#i have to go now mwah mwah mwah bye warmth and love to you mwah

[leetotters]

Can you write something with Tyson, dad!tom and reader🥺🥰 that was so cute!

yes omg!! 

dad!tom holland x mum!reader

summary: tyson doesn't want his mummy and daddy to go out.

"Mummy, where are you and daddy going" your four year old, Tyson crawled on top of the bed standing up trying to reach your height as you applied lipstick to your lips.

You looked over at your little boy, giving him a smile, resting your lipstick down on the dresser, you scooped him up in your arms kissing his cheek making him giggle returning the kiss.

"Well Ty, mummy and daddy are going out" you answered him.

"Ohh I want to come" he looked up, his eyes wide staring up at you, his tiny fingers playing with a strand of your hair, mumbling to you that your eyes were shining - because of the makeup-.

You didn't reply to him, not wanting to deny your little boy, instead grabbing your handbag and kissing the side of of his head making your way to Tom with Tyson in your hands.

"You look fuc-" you gave Tom a stern stare, making him stop before the curse word left his lips.

"You look gorgeous, my love" Tom spoke in complete aww his eyes admiring the dress cladding your figure, he pecked his sons cheek before kissing your lips, wrapping his hands around your waist.

"Ew daddy, only I kiss mama" Tyson pushed Tom's face away snuggling into your warmth as you softly chuckled, placing a kiss to his head before resting him down on the sofa.

"You don't look to bad yourself Holland" you replied, fixing his button up shirt, wrapping your arms around Tom's neck, pressing his lips to yours pulling back when you felt a small tug to your dress.

"Mummy, up please" Tyson smiled, flashing you his pearly white baby teeth, his hands making grabby gestures waiting for you to pick him up.

And you did, pecking Tom's lips once more before turning your attention to Tyson who was busy playing with your hair mumbling to you that you looked pretty.

Tom watched you both, slightly annoyed with his son for taking all of your attention, but what did he except Tyson was a mummy's boy much like Tom himself.

There was a knock at the door, signaling Harrison had arrived to babysit Tyson.

"I'll get it" Tom stated letting Harrison in, giving him a fist bump as both men walked in seeing Tyson in your lap saying 'mwah' every time he pecked you vice versa.

"Hey Haz, everything's where it normally is and don't forget to call us before you put him to bed okay" you said placing Tyson down.

"I know Y/N/N" Harrison replied

"Okay Ty, daddy and mummy are going now," Tom kissed Tyson's cheek, "Love you"

Tyson frown hearing the words of his father, "No don't leave" he whined clinging to your leg.

"Ty it's just tonight, plus you'll get to spend time with uncle Haz" You spoke leaning down to tickle his tummy hearing his little giggle.

"O- okay, mummy" he laughed his brown eyes watering, "Come b-back soon."

You retreated your hands from his tummy, passing it through his head of curls, "Sure will bubby, I love you"

"Love you too mama" Tyson beamed placing a wet kiss on your cheek, turning to Tom hugging his father's leg.

Tom and you were out the door, hearing Tyson shout a loud 'bye bye'.

"Well doll, finally have you to myself for the entire night" Tom whispered into your ear his breath fanning your earlobe, nibbling the flesh, "I plan to make it worth it"

-

more tyson: the real spiderman, mummy's boy, pancakes

[yelenasdog]

hurricane (brian may x fem reader)

request by the wonderful @speciallyred w prompts 45 and 58 from this prompt list! i was super nervous to write this bc i love her writing but i hope u enjoy!!

genre: per request of anna, angsty! but it ends w some fluff to mend ur broken heart hehe

summary: he’s never home, and neither is she. he can’t communicate, and she just wants to be loved.

words: 1.5k this was supposed to b a drabble OOPS

warnings: crying, sadness, mentions of marriage+kids, mentions and accusations of cheating, i think that’s it but as always, lmk if i missed any!

a/n: ok so a. y/n wasn’t used so if u wanted this do bri x some other female or oc that would work, and b. i also didn’t use anything that would keep this from being able to be read as a gwil!bri fic :) mwah (also i just realized this but this could totally be a song fic for i want love by elton john ok bye luv u)

 ⭑ 🎸

It was deathly silent in the spacious former home of Brian and his beloved, that had now been reduced to only a house. The ticking of the grandfather clock he had insisted that they had to have when they moved in could be heard ringing out and echoing, pestering the girl to no end.

It was always quiet in their house, even when they fought. There was never a rushed bustle of children you had to get out the door to school, and not even a cat or dog to create a disruptive chaos as they ran about, muddy paws leaving marks on the floor.

There would be the occasional record playing lowly, the notes floating about the house, and sometimes if she couldn’t sleep, she would have Bri play her a soft tune on his old acoustic, his voice having no issue bringing her to rest.

But even now, during one of the most heart wrenching fights that the pair had gone through, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop on the hardwood flooring.

As Brian was a soft and gentle man, never yelling or raising his voice in the slightest. He wasn’t mean or cruel, in fact, his entire aura calmed her to no end, which is why she supposed she hated this so much.

She scanned with careful eyes over his silhouette, watching as stray curls rustled from the draft coming in from the open window, goosebumps raising on both of their exposed arms.

“What are you looking at?”

“Just you, Bri.”

He rolled his eyes from where he sat on the white sofa, moving his fist under his chin. A scoff fell from his rosy lips as he turned his head to look out the window, not actually paying any mind to the green hills, a light frost covering the entire landscape.

“So are you just going to ignore me?”

“I’m not ignoring you.”

A salty tear rolled down her face, the incoming breeze hitting her dampened face. She inhaled sharply, her chilled skin becoming slimy and cold to the touch.

Brian wouldn’t know that, though, he hadn’t touched her in days. Weeks, even.

She had wanted to say that his words were malicious, with venom dripping from his tone, like some sort of acid was coating his vocal cords.

But they weren’t. His voice never raised a damn octave, staying completely neutral. And it was driving her mad.

“Then what is this, Brian?”

“I’m collecting my thoughts.”

She laughed, the sound lacking its usual melodic intonation that the guitarist adored so much. He was the reasoning behind the dry chuckle, that much he knew, and he hated it. God, how he despised it. But, he would never let it show. How could he, when he was the initiator of the (extremely childish, now that he thought over it) conflict to begin with? He knew his accusation was emptier than the large building they resided in, and he knew that the results would be horrendous.

But jealousy was an ugly green parasite that had rooted itself in Brian May’s heart, slowly consuming him from the inside out. It was like a devil that rested on his left shoulder, insisting that she was unfaithful, taking advantage of his extended leaves. He foolishly acted on the devil’s words, which led to where they were now.

“Well, how long do you need to ‘collect your thoughts’?” She folded her leg under her opposite thigh, leaning towards him, the distance of only a few feet feeling like worlds away to her broken heart. She would always be drawn to him like some sort of magnet, no matter how badly he hurt her.

“I’m not sure, would you like me to do so elsewhere?”

A beat passed.

“Why, so you can go shag someone else, just like I apparently have been?”

Again, silence.

“You were gone for 3 hours every night on every Tuesday the past month-“

“You kept track? You’re out of your damn mind.” She raised her voice, sitting up, suddenly enraged with his obsessive distrust rather than saddened.

“That’s not important-“

“What’s important is that you’re gone on tour for 10 times as long as that, leaving me here completely alone to my own devices! I trust you enough to believe that you remain mine while you’re away, but for some unknown reason, you can’t manage to think the same about me.”

His flippancy on the issue at hand agitated her (or his lack thereof in general, she supposed) to no end. She wanted him to scream and cry, to throw something, to loudly shout, to shed fury fueled tears as she had. She knew it was wrong, but quite frankly she didn’t care.

He tried to speak up for himself, stuttering out something about how he did in fact trust her, but all to no avail. She would have none of it, not now.

“What’s important, Brian, is that every Tuesday, I’m staying 3 hours after work to try to make it so that I don’t have to rely on you for money, because I don’t want you to think even for a moment I’m with you just because you’re some incredibly famous rockstar who happens to be loaded!”

She was standing now, although she couldn't quite remember bringing her body from the comforts of the soft chair by the mantle to her feet. The roaring fire beside her had died down into a flurry of golden embers, heat still radiating from the pile of charred logs, Brian failing to provide even a fraction of the same warmth.

“Because I love you, and as of late, I’m starting to wonder if you love me too.”

He stood, walking over to where she was in a timely manner, his long legs carrying him quickly. Her breath hitched at their sudden proximity, her surprise only growing when he gripped his hands on either side of her face, pulling her forward and capturing her lips in a long awaited union.

She loathed that her stiff figure was melting into him faster than she would like to admit, and she even more, she loathed the fact she knew she always would.

He was able to taste her tears that hadn’t ceased to roll down her face, the bitter droplets seeping onto the tip of his tongue. He pulled away, his right hand caressing her cheekbone while his forehead rested upon hers. His bottom lip quivered, a wave of emotions hitting him like a hurricane in full force.

His eyes become glassy, and all at once, tears flood his eyesight, pouring down his flushed features. He looked down, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. The bawling didn’t stop as he had hoped, though, it just slowed, the liquid dropping onto her shirt.

“I love you, I love you so much that it hurts. And ’m sorry, I’m so incredibly sorry, darling.”

She smiled softly, lightly massaging the top of his scalp, his locks growing frizzy.

“I know. But it’s just so hard- It seems everyone is getting married, and settling down. Hell, even Fred has his cats.”

They both laughed, and she chewed her bottom lip, a habit of hers that Bri had picked up on in the time he’d known her.

“I just get lonely, Bri, and it feels like you never let me know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours. That’s all, honest to God.”

They moved to sit down, and he pulled closer than they had been in ages.

“I’ll support you in any way shape or form, no matter what, yeah?”

She simply nodded, leaning onto his shoulder.

“Yeah. I know.”

Raising his eyebrows, he cocked his head, choosing his next words carefully.

“And if you’re serious about, y’know, having a family and ‘settling down’ and everything, I’ll do it.”

She met his eyes, her smile growing wider.

“Really?”

He hummed, nodding his head. “I love you, and this house is far too quiet.”

She giggled, tossing her arms around his neck and throwing herself on him.

“I must say I agree.”

After the grins had retreated into soft smiles, and the two had come to a much more stolid point, she sat up, patting her lap.

Brian understood immediately, laying his tired head down and allowing her to play with his hair. She moved her hands to oh so lightly trace the crook of his nose and the bags under his eyes (from the late nights he spent performing, wishing he was in the exact position he was in now), the ticklish feeling making him nuzzle into her hand with a whine.

She couldn’t help but smile at the beautiful boy beneath her, as even with all the work that there was to be done between them, she felt confident that he was in it for the long haul.

🦔⭑ 🎸

me @ u for reading that

ty for reading, like and rb if u wanna :) go drink some water and eat some protein if u can!

as always, xx hj <3

[tendoupunkx]

MAKING YOU PISS YOURSELF || gn!reader

(ft. tendou, tsukki, atsumu, suga and kyoutani)

genre: piss obviously lol, nawncon if u SQUINT, degrading. like ALOT of degrading, suga being soft

-

TENDOU

oh my god the amount of DEGRADING HE WOULD DODODOOOFOFJGGJ

CUMS

i feel like he makes you stand upright infront of him

"p-please satori- i cant hold it in any longer"

your eyebrows would furrow and your insides would feel like exploding

and honestly tendou just LAUGHS at you

"awe need to go? well too fucking bad i control when and where remember? look at me when you fucking piss yourself for me you pathetic little bitch"

if you refuse to look at him he slaps your fACEHRJRJRJFJ

"fucking look at me, slut"

your eyes turn to him, red in your cheeks as your bladder gives out

holds you jaw and forces you look him in the eyes JESUS FUCK I WOULD LITERALLY CUM ON SIGHT as piss runs down inbetween your thighs

it feels so good

So Fucking Good

so good to finally release

your eyes are basically rolling to the back of your skull

"dont you look disgusting hm? messy little pup all wet and dripping with their own piss"

YOURE LITERALLY SO EMBARRASSED

like face tomato red staring up at him

"i thought this is what you wanted baby. i thought you wanted to feel embarrased and look and you now. my little pissbaby"

PISSBABY GRGRRGGR

TSUKKI

oh you think TENDOU was a little mean... WHEW

tsukki literally pulling you down to straddle him

HMFMGJGJFJDK

forcing you to grind against his cock, his buldge growing big in his pants

"kei-" you choke out. "kei im so close- i cant hold it in please let me go- please i-"

LITERALLY GRABS YOU BY THE THROAT AND SPITS INTO YOUR FACE BFJFJDJEKKRKF

pulls your face so that his lips are barely touching yours

hnng

"did i fucking say you could speak? show me some fucking respect. be a good little fucking rodent and be useful for once"

tears running down your face because holding it in is so painful but the grind being euphoric at the same time

"gonna piss yourself hm? nasty pig. go on"

grinding harshly on him as you begin to release yourself and jesus FUCKKKKKKKK

the grinding and the release MWAH the warmth of your piss spilling into tsukkis pants as you continue to grind on him

oh my fuck literal HEAVEN H E A V E N

the moans that would escape his mouth my god hes so fucking nasty grgrgrgrggrrrrrr

"now look at the fucking mess youve made. you disgust me. using me as your fucking urinal. lick it up dirty skank"

ATSUMU

i feel like he makes you piss yourself in public oop

makes you hold it in all fucking day just so he can push you into a stall and apply pressure to your bladder

your eyes are literally open with so much shock

literally you dont have extra clothes and he just keeps applying more and more.

"awe look at ya'. gonna piss?" THE SMUG LOOK ON HIS FACE JRJFJFJFK

literally just plays it off like its nothing. starts up conversation as you struggle to keep it in and not release all over your new clothes in a PUBLIC RESTROOM

"mm but doesnt it feel good?? dont you wanna make me happy? be a good baby and piss for me"

you slap him in the face "i dont have more fucking clothes-" more pressure and a

SLAP HARD RIGHT ON THE FACE "you really thought youd get away with that huh piggy?"

"fucking piss yourself now"

ypu literally cannot hold it in any longer and your bladder literally just

WHOOSH

so much piss running down your legs and onto the bathroom floor.

"such a mess baby look at you. always obedient after a little nudge how cute"

i hate his smug ass BYE ASF

SUGA

a literal GENTLEMAN

makes sure youre hydrated

has the courtesy to bring you into the bathroom and place a few towels on the floor as he watches you come undone

fucking into you with his cock as you try your best to hold it in.

THE PRAISE HSHWJRJFJJD

"youre doing so well princess look at you. just a little bit longer i promise"

fucking places sweet kisses against your cheek as hes literally fucking RAILING INTO YOU

hngngnjajajdjrjjtjtjgktSUGAWARAAAA

and fucking god does it feel good. you want to release so bad for him you know hell love it so much

"cmon baby fuck- just a little longer you can do it"

YOU LITERALLY FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA EXPLODE. THE PRESSURE IS SO GOOD

he presses down onto your bladder with his hand 👀👀 and DEAR GOD

IT JUST COMES RUSHING OUT AND HE JUST SMIRKS DOWN AT YOU

he would literally giggle "fuck youre so pretty. such a messy baby."

the warmth of your piss literally RUSHING down the bathroom counter as he STILL FUCKS INTO YOU

"such a good fucking baby. holy shit." AND HE MOANS

h e M O A N S

"you did so well baby! look at all this mess." and pulls away to admire it 🥺

KYOUTANI

lkterally has you TIED to a fucking CHAIR AND GAGGED FJFJFKFK

definitely has made you hold it in since you woke up and NOT ONLY THAT but he keeps giving you MORE WATER

"stupid little thing arent you hm? so helpless and pathetic. cant even fucking move"

SLAP

HES SO MEAN

god his slaps hurt in the best way.. the look in his eyes jesus fuck he would look sl proud of himself if you have a clear red spot

HNGNGNGNFNSBAHAHJRIJTJFJGJA

"i bet your busting huh.. well thats too bad if you keep holding it in i wont have to give you a worse punishment and we both know you wont like what ill do to you" GRGRGRGRR

trying to talk but youre just babbling and drooling over your gag would make him smile

PRETENDS LIKE EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS WORDS AND MAKES CASUAL CONVERSATION AS IF YOURE NOT ABOUT TO BURST OPEN

"hm i agree!! see you can be a good baby i knew you could. gonna burst open for me hm?? piss all over yourself and make a fucking mess on the chair like the good little slut you are?"

NODDING SO FUCKING FAST TEARS RUNNING DOWN YOUR CHEEKS

"then do it"

OH GOD IT JUST WASHES OUT SO FAST.

literally feels EUPHORICCCCCC HFJFJJFJFJSAJAJEJJRJFI

my god the mess you would make

hes so fucking proud of himself for making you so embarrassed

"look at this fucking mess. who knew you could be such a little degenerate huh?? yeah my little degenerate bitch"

"you better fucking clean this up once im done with you"

[bensboynton]

Good Enough b.h; Part 4

hey hey hello!! sorry this took so long i’ve just been working on a lot of requests recently. 

let me know what you think happens next!!!!!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: swearing as always, angsty, unedited, mentions of cheating, mentions of self-esteem issues, drunkenness, lots of mentions of alcohol

recap

“So it’s settled!” Lucy spoke giddily, clapping her hands in excitement, “Girls night!”

You couldn’t help but feel the same giddiness, after all, it was practically radiating off her. Tonight would be good! A nice, calm night in with your favorite girl in the world and nothing could mess that up.

Or so you thought.

You were in a slump.

It’s to be expected for you to be upset after a bad breakup, but you felt like pure, unadulterated dog shit every single second of your life. The only things that motivated you to get out of bed was filming, your cast-mates, and Lucy.

Ever since that one day at lunch, you and Lucy have been having at least one girl’s night a week, but usually it’s more than that.

And by “girls night” you mean playing a game where you drink as much alcohol as you can in a before you black out. Because as bad as it is, alcohol helps ease the sharp ache in your chest.

The sharp ache that shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Because he hurt you and made you upset more times than you could possibly count, you should be glad he was gone. But you weren’t. He should be the one that was hurting. But he wasn’t.

It probably isn’t helpful seeing all the pictures of him with new girls and people on instagram tagging you in pictures of the two of you together. It hurts to breathe, sometimes.

It’s crazy how you can pour you life and soul into someone for two years, and have it all go away in a second. Now he’s gone and he moved on, and you’re just… stuck.

And the worst part is you can’t help but blame yourself! You always blame how you dress, or act, or talk. And you just turn all the pain on yourself because you’re too in love with the person who actually hurt you to blame them. You’ll just lie in your bed all night, replaying everything in your head and thinking about just how bad you fucked up.

When Y/BF/N left, you had spent days being mad at yourself for overreacting. You had let yourself become a shell and allow yourself to believe you deserved it. And you still believed that, but you wouldn’t tell anyone about it.

But nonetheless, your friendship with Lucy was prospering due to the excessive amount of alcohol you now drink together, and you had these girl nights down to muscle memory. It was a lot of fun, a good way to unwind after a long day. And today was definitely one of the longest day of your life.

You got barely any sleep and had a 10 hour filming day. You were over everything. Especially people. You just wanted to cozy up in your bed with some wine and shitty snacks.

You’ve slept more in the past few weeks then you had in most of your life. You were emotionally tired, and you tried to make up for it for going to bed early and sleeping in late. But you were just… not present.

It’s been a few weeks since the breakup, and you’ve been trying to put up a front to get people to stop worrying, responding “I’m okay, I promise” when someone asks. You weren’t not okay, but you weren’t perfect either.

You felt like you could obliterate a tank physically, but mentally, one wrong word and you’d be sent headfirst into a painful nervous breakdown. And the fact that you were the reason that Rami had to redo the same take twenty seven times today. Twenty seven!

You were so out of it, you couldn’t remember your line or you’d literally forget you were filming halfway through. He was frustrated but he’s too nice to slap the shit out of you and tell you to get it together, like he should’ve done.

You had immediately collapsed on your bed as soon as you wrapped for the day, not even saying bye to the other guys. You took a thirty minute nap before you were awoken by your phone ringing rather loudly right in your ear. She must’ve recieved your text about how shitty your day was.

“Do you want me to bring rosé, white, or red?” Lucy asked enthusiastically into the phone, and before you said anything, she answered her own question. “Actually, I’ll bring all three. Plus the bottle of Bacardi I have leftover from my birthday. I’ll see you in 10. Hang in there babe. Mwah.”

Lucy hung up the phone, and you threw it back down onto the covers while leaning back against the headboard of the bed in your trailer. You already had a headache and you hadn’t had a drip of alcohol today, and your neck was slightly stiff due to the uncomfortable angle it was at while you had taken a nap.

Your mind drifted to filming, before your heart dipped lower in your chest as you suddenly seemed to remember the existence of Ben.

Ben.

And speak of the devil, a notification pops up on your phone screen. “benhardy just posted a photo.”

You had barely seen Ben all day, much less talked to him, and you weren’t really sure where you two stood. You loved being around him and spending time with him, but you were stuck. Literally. You had no idea what to do, or say, and Ben is really annoyingly good at sending mixed signals. He’s impossible to read.

The picture he posted was an old photo from a magazine cover shoot he did the year before. It was in black and white, and made your heart do a flip. You groaned at the effect that he had on you just by posting a dumb picture.

You had gone out to get coffee with him a few times since the incident, been on dinner duty with him (dinner duty is a term coined by Joe; it’s when two people are in charge of picking up the food the cast had ordered that night), but lately, you’ve both been oddly silent to each other.

You found yourself feeling normal when you were with Ben. The emptiness went away, it was like Ben filled your chest with a chocolatey warmth and that scared you. Because you didn’t want history to repeat itself.

You had been through enough pain and breakups to last you your entire life, you were sure of it. You had joked with Lucy that you’d adopt a baby and build a cottage in the forest and just become entirely self-sufficient. It was like a little fantasy of yours. Not having to rely on anything(or anyone) to live.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to pursue anything with Ben, or if he even felt anything other than friendship towards you. And you were so confused. You thought about texting him, before deciding against it and busying yourself with preparing for your girls night with Lucy.

For someone who you don’t see a lot during the day, you sure think about Ben a ton. And by “a ton” you mean all the damn time. It was frustrating, to say the least. You were thinking of him right fucking now!

Getting coffee? You’re thinking of Ben. Shooting a scene? Thinking of Ben. Writing songs? Thinking of Ben. Singing? You guessed it, thinking of Ben! It made you want to put your headphones in and play a song as loud as you could to try and push him out of your brain.

After the breakup, you couldn’t write a word for any song onto paper. But when you’re with Ben? You could write an entire concept album on the exact shade of green that his eyes were. And that annoyed you, but also confused you as to what exactly you were feeling.

You threw a package of pizza rolls into the microwave, grabbing some nail polish and face masks out of your small storage compartment near your bed. You doubted that you and Lucy would actually be sober long enough to use them, but it was worth a try.

Before you knew it, an enthusiastic knock was heard at the door, and it made your heart soar. You opened up to see your platinum-blonde haired best friend with a huge duffle bag full of clothes, alcohol, movies, and snacks. She was wearing a matching silk light pink pajama set, the exact same as yours, except blue. “Ready to get wasted babe?”

You laughed at Lucy’s comment and pulled her into a tight hug before ushering her into the trailer, locking the door behind you. She immediately started unpacking her bags and grabbed two glasses from the top cabinet and poured you both a completely full glass of wine.

You grabbed the pizza rolls and your wine glass and migrated over to your bed, setting the rolls down after downing three large gulps of wine. You and Lucy just made small talk about your day’s, Lucy asking you about filming that day.

“Okay, I want to make a toast.” Lucy murmured, clearing her throat dramatically before holding up her glass.

“To girls nights, and to… I don’t know, actually,” Lucy paused and bit her lip, “to really shitty wine, I guess.”

“Amen,” you agreed, lightly tapping Lucy’s glass with yours before downing another large portion of the wine.

--

When Lucy said you two were getting wasted, she wasn’t kidding. You had both finished two bottles of wines, and done a few shots of the old vodka Lucy had brought from home.

And you couldn’t see straight.

The room was slightly tilted and spinning, and your eyes felt incredibly heavy. You tried to go and grab a bag of snacks from the counter, but you almost fell over so you decided to stay seated on your bed. You and Lucy were starting to spew nonsense that made zero sense, but had you both crying in laughter.

You had also prank called Joe, but you failed miserably. He actually found your drunkenness quite humorous. You also took an instagram picture of you two drinking a glass of wine, and you captioned it “girlk nighy.” (You were a shit speller when you were sober, so being drunk really didn’t help)

The comments were quickly taken over with people laughing about your drunken state, and also telling you to be safe. Joe and Gwil both commented asking why they weren’t invited to the party, and right before you shut your phone off, you got another notification.

Ben liked the photo, but didn’t comment. It made your stomach flip, although that definitely could’ve been the alcohol. You wanted to scream and put your head through the wall, because someone liking your stupid instagram post shouldn’t make you feel like you’re gonna throw up.

Lucy decided that she wanted to watch Pretty Woman, so she put it on and dimmed the lights in the trailer, getting lost in the story. You had started crying almost as soon as Vivian met Edward, because you knew the rest of the story.

And you wished you had someone like that to love.

Lucy had put a video of you in tears on her instagram story, tagging you before returning to the movie. About halfway through, though, you both seemed to have passed out. The last thing you remember is a conversation between Edward Lewis and Vivian Ward lulling you to sleep.

--

You woke up a few hours later, the TV had turned itself off and you were still drunk.

Like, really, really drunk.

And your thoughts were irrational, but all you could think about was Ben. Lucy was laying next to you in your bed, dead asleep, but you just wished it was Ben who was there next to you, just like he did after the breakup. You wanted nothing more than to cuddle up in his arms and go to sleep. But you couldn’t.

You searched through your bed, trying to find your phone. After finally finding it hidden, Lucy’s body unfortunately laying on top of it, you opened the calling app and hesitated. Should you call Ben? You eventually decided that you didn’t have anyone else to talk to, so you did.

You dialed Ben’s number and crossed your fingers in front of you like a first grader, hoping that he’d still be awake at 4 am.

“At the tone, please record your message. If you are finished recording, please hang up or-”

You hung up the phone quickly, swearing under your breath. You dialed the phone number in again, listening to it’s painfully slow ringing. The anticipation was building up so much in your chest you could’ve burst.

“Y/N? Hello? Are you okay?” you heard a tired, yet confused British voice say. All the air in your lungs disappeared for a moment.

“Bennie!” you slurred, rolling over in bed and giggling like a schoolgirl at the sound of his voice. Ben chuckled tiredly at the nickname, clearly confused about what was going on.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked again. You almost said yes, as saying you were fine had become a habit of yours.

“Actually… I’m not really? I don’t even know what I’m saying right now.” Your words were a jumbled mess, and you heard Ben take a sharp inhale on the other end of the line.

“I hope you’re done drinking now?” You nodded quickly. Forgetting that he couldn’t see you, you then told him that yes, the alcohol was put away.

“I’ve just been thinking. A lot. Like, a lot.” You started to ramble, eliciting a tired chuckle from the blonde boy.

“Yes, that happens to be a common thing that humans do.” You wanted to punch him in the throat for being so sarcastic, yet smooth even at four in the fucking morning.  

You could already tell you were going to regret saying anything to him, but your sober thoughts turned into drunk words way too fast and next thing you knew, you were spilling your heart out to Ben on the phone.

“You know? I’ve been fucked over a lot! A ton. So much. So so much,” you hiccuped lightly as you twisted a strand of hair around your finger, “and they all start and end the same way. I fall in love, he says he loves me, blah blah blah, we have sex in a car once or twice, a few months pass, and bam, he leaves me. And it’s always me who gets hurt. Why is it always me? What did I ever do to deserve that?”

Ben was eerily silent on the other end of the line, but to stop an awkward silence, you kept going.

“And everyone keeps asking me if I’m doing okay, if they need to go ‘beat him up for me’ and I always say I’m okay. Everytime. And I’m sick of it! I’m sick of pretending that he didn’t rip my heart out of my chest. Because he did, and I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I see him! And I can’t eat because it reminds me of all the times we’d go out to eat at 3am because we were bored. And I can’t drive because it reminds me of all the road trips we used to take to Venice to visit his cousin.”

There were tears streaming down your face, your words beginning to get jumbled. And you knew what was about to happen, but you didn’t have the mental capacity or willpower to try and stop it.

“And now, I see you every day and I think about that day you carried me back to my trailer, or when you held me so tight you were the only thing keeping me from shattering into a thousand pieces. And then we go out to pick up dinner for the band, or you smile at me or you laugh at something I said and I feel my heart soar. And I can forget about him. When I talk to you, the pain goes away for a second. Suddenly, he’s not at the forefront of my mind. You are. And I hate that! I hate dependency. I hate being someone who needs to rely on other people for happiness because I’m a lot to handle! I have so much baggage.”

Your words got caught in your throat for a second between the hollow sobs that were echoing in your trailer.

“I’m a lot easier to deal with when I’m happy. Always have been. And no one wants to deal with me when I’m sad or sick or in a shitty mood. They always leave me. And I hate that I like you so much, I hate that I adore being around you. Because I don’t want you to hurt me the same way he did. ‘Cause there’s definitely something wrong with me! Has to be! Three of my boyfriends have cheated on me. Three. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong so I could stop. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Still, silence on the other end of the line. The noiseless environment was so quiet it was loud in your eardrums. You felt like you were going to burst into a fiery, red-hot mess of tears and anger and anxiety. You were about to combust.

“You don’t care. Silly of me to think anyone cares, really,” you paused for a moment, tears silently rolling down your cheeks, “see you around, Bennie.”

You swore you heard him try to say something, but you passed it off as your ears ringing from the massive amounts of poison(wine) running through your veins.

And with that, you ended the call and fell back on your bed, laying your head close to Lucy. And darkness consumed you, pushing you into a sleep so deep you were almost unconscious.

—

“Holy shit,” Lucy groaned loudly, “I’ve never been this hungover in my entire life.”

“You and me both.” You responded glumly. You had vague memories of the night before, but nothing much. The last thing you remember is passing out halfway through Pretty Woman. Your head felt like you had just awoken from a coma, you could barely open your eyes.

And your throat hurt so bad, you could’ve swore you woke up with strep throat.

You drowsily grabbed your phone from it’s spot next to you on the bed, and your eyes opened wide at the notifications on your lock screen.

You had seven missed calls from Ben, and 7 text messages.

ben: can we talk

ben: call me back

ben: answer my calls

ben: y/n

ben: y/n please call me back

ben: hello?

ben: please answer

You closed out of the texts and were about to call him back when an urgent knock rattled through your trailer. You raised an eyebrow at Lucy as you walked over to the door. She shrugged, so you expected to see a PA or something, but to your surprise, a certain blonde British man was on your doorstep.

Ben.

You both made eye contact and, for a few moments, just looked at each other. Ben opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out at first. He looked distressed, and Ben was never distressed. The look on his face was unsettling. “The call… did you mean it?” he asked suddenly. You wracked your brain for a few moments, trying to figure out what he meant by “the call.”

You raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What call?” you wondered aloud.

“T-The call. You called me last night. Did you mean it?” Ben seemed panicky, his eyes desperately searching yours for something. Jesus, did you do this to him?

What the fuck did you say on that phone call?

“I’m sorry Ben. I don’t remember I was so drunk but…” you trailed off, biting your lip gently, “I probably didn’t mean it. Whatever I said. I’m an emotional drunk.”

Ben’s eyes dropped to his shoes and suddenly the cool air around you seemed to turn stale.

“What did I say? Was I mean? I’m sorry I just… don’t remember.” You were speaking to him with a slight desperation in your voice.You hoped you hadn’t hurt him.

“You don’t know what you said?” Ben asked in slight disbelief. You shook your head side-to-side, causing Ben to just shake his head and kick his shoe into the step he was standing below on your doorstep.

“Never mind. See you around.” He spoke quickly, all emotion and warmth leaving his voice immediately. And with that, he swiftly left you standing on your own doorstep, confused and slightly worried. You could’ve sworn you heard his voice crack in sadness, but you couldn’t be too sure.

Like you said, you’re always fucking things up.

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