#i have two Additional siblings but thats a longer story. but i love them both just as much as my biological sib

[storm-of-feathers]

damn why did i stop being an alcoholic being drunk rules actually i dont feel a single OUNCE of my burdens. i just feel the wine. and its pink.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

A Baby Brother!

Masterlist

Henry is a busy boy, trying to impregnate his wife...and it is only made harder when your three year old decides to share your bed crawl into you bed at night..But that's fine Henry has a plan that cant possibly backfire.

Warnings: slight smut?, implied smut, fluff, swearing.

A/n:so this request from @jessevans​ has become a oneshot series...its cute, and for a little extra fun this is a true story of what I did to my parents in my first year of school and to this day I'm not forgiven!

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @thatgirly81​ @Angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​

A Baby Brother!

After the whole boyfriend fiasco things had gone on as they normally did whilst Henry was home. He kal and Paige were the dream team stuck to each other like three peas in a pod,and he had basically taken over with her, trying to savoir the few short months he was home with his girls. You'd also been finding yourself being whisked away for quickies at all times in the day by Henry...well when Paige went to playschool... lets just say that every surface in your home had been put to good use.

Somehow the idea of him being able to 'knock you up' again had drove the man rabid! Every chance he got to pin you down and fuck you he took. But not at night there  was one thing that was getting in the way. At night Paige had refused to sleep in her own room, instead crawling into bed with you and Henry at some point each night, she was afraid of him leaving again so soon, it happened sometimes she would have separation anxiety. But it also meant you and Henry were reluctant to try at night. Henry tho had a plan apparently...so you decided to let him get on with it.

He sat there in the living room watching as Paige practiced her letters on the coffee table that was smothered in her early learning books. He smiled at her then leaned forward resting his elbows on his spread knees.

"Paige-y baby can we talk for a moment?" She blinked then frowned at his more serious tone and nodded putting down her crayon.

"Yes daddy?" He smiled down at her resting his fingertips against one another.

"Baby... can we have a serious big girl talk?" She eyed him carefully and had shrunk into her shoulders a little serious normally meant she was in trouble. Maybe he knew!?

"It wasn't me, I swear KAL DID IT DADDY!" She cried loud and proud putting her best efforts into her paddy even forcing a few crocodile tears, he blinked for a second looking around slowly trying to see what 'Kal' had done.Nothing in here. He looked back to the tantrum throwing toddler panicking he held his hands up at her.

"Whoa whoa little lady kal did what?" Realizing Henry had no idea what she did she stopped .

"Oh..never mind what did you want to talk about daddy?" Dumbfounded Henry blinked at the now perfectly calm child, she really did scare the hell out of him sometimes, he shook his head getting back on track.

"Well...Your a big girl now aren't you? Getting good with your letters and numbers and soon you'll be in proper school" she nodded smiling wide

"Yes daddy look!" She raised her book showing how she'd traced a dotted line of a few words and copied them underneath.

"Wow! You are a big girl look at that! You did that all by yourself?" She nodded grinning as he took the book and placed it back down in front of her.

"Well because your soo big and soo clever me and mummy was thinking you are big enough to help with a err...new addition to the family" she tilted her head and Henry sighed of course she wouldn’t know what that meant.

"A knew family member-" she slammed her hands down squealing

"ARE WE GETTING A PUPPY!? WHERE IS IT? IS IT HERE YET DADDY?" he only just caught the excited girl by the waist as she got up to look for the puppy. He scooped her up and sat her on his knee.

"No poppet not a puppy" he chuckled moving stray hair from her face as she pouted.

"Then what? We cant get a kitty Kal will eat it!" He really laughed at that shaking his head.

"I doubt Kal would actually eat a cat...I think..any way no sweety mummy and daddy want to know if you’d like you a baby brother or sister to play with?" She froze and turned to look at him. He held his breath his whole plan was based on Paige wanting a sibling.... Besides what little girl didn't want a real baby to hold and cuddle, his probably knowing his luck. She twiddled her fingers smiling shyly.

"A-a baby brother daddy?...A real baby..n-not a pretend one like suzie has?" He smiled relieved. Thank god. He nodded.

"Mmhmm a real baby in the house" she jumped up screaming in excitement

"A BABY BROTHER! I'M GETTING A BABY BROTHER! WHERE IS HE DADDY I WANT HIM!" Henry being the emotionally charged wreck he was got choked up seeing her so happy about the prospect of a baby, knowing then and there that Paige would be a perfect older sister.

"Paige! Paige calm down poppet, that's it back over here we haven't finished talking yet good girl now the baby wont definitely be a boy it could be a girl, we wont know until we get pictures from inside mummy's tummy" she gasped putting a hand to her tummy.

"Mummy has a baby in her tummy!?" He faltered not really expecting to get this far. He hummed shaking his head.

"No no not yet..see we have a little problem that only you can help me and mummy with." She stared unblinkingly at him determination written across her face.

"Okay what do I got to do for the baby daddy?" It was cute how serious her face was but there was something else going on in her curt little head, she looked sad, worried. Anxious. He watched her and continued carefully.

"Well you see mummy and daddy can't have a baby until your a big girl, now we know your good with the toilet and washing up , you help mummy and daddy in the house and garden and your good at your school work...but you still creep into mummy and daddy's bed at night...so what me and mummy need from you it to try and stay in your bed at night...do you think you can do that? For the baby?" She froze for a second and blinked Henry faltered holding his breath.

"Th-thats all? Just sleep in my bed? I don't need to leave?" He gasped

"Good heavens no! Poppet of course you don't!" That was when she let loose streams of tears streaking her face as he lifted her up shushing her.

"Oh sweety no no! here come with me daddy wants to show you poppet!" He quickly scooped up his little girl making his way out of the living room he walked past you shaking his head.Later. you nodded and watched as he climbed the stairs with an upset baby girl curled up in his chest. Once upstairs he past Paige’s room and walked into one of the spare rooms, it was empty apart from a few boxes that were going to be moved to the loft. It was light basic cream walls oak wood floor boards high ceiling and huge window.He set Paige down.

"Here we are...see this will be the babies room eventually..." she sighed looking around.

"Its like mine...but not as pretty" he smirked chuckling at her resting his palm on her head as she looked out of the window to the drive below.

"See... we have enough room here for everyone you wont have to leave my love, you'll never ever have to leave  and you know what?" She sniffled shaking her head

"Wh-what?" He crouched down before her smiling taking hold of her hands making her look at him

"No matter how many babies me and mummy have you'll always be my little lady." She looked up tears in her eyes sniffling quietly wiping her eyes trying to hide them.

"Re-really daddy? Always and forever?" His heart melted at the hopeful little face and he held out a pinky

"Always and forever...pinky promise?" She quickly wrapped her tiny pinky around his as if he would change his mind and take it away.

"You can’t break a pinky promise daddy"

"I don't intend to baby I promise that you are going to be my first little lady and you can always stay with mummy and me" she smiled giggling wiping the stray tears way

"And kal and baby!" He smiled leaning forward kissing her head. then she froze as she heard you

“why is the Strawberry pants dug up and in the fridge!” Henry gave Paige a look she shrugged giggling

“They were droopy Miss Bou said they were hot so I had to cool them down” he shook his head at her spinning her in the air.

“come on let go fix your mess you little monkey!”

Later that night he had explained what happened and you both laid there waiting for the tell tale foot steps from her room but no. None. You smiled kissing him deeply, he had done it and around 1am you found yourself pinned beneath your husband moaning loudly as he rutted into you determined to fuck you full again and again.

He'd never been this determined before but after the second round you realized what he was doing, this wasn't sex or fucking he was breeding you. It was during that night you realized that your husband may have a secret breeding kink all dirty talk of how he couldn't wait until you were full of him again, carrying his child and this time he would definitely show you off make sure everyone knew just who you belonged to. He loved the idea of you pregnant, letting everyone know just what he'd done to you, that he had put your child their. He finished with a harsh thrust and a growl looking straight at into your eyes. You giggled as he collapsed on top of you deciding to stay exactly where he was.

"Baaabbe no I cant sleep with you...you know" he huffed a laugh

"Sleep...babe I’m just resting round five in ten minuets....on second thought maybe fifteen...god I forgot haw good it felt fucking you in our bed~" you wriggled below his huge frame.

"Nooo noo! Henry I've got to be up at six to get Paige ready for preschool!...that’s like in three hours...Please baby enough for now." He gave you a look, you did look fucked out. He relented rolling over taking you with him letting you lay on top of him making you mewl.

"Fine your right I won't fuck you anymore tonight...I’m not pulling out tho every little helps and all that...the longer your stuffed the better the chances...try not to move to much in your sleep babe if i get hard again all bets are off" you whined panting and sweaty as he looped his arms around you pressing your face into his neck.

"Your a fucker you know that?"

"Well I was trying to be but you’ve pussed out~" you bit his neck at that making him laugh hard.

That morning Henry had to take Paige to school as you were 'ill' you couldn't move you woke up as an orgasm washed over you Henry was grunting above you holding your hips still plowing away at you again unable to control himself. Thankfully you had both finished before she had rushed threw the door kal close behind her both jumping on the bed.

Henry had only just managed to cover himself as she dived onto you covers bouncing excitedly asking where her baby brother was. You gave him the stink eye telling her that it didn't work like that, telling her that it takes time for them to get here.She now thinks that babies are like amazon deliveries and take time.

You sighed walking hand in hand with Henry as you made your way to the playschool, you were both like a couple of teenagers stealing kisses every now and then. Luckily you could both be normal in the village, the locals were used to him being around on and off by now.

Once at the colorful fence you both stopped waiting with the other parents making small talk, you noticed that word of Henry’s return home must have gotten out as there was many more women then usual you sighed feeling them all stare getting an eyefull of your husband in that stupid blue tank top, showing off his amazing shoulders and arms, you knew he did it for you knwoing you loved his broad shoulders.

Then for some reason you got a little niggling feeling you saw Paige coming out first in line holding hands with Micah who was her walking partner...Her teacher was also walking with them. When the children was let out Miss Bou came up to the both of you with Paige.

"I just wanted to come over and congratulate the two of you." She said beaming as Paige climbed Henry who was also confused tilting his head to the teacher.

"Huh? What for?" She looked confused

"Well..Paige said that she was getting a baby brother..she's been talking about it all day" you snapped your gaze to your little cheeky monkey who was grinning at her teacher. Henry was already laughing out loud ruffling his daughters hair You flushed and sputtered knowing he was going to be no help.

"Paige!" Miss Bou smiled uncomfortably

"I-I’m sorry are you not?" You smiled at her Henry was trying to cover stamp out his laughter not giving a damn that everyone around you had heard what was going on.

"No..no I’m not pregnant" you said trying to compose yourself

"But mummy! Daddy said if I sleep in my own bed you’d get a baby! And-and you were sick and couldn't get out of bed this morning and Rose said her mummy was sick before she had a baby!" Henry laughed twisting her away from you if looks could kill his daughter would be no more. You were mortified! There was a few gasps and murmurs of 'oh hell no she did not just say that' he smiled biting his lip shushing Paige for her own safety who saw nothing wrong with what she said. It looked like he had to take some heat of the poor mite.

"What y/n means to say is we are trying but had to...I had to have a talk with this little lady here and convince her to stay in her own room at night..." you growled at him as the teacher now blushed bright red and nodded with a tiny squeak at the look he now directed at you winking.

"Isn't that right babe" he was thoroughly enjoying himself, he never liked the way a few of the mothers eyed him and you when you picked up Paige and this was a perfect time to rub your healthy sex filled relationship in there unfulfilled faces. He could see some of them fanning themselves brushing bright, hearing the envious whispers from said women ripple around them 'She couldn't move after' 'he made he bed bound fuck me..please?' You grunted just giving him a death stare.

"Daddy mummy looks scary!"

"She does doesn't she? That’s okay baby don’t worry she isn’t mad at you, she is mad at daddy....daddy will make it up to her later~"

"Pinky promise?" He snorted and grinned cheekily winding his pinky around his daughters as you stood there getting brighter by the minute. Looking about ready to blow.

"Henry! You best wind your neck in!" He laughed loudly and turned walking away "Quickly run away!" You sighed as he jogged away with a giggling child. You looked at the teacher.

"Thank you very much for telling me about Paige...Me and Henry will talk to her tonight...he chickened out on where babies come from talk" she smirked snorting

"And now?" You smirked

"Oh he is definitely going through that with her tonight and I will watch him squirm"

"He has no idea does he?"

"Nope, I’ll teach him to mess with me" she laughed waved you off as you ran to catch up with your idiot of a husband kicking at him making him yelp as you connected a solid foot to his ass making Paige giggle.

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 31: Every Halloween Film

happy Halloween today i watched every Halloween film currently available to me. i couldnt get to rewatch Halloween 2018 but i already wrote about it a couple of weeks back so feel free to revisit that post. anyway, i watched ten Halloween movies today. It took around 17 hours. i started at 11:15am and im writing this now at 6 am.

so lets get to the post. for the most part i went in chronological order, except i chose to start with Rob Zombie’s remakes because i knew if i didnt id be finishing the day by watching them at the break of dawn and the idea of doing that was so fucking putrid to me that i decided to get them out of the way first.

Halloween (2007)

i hate this fucking movie. i mentioned in an ask the other day but im happy to repeat here, i dont hate the idea of expanding on Michael’s backstory. like the fact is we largely know his backstory, the issue is how this film chose to portray it. the original Halloween is frightening because its based around the idea that the seemingly safe, quiet suburbs are not as safe as they seem; you can be on a street youve known your entire life, only a few metres from your own home, and still at risk. the whole idea of showing Michael as a murderer when he was six is to tell us that anyone could be a threat, that our conventions that all killers are a particular kind of person is false.

Halloween 2007 says fuck that, we know what serial killers are, and theyre those poor kids who come from shitty neighbourhoods and have abusive parents and mothers who are sex workers. everything that Halloween brings to the table is fucking tedious, played out, and massively uninspired. it wants to bring us the truth about why Michael is like he is, but Rob Zombie’s only understanding of serial killers is in the cliche and exploitative. he has nothing honest about human nature to show us, only the exact same stories that have been fed to us by crime and horror movies past.

this film is incredibly loud and in fucking constant motion. even on steady shots of still scenes the camera constantly shakes, and in every other scene its always whirling around from tracking shot to panning over the scene to just idly zooming in and out of nothing. Zombie’s favourite shot is to have something large and out of focus in the foreground -- like some plants -- and to shoot the characters standing about six feet away muttering to themselves. every single fucking shot in this movie lingers too long, every scene drags a little longer than it needs to. this film moves with the pace that i would describe as “family guy gag”.

and this film is so loud. people are always talking or screaming, largely about nothing important or interesting. theres always music, but it never particularly adds anything; for reasons i fail to fucking understand the entirety of the original theme plays over mostly uninteresting tracking shots of a minor character walking around yelling filler lines about nothing.

the writing is horseshit. everyone in this film is vile, no one talks or behaves like real human beings. almost every exchange in this movie is the characters saying the exact same thing back and forth inanely, frequently punctuated by screaming FUCK as loudly as possible and talking about sex in a way that 40 year old men really really wished teenage girls talk about sex. Halloween (2007) is thoughtlessly gross and mean and nasty, disconnected from any kind of human sensitivity and empathy. it wants to be complicated and to be deep but its crushingly simplistic and stupid. the only thing that redeems it is that its not Halloween II (2009). speaking of which...

Halloween II (2009)

jesus christ this movie is so fucking boring. Halloween II is two hours long but feels like its about twenty hours long. i felt like i was watching this film for twenty days and twenty nights. i was trapped in an eternal purgatory with this movie.

i really cant fucking emphasise how boring this film is. endless scene after scene of nothing of consequence happening, uninteresting death scenes that add nothing, and Michael wandering around doing jack shit. Halloween II fucking made Michael Myers boring, and im saying this as someone who (as i repeat once every 8 seconds) has a tattoo of him. this film couldnt hold MY interest in two of my favourite characters of all time.

the big fun new addition from the first movie is the presence of Michael and Laurie’s mother as a kind of weird goth ghost guiding Michael to kill. i dont know why Michael had to be Jason Voorhees and be a mommy’s boy all of a sudden, but this addition brings absolutely nothing of interest to the film or to his character. its meant to be symbolic of fucking... something im sure, but it feels meaningless. somehow Michael and Laurie are both able to see and interact with this ghost and the ghost has an agenda to do... something? it feels about as intelligent and coherent as the bullshit cult of thorne shit from 6, but a lot less fun. at some point Michael Myers apparently has mind control powers?

not to repeat myself a hundred fucking times but this film is insanely unpleasant to watch. every scene someone is screaming, generally wailing “fuck you bitch” at anyone in their vicinity. this is two hours of people howling swear words at each other and not infrequently making rape jokes. Rob Zombie loves rape jokes! almost as much as he loves putting sexual assault in his movies over and over again for no reason.

there is nothing to enjoy in this film. theres nothing to gain. there is too much slow-mo and far too many strobe lights and absolutely nothing of any intelligence or grace. Halloween II is a thirteen year old boy in a korn T-shirt calling his mom a bitch while he draws zombies on  the back of his homework, which he will get an F for because the only thing he wrote was “reading is for faggots”.

Halloween (1978)

what the fuck can i say. this is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, if not the greatest. its one of my favourite movies. its forty years old and still just as chilling and frightening as it ever was. it has some shot composition and cinematography thats up with the best ive ever seen, all while being shot on a budget of $300,000. it does more with less than just about any film, launched the slasher genre, shot Jamie Lee Curtis to stardom and created a pop culture icon that stayed strong for decades. its a masterclass in tension and suspense, a lean-cut perfectly paced film with heaps of atmosphere and character.

i love this film with a frantic passion that makes me unable to talk about it in a particularly helpful way. i cant “review” Halloween. I love this film beyond reason and sense and you either get it or you dont.

Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is largely one of the less remembered entries in the franchise; its a decent enough movie, neither matching up to the highs of the original or the lows of the later films. its a pretty enjoyable little film, created under the logic of ‘well the first one did well, lets do the same thing again’. Carpenter wrote the script but didn’t direct, and while the film has a solid story, the directing lacks his signature flair. its hard to pinpoint, because the film is generally fairly well-shot, but lacks a kind of eye for shot composition that Carpenter made look easy, doesnt have as much patience for suspense.

on its own merits, theres still some great shots and great scenes in the movie. and a lot of really cool kills; II got a lot more creative with what Michael was capable of, and i think the boiling water drowning kill is rightfully pretty infamous.

this was the last Halloween movie Carpenter wrote, and it was the film where the idea of Laurie and Michael being siblings was introduced. and believe me ill defend this fucking decision to the grave. adding the human connection between Michael and Laurie gives a whole other layer to their relationship thats so fascinating to me, and i love that other films try to expand on the themes of family. in general, deciding that this film would continue to focus on Laurie and not do what later slashers did with bouncing around between different casts was a great fucking move, ironically for a franchise that was intended to be an anthology.

quietly exploring the aftermath of the first film was a good idea for a follow-up, and i especially really enjoy Loomis’ role in this movie, and his discussion about who Myers is. the biggest disappointment for me personally is that Laurie lacks a lot of presence in this film. Curtis is great, as always, but the movie dawdles on some side characters who are too disconnected from her to get a sense of what shes going through.

all that being said, Halloween II is decent. the ending is really great, with some really powerful shots. Michael bleeding from the eyes of his mask after Laurie shoots him is one of the best fucking images in horror and him swinging blindly as Laurie and Loomis slowly orchestrate his death is a fucking amazing scene. i have an immense fondness for this movie, with all its flaws. it brings a lot of really cool concepts to the table, and i think it deserves some appreciation.

heres a question tho; where the fuck were Laurie’s parents. theres a suggestion theyre missing, but theres no explanation why and we never hear from them. did michael kill them too? hello? mr and mrs strode? your daughter just fucking killed a guy and all her friends are dead. where the fuck are you.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III is infamous as being the Halloween movie that isn’t about Michael Myers at all. when it first released it was wildly unpopular and remained so for quite a while, but has had a surge in popularity over the last few years. i think just about every horror critic i know now considers Halloween III one of the best in the franchise. and to be fair to it, its a great little movie. not a slasher at all but rather a conspiracy thriller, Halloween III is all about the mystery of what the Silver Shamrock mask-making company are really up to, and why people are disappearing. its a weird and creative little movie, with some really fucking great practical effects that turn it from just being a thriller to being an all-out horror film. it has a few too many ineffective jumpscares and some of the plot twists are kind of disappointing and feel a little too much like the easy option -- and then others are so wildly bizarre no one would see them coming because theyre fucking completely out there. but i kind of love that sort of nonsense in a horror movie. like lets just have a fucking good time in here for once in our fucking lives.

Halloween III is not a perfect or even a really great movie, but yknow, fuck it. the idea that only perfect films are worth watching is dumb. i appreciate the weird shit this film tried and i think it deserves a lot more respect than what it got; if it had been released under another title it probably would have gone down as a classic instead of being derided for years, you ask me.

now things start going rapidly downhill

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Halloween 4 is when Jamie is introduced as the new final girl; Laurie’s seven year old daughter, after Laurie herself died off-screen in a fucking car crash. the decision to kill off Laurie came from Jamie Lee Curtis decided not to return to the character and instead of recasting her, they went with just having her… die. off-screen. in the franchise where the previous two movies were about her triumph and determination to stay alive. like its the casual thoughtlessness of this that, the idea no one would give a shit a character returned, that in my eyes epitomises how fucking little anyone cared about this franchise going forward.

man the idea of Laurie dying completely irrelevant to Michael… thats a lot. anyway continuing on his quest to erase anyone related to him, Michael starts targeting his niece Jamie for the three movies in the franchise. this is where the series started rapidly losing any grip on reality. while Michael always had some kind of superhuman elements to him (he took six bullets to the chest and survived in the first movie) these became increasingly wildly exaggerated. now hes crushing peoples skulls with his bare hands shit like what the fuck. first of all do that to me and secondly, it was this kind of slide into unreality that let the supernatural elements of the series creep in further until you end up with the shitshow that is Halloween 6. like it was the decrease in the impact of violence and human life that really fucked this franchise over.

this film is not great. its a definite decline in quality after 2 and was on the slippery slope downwards. it has some high points, primarily in Dr Loomis. Donald Pleasance is a better actor than most movies deserve and brings gravitas to a role that in the hands of a less capable actor would be laughable. his sincere plea to Michael at one point to just kill him instead of going after Jamie is honestly fucking tragic.

outside of that, the film isnt massively interesting. Michael himself isnt particularly threatening or engaging, and his mask looks like shit in this film. the characters in this film are largely very stupid, also, which doesnt help anything much.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

if theres a Halloween movie people talk about the least, its this one. II has the sibling twist, III is the black sheep, 4 is the return, even 6 gets talked about for its troubled production history. no one has anything to say about Halloween 5. and thats mostly because there is fucking nothing to say about Halloween 5. it is a relentlessly fucking dull movie that pads out its 100 minute run time with endless unnecessary scenes of shit that does… nothing. this film is dull in a way that i find incredibly detestable. i cant even watch it through a haze of impassioned anger like i can with the also incredible dull Halloween II (2009). its just fucking boring. every single scene drags like its trying to walk on two broken legs. the plot is so bare bones its nonsensical. it constantly adds new characters and new elements but all that does is makes it more incoherent and confusing. watching this movie i literally found my fucking eyes glazing over in my skull. if this film was edited correctly it would be twenty minutes long. i cannot fucking emphasise enough how much of relentless slog it is. Halloween 4 was dull but even that had the lifeline of ‘some cool ideas’. Halloween 5 is nothing. Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water.

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

if Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water Halloween 6 is just a fresh hot glass of piss. there are two versions of Halloween 6, the director’s cut and the theatrical release, and both are wretched. this film went full ham with introducing the supernatural elements, telling us that Michael was his whole life psychically controlled by a pagan cult called the Cult of Thorne in order to make Halloween scary again or summon the devil or who fucking cares. this movie is fucking insufferably dull, totally absurd, and wildly unsympathetic. i loathe Halloween 6 and every terrible, stupid plot decision it makes. Paul Rudd defeats Michael Myers by drawing druid symbols on the ground and Michael just gives up and lies down. theres a baby that does nothing and serves no purpose. Halloween is apparently banned in Haddonfield, which makes this more closely related to Footloose than Halloween i think. this film takes itself incredibly seriously while spouting nothing but total fucking bullshit drivel and i dont believe that anyone involved in this movie, from the cast to the cameraman to the guy who served the lunch had any faith in this movie outside of the vague hope it might make money and i wish this movie had been burned at the stake. also i hate Paul Rudd.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

oh thank fucking god finally some good fucking food. Halloween H20 took the decision to retcon all the sequels (except II) twenty years before Halloween 2018, proving that everyone knew 5 and 6 were fucking mistakes.

this film loses a lot of the Halloween feeling in favour of making a more generic late 1990s/early 2000s style horror. theres nothing particularly interesting about the way this movie is directed or shot, the music is largely very generic, it has a generally uninteresting glossy quality to it that studio movies always do. its very obvious this movie was inspired by Scream and it looks a lot more like Scream than it does Halloween. all of this makes me kind of sad, but other films in the franchise have proved that other directors generally are not capable of imitating Carpenter’s style so maybe its better they dont really try.

what H20 does so well, and the reason i love it so much, is that it explores the relationship between Michael and Laurie, which is something im endlessly fascinated with. this was the first movie to have Laurie shake off her fear and rise up against Michael, and while it doesnt do it with quite as much depth and intelligence as Halloween 2018, it still has a fucking good crack at Laurie’s character, and its still powerful watching her turn on the man who terrorised her for years. Michael is great in this movie too; while he has a terrible mask, watching him back on his shit as a furious force of nature who wants nothing more than to destroy anyone who gets in his way.

honestly i kind of enjoy having a Halloween in a different style; theres something fun about seeing characters recontextualised and done with justice and empathy. most of the Halloween sequels before this one (and after, looking at Resurrection) are shallow, unconcerned with any kind of emotional depth or personality. and while a lot of the stock filler characters in H20 who are lined up for the chopping block arent that interesting and dont particularly standout, watching Jamie Lee Curtis’ performance and seeing her interplay with Michael is enough. and most of the side characters arent particularly annoying, which is more than i can say for half this franchise.

this film also has what is one of my absolute favourite endings in a movie ever; the final confrontation between Michael and Laurie has a particular interaction between them that i absolutely adore and that alone is enough to make this movie one of my favourites.

H20 isnt perfect; it weirdly feels like a blueprint that Halloween 2018 would later refine into a better movie, but the idea its going to be completely disregarded for Halloween 2018 in the future makes me a little sad. in the face of so many fucking mediocre and awful Halloween sequels it did the right thing in trying to focus on what actually mattered; the connection between Michael and Laurie, although i dont feel like it succeeded in making Michael as scary as 2018 would much later. that said, the shot where Michael and Laurie just stare at each other through the glass of a window? that gives me chills every time. and hearing the Halloween theme kick in as Laurie marches off into the school with an axe looking for Michael is so fucking triumphant.

i love H20 even if Michael’s mask looks like his hair was dunked in a bucket of water and then gently blow-dried. i have no idea why it looks so fucking stupid in this movie. why is it so hard to get Michael’s mask right. you wouldnt think it was that fucking hard. anyway, i really fucking love Laurie Strode a lot, which didnt help to make Resurrection any easier to swallow.

Halloween: Resurrection

so whats the obvious thing to do after you have a movie where the power and emotion all comes from the emotional catharsis of seeing a woman get her vengeance on her tormentor? you, uh, make a sequel in which she is immediately defeated and pointlessly killed after its revealed her victory at the end of the previous film was entirely false, and then you never return to focus on her and instead introduce a horde of entirely uninteresting stock characters. yeah, makes sense.

Resurrection is fucking incredibly stupid, in the kind of fucking hysterical way only really bad horror movies can capture. theres absolutely nothing of Halloween in this other than the presence of Michael, who just as easily could have been replaced with anyone or anything. the story has a group of people on a reality show staying in the Myers house to… stay there? its not entirely clear what the challenge is meant to be, other than to just be inside the house, which i imagine gets to be pretty dull viewing pretty quickly. theres no suggestion theyre like, hunting for ghosts or something along those lines, theyre just… looking at stuff.

Michael slopes around this movie like he doesnt fucking understand where he is or whats going on, an entirely out of place relic of better times past while the cast cavorts around him doing nothing of interest and having no plots or characterisation to speak of. the film has exactly two or three funny moments, including the legendary ‘Michael Myers getting electrocuted in the dick by Busta Rhymes’, but youre way, way better off just looking that up on youtube instead of watching this movie. there is an hour of pointless plot development about characters no one cares about until Michael starts fucking killing people. this movie shouldnt exist and we should all go back to pretending it doesnt.

and thats it. thats all the halloween films. i can die now.

[missjackil]

A Dose of SPN Positivity!

For those who know me, they know I love this show.... flaws and all! im critical sometimes, but not overly. Bottom line, I am addicted to the story and Im in love with Sam and Dean.  With Season 14 about to start, and we’re all getting antsy, too much negativity has been flying around, so I want to share some things i love most about the show, and maybe make some of you reflect for a moment and think “Yeah, that is pretty great” and smile.  Supernatural has been referred to as “The Little Show That Could” and to me, its such a fitting description. Logically, on the surface, it looks like it just can’t. I mean, how can a fantasy/horror show, survive with such a low budget, light special effects, and not very scary most of the time. I mean hell, they dont even have that many monsters that look like monsters, so why has it lasted longer than a season or 2? Let alone, 14 seasons with no signs of stopping yet. First and foremost is obvious. Sam and Dean and the actors who play them.  This essay will be full of gushing about these boys, so if you dont feel like enduring such a hardship, scroll on past. if that interests you.....

Yes these 2 fabulous men are the life blood of this show. Without them, we’d have nothing. THEY are the reason, this little show can, and does. Even those who like one and not the other, even if they dont realize it, the one they prefer is who they are because of the other. Both of their qualities and flaws can be directly linked to their influence on each other. If for some reason the other was gone for good, the one left will change drastically. As we see when one is dead or in grave danger, albeit temporarily, the other changes. Sam is no longer sweet, laid back and practical, and Dean is no longer funny, charming, and nurturing.  In fact, they both seem to become an amplified version of their brother. When Sam dies, Dean gets quiet, sometimes too quiet. He also gets methodical and focused. You may get lucky and just get shot in the back, but if he chooses to speak, he chooses his words to let you know shits gonna hit the fan. “You have my brother, and you have one chance, just one, to hand him over, and if he isnt in one peice, when I find you, and I WILL find you, I will take you apart” Sam on the other hand is boiling over with emotion. My boy becomes savage. He doesnt always choose a lot of words to say, he gets his whole point across most of the time with “WHERES MY BROTHER???!!!!” This... my friends, is good stuff! These things couldnt be done with such beauty without Jared and Jensen. Their offscreen relationship, whatever it may be, is wonderful. Theres no denying the love and respect they have for each other. They are very supportive of each other, and help make the other better at their job. They’re not typical actors who have a work relationship but otherwise spend time with each other. They genuinely enjoy being together, and this shows on screen. When two people are this good at their jobs, and with each other, you just have to keep watching. Other things I love about the show, are kinda small. Some maybe youve never noticed, but maybe now you will and enjoy them too, like... Brains vs Brawn: At first glance, we all go Sam=brains, Dean=brawn right? But thats not actually the case. Dean is far from stupid, and Sam is nowheres near a wimp. Dean teases Sam about being a nerd, and Sam doesnt mind, he kinda wears his nerdiness like a badge of honor. Dean will never admit to being a nerd, but he is. He’s read Vonnegut, knows every old west cowboy statistic, and likes LARPing. Sam, though a bookworm, is one tough mofo. hes tall and muscular and has shown to be a little freakishly strong. He can also take a great deal of pain. And though Dean is known more to be the fighter, he can be very warm and nurturing. And nerdy Sam can make you shit your pants with just a look if you piss him off just right. I absolutely LOVE this balance!! Its one of my favorite things! Old school vs New; A lot has changed in 14 seasons. The brothers have grown, as well as the story, but their roots are never forgotten. They’re still driving around in the same car. Hell. Baby has become the 3rd lead! Even though they have mom back, they never forgot her, or dad, and both were spoken of often throughout the series. They refer back to old days often, so we can all get a feel of nostalgia when we remember too. Most episodes bring the deep past up in one way or another, I love this! Loss and Death: I know so many of us complain that they die and come back too much, but I have a real appreciation for it, The circumstances are always different, and so are the methonds of coming back. Sometimes the death isnt serious, or they dont “seem” dead, like in First Blood or Dark Side of the Moon, when there may have been an initial “wtf?” we got to see them in heaven, and in first blood, they came right back. However there was deep seriousness in All Hell Breaks Loose, No Rest for the Wicked,  Do You Believe in Miracles, Swan Song, Red Meat and Beat The Devil that you felt the dying brother’s physical pain, and then the emotional pain of the surviving brother.  No matter how many times they die, they still hit these types of episodes out of the park. WE may know theyre coming back, but they dont. it still crushes them and I love this! Sam and Dean’s Sexuality: I love that their sexual natures are different, but theyre both okay. Dean is sexually active, enjoys porn and vocalizes some fantasies, Though Sam can tease him a little, its just brotherly ribbing, its not judgemental or trying to make Dean feel bad. Sam isnt overly sexual, he’s gone many seasons without sex at all. He doesnt appear to enjoy porn, we know he doesnt like strip clubs, and its NOT because he’s unattractive!! Dean teases him but he doesnt try to make him feel bad. When he has heavily suggested that Sam get laid, its just because he wants him to have fun. Dean even said he appreciated that Sam wanted to stay pure and waited. Otherwise, its okay that Sam is (at least kinda) asexual. Neither are shunned or judged because of their sexuality. Winsync: This is one of the greatest things. if they didnt do this, we wouldnt care, we would never say “It would be a much better show if the brothers mirrored each other, or did the same thing at the same time” but for whatever reason, TPTB wanted this, and it works so well! Its an intimacy we can see without the show going OTT bromantic. Its the connection, the closeness, and being soulmates. I LOVE this! Soulmates and Brothers: Normally a show will make soulmates out of lovers. It’s not often they do it with siblings. It helps justify their deep love and devotion. It adds an additional layer to their relationship. It makes them so tied together that they will share eternity in heaven together, and not just in their memories. This was a very good decision made by Kripke and crew, so we will all know they cant live without each other, even if they just lived in different homes. I love this! Meta Madness: Though I dont like all the meta episodes, I do love the fact they can do them, and DO do them. Because the whole premise is the supernatural, nothing is impossible, even AUs and cartoon worlds. Sometimes I might roll my eyes, but its awesome to me that they can experiment this way and see how it goes. I Love this!! The Bros are Oblivious: Sam and Dean have been through basically everything, and have seen and done everything, yet they seem shocked when people say theyre famous, or when they heard people tell stories about them. Occasionally they grasp their importance, like when they tell people they save the world, but they were impressed that Asa fixed killed 5 Wendigo, and had an Angel Blade, and Father Luca met the Pope. I mean God hung out at the bunker and made them pancakes! Their Heads Dont Get Too Big: Every once in a while, TPTB make sure we, and the boys, remember that they are only human. Even if they lock away Satan, kill Death, save God’s life, they’re just men. Remember when Bobby died and Dean was sure he wouldnt because “its just one bullet!” ? I can see how it would seem so silly to Dean, and even to us, that someone who has lived through so much, could die from a stupid little bullet. I think that one of the smartest things the show has done in ages, was to have Sam tortured by Toni and friend. Sam was so bold and cocky (and need I say sexy?) telling Toni he’d been tortured by the devil himself, and what could she do to him... He soon learned Hell torture or not,  cold showers still suck, blow torches to the feet still hurt like hell, and a mortal human can still fuck with his head. And Dean, well he can still be put on the injured reserve list from a jacked up leg. IMO S12 was great for re-humanizing the Winchesters. I love this! Comedy to Tragedy: Some of the best episodes, started out funny and ended in a tear jerker. Mystery Spot, Just My Imagination, and Beat The Devil top my list. I love the emotional rollar coaster, Coming away exhausted from an episode is the bestthing I can ask for! They havent tried it the other way around, tragedy to comedy, and thats good. If you are crying at the beginning and laughing later, it doesnt justify the grief and you may feel let down and hollow after. SPN is great with having some humor in even the most depressing episodes, but they know when using it and leaving it out is best. I love this! Brohugs: My #1 favorite thing, aside from the hug in 6.1, they have all been beautiful. Not once, have the boys lost the love, or even repeated the same hug. Each one conveys a different message, a different emotion, but all say “I love you more than everything” and I wont ever get tired of them! I would do anything for a single hug in my whole life that had such love in it, as any Winchester bro hug! I.LOVE.THIS!! Now I hope if you read this far, you got to smile a few times, and a spark was added to the fire that you fell in love with 14 seasons ago. Here’s to S14, i hope its filled with all of these wonderful things!