#i like so many of my old xemnas drawings so much more. i'm not really happy w/ how he looks in my current art

[saixpuppy]

sometimes i should remember to actually post the things i scribble.

[imagine-your-kh]

What's the story with you and riku i'm curious e.e (if you don't want to answer it's ok) love all of your imagines headcanon 💜

Ooooohhhh I didn’t expect somebody will ask…! I’m touched! Big big hug to you!

But boi, you don’t know what you’re asking because isn’t just about my ship.

Be ready for a long ride full of bad english, plot hole, research, meta, drama, personnal life and headcanons in a bad long “summary” (I’m not good at that).

Note : It started back in 2002 so yeah, it’s old, some stuff don’t work anymore, it’s for that there is so much plot-hole etc.

/!\ Warning :depression(s), school harassment, scarification, toxic relation(ship), rape, self-indulgent story and a lot of OCs I will not explain here

[KH1]

My (ex) bestfriend, “Elaine”, and myself fall into the Kingdom Hearts Universe when we were 13 years old. I hesitate to explain it by : because there is so much Creators in our wolrd it connected our universe to the KH one or just never explain it.

In all the case, we fall in Destiny Islands before the start of the game and I dream about the stained-glass place (I remember the french name but not the english one right now, oops)

I’m already in love with Riku but he doesn’t care, the only moment he talk to us is for confront us on the fact he knows we came from another world (I asked Elaine to shut up about it though)

No surprise, Elaine and myself started to follow Sora in his adventure : Elaine use magic and I… Still no surprise, I have a Keyblade.

Elaine and me finally explain to Sora we (or more me) know almost everything because he’s a video-game character for us.

Young and foolish, I try to help Riku but it’s no use : he sees us like ennemis, there is just place for Sora and Kairi. In the same time, Yno tries to push me to use more and more the darkness and it’s work well.

Yno is one of my oc, here I will just summarized by : he’s a darkness’ controler, native from my imaginary world (ParaHell, but I want to change the name) and he’s a video-game character… He can broke the “rules” like he wishes. Oh, and one of his power is to literally read heart and manipulate darkness into them (but can’t force darkness in my heart because I’m a Creator)

Yno want me to become his personal bodyguard Heartless with a Keyblade.

When Riku and Sora close Kingdom Hearts’ door, Yno propose to Elaine and me to take us back in our universe if I become his “apprentice”.

This is with a big smile I accept because still young and foolish, I think I can resist to the darkness

[KH :CoM]

Ok, here it’s messy and short because I’m working on it.

But “I” will accompany Riku most of the time, explaining to him what’s happening (without spoiler, my cart!self broke the “rules” but not too much) in each “worlds”.

When he finally sees me between two “worlds” (again, I don’t remember the english name), he’s sure I broke the “rules” again… But it’s when my cart!self is invoked in the next “world” he understand I’m the true one. I’m offended at how stupid he remember me but finally I give up : it’s not a surprise.

He sees how much I already changed in 3 years (for me) and how much I smell darkness. But he can’t say anything because he himself fall into the darkness and he thinks he have no right to give me lesson.

I want to be more active in this part of the story (and met my baby boy Repliku) but I didn’t decide anything yet

[KH : 358/2 Days]

This part is more about another OC (Kaly) but I will include I saw Riku at least one time.

It will be a peaceful discussion actually. Where he’s ashamed about all the shit he does to me and me just… Tired.

Between KH1 and KH2, I suffer from school harassment by the students and the teachers. It result a really hard and long depression who destroy me. I scarified myself, wanted to die, I become agoraphobic, my lack self-confident was exacerbated by my toxic relation with Elaine whom I developped a sort of Stockolm syndrom. I hated myself so hard that even my imaginary universe, ParaHell, become a unsafe place. Elaine created a character, Dark, whom was a outfall (outlet?) for her perverted side and I let her to decide he raped me. Many time. It was a love-hate relationship and even I knew it was bad, I was happy to be “special” for her, for him in a way. I felt desired when I had the sensation the whole universe was against me.

The reason of why I’m still here today it’s because I wanted to know what happened to the love of my life : Riku.

So now with that in mind, can you imagine the atmosphere in this meet up?

Two person who are tired.

But one is fighting… And the other let themself drowning into the darkness…

[KH2]

Like many time, I run away from Yno’s training and fall into the KH Universe (because I’m not concentrate when I create a darkness portal)

It’s been 4 years for me since I saw Sora and he doesn’t really like what I become : introvert, mentally tired, not smiling that much, secretive and use a lot of darkness attack.

At this point, I don’t use my Keyblade anymore and told him it desapears.

That’s a lie.

In my mind at this point is a Keyblade isn’t strong enough and reject this “weakness”.

Mostly, in this episode, I play the spy for Riku and everytime I smell his darkness, I come to him and report him how Sora’s doing. I see myself like a tool for him, but I can see Riku so I’m happy like that. 

We become more close with time but Riku is still ashamed at how he was with me and he doesn’t forgive himself for so much stuffs…

We both are not in a good mind for love. But we finish to open to each other because we see ourself in the other but complete each other in the same time.

Yno, whom was keeping an eye on me notice I started to feel better and it wasn’t good for him…

So he take Dark and put him in my way.

Sora (and Riku) will see my Heartless form for the first time and how I become a beast.

And now I’m not sure for the next. I go away and coming back later, ashamed, or Riku save me when Dark tries to “touch me” or I kick Dark ass and I “fight” with Sora because he’s scared I finish like Riku. I didn’t decided yet. The next time I see Riku it certainly finish by a “fight” because of the same reason.

Next, the akwardness in The World That Never Was. I don’t really need to told you why.

When Sora and Riku fight against Xemnas, I will fight against Yno… And let him put darkness in my heart for not feeling pain anymore.

Riku and Sora will kick his ass and save me and we go in the Realm of Darkness.

I didn’t decided yet of the discussion and stuffs but at the end, right before the Door of Light appears, I decide to let them…

Because I don’t know how much I will survive anymore, it’s my last chance…

I steal a kiss from Riku before jumping in a darkness’ portal and go to ParaHell where I join Yno… Again… (but I become moar a king-brat)

[Between KH2 & Re:Coded]

This is where is the most meta stuffs happen and where I finally be a couple with him… But that’s not that simple.

After a moment to live alone in my house at ParaHell, the solitude take me even if I have two “babies” (two darkness being I created) ; Yane and Nehaki, and the personification of my imagination; Kea.

So I decided to create the Destiny trio into ParaHell with the same age difference we had at the start : Riku two years older than me, Sora and Kairi one year older …

But I erased their memories about me.

I’m ashamed of what I was, how they maybe hope to see this dead me coming back. I didn’t wanted them to remember I had a Keyblade.I didn’t wanted Riku to remember the kiss.

And it worked.

But if I draw my imagination with a (chimera) body it’s because I have problem to control them and Kea didn’t forget my story. So… The heart of the trio remembered me. Their emotions toward me are the same as before.

Sora and Kairi didn’t mind, they’re friendly, but Riku that was different. He was suspicious and the fact I was uneasy around him give him the impression I was hiding something.

Finally, he’s attracted to me and his heart is on ease but doesn’t know why.

With time and a lot of night discussion, we become closer again like before, enough for him to tell me his story during a thunder night. We become friends.He discovers he love to cook because he have time to relax. Riku propose to me to train with him and Sora but I always refused.

They discover fast that I’m a Creator and they’re fictionnal characters for me, etc. I didn’t decided to how, but… With the “alternative universe” explaination, the new pass well.

But naturally, they can’t stay at ParaHell forever and want to go back to Destiny Islands, in paticular for continue their studies.

This is heartbroken I create a Gummi Shop.

What I didn’t expect is that they ask me to come with us, at least to see their world.

Creators like me have control in ParaHell (I will not explain to you all the rules here) ut I didn’t know if the fact that I erased their memories will stay outside of ParaHell.

It weakened my power on them but didn’t broke it.

This is there I met Riku’s parents for the first time. I headcanon that he is from a rich family, which explain why he looks so mature and stoic when he’s a child and pedant when he was younger (and I don’t talk about the freaking balcony in the manga I don’t take like Canon, but still). His parents are not really open people and expect Riku to be like them. Riku feel traped in this family.We discuss about it later and I told him that I made life choice my parents don’t like but they finally agree because it make me happy.

I’m myself, not they’re clone so we’re not always on the same page.

I go back to ParaHell with the promesse to keep contact with them thanks to mobiles I give them.

I will go back to Destiny Islands later, probably for a event or so and Riku confess it become difficult to live with his parents. So I propose to him to come back to ParaHell and live with me.

Finally, we agree to a sort of compromise : during school day he stays with his parents but week-end and holidays he comes back to ParaHell with me where he can be… Himself.

Now it’s messy because I didn’t decided yet in which order I will do that but I will met Mickey etc, give them mobiles, Riku met Yno and Dark and his heart remember he hates them. Riku discover my training with Yno always finish badly for me, that I’m what I call “half Heartless”.He tries to convince me to choose the way of light but I explain to him that because I’m a Creator nothing extreme can happen to me without my consent and so, I will not become a full Heartless.

I have a sex friend, Malish (another oc of mine) whom is helping me to be… Well, to “appreciate” sex again and loving more my body…But Malish starts to have feeling for me, become jealous of Riku who starts to feels something for me too… But interiorize it because we are both male.

In the first version of this (back in 2006 or so) Axel, Roxas and Namine (who remember me) was there but because of what happen in the next games, I decided to erase that. In this version, Riku tries to be a couple with Namine but finally understand he doesn’t like girls.But because I don’t put Namine and cie in ParaHell anymore, I don’t know if I’ll create another oc just for that or…

By the way, actually it’s : I stop my relation with Malish because I understand he loves me (which he doesn’t react good and fight with Riku because he thinks it’s his fault) and I want to confess to Riku. But Riku starts a relation with a girl. When he brokes with her and decides to confess it’s my turn to be in couple…

With Elaine.

But it didn’t go long and didn’t end well… That was just to be “special” for me (jealous I had others friends) but she didn’t want to kiss me in public, just at school where we were together etc. It was just possessiveness. We broke (long shitty story) and I felt she wanted to broke our friendship too (I’m still friend with my ex, so it was obvious for me we can still be friends, in paticular when nothing serious happen between us).I panicked. It was impossible for me to see my life without her even if I knew our relation was toxic for me. I did everything to trying to keep her at my side (years later I can tell you I was stifing because I was so desperate to loose her)… Even propose to her to be a couple with Dark.This went on for a half of a school year.During it, I was clingy to Riku, begging hug in silence or the opposite, hidding like a wounded animal. In both case, Riku was there, telling me to broke with her and was supportive. Finally, she wait the vacancy for doing it.I was full of rage, feeling betrayed, especially because she did it in a shitty way and scared if all the school will going to her side and suffer from school harassment again. I saw her everyday. She tries to return all the students against me, she lies that I erase all of her websites and she tries to steal the friend who was the most close to me right in front of me.

I did a depression again.

But this time, It was a depression where I was unable to do anything, even thinking about ParaHell.

So it’s some months later I come back to ParaHell, a little better but still mentally fragile. And discover that Riku take a appartment and leave my house. Still emotionally unstable, I go to his new adress, angry, but when I saw him… I wasn’t angry anymore. Just sad. We talked a little bit and finally, Riku drop the sentence :

“It becameimpossible for me to live with you anymore”

I understood that like my love for him became stiffing for him and emotion overflow me. I ask forgivness to be in love with him, that I understand he leave and if he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I’m okay with that. And without looking at him, without waiting a answer, I leave his appartment.

But further in the town, he starts to hunt me with a angry face.

So I was assumed he actually didn’t know about my feeling for him and he’s actually homophobic and… I… Panicked. And run in the opposite direction. It didn’t stop Riku and finally, he catch me at my house.(I wrote that part for a selfshipping right there if you want, it’s short)

Finally we fight a little bit because he’s offended that I think he was able to hurt me and me screaming that it was impossible for me to think otherwise because of his mad face. I ask him, always yelling, why he was chasing me and him telling me at the same volum he hates that when I run away after telling something important. So I yell like it wasn’t because of my feeling he take a appartment.And him respond in the heat of the moment that he was because of his feeling.

Yup, it’s like that we confess to each other.

After that it’s more a classic romantic story. A lot of cute moment, akward at the beginning because we both never have couple experience, nsfw moment too.Hard moment too because of Riku’s parents at least too. 

Right now, I really hesitate to put Master Xehanort and Vanitas after that… ParaHell is a big timeless crossover universe and I prepare to do the past of Yno into this (and another ocs). Because Yno is a video-game character and myself a Creator, we both can “broke the rules” so going in the past, in Birth By Sleep Timeline. And Yno is enough of a moron to drag Master Xehanort and Vanitas in ParaHell sometimes. So I hesitate.

[ Re:Coded ]

I recieve a message from King Mickey who ask me to come to his Castle alone. I’m not surprise because I know about the Journal…

Until I see my young myself on the screen.

The Journal had saved some data of me.

My data!self have a Keyblade, remember his name and know some things he’s not supposed to. And he glitch (I don’t know yet if I do this design like a Bug or not).

Mickey asks if it’s me and why the Journal have that.

I don’t know yet how to really do this “adventure” but one thing is sure. The Journal will reveal my past and…

I decide to return their memories back.

Riku didn’t really appreciate I play this game for so long… But finally, we’re more close than before.

[ KH : DDD & … ]

In the first version of this part, one of my closed friend I was considerate like my daughter back then was supposed to do the Examen with the boys and me (me with Riku, and them with Sora) but finally, we’re older and we see ourself like platonic soulmate now and they’re not really into KH so… I don’t know what to do anymore. I have another oc (daughter of the oc who pass the power of the Keyblade to me) maybe it’s a good occasion to give her a interesting story but for that I need to include her earlier probably…

Anyways, I’m with Riku and without darkness I’m weak and I’m forced to use my Keyblade. Which make me really uneasy and unhappy. Riku think this is a good occasion to me to take the way of light but I think otherwise.

I didn’t think that much about this part of the story too. There is a lot of plot hole isn’t?

But we’re still together, we still flirt with each other and we’re still in love…!

Now if you read all of this, first bravo, next sorry for the bad english and the not so summarized story and… Go to my main tumblr and send “speculoos” + what you want me do to and I will do a sketch of whatever you want. You deserve a cookie.