#i have. very complicated thoughts on this HJTEKG

[ddarker-dreams]

hi wasn't sure if i notice this to ur yan chrollo fics, but do u think chrollo is the type of guy who says i love u to his darling?

i actually have a weird philosophy when it comes to having characters say "i love you" in fics, it's something i include very rarely as a personal preference. please excuse me for how corny this sounds but i kinda like going for a more evocative declaration of love that's unique to the character, if that makes sense HTJKMER i promise i'm not trying to be pretentious, i just consider it a personal challenge to myself. there are times where thematically 'i love you' fits beautifully and hits me emotionally like a train, but nine times out of ten it doesn't get me in the way i want to be gut punched.

my favorite example of what i try aiming for (although i don't think my silly fics will ever reach this Peak Fiction level, it's more of a goal to strive for), is waymond's line from everything everywhere all at once,

"In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you."

it had me in shambles. i los t my mind. never got it back btw.

ALRIGHT now that that preface is out of the way, i'll dive into my thoughts on chrollo saying i love you:

there isn't much (if anything) chrollo holds sacred, but that phrase somewhat makes the cut. he'll readily profess his admiration of your looks and personality, tell you that he considers you a treasure worth holding onto for as long as blood pumps through his veins, etc... but the classic declaration of love is noticeably missing from his romantic era style of flirting. he can handle your insults, disobedience, and overall contemptuous attitude, yet he doesn't want to experience your rejection of what is a deeply vulnerable statement. so much of him is a fabrication. a tapestry woven from different cloths he cut from others. he barely has any sense of self. he poured his everything into the spider, leaving him empty, a true husk of a man.

you stoked what little kindling remains of the identity he discarded the day sarasa was found dead. it terrifies and confounds him. this humanity he thought he purged from his being is forcefully drawn out by your presence. he wants to say it with what scraps remain of anything resembling a person. to do so would certainly earn your protest and that hypothetical makes him... uncomfortable.

chrollo is far more likely to whisper it once while you're in deep sleep, considering it a secret between him and the night.