#i just got my roots done last week so i dont have to draw myself w black regrowth yayyyy

[alukaforyou]

every time i go out, i see SO MANY PPL w this exact claw clip hairstyle!!!

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[futurewriter2000]

I have a question for you but you dont have to answer it if you dont want to. I want to reset my life and myself. I dont know if I can explain it perfectly but I want to improve my life quality both emotionally and productively. Do you have any recommendations on how to do that?

Oh, honey. There isn’t a reset button but you know what there is? There’s you. There’s your will, you determination, your strength, your love and there’s me to stand by you through all of that. 

I don’t mind answering. I care about you because if you wrote to me out of billions of blogs on here, than that means that you trust me enough. Even if it is anonymous. 

The fact that you want to improve your life in certain areas, is such a huge step to take. I’m proud of you already. 

I know this is going to sound weird but I say that you should listen to your heart and intuition. Stop holding your emotions in, stop trying to please people, stop pretending to be somebody you’re not. I know it’s easier said then done but it’s a process, such a slow process might I add. Here are some things that helped me change my life for the better. 

Positive thinking. This is the worst thing people want to hear. I know. It sucks ass to think positively but I promise you, once you start, once you start forcing yourself to look on the bright side, you’ll start doing it as a good habit. Positive thinking manifests into reality. That’s what 11:11 means for anybody, who follows numerology. This was actually my first step I took on my self-improving journey. Last January 2020 I was so done with life and I saw the numbers 11 everywhere and when I was crying my eyeballs out I saw 01.01 am in the morning and I was so annoyed by it that I googled it with teary eyes and it told me that seeing 1′s is a way of Universe, telling you to stop thinking negatively about everything and start thinking positively because it manifests in your reality. You know everybody likes to be around a positive person. Positivity is attractive af. The more positive you are, more positive people you will attract and inspire. What you give to the universe, the universe will give it back twice as much. So be careful of your own thoughts. 

Work on yourself. Just push everything away. Just the fact to think positively is working on yourself and whenever somebody tries to put you down, rise above it. Always, ALWAYS, look on the bright side, even if you may feel there isn’t one. If you had a shitty day and that everything seemed to go to waste, just think of what you had learned or plan for tomorrow because tomorrow is a new day. Plan, make goals, do a to do list for your life, look for your passion, explore, read,... do what makes you happy man. Write it down, just stay away from moping in your bed (and I’m not saying to not mope or to force yourself to be happy, no. If you feel sad and if you want to mope in your bed, take a day to feel that but don’t stay there forever. Don’t do that for days or weeks.) 

Work on your fears. I believe fear is an illusion. It’s something that exists in our minds and we don’t really know why but I think the biggest fear that there is is what other people think about us and just... dude... just push those thoughts away. Stop overthinking, stop letting anxiety take over because anxiety is bullshit. It’s complete bullshit. It’s not even real. It’s just your thoughts and fears and overthinking. Just tell yourself the opposite. If your anxiety says “They probably think I’m weird.” you say back “Yeah, so what? What will they do? Kill me? Tell other people? Let them tell other people, what will those other people do? Nothing. It’s none of my business. I’m weird and unique and fuck it. I don’t have time to think about this.” I literally always say “So what if they think that? What will they do about it? Nothing. It happened, so fuck it.” 

I think if you work on yourself internally, you will positively start to realise changes on your other areas of your life. I think that people are so focused on their material world (such as job, future, life) that they completely neglect their spiritual world. Your soul needs peace, my man. It needs to be calmed down for a while. I know I probably sound like a hippie rn but it’s so true. Once I started working on my thinking, my emotions, my perspective on things... I just started noticing changes in my life. Such as: when I started thinking positively, a month later I believed in myself enough to be able to raise my grades and learn to treat my hair and skin. The moment I started to see changes on my grades and my hair and my skin, I wanted to work on my body and finish school once and for all. Once I started to see results from my workouts and healthy eating and that I was actually finishing school, I started to see people that were standing in my way and preventing them, so I let them go. Once I let them go (and boy did it hurt like a motherfucker) I started to realise who I am by myself, without any influences of who I should be and once I realised who I am, I also realised how toxic those people in my life were but I knew it man. In my gut I knew it that cutting some people out of my life was the right decisions because my soul got so lighter. It got so fucking light it made me breathe again. It was lonely at first because I didn’t know who I was without them but then I started to get my strength from that loneliness and I realised how many fucking things I can do by myself. Without asking people to do it for me or how to do it. I just did it and I’m ot afraid to do things on my own anymore. I actually prefer doing it on my own. Once I did that, in August I started to love my body, in September I finished school, in October I was accepted to the faculty but dropped out because it wasn’t my dream faculty and I didn’t want to go in the first place. In October I was finally happy and being my most self, I started reading again, drawing, painting, writing, going for long walks, connecting to my roots. I was myself again and it felt so liberating. I decided to take a gap year, create goals for the next year, plan things, organise myself a bit. In November I got a job and finally moved on from the past hurt and trauma. In December I met new people and was happiest I had ever been in so long and right now it’s going to be a year since that 01.01 moment that I looked on the clock and decided to think positively. 

It’s a slow process. There isn’t a reset button and trust me that it’s better that way because once you see the process you made, it makes you so proud and so motivated to keep going. I know it’s hard and long but it’s worth it and you’ll keep seeing signs and inspirations to keep going every day. Just don’t give up. 

I’ll be here if you need anything. I hope this helped and keep me updated. 

All the love <3

[growingrootsinco]

My Timeline

This exercise is designed to help pick the patterns in my behavior. Along the way I'm sure I will find other uses for it. First, a few reminders. DO NOT go back and edit. DO NOT beat around the bush. Accuracy is key.

2011

Working retail. In a relationship that is mind numbing. Brand new at this and dont have much to report. Not even sure what to write here.

2012

Fighting feelings of guilt. He's finally been put behind bars. I think I may need counseling.

Feeling guilty. Wanna kill myself.

2013

Fired from job. On unemployment. Still in BS relationship. Not sure this timeline is panning out to be what I thought it would.

New a new start. Signed up for college classes. Dental Assisting. Not something I would have thought I would choose. Worth a try.

School is turning out to be fun. Trouble paying but dad is helping. Gave me a car to get into San Antonio. I can feel the stress subsiding. Step grandfather passed. No emotion for someone who was such a prick towards the end of his life.

Christmas was a disaster. So many snobby family members.

2014

Ok. I think I'm getting this timeline thing. Hard to not go back and change it though.

Enjoying school. Especially clinicals. Will start my hours soon the graduate.

Relationship is okay now that he stays gone all week. I think I hate him.

Hours in my clinicals are rough with no pay. Got a job at a little cafe about 20 hours a week. Love my boss and his wife.

Clinicals FINALLY done. Job searching time.

OMFG clinical hours do not count as experience therefore no experience equals no job. wtf.

FML still no fucking chances anywhere. Suicidal thoughts.

Mom flipped the fuck out as usual. Took the boyfriends side because she was wrong. Would have rather him have gone. Getting tired of both of them anyway.

Time to hold it down on my own. His health is bad. Which makes me feel bad for wanting him gone. I think I have checked out emotionally. Or never checked in.

2015

Finally got my foot in the door at an office. Found someone I can learn everything from. She's awesome. The doctor is a douche but I can deal. Besides what man isnt a douche?

Theres something wrong with this office. So many people being secretive and my office manager is a total bitch. A "mean girl".

Gotta stop reading over this everytime I come in here. I want to change it!

Ok my 6 months is up for experience, time to look for another office. My mentor flaked and left. On my own.

Put in 2 week notice only to have my pay raised and promoted to office manager. Do I really want to sit behind a desk instead of working on patients?

Still in dead end relationship. Still hate him. Suicidal thoughts.

I think I'm getting this timeline down. Starting to see my patterns already. Even if I dont write them in here. How to fix them?

Easy holidays without family. Spent them with friends in Bastrop. Relief!

2015

Still working in the same office for more pay. Found out why everyone is so secretive. Doctor is a mess. In debt up to his eyeballs, no longer getting paid on time, misappropriated funds on a regular basis, has no business sense what so ever, deals with shady people, I doubt his abilities due to MANY pissed off patients, holy shit, the list goes on. Back to the drawing board for a new job.

2 surgeries almost back to back. I'm falling apart. Suicidal thoughts.

Well fuck. Jobs are everywhere but pay is a bitch. Nothing matches it. Cant quit here if I cant sustain my living situation.

BS relationship has finally taken its toll. Verdict is in. I hate his guts. Tired of doing everything myself. Spends all his time on the computer chating with girls. What do I care? Maybe one of them will take him in. Why do I want to strangle him in his sleep?

2016

Got a new house but still not happy.

Tried out a new office but it's not the same. I think I got use to the chaos. Alot of blood sweat and tears have gone into that office. Went back.

Doctor has hired an overpriced nanny. This bitch is gonna drive me to drinking. I've been replaced. Good thing or bad thing?

Starting to understand my emotions. Realizing my family is the root of my issues in life. Now I'm becoming content with no contact. Just have to figure out this BS relationship.

On my birthday, I think I found my SM. Talking on a regular basis. And finally figured out what to do about BS relationship.

2017

Missed a bunch of time on this so I'm writing it in 2019 and trying to write as I would have in that time and frame of mind. Using things from other posts to help write this.

New home again but cant afford it without help. Took on roommate. She's awesome.

Hanging with Boozefighters next door is a really good time.

Fired from job for insubordination. What a bitch!

Depression setting in. I want out of this town. Suicidal thoughts.

Dad is helping me move back to hometown and can already tell I was right about my family. My daughter is pissed!

Trying to find comfort in family but wanting more than anything for SM to give in.

First job back in retail because dental pay is BS.

Things with SM are rocky. A couple of jail stays and lots of drinking. Having trouble keeping my head on straight and leaning back on emotions instead of thinking logical.

SM busted! Now what? Something always sets me back. Wtf? What is so wrong with my choices in life?

Got a place together. More drinking...... and some fighting......... and court........

Realized I went off the reservation due to my feelings for him. Haven't thought logical in some time.

These feelings have to be real. Cant fight them. But emotions are unreliable.

More turmoil with family. Trying to reconcile with mother. Didnt got well. Fuck it!

2018

Lost car at Christmas and finding it hard to hold onto my job. Feeling depressed again. Suicidal thoughts.

Only thing I'm sure of are my feelings for SM. He's got me and now I'm scared of what I may do for him.

Job is suffering so transfer and begin walking to work.

Realizing the hold SM has on me and it's dangerous. Is it healthy to be this attached? Should I distance myself? HELL NO

Bought a new car. But now I need a new job and SM is leaving me to serve time.

Moved in with grandmother when SM goes into serve time. I'm slipping again. More depression and anxieties are back.

New job is overnights and not sleeping like I need to. I want him home! Job isnt going well from depression and 2 hospital visits for sleep deprivation and malnutrition. Job is too demanding and anger creeping up.

Transfer to different department hoping it helps but instead get hours cut.

Weekend drives to unit for visits that never seem to last long enough. Cant touch him like I need to, like i want to.

Dont want to do a fucking thing if he cant be with me. Cancelled on so many things with friends. Is this what my life has come to?

Searching for a new job. Wtf is wrong with this town. Part time only and everyone is short staffed.

Cant pay bills at my grandmothers. 500 dollar electric bill. Fuck this!

I'm cracking..... had an emotional breakdown and unsure of how to hold myself together.

Hanging with people I know I shouldnt and offered a chance at Colorado. Do I take it?

Got another part time overnight. What the hell am I doing killing myself like this? Fuck this town and fuck this whole goddamn state!

Took the Colorado offer but I know he will have issues with it. How to handle it? It's where he wants to be but doubt we would make it there by his hand.

Packed up, missed a visit. He's going to go ape shit! Daughter is more excited then I am because I cried all the way here. Why does it feel wrong at the same time?

Well I was right. He went ape shit.

Colorado is a culture shock but I can feel myself calming. Driving the amish all over is peaceful and informative. But hurting for money. Place we are staying in is run down and not fit for habiting.

SM sent a letter. If I dont go back, its over. I guess it's over. I dont have the money to go back. Hold onto hope that he will be here when he gets out anyway.

Got a job with the county that's going well. I now understand what I have to do to complete my main goal. (Main goal is in another post.)

Opened the guitar up to stare at it and cry all day. Wth............

Christmas was rough. Still on the fence about my decision to come here even though most of the time I'm at peace with the views here.

2019

Person I came with is expressing feelings towards me. Not feeling it.

Working 2 part time jobs so I can stop driving the amish but tired of the travel with one job.

Got a place in Romeo. Its decent but I've been ripped off. This asshole needs to be shot. Speaking of being shot. I'm being threatened and I have 2 gunshots in my house.

Rightful owner let me buy it from her. Ok I can do this. Now to do something about the asshole who ripped me off. The fucker lives right across the street.

Against my better judgement J moves in. I think I need protection. Bought a gun. Bad idea. J is a felon. He's not here alot but appearance is what matters. Wtf. I guess I'm back to using people again.

Turns out we make a good team. Accomplishing quite a bit to achieve my main goal. I still dont feel like he does but I'm getting shit done.

Bought a trailer house, 2 parcels of land, a boat, 2 cars and a camper trailer. Way to go!!!

What the hell did I just do? I just made things way more complicated and started something I have no intentions of finishing. Heart breaking again.

Fighting, fighting, fighting. I finally understand how SM felt about me in the beginning. Suicidal thoughts.

My daughter is settling in nicely. Started a three some relationship and taking after my mother. Lol Now she's met a guy and starting to find herself.

My daughter turned 18! Holy shit I'm old............

SM is in a halfway house......... he didnt sound happy and I think my heart is breaking again. J is flipping out on me again over SM. Pressure is on. Dont slip again. Stay focused.

Yay! for phone time! Again confirming my emotions are real this time.

My daughter graduated. Yup, I'm still old. And getting older by the minute.

Went to Midland to clear up the storage unit. Fuck! It's all gone. Destroyed! All his stuff is gone. I've gotta replace it all.

Ok home ownership sucks! Everything breaks and has to be fixed........ twice!

Cleared my head. For once........

Divorce is final. 16 years and now back in contact with my son. Feeling complete.

Job is going great.

In negotiations on another home and a restaurant.

Joined 2 community boards and Search & Rescue.

Talk therapy helped me come to a conclusion. Time to let go of SM.

Married J. Did I do whats best for my future?

This time around, marriage has proved to be easier than the first. Im all in but fearful of not knowing what the future holds.

Notes

Fill in above the notes as you go. Remember. Dont edit or erase. Dont fucking touch it other than adding. Calling yourself out only works when the truth is written down. Yes they will change consistently. Find your patterns. Truth means sensitive information so dont let anyone read it unless you are ready for anger. If you happen to mentor someone in the future, that might not be a good idea! And pay attention during depression spells. Ever emotion counts.

Had the best holidays ever. Real trees are a mess though.

2020

Finally got full time with benefits at the County

Set up my retirement and 401. This is what I have wanted my entire life. And life insurance!

Pandemic approaching.

Lockdown! Sent home for 2 months with pay.

Took up arts and crafts and gardening to pass the time.

Stimulus check. Bought my daughter a car.

Lots of facetime with my son!

Back to work. So many restrictions.

COVID cases are declining.

County in trouble financially. How much longer will I have a job?

Paid of the house! After a court battle from attempting to rip us off. Again........

Gained another family member.

Going back on lockdown with pay again.

[certainkind]

i dont know where this went

               was from ne yer a while ago (keep reading ok)                                                       

hard thinking going on tim for some. Today. Of all days last day of 2011. Its bee a year. Not a strange year, a year too. All the things this year that happenend to me, with max, wu=this year is really a with max year. I’m not sure if we got a lot done, but wi=e did do a lot. A lot happened around us, we saw a lot, we saw. Did I see as much as other yearS? That’s a weird question. It’s a weird question to ask comparing years, what are ou comparing? Do I have more now or les,s,? did my balances move around? Tis floor looks like staring into space with all the nebula and gases and stars and comets. Writing stretched out on the floors, writing done stretched out on the floors. On a futon, on a felt pad, straight on the cool linoleum or wood or tile or rug. Like allways I am waiting, I a, not good with the passing of time. outside kids are lighting rockets. Through amsterdam like a war going on, like ive heard or closest ive heard to war sounds, close and near and all over the city explosions sounds reeling and rolling over and back against the brick and windows. Sound carries. The water in the canals carry sound fast and far in circles in the heart of amsterdam it feels right good to be alone, learning to roll a cigarette with privacy, no mistakes just ok learning alls well. Lots of little fires all here in the centerof jordaan on the side streets. Here in my room and outside in the crossing streets. Kids tossing rockets, fireworks, fire crackers under hand down the streets, or throwing brave handfuls into a orange bucket and running away in all directions. Heels hard hitting stone street, fast legs sure. I’m not going to capture the idea of my generation. Hard truth. Not going to find it,  am not rooted anywhere. Maybe going to pick up a thread. I’m just writing about what I’m thinking and incidentaly hearing. I see a lot of inconsequence. I do a lot of inconsequence. I get lost in my stomach parts. I make myself outside fake outside, like a garden wall. Like a tumble of somewhat related ideas, like I imagine I feel something like hunger when noon comes around and correct it rightly like ive heard seen before. Art history means I have a big repository of “like this” and “resembling”. I can’t tell if someone is showering on my floor in my shower, or the floor above, the pipes make it seem so. I am hands clenched looking, grabbing grabbing, bike bell boy crying wailing, hard words in dutch, oncoming car sounds, rockets a few streets over, the water in the pipe. Good to recognize in me, the feeling of waiting, like boredom, like restlessness, like calm unease, with bare dry feet stacked and crossed on floor unsmooth and sandy. With… not “resolve;” but its not resolve, but its… when you realize something and are working towards ok ness. Like I am… I am, like when you look down unseeing and coil back a little, I am, like when you breathe out and look down unseeing at the street or a piece of trash, without noticing, like you are seeing clearly without comment, like you do not respond, like you yield. Like you are in deference, like I am… prostrate, but not that, but not quite like you lost but that you acknowledge, and lose ground, or are resolute, or. Surrender. There is some middle ground between surrender and resolve that im talking about and I mean its like when you come down after a manic, tendon tight bleary rage and you stop lashing with your nails and nose dripping and eyes are no longer tight tight tight closed but you… are  sensible. Not rational is not even, but ok, but resolved to the fact. When you resigned to the fact. Like i

relax to the idea. Un curl. Relax in alone now. Like you understand. Like you KNOW. like I can’t control the minute details, or get caught up in them, I have to undo, let go, let GO. Let allowed, let some things pass allowed and ok and approved. Let some things not be mine for me or from me, and not of me and of me. There is some cowardice in this lack. Some thing that I don’t know I have to trust I can learn. I can and should trust myself too, I can do these things, they are well within my ability. I should know that I can accomplish these things and understand their costs. But now I write and I have an above narrative going on saying: Look! A person grapples with their frustration at the lack of accomplishments in their lives on the last day of the year! Look, and imagine myself ten years on, laughing at myself, laughing at what I thought at the time was important and big and good, and I realize that I am very cruel. Very, deep rooted in the bone cruel. That I imagine in the future I will be cruel. And that my eye is so cruel that I will never be able to close it in self-satisfaction and approval, but instead always look beyond and look for more, and better, and more right, and perfect, and improved. And How is it done Otherwise, Elsewhere, and those ways I can see merit in their difference, and I have been taught to always surrender the fort I built under my values and to desert for the other, in order to steal and steal and steal or wriggle belly up like a dog under someones hand. These things are so meager. That I have out on the cloth… here with these I can offer meticulous piecing together, I am good at finding connections between things, but I am good at it like a virus, which seeds things and breaks them apart from the inside, with nothing and no body of my own to tend. When I have such a distate, I can’t tell, my taste otherwise is nothing but submissive. I’m here writing about myself and outside boys are yelling, laughing and silenced in rhythm, hissing fuses and bratty snaps of small fire crackers and the vague dumb, unpreventable wash of terror I get when the big rockets fire and my heart stops and the car alarms whine in response. Like I can’t and don’t have a grasp on the order of things, yes I should go out and I do like it, when I walk and walk and see the water moving under lights, and the city quiet in the evening, and all the familiar feeling of the brick houses stacked and bright yellow windows from within. Walking past the rank exhale of the cheese shop, and the bookstore of artists books all brave and curious and otherworldly, and the clothes which preoccupy me with the wrongness of their shapes, the wrongness of the cut and stitch, and the evocation all wrong, not direct enough, and too self concious, like the world theyre evoking is too empty alone, and I looked there for the fullest world and of course didn’t find it. I was surprised I didn’t find it, in all the visibility it seemed as if it would even appear the fullest world. Preoccupy with how the world should LOOK. These are not even the biggest thoughts, but I don’t give them the attention in order to draw them out with resolve, acknowledging that my thinking process is slow and labourious with extraneous detail and related tangents, and the constant flip of arguments needling each other for bruises. I realize now that when I don’t have a problem to work out I’m no good. that’s a good realization maybe it’s a good realization to tell other people? It feels good to tell other people things, like  you are gaining ground. And traction. I imagine a huge wheel, like a tire with deep treads. I wouldn’t say a cog, because a cog is maybe with teeth attached and can fit into with ease, it has a DESIGN, purpose, it WORKS. But a tire gets stuck and sometimes the roads are easy and sometimes puddly and slippery and the tire gets old and is unfit or unused and sits around with the television on and no where to go. I could sit here for weeks, opening and closing the window for air and against cold, getting up for the chair or stretching out across the felt pad on the floor. Until a problem comes up, like cold or lack of air, or a simple stomach problem, the kinds that have preoccupied me for years, for a decade. The simple stomach problem—has so many components I haven’t been able to put it down yet. First- it hurts, and the hurt is fundamentally intolerable, the cells are starving and wanting, and I have to give them time and what they need, and so. That’s the very first problem, but getting that problem solved requires time, and knowledge, and craft—you can also use this problem efficiently, and accomplish many diverse things when you solve this problem. You can solve it so that you also experience pleasure—this pleasure itself has many dimensions. You have the pleasure first and foremost of the cessation of the pain, and then the pleasure of change for your tongue, and this pleasure of change is also the pleasure first of instinct for sweet, at its most basic, but this instinct for sweet itself you can’t find because its wrapped and tangled and embedded deeply in the evocation of memories, and food is intertwined and tainted and fragranced and redolent of every conversation over food, and the people you sat with, and these are only your own memories, because also you can evoke imagination and cultural memory, and you feel like a participant in culture, yours or otherwise, and history rises up dark and formless when you tear and fill your mouth, and chew and swallow. These can be exercises in self affirmation, when you recount the taste of being young, and waking up early before school, and y fitting so well in your head with other suburban feelings, like biking alone or fishing for dozens of starving bass in the fake lake with your dog. You can easily and assuredly conjure up other family feelings, anyone you’ve shared a meal with—taste complicated by unstable evaluative structures—canned things become best when you need to remember something about your grandmas house in salt lake city, when you need to remember running down the “creek” with its fake blue water (“poison”) and resulting pastel, baby, candy blue fountains. The shape of the rocks they cart in to the line the bottom, homeless rocks, and the ducks died blue underneath from the water, and the dry prick of pine needles everywhere. Brushing your hair with pine needles. Tiny black and white televisions. Basements with never working fire places. Mancala, nintendo on tweed couches. Every book you ever read. Pop corn and chewed plastic toys from 70s 80s and 90s. And all the tastes you associate with girls you’ve loved: coffee, and roasted things, and cigarettes. Wading through all these is organizational torture, anxiety of putting things away, like I’ll never remember them if I don’t relive them three times a day, like its something I owe the people and the times. But also of course, these things involve more than reference—there are moral qualities. The shallow, deep rutted moral arguments over caring about the world, and preventing pain in animals, these also have memory aspects, like being 14 and being courageously vegetarian. Like remembering the people that carefully and gently made food choices in front of me, or carelessly, violently chose them in front of me. There is the food that made everyday life in the books I read, and if there was the life I wanted, I could make a similar choice, and imagine myself there, like scones tasting like the things in the hobbit books, or taffy my grandma made to remind me of the pioneers. A hundred thousand layers. And then finally, the over reaching—the health, which is a knowledge that for me is wrapped horribly in memories and morals, health which costs uncertain futures and has ulterior motives—the anxieties of others pressing hard onto me for assurance and approval, my anxieties bubbling out and over or pressing, bursting out to wash over other peoples tables. The health which for me is code word for starving, which for me meant exhaustion that eliminated day and night, and meant wrapping in tired, flannel and hair falling and freezing, and lips pursed, watching horribly out of the window in summer or reading coverless books in winter. Lots of sneaking and secrecy, and violence and strangeness when appetite became focus, and frustration and hard violence. Giving in and giving became very much exactly the same here probably. It required a lot of time but gave results that I enjoyed—visual intrigue, accomplishment, unashamed self obsession, unchecked self obsession, a problem that required total and constant attention and also total and constant ignorance. It entirely eluded anyones description of it, including mine, and this was a knowledge I enjoyed secretly, that no matter what anyone applied to the problem I knew they were wrong excepting me. That I could neatly situated the parameters of this problem within the bounds that others would not acknowledge, and the size and consequence of this problem were entirely mine to decide, and entirely mine to decide were the consequences of this problem, and the cost, and entirely mine to decide were the results. This is very appealing. I could make of what I want the results, as long as I didn’t tell anyone how much I valued them, I could get away without any exhausting confrontations. Of course a problem which requires entire dedication and whose results are so contrary and contradictory is not a sustainable problem, also, I did have a self outside that problem, which could not be reconciled, thank god. That self even if it was only a vanity let me the chance to develop new problems and focus on new problems, as the problem at hand was not the right problem for me, I could understand. And I remember understanding this as I sat in the middle seat of the car, driving back from the mountains with my parents and family, with my ankles stretched out in front of me, my ankles I think, in black stockings, as only thin thin rods of tired bone that I truly felt sorry for. I felt some compassion for them, and I apologized to them. I promised them I would let them become healthier, which is something they take care of themselves if you let them. But I never gave up the problem, really, because it was the only problem I’d ever put my heart and soul into, the only problem strong enough that I believed in enough to let other things go and to “sacrifice” I guess things for. I see now this problem has itself obvious problems. But now my stomach calls and I must listen to it, in order to put it away and get back to this, right now this is an important problem. The problem with this problem is that it has no consequences. I won’t say “in reality,” but I will say, pragmatically. It cannot be an ultimate problem, anymore. I am too big for it to be a driving, ultimate problem. There are more valuable things than it. It must become a lesser problem, a step in a bigger problem, and just a small step in a much bigger problem. In order for it to become an ultimate problem, I would have to deepen it and sophisticate it until it itself became justifiable. This is not worth it to me, what it would cost. There are other things that exist that are more interesting to me, other people, other creations. The result, creation, consequence of this problem is not enough for me. What is enough for me? Things that are approved by others automatically feel like they are worth more—the mystery of -the brooding stoners of amsterdam, max says- bacxk after distrtractions

you know, nicole, its not in any of those things. You know its not in just sitting and the window, though sometimes it feels like it. Its not in lighting the cigarettes or putting them out, or in lighting the rockets, putting them out. Its not in going to the grocery store and buying things, or buying books, even if it feel slike it it is sometimes. Its not in lighting the stove and putting it out. Or in lighting your stomach and putting it out. Somes it feels like its in diane cluck, though its not in lighting diane cluck and putting it out, or bob dylan, lighting blonde on blonde and putting it out. Or lighting your body and putting it out, lighting the screen and putting it out, open your mouth and lighting the words and then closing it and putting them out lighting your fingers and then resting them and lighting a fist and then unrolling it out flat again. All these things out into the air and back into inside the room again. On and upwards and then back, down and out. fire fire fire fire fire now in the room and then out again for sleeping and the room getting colder until morning, like a fire comes roaring in at half-light here I am, again here I am oh my delight came out like a hawk, balled up in the morning so in the light what colors, I don’t how I should call them say someone said to die daily, die daily implies being born daily

all in my head a pheonix and doves fly out in the morning out in the day now what bird dogs suss me out in the fields, yo up from the grounds how I hear them snapping up at my heels, yo hot on my head, what light makes the heat makes the fire makes the ashes oh, I thought I was dead a pheonix and doves fly out in the morning say someone said to die daily die daily implies being born daily up in my head a pheonix and doves fly a pheonix and doves fly out a pheonix and doves fly out a pheonix and doves fly out when I learn from you, I am copying and learning by copying when I learn from you I am learning through mimicry and the rockets and love outside makes my heart jump and burrow blind, terrified in the nonlight this afternoons room with the quick flashes really a war on me and this room think about your wild deer tumbling out from the woods to drink the water you count twenty seven or so, I know how it goes. Drinking the bay from beneath your boat. Now that you’ve calmed down, your heart beats so steady I could set my watch by it. If only I could always stay like this with the bath water over my head bubbles going upwards marking where upwards is. That the water never poured in where it shouldn’t or over the rim, and never getting colder and unfriendly but always this felt pad beneath me on the floor and the rockets would stay always on the other side of the window. but I know it took you a while to learn the guitar, and it hurt your fingers probably, and I know you thought about the problems of food, because you have big bowls of blue plums in your pictures and your skin is tight and nervous. I know you so well in these parts there now me too and I recall them, I light them and put them out like they were mine alone. I am not afraid of being by myself, only what I do when I am by myself is scary to me. Whether I am alone by myself I don’t know if I am, because it is hard to curl back up, brush the sand out and curl right up. What else is there to do but set your sight on something and pull your tangles through. I would have gone crooked but for you , I hope I can say I would have gone crooked but. Hey you feel steady and you feel good, light and empty of last nights food. When you are ready to go up from  the edge of the turn around road. Mandalas or pendulas or pentacles at the end of the road where you sit in the morning. The weeks have been hazy but some thing is changing. Well, it makes sense to me. Because things are easier to recall when you give them support with sound, when you round them out, and rhymes too-I love them. They foreshadow with all earnestness and promise and fullness, and the future becomes contained so profoundly in tricky syllables thank god for all of you, and all of your words I can remember because they run long and loud in my head while I walk or cook or piss or shower or cry or sleep. And thank god they are so generous and flexible and fit here in amsterdam, with the rockets going off all outside in the street and the keys of the neighbors just as loud passing my door without pause in the stairway. Do you like me, or not? Do you like me… or not? Hey, do you like me or not? we leave with the first ones who befriend us and holy holy holy shit, when you lift them high and clear with your good voice I just

sob out all breaths This really isn’t about telling a story right now just letting myself know. This is hey, holy hey last day of a year of my life, turning tonight. Turning on its heels and running in another direction, hopefully hitting stride and covering distance at an easy lope. My legs aren’t long enough for an easy lope this is a falseness I just hate like, I can imagine, those, first muddy steps ugly fuck with my stern and stupid cruelty why, not an

easy hand with lifting and eyes forwardand lips closed or running over and over your thank god lines over, over over in rhythm focus on the problem you grew yourself or was grown for you and give myself whole heartedly with yes yes I am yes yes yes I do yes you get no more chances you get every chance, , drop all and hit running, and fly away at a sprint and push and push, just gowill love it, you will love it, you love it, its trueand hey you are good at hiding if for a while you are nervous about reactions, you can untie your necklace chains pretty well with care and dexterity and let it go, just let it fucking go, let it roll out in the daylight and into the evening his her she, a them, whole family watching it disbelief, and with half an eye on theirselves and only a bit on you,just go on it, if you must don’t worry about color just edit it’s thethat makes it good and full can do the necessary preperations, in order to go on it, care less what others are doing, except those you care truly for, and if so give to them fully and totally, and yourself too, and those things you love more, them in totality, you can live inward so, its your way always since childhood, just, mostly and bestly when you let it be and work well in your own perimeters, unusual if you make a hundred things before you look up that’s ok to, you look up to see the place of your things around you and for fucks sake, write, and do it fully and honestly,words and yours and anyone elses, that you can do truly all these just this once you need them, for a go, trust, your own fucking words you distrusting do you see how free the body moves, the bones inside the skin are loose. Its for you to live submerged often, and  are so, lucky, give yourself wholeheartedly, to everything that wants you and everything you are. for late night, early morning  when only your things are before you lucky lucky, you he gets that first sense, which runs along your skin, you get alone and together and strong, you lucky, which leads you lips first, eyes first, fingers first into long hours late at night, when no one can know better, you can only know, there is no know better, there is just knowing, and letting it wash so gently over you and you get that sharp yield, full yield, you so lucky to have been baptized, get the whole life metaphor, which trapped in your wet eight year old skin you carry always water with you and when you walk over it it leaves you ringing and the rain can send you ringing with the bells through it german nights or the canals smoky to the bottom send you ringing lucky lucky be alone and only with one other, very lucky, and it hurts to turn things off and put them out but everything can’t be burning low, but better one thing a pyre burning high high high throw things on it, throw other thngs on it, throw everything on it and throw your self on it eyes smoke bleary and screaming love wholeheartedly, and love your own  wholeheartedly, and knew this when you found out this word yourself, and with yourself salvage savage what you can and build and head out and run headlong out at a fucking sprint, those things you love love truly, love with curoisity, affirm all she gets is a row of fires, burn a path through the brush and not just a wide erratic sweep you me

this now so what then now you love words and lines, and when people put them together well, talk with intention, treat yourself and your very fewwith care ultimately and so do it be gentle with awkwardness like now New years resolutions be generous be forgiving be kind be judicious be empty more often be full more often and really respect your  gently,  such limited  fling all out without rule but rule come too for to come so now, draw  you that speculation above all, and things which resonate to others you love, so really you love two things the lines and the words that resonate with others, so, these backdrops that come in and are here with us that we use to make new things. The leisure things that are accomplished with ideas you were jealous when others made, but you were jealous of them letting themselves make. And you very much see and love the need for holding up, above others the things that work and feel good, and don’t hurt, but push forward or push out in all directions. You can be revolutionary with careful care too and attentionyou will know when some things were right and some things weren’t and the things you care about need to be fought and fought and fought for, namely, those things that maybe are not now but have existed and fought for before, and find where people are fighting for those similar things and love them whole heartedly amen amen amen throw the windows wide and call amen amen amen

[sassyhottubstrawberry-blog]

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

"Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

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I'm 17 and male and I was wondering how much this car would cost to get it insured, please help.""

How can I get health insurance for myself and family and pay for it as business expense without employees?

I'm a successful part time entrepreneur in California, but I maintain my day job because of the group health insurance they offer. I'd like to cut the apron string and go out completely on my own, but the insurance situation holds these plans hostage. I don't want to buy private health insurance, I would like to structure my one man business so that I can easily purchase group health insurance for myself and family. I'd like to purchase group insurance as opposed to private insurance so that I don't have to deal with preexisting conditions and riders, etc. Since I'm still a sole proprietor, I have plenty of leeway in regards to business structure, and I'm willing to change whatever is necessary to get the best deal possible. How can I get health insurance for myself and family and pay for it as business expense without employees?""

NCAP rating effect on car insurance.?

I'm looking to buy a car and noticed that some of the models I favour, such as Ford Puma; Vauxhall Tigra, have not been crash tested by NCAP. Does a car which has not been crash tested by NCAP necessarily attract higher insurance premiums?""

Can anyone tell me about affordable life ins. after age 80?

I have a term policy that will expire in two months, and would like to find an insurance co. that has some ins. that is not priced so high that I can't pay the premiums. Thanks for not sending any SPAM !!""

Should you get better car insurance coverage when purchasing a home?

I am currently house shopping and my boss mentioned increasing my car insurance coverage to cover the price of my house in case I get into an accident where the damages are higher than my coverage. Could I be sued for my house if I cause an expensive accident and my insurance doesn't cover it or all of it? Should my car insurance be raised to 150k, and how much can I expect that to cost? I live in California and the legal minimum is 15/30(which is what I currently have), I told my agent I would like to pay no more than 160k for the house, though I was approved for more.. I drive an rsx, it's paid for, and drive roughly 22k miles a year.""

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Where can i get visitor health insurance at affordable rate?

is there any good co where i can get affordable visitor health insurance thanx for suggestions

Average medical cost of baby first year?

We have a $600 deductable with an 80/20 co-pay for our health insurance. Supposing the baby gets sick one time in the first year & goes to regular checkups, what would the medical expenses be? How much is birth at a hospital with an epidural & 2 day stay? Of course, this is all assuming we have a healthy baby.""

""Hit by car, no health insurance?""

I was hit by a car, no major damage, just pain in right leg, but nothing broken. My health insurance just expired, can I bill the person who hit me Health's Insurance? I dunno? Help?""

Wondering about car insurance/registration?

This makes sense to me and seems like it should be possible, but my family has no idea. If I buy a car next week and have the car put in my name and list either one of my grandparents as a CO-OWNER on the title, would I be able to put the car on THEIR insurance, instead of getting my own, and have them just list me on as an extra driver? If there's anything I can do to keep my insurance low or possibly just have it on theirs but with the car title in my name, please explain! I live in CT if that makes a difference.""

Can someone have life insurance on me without my consent?

My inlaws are crazy. No not like wacky like mean, vindictive, you wouldn't believe it crazy. My husband purchased a sport car about 4 years ago, evidentially my inlaws started a life insurance / disability policy on him. The bill for some reason gets mailed to us, but they pay it. When asked about it they said they got it incase my husband killed himself in his car. Can you take out a policy on an adult, over 18 years of age, without consent? What is this Disability income on the bill that is separate from the Level Term life??? They are not in poor financial shape, his father is a doctor and they have an oceanfront home. I have everything situated for our family's burial arrangements. Thoughts??""

Gettng bike insurance in chennai?

am from chennai..want to take 2 wheeler bike insurance..used bike..2006 model pls advise me on best insurance company that offers reasonable rate.. i currently have united insurance policy,but feel it is costly""

Cheapest car insurance for a single?

I'm 20 years of age and my parents said that having my name put on the insurance mean that there insurance will go from 800$ to 2500$. Now, I'm fairly clueless right now so I'll be doing my own research but what would you say is the best and cheapest insurance for a single male such as myself. Any recommendations?""

Can you get maternity insurance only? Without regular health insurance included?

I am not pregnant yet.

Where is the cheapest place in Nashville to get renter's insurance?

Anyone know of a good company or individual that offers inexpensive renter's insurance in Nashville, TN? Also, is the fee a one time fee for the entire year? or is it a monthly fee? Lastly, if you could give me an idea of prices for renter's insurance for a 1-2 bedroom apartment, that would be helpful too! thanks!""

""Ohio motorcycle insurance, 18 years old.?

I want to buy a motorcycle and I have the money but the only question I have is where I can find reasonable insurance rates. I am 18 and have never owned a motorcycle before. I am interested in buying a 1970's Kawasaki 400. Can someone give me advice or point me in the right direction regarding insurance?

Maternity insurance for self employed?

Hi, I am from ca and I was wondering if there is any affordable insurance for self employed family. I am not pregnant but planning on it in the next few months. any ideas?""

Do I use car insurance or health insurance in a car accident?

I had a car accident (three cars)last week, my car was the fist car ( third car hit second car's back and second car hit my car's back). Although the second car had serious damage and my car's bumper had minor damage, but we didn't call the police. I felt my neck, shoulder and back painful in the first day when I woke up. after 5 days, i don't feel any back pain, but i still feel painful from my neck and shoulder. Do I consider about hire a lawyer (minor car damage)? If I don't find a lawyer, how can I ask the driver to pay my med bills? Do I use my health insurance first then claim the driver's car insurance company? or pay by cash first? what kind of doctor I need to see? Thanks""

Is there an insurance that gives the same benifits as AAA at a lower price?

AAA is awsome but expenisve is there any other car insurance that offers the same benifits at a lower price

Need cheap & affordable Health Insurance?

I have a friend, Yes a Friend, She and her husband are paying $160 a month for Health insurance & its, Medi-cal, Which is Welfare, So I told her that there has to be a GOOD Insurance out there that is cheaper, She needs help, Can she find anything thats better then $160 month.""

How much was your insurance co-pay for your hospital stay to deliver a baby?

...assuming you have good health insurance.

Insurance price?

does anyone have an idea of how much insurance would be for me to purchase a new wrx sti? age 24, pittsburgh PA, clean record...any rough estimates?""

Life insurance maturity after 7 years?

I have a case where an insurance company will owes xxx amount of dollar after 7 years because the life insurance claim made to a person is missing. Insurance company won't pay till this person is certified dead which in state of IL wait for that is 7 years. So the question is when this person do gets paid will the insurance company pay it 7 years interest on it? + the premium that is paid for the next 7 years after the claim is made.

I want to get my own car but I can't because of my parent's insurance?

So my parents have an insurance plan where they are covered with both of their cars and my sisters car is listed as an extra car to save money. I'm about to turn 17 and I've had my drivers license since October. I've been driving around my mom's car but I want to get my own. I've even offered to keep my moms car and give her my own money for her to get a new car if she wanted. I've been saving money for my own car since I was ten. So basically my parents can't add another car on their insurance because my insurance company would find out about me driving it. I'm pissed because I have all the money for my own used car and I'm a safe and responsible driver, but I'm forced to use my mom's car. I'm not that type of kid who wants a new flashy car to go with the crowd, I just want something of my own so I have no time restrictions. I can't go anywhere without my mom calling me asking for her car. I know I can't afford my own insurance, so what can I do insurance wise to get my own car?""

How to change auto insurance?

I pay my auto insurance every 6 months. I want to change insurance company from 'company A' to 'company B' because it's cheaper. I already paid a bill for company A and still have about 4 months until renewal. If I change to company B now, will I get a refund from company A? How does this work? I don't want to wait another 4 months with company A.""

How insurance affects life of people?

i need it for my project so plz give me brief inforamtion

Has anyone used Canadian Direct Insurance and experienced any issues or problems?

They offer great rates for auto insurance but before considering switching to them I'm curious as to whether other people in Alberta or British Columbia have had pleasant or unpleasant experiences with them.

Do you still have to be added to your parents car insurance if you just borrow their car?

I don't have my own car yet, so ill occasionally be borrowing the car. Do I still have to be added? We have All State if that helps.""

Who has the cheapist insurance. for min.coverage?

Who has the cheapist insurance. for min.coverage?

How much does insurance go up in a wreck?

Im a 16 year old male, get good grades, and i drive a 91 firebird. i recently got in a crash, my car was fine but the other guy had a scrape along the side of his car etc. how much can i expect my insurance to go up?""

What's the most affordable Health Insurance for 55 yr old in California?

Not retired but paying almost 800 a month for Cobra/Kaiser and unemployed for over a year now due to knee replacements. It seems that with my new history of surgery that I am persona non grata at all the local health outlets.

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Affordable healthcare?

What's the best way to provide affordable healthcare to all our citizens?

Is car insurance a waste of money?

I need to get car insurance but I feel like its a waste of money. I am going to pay them monthly and if I happen to get into an accident I will still have to pay them something. I figure that if I can take the money I am going to pay them and put it aside for an emergency it would be a better use of money. Can anyone give me any advice on what I can do? Any liability insurance that really cheap, speaking around 100 a month maybe? lol""

Insurance on a car lease?

My insurance guy gave me below basic coverage on a lease which requires something like 100,000/300,000/100,000 but he did basic full coverage(something cheaper like 10/20/10) In the contract it states i must have 100/300/100 as the requirement but the insurance guy who does insurance for a lot of people says lower coverage should work. I just added it on and it's fine, so the insurance (progressive) sent me a letter saying I have to pay extra for adding a 3rd vehicle but nothing about the coverage amount. Will they later require I add more coverage? I don't see why I need 300k on a car that costs only 40 grand. people drive around with PIP 10/20/10 and that's good enough for the state. I have an excellent driving record with 0 accidents and have been driving for about 10 years. I realize I have ****ty insurance but insurance is a huge rip off so I want to spend as little as possible and deal with accidents out of my own pocket.""

Can i pay for my dads car insurance?

my dad hasnt got a credit or debit card i have a debit card and im only 16 can i pay for my dads car insurance

Is it possible to negotiate the weekly premium deduction of company offered health care insurance?

I was told I could not enroll in the Affordable Health Care plan because my employer offered a health care plan that meets the requirements of the Affordable Health Care Act. However ...show more

Will it make my car insurance go up?

My brother is not on my car insurance policy. He was pulled over and arrested for DUI and Failure to Maintain Lane. I want to know what kind of affect that will have on my insurance.

Why is car insurance expensive for teens 16-24?

Im in class right now and im doing this paper. i need a couple facts why its expensive for teens

How much does renter's insurance cost?

How much does renter's insurance cost?

Can paying monthly for car insurance increase credit score?

I was just wondering if I pay my monthly insurance bill if my credit score would go up? I am trying to build my credit score after having a real bad score. I know that if you have a recurring payment it will increase the score, but does that include car insurance? I have the money to pay my insurance for the year all at once (birthday present) but if it helps my score to pay monthly, I'll just keep the money in my account and pay monthly. Thanks!""

Car Insurance: Can they check. .?

It would be nice if someone knows this answer for sure, say a cop. I have a license, my registration is good until 2013, my insurance card says its good until 2013. Now say I do this. Say I tell my insurance company, I no longer want to have insurance with them anymore, even though I still have a card stating im insured until 2013 Will I be able to get away with a casual traffic stop (if I ever had one), since I have a card stating im insured until 2013, though in reality, I dont? Im figuring I would, since perhaps the cops computers do not have a way of checking if their insurance is valid or not just from a simple computer check. I have paid my insurance for about 3 years, no accidents, and if I had the money, id pay it. For all intents and purposes, the car insurance card only lasts for 6 months anyway, instead of a full year""

I hit another car and I have no insurance?

My boyfriend just gave me his old car as a gift, I planned on getting insurance to it the moment I put it under my name, but I was driving today and I rear ended another car. I was placed in police car as they did some investigation. The other police officer found out that the other car was a rental and that they had Avis insurance. I kept asking the police officer when do I find out about making payments to the other car. He gave me a ticket and said there will be no payments for the other car. Me and and the other car never exchanged any information. This is my first accident, I am a little confused. Am I suppose to get sued. And what is the likelihood that that the other car's insurance would charge me 10k or more for the accident? I want an idea so I can start saving money and trying to make payments now. Is there a way I can start making payments without having to go to court to get sued.""

Short term car insurance in US?

I am an Indian Resident and will be travelling to US for a period of 1-2 months. Am getting a good offer on a car rental but the insurance cost is very high (almost $20/day). Is there any way to get short term car insurance in US to cover a rental car for a period of 1-2 Months and pay around $150-$200/Month?

What is a good health insurance for the self-employed?

I own a real estate investing business and I want to get health insurance for me and my family. Do you know of any good insur. companies for the self-employed?

How much would I pay for car insurance?

Im 19 and I was just wondering what would be a good estimate for how much I would pay for car insurance on like a normal sedan.

Do most parents pay for their children's car insurance?

Ok, don't rant at me, I'm asking this question innocently. Basically, I want to know if it's common for parents to pay for their children's car insurance (I'm thinking of those 17, 18, 19, etc. who just passed their test and haven't moved out), or if the child is usually made to pay it themselves? I don't know if part time jobs will cover the cost or what (especially as I imagine they will usually pay for their own petrol), but 3000 a year does seem quite a bit for a teenager to be able to afford. And seems like more and more youngsters are getting cars... I don't think I would expect my parents to pay for mine when I pass my test, but then again I don't know how I'd be able to afford it myself either... So I'm looking for some insight on the topic.""

Can i get cheaper car insurance with historical license plates?

can i get cheaper car insurance with historical license plates

Blue badge if you get one how much does your car insurance go up ?

Blue badge if you get one how much does your car insurance go up ?

I need to health insurance but i got laid off work...?

I understand that i need health insurance. Cuz face it, you never know when it's necessary. I've been looking for a job since I got laid off in March. Cobra turned out to be too expensive. What are some low cost health insurances that are good? Since i'm low on cash i dont wanna throw money into a bad insurance company. Are there any programs in California that can assist me? At least until i can find a job.""

Does your insurance rates change when you switch it to a different car?

I drive a 2001 cavalier and I'm getting another used car in about a month (2004 pontiac grand prix) I'm under 25 so my insurance rates sky rocket. Will it be cheaper to transfer my current insurance over to the Grand Prix or to just get new insurance all together ?

Urgent legal advice for car insurance compensation?

Hi! All I had small car accident with a taxi on the Sydney Harbour Bridge 4 month ago. I admited the fault and made a claim to my car insurance company. but they have delayed compensation to the taxi company over 5month. but I didn`t know how it was going on their dealing.. Finally, I have got a letter which is about under managemnt by our local court about our attachment of property and fine. Because the taxi company want get competsation from me. I already pay the payment for that claim and my insurance company agreed to pay the compensaton for. what should I do for my situation. please give me legal advice. Thank you.""

Can I still appeal what happened on my car insurance?

During the December Blizzard Massachusetts had my car slid down a hill and hit a curve and they had to total my car.... Now since I was the only driver I am 50% at fault for this accident Anyway a lot of people have been telling to appeal it as an act of god. Problem is I have been too busy trying to get a new car that it went past 30 days from the surcharge notice date and I need to know if I can still appeal this. I am a safe drive and I was going maybe 10 mph down this icy hill when my car slid on the ice...Please any help would be appreciated

Is there such a thing as a joint life insurance plan?

Just wondering if there is such a thing that would cover my spouse and I on one policy. For ex. 20 or 30 year policy for around $150,000.00 where either myself or spouse would ride the policy.""

Great sports cars that don't have bad insurance?

Okay so I'm 16 and need a sports car. My budget is 40K and if been looking at used ones. I was thinking about a porshe but it seems there insurance and maintenance is outrages. I have also been looking at Mercedes Benz. They seem to be a bit better but not sure. anyone have a porshe or a Meredes??? I also live in Canada. Or any other ideas for a sports car.??.? :)

Do i need maternity insurance when I already have health insurance?

Just found out we were expecting... I am using Aetna health insurance, Do I need to add maternity insurance? Does it make a difference?""

How much is the fine for driving with no car insurance in Ontario?

How much is the fine for driving with no car insurance in Ontario?

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Is there a way I can lower my car insurance rate with Progressive?

I'm 21 years old, and have been driving for about 3 years now, and I am wondering if there's a way for Progressive to lower my insurance rate. How do I about doing this with them? What do I say? Thank you!""

Car Insurance Question?

First, I recently passed my road test and I am allowed to drive by myself. The problem is that the pink card (car insurance) has my parent's names on it and not mine. But, my parents recall putting me in a car insurance plan with them. So technically without my name on the card, I would be driving without insurance? And that's illegal right? (At least in Canada, Alberta) Would I be able to drive or no?""

Do I need to have insurance on my leased car even though im not going to use it?

I'm leaving the country and will leave my car in my garage. I will be returning the plates as well. I dont want to pay insurance on a car im not using.

Will my insurance skyrocket after this ticket?

I got my first speeding ticket the other day.. 70 in a 50. I'm 20 and only a few months away from turning 21 (when rates go down a little). I know there are other things that factor in to this but how much can I expect my insurance rates to go up? Should I pay the court fines and just request supervision to keep it off of my record?

How high does insurance go up for a speeding ticket in MN?

I recently got a speeding ticket going 60 on a 45. How high does my insurance go up I'm 16 and drive a '05 300C

How to quoet car insurance?

I just bought a car and i don't know how to put my car info and get me cheap insurance before i stack with expensive insurance company.

What is the difference between term life insurance and cash value life insurance.?

which one is better if you are starting your own business. also how much time you need to have to cash it out all the money from the term life insurance. Moreover, what are the advantages and disadvantages of both of these options?""

""Can Doctors offices charge you, when they lost your medical insurance card?""

I got my appendix removed in California and used the state insurance at the time (since I was low income and never had insurance). All the hospital bills are payed for; however, the surgeon has charged me an additional 1,445.00. I never even saw the surgeon after the hospital. I went in for follow-ups to his office but would always miss him. I gave my insurance card to front desk girl and she told me she didn't need it but just in case she made a copy. Now two years later I come to find out that there is this bill. What can I do?""

A question on car insurance?

It is the first time we r thinking of a car. Can someone please tell what are the steps to get a insurance? It is a used car that we wish to buy from a friend. so, next what do we do?""

Is surfing without health insurance a bad idea?

I'm moving to southern California for a job soon and want to try surfing, but my health insurance won't kick in for 2 months. Aside from drowning to death, which health insurance doesn't cover anyway, are there a lot of injuries that require doctors and hospitals? Man I just get on a board and go...""

How much is seasonique with blue shield california insurance?

please tell me. i'm on yaz now but four periods a year would be heaven. thanks.

Have insurance but no maternity insurance?

We signed up for health insurance almost two years ago and was told that I would have maternity insurance after a 24 month waiting period so my husband and I were planning on trying for a baby in a few months, when I called today to check I was told that I do not have that coverage, that I would have to reapply for a different plan and then would have maternity coverage after another 24 month waiting period! I'm not sure what to do, we've already waited two years, I'm upset to learn that I'd have to wait ANOTHER two years. What do I do? (I live in Missouri)""

Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?

Why is auto insurance through Geico so cheap?

Anyone know any good cheap car insurance providers?

preferably direct rather than compare websites. cheers.

Car insurance for a new driver?

i want to buy a small car, but im worried that the insurance will be expensive what company sell cheap insurance? how much about did you pay? i want a small car, like a 1 litre engine thank you""

Insurance Question??

Can you get insurance if you have a salvage title????

How to get cheap insurance for bike?

I'm 24 and trying to find cheap insurance for bike 125cc in Ireland. Can somebody help me please. I'm girl and having provisional driving licence. Thank you.

What could i expect to pay for insurance being a first time driver?

Hi, im looking to buy my first car with some money im getting from school; it will be used of course but i would like to know if anyone can give me insight on insurance costs. I will soon be 21 years old, have had a license for about a year and a half, and i have one accident on my record (possibly) that happened almost a year ago while driving my sister's car; and i was not listed on thier insurance as a driver does that make a difference? With all that being said how much could i expect to pay for insurance? Oh and i live in Philadelphia,PA if that helps with answers. Also what additional fees should i expect to encounter outside of insurance? Thanks!""

How much is Canadian (British Columbia) car insurance?

I am 21 years old and have had a licence in California since I was 18.

Will my insurance company notify the DMV with proof of insurance?

I recently got my vehicle suspended because I haven't been using it or paying for insurance since the school break started, but now that school is starting up I have paid for insurance and paid the fee the DMV asked for, to get my vehicle back in. The DMV is still asking for proof of insurance, but won't my insurance company notify them? I have Progressive and I live in CA. Thanks!""

How much is it to include your teenage child in your car insurance plan?

My daughter is going to get her license soon and will be driving the family car with us.. how much will it cost to add her to our insurance plan?

Im 17 make minimum wage and want a car. parents wont help pay car insurance or car payment. what can i d?

im 17 years old and make minimum wage. i want a car but my parents wont help pay for car insurance or car payment. i also need gas money and lunch money. i only make $6 an hour at my job and my insurance $115 and the car payment is $98. is i possible for me to get a car at all?

Health Insurance for Immigrant 65+?

My parents and I are bringing my grandmother from India and were trying to find an affordable health insurance plan for her. She has never worked in the U.S.A. so she is not eligilble for Medicare or other programs like it. She has pre-existing conditions. I was hoping to get $100,000 of coverage, but I would appreciate all the options I have so please list them all. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP!""

How Much Is Quad Insurance UK?

Hi their.... i know its a hard 1 to answer but on average how much are people paying for quad insurance for road legal quads in the UK...... ive been trying to get quotes from companies but every time i ring them up they put me on hold for like an hour so i hang up i just want to see what people are paying so i have an idea of what prices to look out for................ I'm 20 & own a 250cc road legal quad........... but dont want to be paying 700cc prices

Has anyone insured a 17yr old learner driver if so where?

Hi I want to insure my 17 yr old son 18 this year he is about to learn to drive on my car insurance, I rang my insurance they said they dont insure anyone under 25yrs it it due to run out in may so i will be going elsewhere any ideas where would insure someone of that age and how much did it cost many thanks""

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

Belleville New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 13611

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tractor-insurance-online-quote-ireland-nathan-fleming/"