#i like to imagine he calls him fangio senpai

[trapperskeeper]

The off-season has been pretty cool so far and I have a lot of thoughts about it, so...

Ranking Dolphins off-season additions

S Tier

Vic Fangio - Defensive Coordinator

One of the best defensive minds in football and The Godfather of the modern day NFL defense. I mean that literally because I am 90% sure this man is secretly an Italian crime lord or something. He deadass even has an heirloom secret meatball recipe.

Jalen Ramsey - Cornerback

Stud cornerback who gives major bottom energy playing across from Daddy Xavien? Nuff said.

A Tier

Braxton Berrios - Wide Receiver

One of several strays we rescued from the Jets. Poor thing's been traumatized by shitty QB play. Fits the classic white slot receiver archetype that every team needs. Bonus points for being a dynamic return man. It's giving Wes Welker, but he fast boi now.

David Long Jr - Linebacker

True middle linebacker who hasn't been able to stay on the field for very LONG. Get it? Cause he has injury concerns? ...I'll see myself out.

B Tier

Mike White - Quarterback

King of having the most generic, white-ass name known to man. Best known for being HIM to the Jets fanbases for like 1 and a half games each season before the crushing reality of being the Jets comes back to bite them in the ass. Decent backup. Probably scored bonus points for having the same name as the Head Coach.

Eric Saubert - Tight End

Stopgap TE who actually knows how to block, so already better than Mike Gesicki. This man is a Durham Smythe clone except slightly faster. You can't fool me. I am familiar with your game.

Malik Reed - Outside Linebacker

Big man rush quarterback and make it easier for other big men to rush quarterback. Had a lot of previous success under Big Dick Vic in Denver across from Bradley Chubb. Gives me a chub just thinking about it.

Chosen Anderson - Wide Receiver

Best known for having the most, well... unique wicks known to man, and for being a moderate locker room cancer. A true Florida man. Whether I mean that in a good way or a bad way is up to interpretation. Low risk, high reward signing. Somewhere in a dark room Mike McDaniel is currently pushing his glasses up his nose and cackling at the idea of having 3 sub 4.4 40 WRs at his disposal.

C Tier

DeShon Elliott - Safety

Best known for making himself public enemy number one to the Dolphins fanbase before he'd even been on the team for a month by being out of pocket about the quarterback position. Better watch those Twitter fingers, bucko. We take mutiny very serious here. Solid player otherwise who will bolster a burgeoning secondary. Would be in B Tier if he wasn't a Twitter antagonist.

Dan Feeney - Center

Great leader. Great locker room guy. Great mullet. Mid to dog water player. Decent backup center all things considered. He's like the Ryan Fitzpatrick of centers except Fitzy was actually good half the time. Dan Feeney is giving more Fitzception than Fitzmagic.

Kendall Lamb - Offensive Tackle

The most mid of mid tier swing tackles... Which is disturbing because he is currently RT1... Which is disturbing because we have the only left handed quarterback in the NFL and that's his blindside. To this day I have no idea how that concept keeps escaping this team's front office, but you know, whatever. Mediocre right tackles go brrr!!

Dog water

Butch Barry - OLine Coach

Besides looking like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, this man is best known for being a part of the shit show that was Denver last year. Coached an OLine that hated him and was fired mid-season so... Love that for us.

Best addition of the off-season so far?

Vic Fangio by a country fucking mile.

This is a multifaceted signing with a plethora of advantages. Daddy Vic is a defensive genius. We know he's gonna get the defense right, but in all reality, just his presence will help our offense improve as well.

The one defense Tua has historically had the most trouble with in his career is the Fangio defense. As a rookie he faced him in Denver and had a very rough game. Just this past year he had his worst game against the Chargers and Brandon Staley who is a Fangio disciple.

It makes sense because up until now, he'd only been able to face our previous defense in practice, which relied heavily on man coverage and all-out blitz looks. Fangio's defense is the opposite. He prefers to only send four pass rushers and disguise his looks in the secondary by playing heavy zone coverage and rotating in and out of different looks at the snap forcing the quarterback to methodically read the defense in real time, take his check downs, and slowly march down the field. Accordingly, Tua's been very good against man heavy teams, but has struggled at times against zone heavy teams.

Well, now the man who's defense he's had the most trouble with is in that building. He'll be seeing those looks for months in practice and getting countless reps against it. Fangio can even advise him on the best ways to play his scheme.

11 teams in the NFL run the Fangio defense. That's a third of the league and our offense is about to get the cheat codes directly from the horse's mouth.

But maybe the best thing about Grandpappy Vic is that he's a grizzled old veteran who was a former Head Coach, and when you have a young little cinnamon roll of a Head Coach in Mike McDaniel it is such an advantage to have a seasoned former Head Coach there to advise him and mentor him.

I love Mike McDaniel, but he had his coaching struggles last year. He challenged more plays than any other Head Coach and only won one challenge the entire season. He's struggled immensely with getting the plays in on time to the point where it might have cost us a playoff win. Subbing in different players and personnel packages was a major logistical issue at times. And on top of all of this to keep track of, he's also the offensive playcaller.

It's a lot to do, and he's still pretty green in some areas. So to have a guy like Vic Fangio there with all his wealth of experience and wisdom for Mike to consult with during important moments is huge. He can also completely govern the defense and take that off his plate as well.

What I wouldn't give to sit in a room with Mike McDaniel and Vic Fangio and just listen to them talk football. An offensive genius and a defensive genius just bouncing shit off of each other.

The moment he signed, Vic Fangio instantly made everyone from the defense, to the offense, to the Head Coach better. Incredible signing. Best signing of the entire NFL off-season imo.

Worst addition?

Butch Barry.

Y'all... Mike Munchak was right there! And the best they could do was this Dobby looking ass motherfucker?

Considering they actually refuse to bring in a legitimate blindside tackle and have a bunch of young guys and journeymen competing there, you'd think they'd actually bring in a legitimate OLine coach to teach them and not one that was tarred and feathered and run out of Denver with a bunch of pitch forks. I mean for fucks sake, they practically threw a party over there when this guy was fired. Hopefully he proves me wrong, but it's not looking good in my eyes.

Four years into Tua's career and he's yet to have an offensive line that wasn't bottom 5 in pass protection. I mean, he's only had serious issues with injuries and now concussions in his career, and our entire season only hinges on him staying healthy and being there to lead this team. In what world would he need a proper blindside tackle? That's ludicrous.

Someone pray for my mans, bruh.