#i haven't been on meds for adhd for like probably 7-8 years now

[sapphicautistic]

i'm always so focused on managing my much more debilitating physical symptoms that i sometimes forget that i do very much still have untreated adhd lmao

[insignasus]

I'll probably delete this later, just wanted to get my thoughts out of my head. I got diagnosed with ADHD last winter as an adult, and as many others when they try to get diagnosed I got the comment "I hope you're not gonna use it as an excuse and say "Oh I haven't done X cause I have ADHD"". Which is very hurtful to get especially when it's from people close to you. It can be so difficult, and if you're unlucky super expensive, to get assessed at all. However I realized yesterday that actually, I am in fact often repeating to myself "I have ADHD", just not as an excuse to get a free pass for not doing something.

Despite growing up with brothers that are neurodivergent and got diagnosed as children, I was repeatedly dismissed whenever I reached out to health services. The first time I got dismissed was as a kid and they said I was just a little sensitive, some girls around my age are. They also blamed it on other stuff that was pure bs.

The second time was in my early 20s. I made it 1 year living entirely on my own while studying at Uni before I went on a year long sick leave due to depression and anxiety. I tried again to get an assessment, but was turned away this time too and was told I only had depression. I can't be neurodivergen because I had been successful in school and had a job since I was old enough to get one. The third time I was finally listened to and by then I had already figured out on my own that I have ADHD (inattentive). Getting an official diagnosis was important cause I've needed help my whole life and I won't get it without one.

It's now around 7-8 months since. Health services are slow so I'm just now starting to get access to help and tools like meds and coaching. And after all of these years trying to live as if I was neurotypical, with the added bonus of depression and anxiety as a comorbidity due to not receiving help when I was younger, I have so many pieces I need to pick up and put back together again. I struggle with a lot. Every. Single. Day. So I try to remind myself that it's okay; I have ADHD. I need to unlearn being mean to myself when I'm struggling with stuff. Because it's so easy to start thinking I'm lazy, stupid, incompetent, whatever else self-deprecating thing I can think of. And I've believed it for so long too.

I have ADHD. It's not an excuse, it's a validation that I'm not bad because I struggle. I struggle cause my brain works a certain way. By reminding myself of that I'm also reminded to be kind to myself and approach life in a way that's better suited for me.