#i made a post about this before but i used to think gojo's death linked to other happenings in the manga with tengen would be the key to

[torgawl]

i forgot to make a post about this but one of the reasons i believe megumi will be saved and come back, and how that will tie with a major moment in the story (either related to sukuna or the merger), is because of his name. or, to be more precise, because of his father and the legacy he chose to leave behind. toji's character has been the catalyst for almost everything in the current timeline of jjk. he was behind gojo's awakening, riko's death, geto's spiraling and defection which ultimately led to kenjaku's possession of geto's body, the lack of options to release gojo from the prison realm when he was imprisoned by kenjaku, he was the object of yuki's study to break free from the status quo, etc. quite literally, if we do have a plot, we have to thank toji for it. toji, who turned the world upside down and changed everyone's lives by breaking the chains of fate - literal symbolism used in regards to him and other concepts within the story like binding vows, specifically the one sukuna made with yuuji. toji, the one who linked the six eyes, the star plasma vessel and tengen (subsequently relating to the merger) by achieving a state of no cursed energy and reaching something akin to enlightment. such a bringer of chaos who was looked upon as the key to save the world by yuki, who knew there would have to be a change in the souls of the population of japan and cursed energy as a whole to finally break free from the cycle of suffering (breaking from the samsara and achievement of nirvana). now, how does that relate to megumi? the irony in the role toji plays within this story as someone who was born without power. the fact his influence caused nothing but destruction yet he birthed a blessing. what if megumi's name meaning blessing isn't just a coincidence or cute detail symbolising toji's love for his family but a sign for what's to come? what if the blessing yuki saw in toji's achievements as well actually translates to something more meaningful. more precisely, what if megumi is, quite literally, the embodiment of it?

[zuzu-draws]

So after the spoilers for Chap 257 dropped, I saw some tweets clarifying the meaning of the Kanji Sukuna used in the chapter when referring to his mother, and the overall reveals in the chapter got me thinking.

I’m making this post as a way of gathering my thoughts, personal speculations and where I think all of this connects to Sukuna’s character and the information Gege has given us over the years. Nothing I say is by any means new information, but like I said, I’m just collecting my thoughts here. By the way, just a warning, this post contains SPOILERS for the JJK Manga! If you don’t like that, please don’t read this!

Something I’ve noticed is that the theme of “Hunger” and symbolism of “Cooking/Food” is heavily referenced with Sukuna throughout the Manga. Gege in a previous Fanbook has disclosed Sukuna’s favorite Hobby to be “Eating”.

This theme is again very much ingrained within Sukuna’s cursed techniques and even his Domain Expansion, the “Malevolent Shrine”. With his two main techniques being “Dismantle” and “Cleave” are cutting-type attacks. He is also able to use a Flame-Arrow, and Fire is essential for making Food. The Shrine in his Domain Expansion literally has mouths on all sides, looking eager to chew down anything in-front of them!

This symbolism also heavily influences Sukuna’s own manner of speech, and the way he speaks to other characters in the series as well. With his post-fight chat with Jogo before his death, Sukuna mentions Jogo lacking the “Hunger” to take control of his desires, preventing him from reaching the heights of Gojo Satoru. Before the Start of their fight in Shinjuku, Sukuna called Gojo a “Nameless Fish on top of his cutting board”, and that he was going to start by “Peeling off the scales”(refering to Gojo’s infinity). There’s also further symbolism that supports this by analyzing the Kanji and meaning of Sukuna’s “Malevolent Shrine” but I’m not very educated on that so I won’t be opening that point here.

What all of this points to is that Eating and Food……is extremely important to Sukuna, to the point that it literally affects him in manners innumerable.

Eating is an instinct, a necessity for the survival of every single living being.

And In the face of extreme Hunger and starvation, even those with the strongest will could lose their Humanity and revert to the basic animalistic side of their existence. (The Heian Period also had a Famine, although I believe the timing to be a bit off, but do with this info as you see fit)

In JJK Chapter 257, it is revealed to us that Sukuna and his Twin were most likely starving in the womb of their starving mother.

On the brink of starvation, Sukuna had to consume his “other self”(his twin), so that he could survive.

Btw, this tweet and this thread gives additional characterisation to Sukuna:

Link to the original thread: Link.

More context (and reactions :P):

Link to original thread: Here

This reveals to us that indeed, Sukuna was born a twin. And as we all know, “Twins” are seen with extreme scrutiny in Jujutsu Society, they’re not well liked. This too in a period where Cursed Spirits and Jujutsu Sorcery was at its peak, it is not far-fetched to assume that his Mother may not have been treated very well by the people in her surroundings, especially as she bore twins.

When Kashimo asks if Sukuna was born the Strongest or if he made himself the Strongest, this is the response Sukuna gave to him:

When you think about it, how do you think the people around them would have reacted when the woman: who was supposed to birth two twins, gave birth to a single child instead? and that child had consumed his other twin in the womb itself?

No doubt people would’ve been horrified, disgusted and even revulsed. With the woman and her newborn child.

This would’ve led to their further ostracisation in the already very close-minded society. Unable to fend for herself and her newborn child, it must’ve been difficult for Sukuna’s mother to survive. I feel like somewhere along the line, Sukuna was left alone to fend for himself at an extremely young age. To protect himself from both Curses and Society alike.

This is why I believe Sukuna knows what true starvation, weakness and hunger feels like. Both in the emotional and literal sense. He was left without another person caring about him or his well-being, in a cut-throat period where it was “Fight or be killed”.

Powerful curses roamed all across Japan, nowhere was safe. Simply be strong, or you'll die. There's no room for weakness. And initially, a kid!Sukuna was weak, as anyone would be in the beginning when they're just starting out in this world. (and maybe, he didn't have much to eat, leading to long periods of starvation? :') )

I believe it is this debilitating hunger, and feeling of weakness that eventually led to Sukuna’s current Hedonistic mindset.

He’s essentially traumatised by it, and believes that it was his own weakness that led him to experience this sheer starvation. That he deserved to feel this way because he was weak then. Perhaps, the people around him were right, that as long as they have the power and strength to overcome anything, they’re free to do as they please; And there is nothing anyone else could do about it.

I feel like the irony here is that Sukuna himself, must’ve been a “weakling” before eventually rising the ranks to become History’s Strongest Sorcerer. This is also why he values Strength so much.

Ultimately, Sukuna has decided that there was nothing more important than being strong enough to fulfill your own desires. And “eating” is one of his most important desires. It’s his favourite thing to do, the one he derives the most pleasure out of. And like an animal, whose main focus is to consume, consume and consume. He too, simply consumes.

Most morals likely have no meaning to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts, what he does, as long as he’s able to get what he wants. And this isn’t limited to eating.

This is why people referring to Sukuna as a “Natural Disaster” is so befitting of him. Because Natural Disasters also don’t care about what or who they’re destroying, they just come and go, wreaking havoc appropriate for their nature and magnitude.

I believe Sukuna himself has said lines similar in nature, when talking to Kashimo:

Now I’m not sure how Sukuna perceives or even experiences this “Love”, because I think he has a rather very warped idea of it. I do think that this definition of love is similar to the one that Gojo also understands, but I don’t think he knows what “love” truly is. I’m not sure how I could comment on this, but I do think that Sukuna’s emotionally starved, whether he realises that or not.

Because, like Kashimo himself asked Sukuna “What is the point of dividing your soul into 20 different parts and then traversing across time if you’re satisfied with this?” we do not know the answer to that yet.

But many people have speculated that “Black Box” panels in JJK manga represent a curse (either self-inflicted or put by someone) on the speaker. Like, take a look over here where Sukuna reiterates the same dialogue, except it looks like he’s trying to reassure himself:

This once again shows that Sukuna has only ever strived for himself, in the same hedonistic fashion, to a very very extreme degree. It is possible that he's been lacking something, and he himself does not realise that he’s lacking it. Maybe it was this subconscious feeling, that led to Sukuna agreeing to Kenjaku’s plan of dividing his soul into 20 different parts, and to traverse across time as a Cursed Object.

Sukuna’s an incredibly complex character, and I’m excited to see where this goes. Gege has put extra care in the way he characterizes and depicts Sukuna, and again, I’m really sad that a lot of that characterization gets lost in translation. Still, I’m going to try my best to understand and get the most accurate feel of his character as I possibly can.

If you made it this far, Thank you for reading! And if you would like, please do leave a comment in the tags or replies because I would love to read what other people think of this and just Sukuna in general. I do not see a lot of people doing critical analysis of him, and a lot of his actions are seemingly swept under the rug. I don’t like that, so hopefully this contributes to people focusing more on Sukuna and his character. (/^v^)/ <3

[aliensupersyn]

Shibuya to Shinjuku: Gege's Use of Disparity

My analysis will be centered around Gege's use of disparity between his characters to drive a high-stakes narrative.

TLDR: Both Shibuya and Shinjuku involve hopeless battles that the cast majorly struggle through. Victory will only come after an uphill battle that favors the remaining villain. I implore you to read the first section, as that's the heft of the comparisons between the Shibuya Incident and Shinjuku Showdown. The other sections offer context for the "Sukuna Cycle" and the despair it causes for both the heroes and the readers.

In Shibuya, characters were heavily underpowered and majorly unable to fight the disaster curses. Stakes were at an all time high, especially after Gojo's imprisonment, and still, the heroes mostly failed to defeat their respective enemies. Mei Mei failed to defeat Kenjaku off screen; Nobara struggled against Haruta; Yuji lost to Choso; and Dagon bodied Maki, Nanami, and Naobito.

For the most part, the jjh forces lost the majority of their match ups. Yuji's final showdown alongside Todo was an uphill battle that mostly favored Mahito. Similarly, Sukuna has dominated in Shinjuku and has gotten more advantages than the cast. As put by Technical_Oil_8868:

Mahito hit a black flash, pulled a 0.2 domain expansion and a transformation while Yuji got nothing and moreover I think the black flash on maki is more or useless because Gojo needed 4 bfs to gain RCT output to recover his arm

Sukuna received Mahoraga and Agito via Ten Shadows; he transformed into a body that gives him inherent advantages via an extra mouth and limbs; Sukuna developed a new overpowered cursed technique that's defeated three cast members; Uraume returned one of his ancient cursed objects; he survived Yuta's maximum output Jacob's Latter; and Sukuna hit a black flash. Sukuna Kaisen has set a disparity that resembles Mahito's seemingly endless power as he continued evolving until his final moments.

Before the last enemy's defeat in Shibuya, multiple casualties occurred: Naobito whooped Dagon before the disaster curse evolved, then Maki nearly died, and Mahito later finished Nanami; Nobara gained an advantage against Mahito, then died immediately after; Todo came to help Yuji, and then lost boogie woogie.

Gege has made overt parallels to Shibuya already. It began with Gojo's defeat after an isolated battle against multiple opponents, then characters began to fall one by one. Higuruma's death was a direct reference to Nanami's.

When all hope was lost, Gege brought back two of the verse's heaviest hitters to save the cast. The strongest without cursed energy, and the strongest sorcerer (did this suddenly become a Gojo return post? Place your bets I guess?)

Toji saving Maki's group has parallels to Shinjuku already:

I've spoken extensively about my theory that Maki will return to face Sukuna yet again. She's the last of the heavy hitters and suffered the least damage between her and Yuta. She obviously parallels Toji within the story, and this link between them further supports my connection between Shibuya and Shinjuku.

When Gege needed a character to take out Jogo, who would have surely swept the cast at the time, Sukuna was brought back.

Yuji foils Sukuna the most within the story. In essence, they're twin spirits, having lived in the same body and sharing an appearance; Sukuna's Heian era form still has Yuji's pink hair for example. Sukuna himself admits that Yuji's the only person who he knows can match his own unbreakable will. Their parallels support my argument that Yuji satisfies Sukuna's role within Shibuya; he will act as the second force that saves the remaining cast from the enemy who can and will kill everyone left.

I argue that Maki and Yuji will return to face Sukuna in the end, just as all hope seems to be lost. Kusakabe and Miguel will likely act as plot devices to buy time for Maki and Yuji to make a grand entrance of sorts. Likely, the soul striking duo will struggle through the battle, as they'll no doubt face Sukuna's full cursed technique, and it will be an extremely stressful fight for them and the readers.

The Chips in Sukuna's Armor

Although he still has yet to use his full CT, Sukuna has taken serious damage that has left him with an obvious weak spot now. He may have played around with Kusakabe and allowed himself to get hit for fun, but stopped Kusakabe immediately once his heart was targeted. Now, even Sukuna has limits to how much damage he can suffer.

Sukuna suddenly stopped healing against Maki, and notice how his major wounds remain despite the black flash boosting his output.

Yuta took out his arm, extra mouth, and left a scar along his face that can be seen in the panels above. Maki's attack still has not healed, and will likely stay for the remainder of the battle due to how long soul wounds take to heal; this wound also slows down Sukuna's ability to heal his brain, which inhibits his domain expansion as well.

Sukuna still has a missing arm and has a weak heart. He played with Kusakabe, but as soon as he aimed for his heart, he stopped him. All variations of cleave and dismantle have been overcome twice now. Sukuna's armor is chipping and Gege's introducing characters who can force Sukuna into straining situations by avoiding his usual CT via Maki, Kusakabe, and now Miguel (check notes). I have already argued how Sukuna uses cleave and dismantle to test his opponents' strength. He did the same to Kusakabe in 254 by saving World Dismantle as the overwhelming ace (just as he did with Higuruma who neutralized cleave and dismantle as well). Sukuna's black flash kept him from having to revert to fuga since slash attacks were not working. Maki and Kusakabe both exposed Sukuna's current weaknesses.

Same as the readers', Sukuna's patience is wearing thin. He allowed Ui Ui to save the cast for a while, but suddenly set a trap for him by leaving Kusakabe out in the open while he hid. The conflict's stakes continue to rise, slowly but surely. As Sukuna defeats more of the main cast, the less combative forces become more endangered of being wiped out. Even Sukuna's tired of this same song and dance.

Kusakabe has exposed the fact that Maki's attack created an incredibly vulnerable wound that can be exploited. I argue that Maki and Yuji will use this gathered information in their final battle. Maki can dodge all forms of cleave and dismantle, which will force Sukuna to use his full cursed technique.

The Kind One

Here, I will focus mainly on Kusakabe's role within the narrative, and how he satisfies a similar role as Gojo and Nanami in Shibuya.

Kusakabe and Nanami came to similar conclusions in their final moments. They both share narrative similarities in reference to their power, and Nanami even appeared in 254. Kusakabe can't do a whole lot, but he's willing to stop running and put his life on the line like the younger generation has.

Thematically, Kusakabe specifically represents the meeting point between the young and older generation. The flashbacks reflect how he's been the main one coaching the kids through the fight until now, cause his superiors are dead (or just chilling in Mei's Mei's case). Kusakabe has been left in charge of everyone else's students, and he's taken that role especially seriously in his last moments. His monologue suggests he felt guilty for failing to save not only his friends, but their students as well. Therefore, he's deemed the Kind One. In his last moments, he's not thinking of himself, but everyone he's lost or possibly let down.

Similar to how Nanami thought of Haibara in his final moments, Kusakabe refused to let down Yaga. Both thought about what Haibara and Yaga would think of them, and this informed Nanami and Kusakabe's motivations as they died.

Kusakabe's fate also resembles Yuji after he switched with Sukuna in Shibuya, but he's not giving up like Yuji did. Kusakabe instead gives himself the Todo speech. He already knows that as the seemingly remaining fighter, he must put everything on the line. He didn't need a Todo to come and tell him, because he himself has been the coach.

The motif that Nanami, Gojo, Higuruma, and Kusakabe occupy exists in other shonen titles as well. In Naruto, the five Kage and Might Guy had a similar motivation for putting their lives on the line against Madara; the youth are the first in line on the battlefield, and as adults, they must step up and protect them if they can.

The Shibuya Incident featured largely disproportionate power gaps between the heroes and the villains, similar to Shinjuku Showdown. Gege prefers a narrative where the heroes face a seemingly endless uphill battle against opponents who gain more powerups than them. Sukuna's advantages will ramp while Maki and Yuji face him in the final showdown. Yet, in the end, their teamwork will prevail, just as Yuji and Todo's did against Mahito.

Notes:

Both Toji and Sukuna were returned more or less after being absent. Maki and Yuji will also return after a more brief absence.

I acknowledge that Sukuna didn't mean to "save" the rest of the cast, except Megumi, but in the end, that's what happened.

The last two pages of 254 suggest that Miguel's faster than a point blank cleave/dismantle, which is wild. The scars on the ground suggest that Sukuna definitely cast his attack, but Miguel avoided it without a scratch.

I absolutely love when the older generation in shonen titles admit that the youth are often unfairly sacrificed in war. It never fails to move me when the adults say it's time to put their lives on the line for the youth in an effort to finally give back. Ohnoki's speech and Guy's final words before the eight gates activation have to be two of my favorite moments in Naruto. It's a great motif.

[violetdrkside]

i dive into a sea of memories, and collect the pieces of our love

Rating: Mature

Categories: Gen Fic, M/M

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen 呪術廻戦

Relationships: Getou Suguru/Gojo Satoru Getou Suguru & Gojo Satoru

Tags: Angst, Angst and Feels, Hurt No Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Extra Angst, Heavy Angst, SatoSugu, Mentions of Killing, Mentions of Death, JJK Volume 0/Cursed Child Spoilers, Hidden Inventory (Gojo's Past) Spoilers, Shibuya Arc Spoilers, I've had SatoSugu brain rot for over a year (close to two years) and I make sure I make it everyone else's problem, Crossed post on Ao3

Summary: He cannot help, but only think of him. He thinks of every single moment and feeling he has ever shared with and of him. Life can be cruel, and he is not sure how he got here, but sometimes all you can do is dwell on the past as you try and accept your present. It is hard to lose your one and only and the person you ever had. Like slides from movie your brain will play back all those times you ever had of and with them and all you can do is watch.

A/N:

In celebration of Gojo's 1000th day (I know I'm bit late, but let's ignore that) I present some SatoSugu Angst. Also if you do not know what I mean by 1000th day then I would suggest not reading because it might spoil some things for you. Anyway I have severe SatoSugu brain rot. I love them dearly and am obsessed with their relationship and how they interact with one another and how Akutami writes them. The title of the fic is a translated lyric from King Gnu's song 逆夢 (Sakayume) which was featured in the JJK Volume 0 Movie. I looked up multiple sources for the translation of the lyrics and that seems to be the general translation for the lyric. If you have better translations for the song please let me know! But this song absolutely is about Getou and Gojo and makes me sob deep down. BEFORE READING: Volume 0/Cursed Child Spoilers Hidden Inventory (Gojo's Past) Spoilers Shibuya Arc Spoilers (Don't say I did not warn you) Use of King Gnu's lyrics for title. I don't own them. [See end for more notes]

______________________________________________________________

   "Back then, I thought/That you would always be by my side/As if it was a given."

          The amount of time that has passed is undetermined. The same image keeps playing, flickering like a reel of film projecting onto a screen. The sound of a voice imprinted in his mind on a loop saying one thing. He knows what he saw, what he heard, what his cursed energy told him, but deep down in his soul all the facts are deemed false. Whoever that was, it was not the person who he formed an unbreakable connection with. His whole life flashing like slides as he transcends somewhere out of this world. Unsure when the tears started to flow down his face and unsure if it was from laughing or crying. He combs through every scenario of how this could have happened. What curse made him be banished to this realm? The wiring linking back to right before becoming engulfed by this prison. Every single memory with him, about him, of him is what came rushing back to the blindfolded man before the darkness engulfed him.

           How long has it been now? How many times has he thought of these memories? He is starting to become unsure how long he has been in here. Has it been a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year? Longer than that? 1000 days? Maybe no time has passed at all. Even so…however long it has been, all he can think about is him . His voice. A ghost of his past that he thought he killed, and yet he remains. Well, only his physical embodiment remained, His soul…unfortunately that was lost long ago, perhaps even before he had to take the life of his one, his only.

          He thinks about the first time they met at Jujutsu Tech. How the boy with jet hair and bangs in his face and eyes that closely match had no idea who he even was. He thinks about how they did not even get along at first, but as the days passed, even with different moralities and ideas, one was not seen without the other. He chuckles as he thinks of their fights at Jujutsu Tech, and how the cursed manipulation user would still wield his technique even though he was prohibited from doing so. And all the times Yaga would yell at them for their conduct. How they would drive Shoko crazy from their antics as well.

          He thinks of how all their bickering would end in laughter and no matter their disputes they each knew they could trust and confide in one another even as the sun is setting. All the late nights spent in each other’s rooms to the point it became difficult to tell which room was whose. With clothes left on chairs, souvenirs from all the missions and trips. Different foods and snacks they would bring back to share with one another. He thinks how sometimes their late nights would bleed into early mornings; with droopy eyes and cracked voices as they would fall asleep in one of their beds, because having to travel back to the other’s bed was still too far.

          He thinks about how for the first time he could be free. To travel and see the country and all its variety. How, for the first time, he never had to feel alone and was not treated differently just because he was born with a destiny already planned out for him. Finally, instead of hearing “you” or thinking there was only “me” there was a “we” and an “us.” Neither one of the two had to do anything by themselves because they made a team.

          He wishes that those days of the beginning could go on forever. How he wishes he could hold onto them a little longer. He curses the moment those days became less and less and he wishes he could go back to the day when it was their last. Before everything started to crack and crumble then shatter altogether. Maybe if he knew their last day of laughter and happiness before “we” went back to “you” and “me” he could keep it like that, even if it was just a little longer.

          Unfortunately, he knows when things changed for the two of them. Maybe regardless of the events that had occurred, he could have been more present, he could have gone to change his mind, change his soul before he left completely. That day still haunts him, still lingers, and as much as he wants to deny it, to ignore it, that day was the day he lost all his youth, his hopes, his dreams, all his plans and what could be.

         He remembers how he died that day and how he came back. He remembers thinking how the only person he has ever had was dead too. How he would burn it all down knowing he could not exist in a world where the other was not. He thinks how he should have burnt it down regardless because honestly there was not much left of it anyway. At least not enough for anyone in the future to prosper from it. He thinks of his own face that day. Even though they both have lived, someone who they promised to protect was not. He remembers the brightness and glimmer in his eyes fading along with his smile. How his face became a ghost of what it was.

          That is when the separation started. That is when he was sent on missions alone constantly–when he was recognized as the strongest and no longer needed someone to rely on. That is when everyone started to rely on him . Maybe he could not have changed his destiny. Over all the missions he went on, he would think of him. He would think of how it would be so much better if he were there as well. Just because he did not need him by his side does not mean he did not want him by his side. But that is a lie too: he did need him. With him by his side he was someone, he meant something to people beyond his power, his cursed energy, his six eyes. He remembers all the feelings he felt as a child while in isolation in the confines of his family’s estate flooding back to him as a teenager when he began to spend mission after mission alone. No one to share crepes or other desserts with when he would buy them on their missions away as his best friend would follow and oblige his sweet tooth. Before he knew it all the days were blending together and he wondered if that is what it was like for him as well.

          He should have been there more for him. Maybe convince Yaga that they should do a mission together instead of separately, and have Shoko join them too so it could be like it was in the beginning . Maybe instead of crashing in his own room from the tiring days, he could have gone to his room, to spend the night there like they used to. Talk about their plans and dreams like they always did. He should have been there more for him . He should have been present, because if he himself was still hurting from that fateful day he could only imagine how the other man felt. All he wanted was to see from his eyes and maybe, just maybe, they could fix it together. They could work through all the problems; all the issues they were going through like they always did. Even if there was fighting, he knew laughter would follow.

           He can feel himself finding it hard to breathe. Was it this place he was in? Was it something else? Maybe this time he is actually…dying. How long has it been now? How long has he been lingering on every day he had with him? Every moment. Maybe…maybe…he could not change a single thing. Maybe no matter what he did it would have gone like this. Maybe if he was never in his life, none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have had a chance for a happy life. Besides, you cannot grieve for something you never had in the first place. Maybe he should have stayed in isolation…never gone to Jujutsu Tech. Learned everything from home. Not involving anyone else in his life. Was this the curse he was born with? He could feel the heaviness in his chest growing. Suddenly a thought occurred… 

            Is this what it feels like to swallow curse after curse? Is this how Suguru felt all this time?

        He starts to think of that excruciating day when they met each other in Omoide Yokochō, how he was instructed to execute him, his other half and could not. Instead, he stood there and let him walk away. He regrets letting him go, blending with the crowd. The words he said to him that day still haunt him and quite honestly, he still does not think he has the answer to the question he asked him all those years ago. The heartbreaking honest answer, he kept hidden deep behind his six eyes was he never wanted to become the strongest. He did not want the whole Jujutsu world to rely on him, to use him. He did not solely want to be the strongest, or at least he did not want to be the strongest on his own. If he was going to be the strongest he wanted to do it with him by his side.

            He wanted to go back to when the two of them felt like they were on top of the world. He wanted to go back to when they would say, “We are the strongest.” The only way he has tried to fill this hole is teaching. Teaching the young jujutsu sorcerers and guiding them so they can create a better world, and prevent being in a world like the one he grew up in. He knew at one point that is what the other man would do, before he changed, before he went his own way. He knew they were supposed to teach the new generation. Guide them together, but instead he does it himself, for both of them, for a lost dream they once shared.   

His mind keeps circulating on the same thoughts. Should he have held onto him harder, or maybe a little less? Maybe he should never have let them become as close as they were. Maybe they should have just stayed classmates, nothing more, nothing less. But…he became greedy, in order to feel human. To have someone’s warm breath against your ear as they whisper a secret. To share meals with. To walk alongside someone as shoulders brush against one another. To smile, to laugh, to cry, to fight with. All to feel alive. If he did not share these moments with him, would there have been anyone else who would come along in his life to share them with, to make him feel the way he did with him. To feel things he did not know a person could feel. If it was not for him, would he have been blessed–would he have been cursed–with all these memories, experiences, feelings if it were not for him.

            He thinks of all the years that passed and how the years apart became longer than the years together. He thinks about the possibility of him leaving too. Leaving Jujutsu Tech and going to chase after him, to be with him. Maybe he would not feel the burning of the hole in his heart grow if he were to be by his side again. The life he lived up until this point was originally because of him, before his soul switched, this is the life that he originally wanted.This is what they were supposed to do. To protect, not to harm. He thinks maybe they did curse each other…

            Sitting in the empty classrooms of his youth as the sun set and the sky would change colors, he would sit reminiscing about the things he would tell him. How he made him listen to him, even when he was acting arrogant. No one had ever done that before, but for him, he listened to his friend as he would look into his dark and shining eyes. Through his words he trusted him, and would give him everything.

            That day he came back to their school where they had created so many memories. He could feel him even before seeing him. Even if it had been what seemed like another lifetime, he still memorized everything about him. Then there he was. With the people he now called his family, preaching about his new beliefs to his students. How his voice, his words pierced him because in a different life they were to be side by side teaching these students together. On that day though, he hears that man speak of a different world, a different life his former self would be against. He now speaks of war, of cursing each other. How he remembers his stomach twisting from his words. When did he believe bloodshed would fix everything? Does he not remember that day they almost died, how someone did die, how multiple people died, and what it felt like to see someone with a life lose it in seconds. How horrendous that felt. Here he is now calling for a war, where more lives can, will, and were lost.

            Finally, that day came. The day he had been avoiding since the day he turned his back, never to return. He is not sure if it was cruel or fitting for it to end that way. He really did not want it to be this way. Maybe it would have been easier for him if Yuuta and Rika were the ones that ended his life, or maybe it would not have. Until the end he trusted him. For the other man he held no hard feelings for those of Jujutsu High. They both knew how this would be their last moment with each other. He remembers how he looked into the injured man’s eyes and though they were the same eyes he had always gazed into all those years ago, he knew they were different now. He remembers how he would do anything to see them glow again even just for a moment before he would have to do what he has been dreading to do for all these years. For a second he hoped they could be like they were before.

            It was not that long ago this happened. All the feelings are still there like an open wound. The way he says his name still makes his heart beat a little faster, because it always sounded different when he would say it. Then, when he would speak his name off his tongue he could not help for his stomach to flip, to clench just slightly because was this really going to be the last time he says his name to him. No matter how much he wanted to shove that evening away from his thoughts, it still plays like it was yesterday, every day. He recalls how he wishes he would curse him even if it was a little in the end, but they both know that they could never do that to each other. Though what they will not admit is they already did curse each other. The truth is already there to prove it had done its toll on the two sorcerers. 

He thinks of his last words he said to him and just before he took his last breath. He had laughed and for the man reliving his memories like a featured film, to see him laugh one more time, for his eyes to soften like they once were when they were younger filled him up to the point of absolutely destroying him. Because after this, his worst nightmare was about to come true. To be in a world where the other man would not exist. It did not matter if they were not physically present in each other’s lives these past years, they still both knew that the other one was still breathing, still living their own life. And now…and now…this is where everything ended.

            He thinks back to how he took his last breath before taking someone else’s. He did everything he could to keep his composure, but he knew that the only person he ever had, knew that he was anything but composed. In a flash it was over, but everything else remained. Before he could do anything else he stood there before the man that he thought would always be in his life and let the tears fall from his eyes. The ones he always held back after all these years because now there would never be a “we.” This was it, this is how it ended.

            He thinks about how he had to leave his body there in the alley, to ensure the safety and lives of the jujutsu sorcerers of the future. He thinks back of having to tell Shoko of the death of their friend. She had always kept herself more composed and indifferent of their friend’s leaving. In that moment though he sees how her face drops and eyes begin to water as she too grieves the loss of her friend. Seeing his nonchalant friend and coworker break that composure caused him to break more than he already was. He had convinced her to not dispose of his body and because she was one to not want to get in the middle of things she did not go against his words.

            For the first time Gojo cannot be greedy, he spends the last remaining time he has left with Geto before letting his “family” give him a proper burial. The tears flowing down his face and how he wishes he could have more time and thinks about all their firsts and all their lasts, just as he is reliving them again in the place where time does not exist. Oh how he wishes he could see how they saw each other in each other’s eyes…

    Ever since that day he goes through each day missing him living the fantasies of what they could have had, knowing they are all false realities. He tries to live a life that he would have wanted him to live before things shattered, because that was the only life he ever really wanted. Even though a lot of the days were difficult, and it felt like he would wake up and fall asleep with tears in his sky filled eyes, there were days that felt like the past did not exist only the present. He held onto those days, those moments, because he knew they were precious.

            The hardest days were the ones where it seemed like a new life was forming and though the past can never be erased a new life for the future can still bloom, but then a certain smell, song, sound, place would appear or he would come across something that threw him back to the past and then that is where his mind would live. He would feel the uncertainty clinging with doubt, if he could even be able to get out of the whirling winds of the past to be able to live in the present again. Those days are the hardest because of how warming it is to live in the happy, beautiful moments of the past, because at one point everything he ever wanted was there.

            Now he thinks back to what was moments ago, or has it been longer than that? How long has it been since he saw him? It was him, his body at least, but everything else was not. In the remnants of his soul, he knew that was not the person he shared the deepest connection within his life. How could he be fooled? Did he really miss him that much? Was that truly the thing he desired most, was to have him back? He knows there is so much more in this world and in this life, but without him in it, it is a bit bleak.

            His name keeps ringing inside his head along with his own from the person who he cared about most in this world. When did everything become so cursed?

WC: 3,412

24 October 2022

00:31

Happy 1000th Day of Gojo's Sealing! You did it baby!

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A/N: Hello Lovelies thank you for reading! Apologies for the hurt, but I cannot help it. Shout out to my friend Mint who helped me edit! I highly appreciate it, since I wrote this while recovering from surgery the last two weeks (don't worry I am okay)

Also shout out to all the incredible people from the discord I am apart of and dealing with my SatoSugu brain rot. Plus for always being supportive and encouraging! <3

Please leave comments and thoughts also any constructive criticism! (I don't mind, constructive being key.)  If I missed a tag let me know. And remember the only heart  you should smash is the like button <3 REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

Ao3

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[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet|| Megumi Fushiguro

A/N: Uhhhh I’m back on my bullshit >:) it’s missing Fushiguro hours folks.

Word Count: 2050

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

(If you want some more in depth affection headcanons click here)

Fushiguro is someone who isn’t big on pda but makes up for it in private. In public, he’ll hold your hand but in private he’s laying i your lap while you massage his scalp. Basically, he’s a big softie that just represses his urge to cuddle until he’s alone with you.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Best friend Megumi is literally the president of the Y/N defense squad. If anyone has a problem with you, they have a problem with him. Of course, you have to rein him in sometimes and remind him you can fight your own battles, but just know he’s lookin out for you.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Fushiguro loves to cuddle, but he will repress the urge to do so for as long as possible. Because of that, he doesn’t let you go, preferring to cling to you throughout the night. His cuddles are always deceptively loose too. His arms give you just enough wiggle room but the second you try to get up, it’s like fighting two pythons.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I don’t think he ever really planned on settling down, Megumi figured that he’d die long before he ever got the chance to settle down. Everyday is pretty much a new experience in terms of domesticity for him, he doesn’t have plans for the future, but as long as you’re with him, he’ll be happy.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If he ever had to break up with someone, he’d probably ask for help on how to do so. The first person he’d ask (regrettably) would be Gojo who’d tell Megumi to just ghost the person. After asking around some more, he figured Kugisaki’s approach of getting it over with as bluntly as possible (although less mean) was the best option.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Megumi isn’t really the type for wedding ceremonies. He’s all about commitment (even though working up to marriage for him is longer than most) but he’s not a fan of being the center of attention, so a wedding ceremony/reception wouldn’t be his thing. If you wanted a ceremony, he’d be willing to compromise somewhat but otherwise, he’s perfectly fine with just going to the courthouse.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s kind of rough around the edges. In private, he can be the sweetest, most tender soul, but in public he’ll put 7 yards of distance between you both if you try to hug him. Basically, he’s very shy, so anything that’ll draw too much attention is a no go (he isn’t opposed to linking pinkies though).

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

At first Megumi really only hugged you when he was missing you, sad, or tired. Over time though, he got better at becoming more open with his affection and he’ll hug you whenever he feels the urge to. Despite that though, his hugs still have an undercurrent of desperation in them. He holds on just as tight each time like he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He’s operating on a very strict ‘If you don’t say it, I won’t’ policy and as such this man will not say a single thing to you unless prompted. He knows deep down that he loves you and that you set off butterflies in his stomach every time you smile, but he never really thought to verbalize that until you say ‘I love you’ first.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Megumi doesn’t get jealous, he’s fought side by side with you and he knows you’re more than capable of fending off any unwanted suitors. Megumi put a lot of trust into you by already being in a relationship so to him, it makes no sense to be jealous over you. That all being said, he’s not above the occasional side eye if someone’s getting a little too buddy buddy.

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

On a normal day, his kisses are so natural, he’s so slow and the pressure is just enough to have you thinking you’ve got all the time in the world. In near death/ post-near death circumstances, he’s a little more feral. When he kisses you like that, it feels like it’s the end of the world and he’s trying to make the most of it.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Fushiguro isn’t good with kids that aren’t old enough to communicate. Older kids are fine with him, but guessing what a baby needs based on how loud it’s crying? Hard pass for him and he doesn’t even feel bad about it. The last time he had to watch a baby, he tried to leave one of his shikigami to watch it; long  story short, he had to explain to a cackling Gojo why his demon dogs wouldn’t let him leave to go to the bathroom.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Fushiguro are pretty rare. Most of the time you guys don’t really get to sleep in or even spend mornings together since most of the time there’s missions or trainings you’ll have to go to. When you do get the rare morning off, Fushiguro makes the most of it. He sleeps in and doesn’t wake up before 10 no matter what you try. When he does finally wake up, he loves cooking breakfast with you, he’s not the best cook, but he treasures the experience over anything.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Megumi are also rare as most curses come out at night and that’s kinda your guys’ job. If all goes well though, you’ll both come back a little earlier and just go straight to sleep. If it’s a late night where the curse took more out of either of you than expected, yall usually stay up and talk and snack until one of you falls asleep or the sun comes up.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It takes him an extremely long time to open up to you about his past. Not because he doesn’t trust you, but because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to think less of him for it (especially during his problem child era). To be honest, you probably find out about certain things from other people. Once he’s cornered confronted, he’ll be completely (albeit a bit grudgingly) honest about it.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

His anger is kind of weird, whereas before, he was a lot quicker to explode, bluntly telling off or even fighting whoever pissed him off, he’s changed. He tries his best to repress his emotions and as such, he comes off as patient, never expressing his true feelings/desires until pushed to the brink. 

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’s the king of remembering details you mention in passing. His love language is partially acts of service so for him, remembering details about you helps him later. Oh remember that one time you needed a pen/pencil but didn’t have one? Never again, this man has a section of his shadows dedicated solely to pencils because of you. Oh what’s that, you like this random song? Guess what just got added to the playlist he made for you. Basically, while he may not look like it, he’s actually a simp and so if he can make your life easier/ make you happy, it’s worth it.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

So Megumi is someone who doesn’t play video games but is really good at them for no reason. One day, you’re playing a game of smash bros. and he’s just kicking your ass, like it was sad. Needless to say, after his 4th win, he “accidently” pressed the wrong button and let you win. He thinks you don’t know he did this but when you won, you kissed him and completely flustered him, to the point that he couldn’t play for a solid 5 minutes. 

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite knowing and trusting that you can defend yourself, he’s still super protective of you. You’re one of the few people that he cares about in the world and he’d give everything to see you safe and protected. As for how he’d like to be protected, knock some sense into him every once in a while. He has a habit of self sacrificing so if you want to protect him, remind him that you want to keep him alive as much as he wants to keep you alive.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

On the outside, his dates are very simple. They usually consist of you and him either staying in or just hanging out at stores and the like. Every once in a while, he’ll try to take you somewhere special, like a cove he found or a festival. For most people, these may be simple dates, but Fushiguro puts so much effort into so may aspects of your dates that honestly, anything bigger would lose the personal touch your dates have.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

One of his worst habits is his self-sacrificing tendencies. Even during a baseball game, he can’t help but sacrifice himself (especially if it means his friends/ you get to get the glory). With time though, he grows out of this and realizes it’s not selfish to want the best for yourself.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s giving “I woke up like this” and it’s... it’s something. One might think the style is intentional since obviously, the look could only be achieved with gel, and to an extent, it is intentional. He might use gel to spike it a little more but the man legit rolls out of bed and chooses to leave his hair up like that.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, as much as he loves you, Fushiguro is an introvert. He needs time to just be by himself and unwind every once in a while, so he’s got no complaints if you leave him to his own devices or have to be gone for a long time.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

Megumi has negative zero relationship experience. He’s never found someone that was worth the risk/ worth opening up to, hell, he just barely got friends when he entered high school. Because of this, every part of your relationship is like navigating uncharted waters.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He’s less someone to dislike a specific thing/ personality trait, and more someone who doesn’t like different people for different reasons, ex. Todo and Mai. If he had to pick a single trait, it’d probably have to be hypocriticism.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He is someone who will fall asleep spread eagle one night and the next be huddled into a tiny little section of the bed. Mercy on you if you try to cuddle because now you’re wrapped up into his unconscious acrobatic routine.

[celiabowens]

Tagged by @zenien to do a content creator: year in review. I was tagged by several people I think and I’m sorry if I don’t remember whoever tagged me dfkjv thank you anyway lol

 1. First creation and most recent creation of 2020:

First: guess this one? First time I opened PS in just about forever and it shows for real lmao. I was just relearning stuff there I guess lol

Most recent: I haven’t posted the last 6-7 edits I made in 2020? ;;

2. One of your favorite creations from 2020: Kageyama’s birthday edit probably? This one surprisingly got 900 notes in the first 24h and then it died because like, no one reblogged it dfkjvf I still like it a lot and I think it’s pretty great actually lol

3. A creation you’re really proud of: this death parade edit, which unsurprisingly flopped, but tbh I really like? I did most of it in AI and it took forever, but I learned a lot while doing it

4. New style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: i haven’t giffed in years (might try my hand at it again I guess), but regarding style, anything I’ve made since October 3rd, because I started learning how to use AI then :)

5. A creation that took you forever: the death parade edit I linked above. I didn’t have a lot of art to work with so I did most of the pieces myself? plus I was doing it 3-4 days before my thesis deadline so I was a mess

6. Your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: tragically this one because this simple atla set took me a grand total of one hour??? 

7. A creation you think deserved more notes: the death parade gfx, because it’s one of the few edits of mine I actually quite like? and it has a lot less notes than much simpler stuff of mine

8. Creation with a favorite scene/quote: this shinobu edit, I like the quote I used, although I believe it comes up much later in the manga if compared to what was animated so far.

9. A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: I think only JJK was new to me and I made this Gojo gfx. I’ve actually recently made a Sukuna edit, but I haven’t posted it yet!

10. A creation you made that breaks your heart: nothing in particular I think! 

11. A ‘simple’ creation that you really love: this Addie Larue edit I made for a friend. First time I edited with someone else in mind and I like how it turned out even though it’s quite simple.

12. A creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): I actually didn’t make anything with a clear inspo, I would say I am generally inspired by a lot of other creators around here!

13. A favorite creation created by someone else:

reigen gfx by @elriccs

spirited away info by @kiyomie

death parade gifset by @zerou

fire emblem edit by @zenien

jjk edit by @25th

got7 edit by @youngjaes

14. Some of your favorite content creators from the year: @kiyomie @elriccs, @svmeragi @zerou @25th @youngjaes @runwiththewind, @tcmiokas, @zenien, @manganimae, @ultkags, @osamusmiya

15. And for good measure, another a couple more creations of yours that you love:

Oct 3rd edit mainly!

kny info gfx

tagging: anyone I mentioned who hasn’t done this yet!