#i kept thinking about my grandpa's corpse rotting under our feet

[edwardshundredyearoldspunk]

went to mexico yesterday to visit my grandpa's tomb for day of the dead. only the second time I've visited him since he died in may. not really used to having a dead™ to visit but now I'm home and I got mexican hot chocolate and I'm cuddled up with a mug and life is good. for now life is good 🥹

[ninjakitty15]

Chapter 10: Tricks Are For Gods (Loki x OFC Pairing)

"That right there is why guns are a dumb idea against zombies," I pointed out as we all watched one of the zombie movies Tony bought just to debunk for future reference. "Their eyes are shit but they hear just fine and if you want them to stop coming you need a firearm that causes maximum damage."

"But do they run that fast?" asked Clint on the couch adjecent from Loki and me.

"I mean if you really want them to but its like having explosive shits with them, the faster they run the more they fall apart."

A collective groan of disgust came from the other Avengers.

"Ask stupid questions, expect stupid answers. They're rotting corpses, c'mon people."

"IZombie's got a point," Tony agreed. "How was the outside world by the way?"

"I was very disappointed to find out people still royally suck and creeps still roam free unchecked and uncharged for their crimes, what the hell are you lot doing that this is still happening?"

"Dealing with bigger threats with bigger weapons obviously," Tony remarked. "Should I look on the video feed for what you were up to?"

"Nothing illegal, just fought fire with fire and creeped out the creeps of the streets."

"She's very good at it too," added Loki.

Of course that didn't stop Tony from snooping and of course he found footage of me scaring them off. "What did you say to that last guy that made him turn into an angry tomato?"

"Told him his dead mom and wife are ashamed of his existence, which isn't a lie at all, he's kind of a monster."

"What did he say to start this?"

"Told me pretty girls like me should smile more. Maybe I should sharpen my teeth."

"Please don't," Loki spoke up.

"Why not? All the better to eat you with, my dear."

"Can you not ruin my childhood stories please?" moaned Clint.

"Listen, most of them are from horror stories anyway just dumbed down for your innocent ears and eyes."

"Ring around the rosie, for starters. Grimm's fairy tales were all dark, some of the disney movies definitely," Tony agreed.

"Sleeping Beauty was raped in her sleep by the king she later married," I added on. "And girls still wanna be the next disney princess, hard pass there."

"I beg your pardon, what kind of people are you reading these kinds of tales to your children?" Loki demanded.

"Hey don't look at me, I don't even have children, I'm just a fan of horror stories and those popped up."

"What would you read to them if you did though?" asked Nat.

"Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, all three of them, don't look at me like that, I raise the dead for a living, my kids need to have nerves of steel just to live with me."

Loki studied me curiously, probably wondering how good or bad a mother I would be if that was possible or maybe what kind of family he envisioned us having if again possible. I turned to catch his eyes with my own and arched an eyebrow.

"Something you wanna share with the class?" I challenged.

"Just pondering a what if future," was his simple response.

"Don't strain yourself." A couch pillow was his response to my quip that had everyone kind of staring in shock at his childish but very amusing reaction. "That's real cute but unfortunately for you I'm gonna have to kill you now, eat feathers you glorified smurf!"

"This better not lead to what it usually leads to when one of you pounces on the other, what if Peter walks in? His innocent eyes!" cried Tony.

"He's a teenager, he's probably seen better porn than us at some point on the interwebs," I stated while beating an amused god with a throw pillow.

"Better porn? Is there such a thing?" asked Steve.

"Rule 34 hun, if it exists there's a porn for it, if it doesn't then there will be." And with that I continued to beat my lover with a pillow to the head.

"Free porn aside, I'm actually kinda curious who would win in a fight now, you or Loki," Clint mused.

We both stopped pummeling each other and looked at him then each other curiously. "With or without magic?" Loki asked.

"Without, just close range hand to hand or with blades if you must," Nat added.

My gaze went to her with an arched eyebrow. "Ya'll thinking about this?" A collective nod from the rest of the group was my answer before I returned my gaze to Loki. "What's your vote on this?"

"I'm all for it if you are."

You would think he'd go for the knives or rather the sticks that substituted knives but nope, ever the man of mischief, he chose the bo staff.  Thor would later tell me its because while he favors knives as they're easy to hide and stash away, Loki had much better luck with staves. I found out quite quickly how right that was. While I was no Michelle Yeoh, I did take martial arts even before I became a leader of undead battles as children are merciless and if they decide you're a freak they make you a target. Just outside the training area of the compound stood the not busy Avengers and not surprisingly Tony was already placing bets on who would win, hell I knew who would win, the one that's probably been training and fighting for half a millennia at least. But as a wise cigar smoking Goth dad once said, just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. I chose a different kind of bo staff, if the weapon worked for the Buddhist monks, it would work for me, right? Loki was very much like a cat or maybe he just was with me, stalking his prey, pacing, biding his time, calculating his moves whereas after being obsessed with old timey wushu movies at one point, I opted for a simple nonthreatening stance resembling Wong Fei-Hung, a ruse as I couldn't fight off 10 men or so with a bo staff like the legend did but no one had to know that. One foot forward, one perpendicular in a short fighting stance, staff held behind me with one hand, the shaft pressed against the arm, the other arm stretched out in front of me beckoning him forward. Most people would think twirling it a bit is the typical first move but that's more to show off or intimidate the opponent and I'm not the show off type, especially if I'm not the best at what I'm showing off. Loki moved first though, lunging and thrusting one end of his staff at my head, I easily side stepped it, , my head tilting away but my eyes never leaving his. I figure if I couldn't wear him out despite him being ancient compared to me, and I couldn't outright beat him in strength, I could probably just frustrate the hell out of him by never letting him land a hit. Getting under people's skin was my specialty after all. So that's what it was like for the beginning, letting him attack first and either simply dodging his staff or blocking it with my own staff.

"This is boring, make a move, Aang!" called Tony from the sidelines.

"Hey, he was the best Avatar in the series, and he kicked ass!" I called back.

"Then why don't you?"

"Patience is a virtue, old Stark!"

"You say old like you're not sleeping with the oldest person in the building!"

I snorted and blocked Loki's staff once more. "You're only as old as you act, grandpa." I watched Loki carefully, waiting for the opportune moment when he thought he could let his guard down believing I wasn't gonna go batshit crazy on him.

He sped up his attacks, probably thinking I'd step into action if I was being rushed but I still kept my leisure defense up, he tried a few more changing tactics to try to get me to strike back first before I saw the sign I was waiting for the whole time and forced myself to keep the poker face I wore, resisting the urge to smirk wickedly as he seemed to relax and go back to simply trying to hit me anyway he thought was an opening. I blocked his staff once more as he went for my stomach then quick as a whip swung mine to strike his knee, stomach, and head and he went down. The utter look of shock on his face was more than enough to make me break my expression into one of pure wickedness, a canary eating grin cracking through. The game had begun. He quickly got back to his feet and lunged at me again with his staff, no longer holding back as he whipped the ends at me one after another, the only sounds now were that of wood hitting wood and the shuffling of our feet as we went at each other. Several times he left himself wide open when he was swinging his staff behind and around him to hit me from another side which was amusing because although kinda cool looking and showy, he was totally exposed and I took full advantage of that hitting him in the stomach and causing him to drop his staff mid-swing though he was quick enough to catch one end and come down at me with the other. I raised my staff to block it and shifted my upper strength to hold him off while pulling apart my staff which was actually a two piece one almost seamlessly held together and struck him in the ribs with the other piece. He glared at me, the god of tricks being tricked in a fight by some dead chick he only met recently.

"Clever girl," he growled at me.

I grinned wider. "Give up, or are you thirsty for more?"

"Very well, you asked for it."

Somehow it didn't click in my head that being a god and all, he not only had enhanced strength but apparently speed too as me verbally challenging him and getting extra sneaky had me suddenly and swiftly struck several times in the stomach and side, my feet swept out from under me, and I was on back with one end of a bo staff pointed at my head.

"Isn't this a familiar position?" he purred above me, his eyes glittering.

I held back a retort in order to roll over to avoid his staff and then lock my legs on either side of one of his then roll again, knocking him to the ground as well and making him drop his staff again. I wasted no time in getting on top of him and still holding onto my two pieces of my staff the entire time, i crossed them against his throat. "Prefer this position myself."

"I'll have to remember that later." He raised his arms to his head while still on the ground in what I thought was him surrendering but quicker than a cheetah, snatched back his bo staff and swung, knocking me off him and making me drop both pieces he was just as quick to kick away from me before pinning me to the floor, a knee against each of my arms and the shaft of his staff against my throat. "The things I could do to you in this position."

"Pretty sure you've already done them and I recall you not wanting others to see us doing them."

He smirked but made no move whatsoever from where he knelt on top of me. "Don't act like you're not thinking what I'm thinking."

"Oh that's no secret here but I'd prefer it in the bedroom where there's soundproof walls and there's other options to keep me in place the whole time."

Both his eyebrows shot up at what was implied there. "I can arrange that. For now though, I'm not moving till you say the words."

I rolled my eyes but sighed in defeat. "I yield."

"Good girl." He got off me and offered me his hand to help me up which I took easily and was yanked up and flush against him, a hungry, hot kiss stolen from me. "We should do this again sometime," he breathed in my ear.

"We'll see." I nipped his earlobe teasingly before shoving him away and walking out of the training arena.

"Does everything have to be sexual between you two?" asked Tony.

"Listen, if you were cut off from all forms of pleasure for as long as I have and suddenly are given the ultimate form of it after, you'd take it with a smile too, as many times as you can."

"I'm the ultimate form, am I?" teased Loki behind me.

"Don't let that get to your head or your excessively ornate helmet won't fit on you anymore," I retorted. "And it really brings the whole outfit together."

"I was under the impression you liked me more without an outfit."

I shrugged innocently. "A woman can change her mind."

"Am I going to have to separate you two or something?" Tony interrupted.

"I mean you could just let me go home..."

"Tempting but till our mutual enemies are out of the equation, I don't see that happening."

"Well then, I'll have to refer you to the three T's."

"The three T's?"

"Tough titties, Tony." I grabbed Loki's hand and poof we were gone.