. Indeed, we think our pursuits topic much more than they do, due to the fact we particularly underestimate how so much they modify: just suppose about your own pursuits five or ten years ago, and the way distinct they’re from in these days. I imply, back then, you’re customarily this tall, and you’re ordinarily excited about absolutely specific things.Five or ten years time, you will be serious about thoroughly unique things again. All this means that your gift interests are simply now not an excellent groundwork on which to selected a career. So, if we’re now not going to focal point on pursuits, what must we focus on? If you are no longer simply going to follow your passion, what must you do rather? If I had to sum up careers recommendation as a single slogan, here’s what i’d choose: "Do what’s useful." by this I mean focus on getting excellent at something that clearly helps others, and makes the world a greater place.That is the key to a satisfying profession. Now, certainly doing what’s useful goes to be higher for the sector, you’re going to do extra excellent like that, but humans have additionally inspiration for millennia that helping others is the secret to be in my view fulfilled and happy. I’ve just received a consultant couple of charges right here simply learn out the primary one: "a man authentic wealth is the great he does on this world." in these days we sincerely have tough information to back this up. Professor of Psychology Martin Seligman in his 2011 book: Flourish, aimed to sum up the final couple of decades of empirical research into what fairly explanations men and women to be satisfied and comfortable in their lives. And two of the important thing materials he identifies just are doing what’s priceless. The first of these is achievement, or routinely referred to as mastery, and this means getting particularly excellent at anything, working hard and getting just right at whatever.The 2d is that means, also known as reason, and this means striving to do anything bigger than just make yourself joyful, so it method making the arena a greater location. Put the two together, get excellent at something it makes the arena a better location, do what’s useful. I consider, doing what’s valuable has plenty of different personal advantages as well. For example, even if you work in a charity, the individuals who’ve the greatest have an effect on, do essentially the most valuable matters, in finding it simpler to raise fundings, and for that reason pay their fees, and that’s important, too.I have at the least discovered in my own experience, should you focal point on helping others, then tons of men and women need you to succeed, so it’s sincerely less difficult to be effective as an altruist compared to simply being in it for yourself. So, it now seems that surely the recommendation "comply with your ardour," just gets matters backwards. As an alternative than start from what we occur to be captivated with from time to time hope that success and a pleasing profession will comply with, alternatively, it is far more real to say that we will have to focal point on doing what’s priceless, after which so one can result in passion and a pleasing profession.I’ve certainly located this in my own expertise. If once I was once 16, you had given me this careers scan: "Would you like to present profession steerage to persons?" i might have clicked the "Hate it" button. I was pretty shy and into science, and the notion of giving careers advice to folks was once not attractive at all. But now I spend all of my time fascinated by careers recommendation, and am without doubt obsessed and interested by it.Specializing in doing what’s priceless has given me clear, concrete, meaningful ambitions, and that is made my lifestyles significantly better. There is no extra unending reflection on which of my pursuits represents my genuine calling, which doesn’t exist anyway. So, how are you going to really do what’s useful in your careers, what functional steps must you follow? That is what we spend most of our time trying to figure out at 80000Hours, i’m just going to provide you with a great-rapid abstract of three matters we’d say that you are able to do. The first of these is to discover, learn what you can concerning the world, and test yourself out in extraordinary matters. If you wish to do what’s priceless, you ought to realize that out there on this planet, you can’t determine it out simply by way of fascinated about your possess pursuits.Secondly, go after some skills, and take a look at and get good at them, these are abilities that are quite famous, and can be utilized in lots of specific areas. I could opt for computer programming as an example for the following decade. This bit is the place your passions do come in, fascinated with your passions does are available. Because what you are enthusiastic about now can give you clues about what which you could get fairly just right at someday, so that is worth eager about, however they’re no longer the only thing that concerns. And then whilst you get these talents, go and find the biggest, most pressing social issues that you would be able to, and practice your abilities to fixing them. Do not just opt for a crisis that’s principal, try and in finding one that is been unfairly uncared for by using different persons, seeing that that’s where you’ll have the finest have an impact on. And in the end, don’t feel that with a purpose to do what’s priceless, you need to become a health practitioner, and personally go to Africa, and support folks along with your possess two fingers. Significant social problems may also be, and probably are solved by study, by means of setting up new technological know-how, by way of spreading big suggestions within the arts.The secret is to work out where your skills can fit in to have the greatest influence. I believe the concept that we should center of attention on doing what’s useful is simply really intuitive one. I need you now to assume that you are in your deathbed, and you are looking back at your 80,000 hours career, as an alternative than close to to begin it, and image to yourselves two ways, you could have long past. Within the first you say to your self, "I was once excellent at what I did, I loved what I did, I made lot of money, now i have two residences, and a yacht, however what was it interested in? " within the 2nd you say to your self, "I certainly labored my arse off at a charity, and it regularly wasn’t convenient, however by way of my efforts I was ready to avert the deaths of one hundred youngsters due to malaria, but what was once it fascinated about?" the primary situation happens all the time, however the 2nd state of affairs is practically not possible, of direction, that was once a priceless career.Altruism is one factor you’ll be able to not ever remorse, if we relatively want to be fulfilled in our possess careers, we have to discontinue focusing so much on our own interests, and instead, ask what we are able to do for different individuals. Imagine a world wherein that was the notion on every body’s minds. So, to find a work you love, don’t simply follow your passion, as a substitute do what’s valuable. Discover, build advantage, remedy tremendous pressing issues. And from that, achievement and a passionate profession will emerge. You might have got 80,000 hours for your career, do not waste them, do what’s priceless. (Applause) .
0 notes
theentoiii · 5 years
Text
THE DIARY OF A WOMAN WHO DIDN’T SETTLE
Let me begin by saying, I have high standards in men. I never wished for a perfect man but I always knew my worth as a woman, as a person, and so I also knew what I deserve.
Before I met “The One,” my last relationship was in 2009. I was cheated on.
Since then, I have this guy friend from high school who calls me by my middle name always teasing me about my love life during our group Christmas parties.
I remember he would ask me...
“Ano Cusay may dinedate ka na?”
“May friend akong single, reto kita?”
Then I noticed that year after year, his questions transitioned into statements and unsolicited advices.
“Oy Cusay tanda mo na, mag-boyfriend ka na.”
“Babaan mo kasi ‘yung standards mo.”
As if having high standards was a bad thing, someone also told me, “Napaka-idealistic mo naman kasi. Tapos ang intimidating mo pa.”
At the time, I’ve already been single for six years. Yes I dated but it never progressed into a relationship.
I stood firm on my beliefs that there’s no way I would settle and adjust my character only to please a man. He must love me for who I am.
Fast forward to end of 2014, while having my personal reflection, I realized how blessed I am with a renewed relationship with God, great family, wonderful friends, and progressive career as a field correspondent.
Then it dawned on me that I’m ready to be in a serious relationship.
So on the first day of 2015, with no person and face in mind, I started praying for a partner.
Every night before I went to sleep and whenever I had the chance to drop by the adoration chapel of my favorite church, I would pray and ask the Lord to bless me with a partner who is God-fearing, comes from a good family, financially stable, street-smart, and good looking—although it’s just a bonus.
Five months into my daily prayer, a female friend invited me to join a summer trip in Zambales for the Labor Day long weekend.
There I met Adrian.
I was told that we share the same birthday. Apart from that, I didn’t know much about him. But in the brief moment that we were introduced, I felt a kick in my stomach.
My heart beat fast and loud, I could hear it.
Everything didn’t just move in slow motion. It completely stopped. In my peripheral vision, all things went blurry. And all I saw—clearly—was him standing in front of me.
The familiarity and connection was enigmatic. I got imprinted to him for reasons I didn’t know yet but it felt both strange and wonderful.
Exactly how it was in movies!
Still lost in the peculiarity of my emotions, I shrugged it off moments later.
In Zambales, Adrian and I shared a small talk once and that was it.
We went back to Manila to face reality and field coverages consumed me again. But our Zambales crew maintained communication through our Viber group and on Friday nights we would hang out together.
Until one day, I received a message alert from
Viber. And the sender’s name? Adrian Michael Ramirez.
I couldn’t recall the first topic we talked about but he had started messaging me regularly since. If he messaged once or twice, I also replied once or twice.
The transition from Viber to SMS was so smooth, I didn’t even notice. Then there were calls.
We would talk for hours at night and yet the amount of time was never enough.
He’s enthusiastic, full of life, and smart...and the thing is, I’m sapiosexual.
I loved our conversations and my feelings grew stronger the more I got to know him.
And then I fell for Adrian inevitably because more than anything else...
1. HE IS GOD-FEARING FIRST.
There were Sundays when we couldn’t go out because he needed to attend to his services and commitment in their Catholic community which I am now also part of. I love the way he prays and the way he worships the Lord. It is so attractive.
2. HE COMES FROM A GOOD FAMILY.
“Love you Pops,” I heard Adrian say one time before hanging up the phone, it was his dad on the other line. You see, I like to observe people—their habits, demeanor, fashion, table manners, and even the way they start and end a conversation. Those three words were a simple revelation of Adrian’s affection for and relationship with his parents. He didn’t only come from a good family, he grew up in a loving one.
3. HE IS FINANCIALLY STABLE a.k.a. HE CAN PROVIDE.
When I prayed for a partner, it also meant asking for someone I’m going to marry. I set this as my third standard because it’s but ideal to have someone who has a sense of responsibility for his future family. Adrian achieved this when he took the risk of leaving his comfort zone in his old company to take on new challenges and in return, receive a higher salary. Remember, when deciding to enter a serious relationship, begin with an end goal in mind.
4. HE IS STREET-SMART.
As someone raised by a set of parents who both didn’t finish school and married at a young age but managed to run a successful business that is now over twenty years strong, I take this type of character to heart. My father had instilled in me early on the importance of not just being book-smart but street-smart because when realities of life hit, I got to know how to survive. In short, “dapat may diskarte ka sa buhay.” Like my father, Adrian is a planner and has a direction. He is also Mr. Solutions guy that’s why he wins at life.
5. HE IS ALL THINGS CHARMING.
When I first met Adrian, there was no love at first sight. He’s unique in his own way, however, he just didn’t fit my physical preferences in a guy. But guess what? To me now, he is the most good looking person in the world. No one comes close and nothing compares. He has an irresistible charm whenever he talks, he laughs, he raises his eyebrows, he winks, he eats chicken; he is all things charming—even when he’s serious. Plus, he always feels like home.
Ladies, in Philippians 4:6 it says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
It was a delightful journey of discovering who Adrian really is. In fact I enjoyed it so much that it was only in hindsight that I realized how God had helped me tick off all my five standards in exact order.
IN. EXACT. ORDER.
So let your prayers, even your standards, and all your heart’s desires be made known to Him.
But when asking for a partner, pray fervently and wait patiently. Keep your faith game strong even when your prayers remain unanswered.
‘Coz remember, in God’s perfect time, not yours.
Pray. Be patient. Never settle.
Keep those standards high woman!
P.S. Sixty-three days from now, I am marrying my answered prayer. ❤️
Update: On May 11, I married Adrian.😊
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