#i hope this one is better please lmk if any changes are necessary ^^ /gen

[alixlives]

new banner to keep away freaks is crazy!! /pos

[genevievemd]

Touch

A/N: Takes place in chapter 20, a couple hours after Ethan goes to Leland’s office. I really hate that we never got any sort of reaction from MC or Ethan with the Blooms situation and I really needed it. So I wrote my own lol 

This is basically just MC having a sort of ptsd/anxiety attack and going to Ethan for help and comfort. I used myself as my guide to how MC deals with it. So basically what I do and how I deal when I’m having an anxiety attack is what I did for MC.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Genevieve McClure)

It started out slow, just a droplet of dread settling at the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t put a finger on what exactly it was that brought it on. Perhaps it was the uncertainty of what the hospital would be like under Leland Bloom or it could have been the moment she saw Leland reach for his wife only to remember that they could no longer touch. 

Whatever the trigger was, by midday it had completely taken over. Genevieve’s entire body buzzing with anxiety and fear. Gnawing at her insides like a rabid dog. She did her best to conceal it from her patients, to not let them see her struggling to stay focused. 

But by her fifth patient of the day, it became too much to hide. Genevieve left the room as quickly as she could, marching to the nurses station to find some sort of solid ground. 

“Dr. McClure, are you alright?” 

She can barely make out the voice calling her from behind the desk. Genevieve’s heart beat pounding in her ears like a drum, drowning out everything but the voices of distress in her head.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” It was a lie, and a terrible one at that. There was no way the nurse didn’t see how badly her hands where shaking, how unfocused Genevieve’s gaze had become. “Do you know where Dr. Ramsey is?” 

“In the diagnostics office, if I’m not mistaken.” 

She felt a quick burst of relief. Ethan was the only thing that seemed to ease her in moments like this, when her mind rushes back to the assassination attempt and she can’t settle the rush of pure fear. Knowing he was mostly likely alone and able to help her right the ship was like seeing the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Mhm.” It’s all she dares to say, the lump in her throat feeling more constricting by the second.

Genevieve quickly drops the chart in her hand, turning on her heels and making her way to the elevator. She keeps her eyes straight ahead, trying her best to draw as little attention to herself as possible. 

It still felt like everyone looked at her like she was a porcelain doll. Fragile and weak and only one mishap away from shattering.

Genevieve makes it to the glass office in record time, quietly opening and closing the door. She had been right before, Ethan is alone. He’s sitting at the desk surrounded by papers and files. She keeps her steps slow and measured, making her way across the room until she’s standing at his side. 

He doesn’t look up right away, choosing instead to take off his glasses and get up from the chair before fully acknowledging her.  “I was just about to come look for you, we have a - what happened?”

It's clear he can see the fear in her eyes, the tears that sit just a blink away, by the sudden change in his demeanor. Genevieve doesn’t waste another moment, tucking herself against him, giving up the fight and letting the anxiety take over. His response is quick, wrapping his arms tightly around her, hand running up and down her back. 

She’s almost certain he can feel the rapid beat of her heart, the tremors under her skin. 

“Genevieve, what’s wrong?” 

She shakes her head slightly, pressing herself further into his embrace, trying to focus only on his heartbeat like she had that night. It was muted through plastic then, but it’s clear now. Steady and unwavering. 

Ethan tightens his arms around her even more, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “How bad is it?” His tone is gentle, but laced with worry. There’s a small comfort in knowing she doesn’t have to say anything for Ethan to recognize what’s going on. He’s been quick to pick up on the signs, the little things she does right before the dam breaks and she’s right back to that night.

“I’m - I’m fine.” 

“I can feel you shaking. You’re not fine.” Ethan leans back just the slightest bit, eyes roaming over her face. “How bad is it, Gen?”

“Not as bad as last time. I don’t feel tingly or anything, just…”

He strokes her cheek with his thumb, the softness of his touch making her eyes close with relief. “Do you want to go outside? Take a walk?”

“No.”

“What do you need?” 

“You.” Her eyes start to well with tears again and she tries her best to swallow them back. “Just hold me for a minute. Please?”

Ethan responds with a nod, pulling Genevieve back into the shelter of his arms. She rests her head against his chest, her hands grabbing the back of his white coat like a life line . One of his hands travels up her back, slowly pulling her hair out of the elastic band. Her breath is ragged, letting out a deep sigh as she closes her eyes. The pressure of his fingers combing through her hair is gentle and methodical, sending a wave of relief over her. 

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles quietly, more to herself than to him. The nagging thought of being an absolute burden and annoyance to him creeping its way back into her head.

“Don’t apologize. I’ve told you countless times, whatever it is you need to feel safe and grounded, we’ll do it. Regardless of how frivolous or bothersome you may think it is.”

He’s right, over the past six months, Ethan has been nothing short of supportive. Doing whatever she needs, without complaint, to make her feel safe. Even if it was something as simple as making her dinner, or holding her hand or letting her wake him in the middle of the night so she doesn’t cry alone. His presence and touch were her saving grace, her north star. And as their relationship progressed, Genevieve knew she never wanted to lose him. 

“Ethan, could you really go your whole life without being able to touch the person you love?” 

“What?”

“After we discharged Caroline, you said people can adapt to anything if they have to. Did you mean that?”

He sighs, loudly, taking a step back and guiding her towards the couch on the back wall. “Yes and no. From a professional and medical standpoint, yes a person can adapt when necessary.” They sit slowly, Ethan pulling her against him. “But, personally? No. I couldn’t handle suddenly not being able to touch you in any sort of capacity. One night of that was more than enough proof.”

“Yeah, neither could I.” 

“Is that what triggered it, seeing Leland and Caroline?” 

“I think so, but I can’t remember exactly what started it this time.” 

She can feel her breathing steady, her heart no longer beating out of her chest. Finally feeling safe enough to leave the security of Ethan’s space, she sits up. Genevieve looks down to fix her coat when she feels Ethan’s hand on her cheek. He has that look on his face, as he wipes the smudged mascara from under eyes, the one that makes her feel so incredibly loved. Cherished. 

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Always.”

She leans forward, pressing her lips to his. It’s soft and sweet, another gentle reminder that with him she is safe and protected. That no matter what, he is on her side and ready to fight whatever should come her way. 

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a/n: Hope you guys liked this little bit of comfort. I really hate that we never got to see MC really dealing with the attack. Like it happened and we talked about it for, what, like two chapter after that? And then never again. 

Anyway, love you guys so much! -Sara

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