#i just gave him the bare minimum bc i was having a crisis that time JKFJDJKS but i'm relieved you think they're good </3

[thurisazsalail]

Tumblr people, do you know how lucky I am?

Today is 9/9/24

Around september 2004, i was about a year from graduating high school

It was so hard. I am lucky I graduated at all. What good is hyperlexia at a college level when *entering kindergarten* if your surroundings and finances prohibit education

I think that was the year i had begged my way into a mostly-black, very socially segregated F-rated school in one of the worst states in the US for education. The teachers (and classmates) were awesome, but what can they do under No Child Left Behind defunding them to institute the Air Force recruiting (and less stated, school to prison don't got a pipeline there. It's the pond that pipeline dumps out at before prison, like a moat.)

But it meant 2 hours of transit across town. I'd get up around 5am, walk blocks to a dark bus stop near a semi-wooded private road by 5:20ish to meet the 5:30ish bus (*usually* it came. Not always.) The bus transfer didn't always get to school on time, so i often missed breakfast and sometimes home room period, which meant fighting absences I didn't have. When I got home, it would be 5:30pm or later. I had homework, sometimes HOURS of it to compensate for the learning disabilities everyone said I definitely didn't have. I also babysat siblings, cooked, did laundry, unloaded dishes, and had animal care duties. Depending on the day, I also had assorted under the table jobs. I might get to sleep by midnight or 1am. Normal for years. And all the damage that comes with it.

While fighting worse and worse anaemia and whatever was making me bruise to the touch since about 12-13. Docs kept saying it was nothing. I couldn't ride my grandmother's bike anymore, not even for one whole street. My lungs felt like I had been hit in the chest. The more air I tried to get, the less oxygen I felt like I had.

In Sept 2014, I was getting ready to quit a job. It was that or die. I thought that then, I think so now. I wanted to keep working it though.

In Sept 2013, my partner was working full time and I had 3 part time jobs, but ome wasn't scheduling except rarely (off season for catering) and wages in this area were abysmal. This was the beginning of the housing investor crisis, before anyone but the poorest were paying attention to it. Rent had almost doubled, too much to pay but moving cost first and last month's rent, plus security deposit (up to a month's rent) plus pet fees, plus moving costs like paying to change both our driver's licenses (mandatory in 30 days,) electric bill transfer fee + new deposit (often $200-400 at the time,)... pet fee + pet rent, etc. Oh yeah, and each application could be $50-80 PER PERSON for a new apartment. Non refundable. Also requirements are a surprise! And if they got your identity wrong (they did w my partner, twice) there is no recourse. :)

So when a guy in a new-new bmw decided that traffic laws weren't for him, slammed into my car, and drove off, i didn't *just* have a severe concussion + injuries he didn't pay for. Witnesses didn't stay, of course. The car was wrecked. The cops *eventually* found him- because he reported that I hit HIM amd drove away.

I lost all 3 jobs. No transportation. When my partner's boss found out, he was fired. Even though he was literally 15mins single bus trip down the road. That's legal in Florida.

So that day, we had nothing.

It takes months to collect unemployent and Florida had recently been held by the DOJ for violating federal rules on that, too, for illegal employment tests. So that was out. And my jobs wouldn't qualify anyways. And they only pay a few hundred a month, if that. And we wouldn't qualify for food stamps (SNAP/EBT) bc of minimum work requirements.

Oh yeah, injuries and no car.

Also the cops gave the guy a moving violation ticket, which he fought in court, sparking a lawsuit that took years. At the end, it barely paid for a other 10 year old used car.

So I got the only job that would hire me within that 2-3 weeks: a restaurant that didn't care how I got there or ask questions. Or do paperwork, really.

It saved us. They saved us.

It paid below wages but I ate for free, unlimited soup + salad, and whatever the kitchen made for employees at lunch and dinner. Often that was what I could get. Sometimes what customers sent back, if it wasn't picked over or 'wet,' like a soup or something. Whatever. I have eaten flowers and moss, long before this "foraging" trend. I do not care.

But the hours were often long. Up around 6:30, walk to the bus by 7:15 (i think?) Get to work by 9, prep food, stock, clean my area of the kitchen + front. Double shifts until close. I preferred that anyways. Take the money, and lower bus:work ratio. Sometimes I hauled laundry with me so I could do it nearby between breaks. We didn't have a washer or dryer.

There were 2-3 of us for the floor, but by 2014, it was just me. Some people came and went, one went back to another state, one I fired while the boss was gone and learned enough mandarin to explain "heroin," and another lied for weeks to get paid and not show. Things were as bad for the boss. Their partner had a very bad pregnancy, and he couldn't afford to hire people to run the place. The remaining 3-4 of us did what we could. I learned kitchen stock, appetizer cooking, did all the dishes, prep for front + inventoried/ordered beer, figured out how to make it work with vendors (wonderful people) and more. Another financial devastation cropped up when Walmart bought the space. Landlord made everyone move BUT refused to pay for adequate, up to code restaurant space. Shut down or pay up.

Soon, I went from working 4-5 days a week, open-close, and then getting home to do chores and run the etsy shop, to doing the same but working 7 days a week with a few days off a month. My partner was in the middle of a total breakdown while looking for work (while over 45. Not looking good.) No mental health or medical services in Florida. So... just die.

Pretty soon, the body couldn't take it. I was having panic attacks when getting dressed. My feet felt like they were broken, and worse if I put weight on them. I couldn't afford a day off. Literally, couldn't afford it.

What rare time off I'd had months before, *of course* I'd applied for other work. All kinds. Duh. Minimum wage jobs like Barnes + Noble told me that they'd had SO MANY BA grads apply, they wanted someone with a Master's in lit or english. For $9/hr or less. This was normal.

Also the mold in my apartment, courtesy of a slumlord, was causing me to lock up if I was home too long. I spent hours in a cold shower to breathe again. The vents were black. The A/C caught fire- good thing my partner didn't have a job! He was home to stop it! In weeks, I broke into hives and was hospitalized.

I had to find something physically easier.

In Sept 2024, yeah I'm on SSD. No, it pays nothing. Less than $1000/mo to cover all meds, doctor appointments, MRIs, transportation, etc. So less than medical alone costs. I get nothing else. My partner's job is in-person in FL and supports his health issues without a problem.

I eat every single day now.

My health is much worse, so I routinely freak out over how much food I wasted money on, only to not be able to make it or if I wasted precious money and energy making it, I can't eat it.

But I could eat every day. Without working in restaurants and "stealing" fries or pieces of leftover meat. Without relying on free tea and soup. If I don't eat all of something, I don't even have to think about the exact number of calories I got today and what I lose by not eating that thing. I can *even* just throw it away. Something I could not do for years.

I eat a sushi lunch special probably once a week now. Some of it is luxury. Some is because certain fish seems to be one of few things that doesn't make me bloat or itch, and I cannot stand the smell of cooked fish *at all.* Even if I don't/can't eat it in one sitting, I can finish it in a few hours or so. I still eat the soups and salads. I can eat miso soup again without having the "american college student reaction to ramen." My partner insists, even if we need to save the money.

My apartment is pretty nice now, actually. It's older than I am but inside, it's nice. I don't need to do flights of stairs now and the outdoor space is very green. I haven't worried about paying rent in a few years.

What a completely different life than 2014 or 2004.

Idk what the point of all this was. Except that I'm lucky. And I definitely couldn't forsee any of this, except how disabling the body was going to get. I didn't think we'd get this far.

Stay tuned y'all. Everything sucks and the world is on fire.

For right now, the lunch special is $17.

[woozi]

ur cheol bday set is amazing im in awe at how incredible the colours are bc many a minute i spent pondering staring at the change up mv and i was like 'this is such an obvious red!cheol moment i should use it' but it kept turning lq for me but it looks SOOO good in ur set im obsessed w how u sharpen ur gifs

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha liveblogs To My Star S1

Was trying to watch plot-driven media 2day but instead I have my biweekly Nighttime Vertigo so instead: Back to Gay Korean Romance!!!

This time: A show about a chef and a K Pop-star

Chef is mad bc K-Pop Star did not want to eat the egg dish he had non-specifically ordered (he just asked for “something quick and tasty”)

“Well, I’m going to stay here for a little while.” Apropos of absolutely nothing, they are going to live together; I can't wait for the explanation

There wasn't an explanation??? K-Pop Star just went ‘call your landlord’ as if landlords can simply move other tenants into ur home in the night

This has enlightened nothing for me kjhkjhf is the whole show going to be this loosely thrown together????

OHHHH the landlord is also the head of Seo Jun (K-Pop Star)'s talent agency, I guess??

Much like in Wish You, I bet this guy's manager is also in love with him

Seo Jun keeps being rude and offering the Chef money to fix his problems kjhgkhg (it is not well-received)

Oh he is an actor, not a singer jhgkhg that was lost upon me

The lack of self-awareness from Seo Jun is incredible:

“Are you touched?” asked Seo Jun, after doing the bare minimum by complimenting the Chef's cooking skills.

“No,” said the Chef, even though he probably was.

Unexpectedly, Seo Jun is having a panic attack induced by someone smashing their window big oof I do not love to watch that

Chef, whose name I've learned is Ji Woo is  displaying v good crisis management skills, he gave Seo Jun a glass of water, drove off the rock thrower, and continues to deny to his homie Yoon Seul that Seo Jun is even there

“If I go to bed early, I'll have a dream where people hurl stones at me all night” WHO HURT YOU SEO JUN!!!!!!!!

Their movie watching bonding has immediately taken a weird turn:

“Let me do it when we become closer” “That will never happen” I hate the knowledge that eventually Seo Jun is going to pop Ji Woo's pimple

Ji Woo's homie Yoon Seul is a reporter and she's eating at the restaurant. They ran into the bathroom together as she arrived to avoid her, so now Seo Jun is asking him to stay as if it won't be weird if he is in the bathroom with a customer for 20 minutes jghjhgjgh

Update: Their ruse was incredibly short-lived

They have now hired Seo Jun to work at the restaurant jhgkgjh every decision this show is so stupid, I love it

“Seok Jung.” “I got the pickles.” His fake name is literally two letters away from his actual name jkhgkhg

The banter in this show is fun:

“You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?” asked Seo Jun, about tasks involved the job he literally bargained to have.

“I'm not that cheap,” replied Ji Woo, smiling, because he is absolutely that cheap. 

“You guys seem close already.” Chef #2 possibly into with Ji Woo?? Unclear

Hahahahaha Seo Jun keeps calling Ji Woo an old man even though they're not far apart in age bc he's got Grandpa Energy:

Impromptu basketball game!! This is the kind of bonding I wanted jghjg we love a sport emotion

I love the way this shot is framed:

Chef #2 definitely in love with Ji Woo:

Also it seems to be a consistent thing for Seo Jun to be triggered by the sound of glass; I once again want to know who or what hurt him

My guess is conscription but u never know

They're doing a very fun sequence where they're having one conversation across a number of sets and I am just really enjoying how this show is filmed!!! Cinema!!!!

Also Ji Woo has just explained that he owns several sets of the same clothes bc he doesn't like to pick his outfits fjhfjf incredible, what kind of cartoon logic

Ji Woo is teaching Seo Jun how to cook, so Seo Jun has decided to teach Ji Woo how to pick an outfit

They seem to have had a momentary realization they're attracted to each other

Seo Jun is vlogging his cooking lesson and let me tell u I don't think they're going to be able to use this footage

Seo Jun's tragic backstory is that he misses his parents, who are not dead, they just live in Italy

“You flirt with anyone.” Ji Woo said: Stop calling other people handsome, it's hurting my feelings

Seo Jun replied: You have nothing to worry about, Ji Woo

I will say it was a very chaste kiss lmao; Color Rush's kiss was also very chaste so I am wondering if this is an intentional choice and not just the actors fearing open-mouthed kissing fdshffskhfkh

Sidenote: I do love that Seo Jun counted down to give Ji Woo the option to think about it, bc too often I think shows in this genre prefer a sense of urgency/impulsiveness in a first kiss over reciprocation

That aside, I can't wait to see what the romantic consequences of this are

They weren't even alone!!! They were with Seo Jun's manager and talent agent lmaooooooo

Though to be fair, Manager Ho Min was puking in the bushes while Talent Agent Pil Hyun looked after him, so they were probably busy 

OH PSYCH ONE OF THEM WAS LOOKING

“I’m making it because I want some too.” They have complicated feelings abt their kiss, so they are making risotto together as a gesture of peace

Also there has been a subplot continuously running through this show about Seo Jun having An Incident With a Friend At A Restaurant, and I am wondering if he is maybe protecting his friend from homophobia??? Again, unclear

Seo Jun said: Screw peace, we're gonna talk about our feelings!!

Ji Woo did not take it well; he is very much still in the denial stage

“I don't want to dance to someone else's tune,” said Ji Woo, as if that was a clear explanation of his feelings at all

“You pity me.” Ji Woo: You could not possibly have feelings for me, it must be Rich Person Guilt!!!

It becomes less and less clear what could've possibly taken place during the Incident With the Friend At The Restaurant:

Seems like they got into a fight with some strangers but Friend (In Woo, pictured above) told the press that Seo Jun was the one who hit him so he could get publicity out of it, so Seo Jun said fuck that and gave him a choice of joint blame for fighting “each other” or released footage -- the conclusion is that he's releasing the footage

Seo Jun wasn’t even fighting! He was having a PTSD-triggered panic attack tho, rough

“I have a long story behind [chocolate milk]. How did you know?” The Reporter and the Talent Agent are going to end up dating, I think 

“I’ve been getting treatments.” Seo Jun is maybe the first character I've seen in,,,, ever, in an Asian drama that is getting active treatment for his PTSD(?), damn, unexpected!!

“I just need to be careful with the sound of something breaking. I’m fine.” AND awareness/discussion of his specific triggers, good for him 

Seo Jun Support Sandwich!!

Also unbelievable, Seo Jun has made Talent Agent Pil Hyun a Gimbap cake bc it's the only thing he knows how to make

Random birthday party rave of three people??? Perplexed by the inclusion of this sequence kjhghkjghg:

:(((((( Ji Woo is rejecting Seo Jun bc Chef #2 had a photo of their kiss and he is runnnnnning from his feelings

“You’re doing this to save yourself.” Chef #2 wants to sell the photo to the press to bail out his restaurant debt 😠 Booooooo

“He doesn't matter that much to you,” asked Chef #2, as if that would be any kind of justification for his plan

Unexpected English-speaking interlude -- I am guessing this is the person who took the photo

They both tried to pay off Chef #2 at the same time bc they love each other Seo Jun actually did the paying off even though Ji Woo didn't want him to and now they're going to have A Talk

I hope this at least leads to some level of romantic peace 

PSYCH they did not talk, Ji Woo just broke up their flirtationship rest in pieces

PYSCH AGAIN, SEO JUN CAME BACK!!!

Ji Woo is crying because he likes Seo Jun SO MUCH but can't admit it

“If it's hard for you, I'll come to you.” ROMANCE!!!!!! 🥺💕🥺💕🥺💕 🥺💕🥺💕🥺💕🥺💕

A better kiss AND a handhold!! You know what that is? Growth!

Reporter Friend Yoon Seul says “Extortion is not an appropriate way to deal with jealousy, Chef #2!!!!”

Similarly, Ji Woo has learned that running away does not solve any of his romantic problems

“Congratulations, Seo Jun.” “Thanks!” Seo Jun's Manager and Talent Agent have realized that "We will continue living together," is code for "We have resolved our romantic issues and are dating" hahahah

“Stay well.” Chef #2 regrets his blackmail and wants to give the money back but also hasn't quite learned how to deal with his unrequited love

HAHAHAHA another English interlude and the dialogue is INCREDIBLE: “I'm so fucking stressed. You better get away from Seo Jun and Ji Woo. And that money? That ain't yours, bitch!”

They are VERY cute

Their kisses are no longer remotely chaste, also [ProZD voice] they fuckin'