#i just slammed my head while skittering through the house bc i didn't realize the wall was there
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#my problem is this: when i am in a considerable amount of time i just#tell myself im not#and my brain goes: okay#and sometimes that means that i started dissociating#and sometimes it gets to a point where I literally am not as aware of my body as i should be#and i'm like yeah yhe pain is literally fine#i just slammed my head while skittering through the house bc i didn't realize the wall was there#and yeah#i cant tell how bad the pain really is tho#bc my varying degrees of dissociation really just block a lot of sensation#and i cant explain that to the doctors without them thinking im deranged#and like im already on 2 antidepressants and an antipsychotic#and i fled from my last therapist once again#and my psychiatrist is happy as long as i can keep my job and say im fine#and the obgyns all just are like take the damn hormones and dont wanna do more tests#this is just a rant ignore me#its 2am i gotta get up and go to work in 3 hours bc staying home doing nothing would be even worse#bc it means no distraction#and its bad bad bad for my head#and i cant#ignore me#the sleep aid effect of the meds hasnt been very effective the past 2 months :(#also i am in pain from cramps
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