#i know people usually tend to lean towards stories revolving around canon characters

[silver-wield]

Character Relationships: Sex Lives

Sex in fan ficts and literature always seems to get taken as writ that it’s something nobody else is doing. Two characters come together to bump uglies and, in recent years, it’s always written the same way: shy girl meets guy and he intimdates the fuck out of her and that gets taken by her as he loves her so they have sex. Occasionally the sex is weird af and twisted and this never gets addressed as why these types of relationships are WRONG!! I’m looking at you Twilight with your incest overtones and low key abuse that got turned into an actual abusive storyline thanks to that other moron. God knows how that shit became popular. People’s brains must’ve leaked out their goddamn ears while they were reading it. Shakespeare this is not, although he might be amused by it, being into bawdy comedy.

The same goes for Otome games. I don’t play them as a rule because the mc usually ends up in an abusive relationship that gets played off as being normal and it’s really not and I find that kind of thing disturbing and upsetting because girls who play these games may not realise that this isn’t ok. It’s not ok for some guy to shove you up against a wall and put his hand around your throat, lean in and be all menacing. Just because he says sexual things in a gravelly voice doesn’t make it ok for him to do that! Or anyone or any gender or sexuality! Obvs I just use what I’m used to, but this applies to everyone! EVERYONE!! 

In one Otome game the guy literally turns mc into a bdsm slave!! In another he murders her!! ACTUALLY FUCKING MURDERS HER!! How is that romantic?!?! 

To contrast the horror of how sex is portrayed in modern media I try my best to go the opposite with my own writing. Yes, bad shit happens to good characters, but the character doesn’t automatically get labelled a victim because of it. The same way bad shit happens to good people and they find a way to not let it crush them. Characters don’t have to end up weird or twisted or hateful towards people, unless it’s their beau and then they turn to mush --  I hate that trope too, so cliche. And guys who stalk women and isolate them and sexually dominate them is NOT SEXY!! That’s not sexy, that’s abuse. It’s also stockholme syndrome. 

You might have noticed me bleating on about how my oc couple, Shiva and Tundra, have a “healthy” sex life. Some of you might have wondered what I meant by that. 

In general, the couple have a very balanced and healthy relationship. There is no “dominant partner”. They share their skills and knowledge equally and have mutual trust and respect for one another. They like each other and they’re friends. OMGOSH A COUPLE WHO ARE FRIENDS!! WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!?! Obviously, as members of the guard, they would have to be able to trust and respect one another otherwise they could end up dead by second guessing the other’s actions. Also, since when do people get together with almost strangers, unless they’re in a Disney movie? Realistic characters need to have some kind of foundation to work with and being friends first solves a lot of the leg work when it comes to giving them a background for their relationship.

This doesn’t mean they don’t disagree with each other, or that they don’t get angry and take that out on each other. They’re two people who don’t always get along, which is natural. A couple isn’t a single entity with a single life goal. They started out as two people and they should remain two people, with their own goals separate from each other. The fact that some of those goals cross over is a good thing because it gives them a link to each other, but one character’s life should not revolve around another. That’s not healthy!! The way my otp deal with their disagreements is through conversation and sometimes heading to the arena to spar. Active people might get this, it’s a good way to burn off tension because you’re forcing your brain to focus on a different skill set, so it can naturally find its way to a conclusion in those times of activity. This is a fact that works for a lot of things -- I tend to get some of the best story scenes when I’m doing something else.

Ok, so far we’ve got mutual trust and respect, but they still disagree. Sounds pretty typical for most healthy relationships. They have similar interests and also their own things too, so they’re not in each other’s pockets. They also have their own friends and spend time with them, without each other. They sound like they’re each their own person, right?? That’s how it should be!!

Moving onto the sex. (I can hear you all snickering.)

Obviously, fictional characters don’t have to suffer the hangups that real people do. Or do they? Is it realistic for a couple to have fifty orgasms a night and be able to go from sun down to sun up? Would you be questioning if they’re nymphomaniacs? Not to mention all of the elaborate Kama Sutra poses on offer! What about the after effects?? That much sex has got to be physically draining and not to mention painful at the end. So, where do we start when it comes to putting together a sex life for our ocs?!?!

To figure it out you just have to work out how limber your oc is; question your oc’s physicality and strength to get a clue on how they would handle the actual encounter because sex is a physical thing. A skinny, no muscles guy is not going to be able to do elaborate poses because he just won’t have the strength. Mine’s hardly an acrobat, but she’s active, so that puts her middle of the road on that end. As for Tundra, he’s a muscular ninja, so we’ll say he has no problems doing the lion’s share of any poses, physically speaking. Mentally, he’s fairly traditional, so probably sticks to some favourites. Shiva has no knowledge of anything like that, but she’s open to experiementing, up to a point. 

Ok, so we’ve got the foundation. The rest is down to personality, history and how compatible your ocs are with each other. A pair of virgins aren’t going to be seeing stars on their first outing and it’ll definitely hurt. In the same vein, a jaded sexual deviant isn’t going to be turned on by some girl showing off a bit of ankle. And for all you Eldarya fans, Leiftan/Valkyon/Nerva/Ezarel isn’t going to have gone through his life not ever having had any sexual acts done to him, but be able to do them to others. I cannot count how many times I’ve seen this come up. These guys aren’t virgins, which is canon info, so you need to start getting over the fact he didn’t save himself for you. They’ve all had sex and enjoyed it. Which is normal! It’s also normal for them to have gotten oral sex. Guys like it. Fact. Also a fact is that girls like it, so show some mutual love in that department.

Back to my point.

Once you know the basics of your ocs sexual history and what they’re capable of you need to come up with a scene that’s realistic for them. Tundra would never put his hand around Shiva’s throat because he respects her as a person and she’d actually kill him if he tried lool

However, Tundra would definitely tease/bait/seduce Shiva into seeing things his way because that’s FUN! It’s bringing her out of herself and it’s playing with the balance between them. Sex is more than “him/her on top” when it comes to power play and it’s also more intricate than bdsm where one oc ties up another, even though they’re uncomfortable with that. Doing things against another person’s will is NOT sexy!! It’s abusive and borderline rape, becoming rape if the person continues to say no. Whether it’s a real person or a fictional one, no means no.

Getting to write the actual smut

My only tip is to NOT READ IT as you’re writing it. You’ll probably end up with too many hands going into too many places and too much of everything else too, so if you read it while they’re in the middle of doing the dirty then you’re just going to put yourself off by correcting things and it’ll end up cold and clinical af.

Sex is not cold and clinical

Sex is fun and messy and noisy and sweaty and so many other things!! If you’re writing a sex scene then just write it!! Go from A to B without stopping until the end and then leave it!! Don’t touch it, don’t read it, don’t even peek at a single sentence, because just as your ocs need to come down from their session, so do you. Go back to it fresh the next day and then edit it. Clean up your spelling, punctuation and grammar, check your continuity and take out any parts where you cringe. Sometimes sex can be cringy, but in general that’s not the reaction you want. 

How often should my ocs have sex?

This answer really depends on your ocs and the situations they’re in. If they’re guardians then there’s going to be times when they’re not going to be able to be with their beau, so sex will be off the table. Other times it won’t be appropriate because of other things going on. This doesn’t mean your ocs needs to make up for “missing out” on the sessions they would have had. Sex doesn’t work like that.

For mine, the most was worked out at four times per week, but that number could be lower due to circumstances. I have yet to see a reason for it to be higher than that. They’ve got good sexual chemistry and have a good time in bed together, but it’s not the linchpin of their relationship.

To sum up my rambling

The whole reason I wrote this was because I keep seeing unhealthy and abusive relationships all over the place and I wanted to talk about a healthy relationship and accompanying sex life. There’s nothing wrong with your ocs being into bdsm and stuff if it’s a mutual decision, but male characters forcing themselves on female ones is just as wrong as if a real person did that to another person. It’s not romantic, it’s not sexy and my reaction to those kind of scenes is to want to knee the little shit in the balls.  Characters can be kinky, in their own way, but whatever they do needs to be mutually agreed upon. Having one character dominate or intimidate another may seem sexy in some teen lit world, and a lot of girls seem to want someone to do that to them and I’m here to say that if a guy did that you would NOT be enjoying whatever came afterwards. A partner looming over you and intimidating you into sex or whatever it is they want is wrong.

How does this tie into Eldarya? For starters, having a character force a kiss on another one is sexual abuse. Let’s not beat about the bush here and try to say it’s something it’s not. If some guy came up to you and shoved his tongue down your throat you wouldn’t be melting over it. You’d be crying assault and so you should because it’s not something decent people do. The latest episode release compounds that abuse, since once again, Erika is unable to consent to being kissed. I know the fans are all But it’s so cute they kissed! No, it’s really not. Erika isn’t fully aware of what’s happening and has no choice but to be kissed. Think about it logically. If you were unable to say no, would it be ok for someone to do it anyway? Obviously not. The fact the episode ends before players get to see how Erika feels about it is very telling since Beemoov obviously weren’t sure how it would be taken. Fans being ok with it will most likely end up with Erika being ok with it, but she shouldn’t. She couldn’t knowingly give consent to be kissed and it shouldn’t be romanticized.