#i love the way we were so much

[baronessblixen]

I watched How We Were Before!

Turns out, I'd read the synopsis previously on Wikipedia-- but that made me invested instead of disinterested.

Interesting movie-- It's not a romance so much as a showcase of the faults of romanticization. imo, Hubbell and Katie weren't meant to be but were making it work. And interesting that Hubbell tried to make choices-- the first girl, writing, etc.-- but ended up on paths further away from the life he would choose himself (finishing the book, Katie, fatherhood, etc.)

Some back and forth thoughts were put out there about Katie's idealism and it destroying the relationship; but that's not the takeaway I had, at all. Her perspective and his were both valuable, both real, both respectable; but clashed with each other. Her pursuits and passions disturbed him; his happiness was found a different route. And his lack of passion or humorous POV on matters that were of serious importance to her nettled, hurt, and wounded Katie.

Some people just don't work. Some people are drawn to each other but aren't meant to be. Or they can love and respect and be on fire for so many aspects about a person but not have that passion or love returned, at least in equal measure.

And, in the end, I think it's their daughter that suffers. Her mother pushed back on her father's distancing and disinterest and even (at times) disgust, wanting him despite; and her father let himself be led from one mess to another, none of them satisfactory to him because he hadn't fully accepted and reconciled parts of himself. Thus, little Rachel was born and grew up and lived without her father in her life.

Both had fantastic speeches, too-- wisdom to share with each other. Perspectives and chemistry isn't the only thing to keep a relationship afloat.

Also, I find it interesting if you turn the conceit of the movie on its head a bit: if first girl were the main character, she'd have married the friend of a man who she loved and who loved her; and there'd be bittersweet music every step of the way she takes. That's what I like about the movie, I think: it shows the effects of bad choices and poor decisions, with lots of backstory hinted at but not fully explored. I'm really starting to like Sydney Pollack movies.

The only thing I don't respect is that Hubbell didn't raise his daughter, even if being a father didn't fit into the life he wanted. He might not have been the best father, but a phone call every once in a while would have been better than nothing. (But, again, those characters would have made those choices.)

Very thought provoking! :DDD

Ahhh, glad you watched it! I agree they weren't to be. The only reason they were is because their feelings for each other were so intense and I see it more like, rather than making it work, they were trying to make it work because of the love that was there between them. That never left. The last scene is proof of that.

Ultimatively, they're too fundamentally different. One thing that always gets me is how Katie is trying to fit herself into Hubbel's world. She tries to be that person who gets along with his friends but in the end, she is who she is, and she's done trying to pretend - no matter how much she loves Hubbell.

I'm not sure Hubbell ever really makes a choice. It's like he wrote in his short story "everything came too easily to him". He always follows the path of least resistance. That's why they break up. Katie is done trying to be who she isn't and he is never going to change.

Yeah, I agree. Her idealism didn't destroy the relationships. They were just too different. That doesn't mean either of them was wrong for wanting and doing what they did.

I don't their their daughter suffers. Katie marries someone else who I'm sure is a wonderful father. If they had stayed together, both would have been miserable.

Hubbell wouldn't have had his career because of his association with Katie. Barbra Streisand commented on that once and said she hates how much it looks like they broke up because of him sleeping with another woman. When in reality it was really the political climate with Katie having been a communist and Hubbell trying to make it in Hollywood. And of course their clashing personalities.

I think Hubbell would have loved to be a father. It had nothing to do with that. There was just no way for them to be in each other's lives anymore. That's why he says he can't come visit. They can either be strangers or lovers; there's no in-between for them. That makes it so bittersweet for me.

And I really like Sydney Pollack movies too! He did so many with Robert Redford 😁