#i might reblog this in the morning idkkk

[longeyelashedtragedy]

tag ppl you want to know better game - tagged by @heffer-wen many many days ago! (i had so much fun reading your answers!)

last song: "shrike" by hozier. i liked this song fine when the album first came out, but 5 years later all of a sudden it's everything my brain needs to hear. something about how his voice sounds when it gets Loud--it's just filling all the spaces that are empty and expanding my lungs and i can breathe. yknow?

currently watching: nothing, sincerely. i've got a pandemic era frank interview queued up, but that requires actually staring at a video and paying attention, and i'm not very good at that. i mean i guess i've poked around a couple old youtube videos that are too incriminating to discuss. but!

in seriousness...i'm trash at watching anything most of the time. tv/movies were on a near-total ban in my house as a kid and i think i'm a product of this parenting choice (recommend!)

three ships: frank x mason, big gabi x willo, XHAKARTETA. hard to pick a favorite frank ship though...that could go in a lot of directions.

favorite color: Heff did i see hot pink and black? YES! my favorite colors are pink and black. runners-up: red and purple, though some reds and purples are better than others.

first ship: gosh...honestly, i think it was McLennon, hahah. that was the first ship i realized was a ship, though, because my friend introduced me to ff.n via that ship the summer after 8th grade. before that, i was informally shipping katarina witt with a whole bunch of people myself included. but yes, John & Paul. i didn't really have headcanons or anything though, i just read some stuff. the first ship where i was like I SHIP IT and went to read fanfic on LJ for it was *sigh* bellatrix/narcissa from harry potter. say what we will about JKR now, and i'm sure we all have, but some of the fanfic on livejournal went HARD. as a mere teenager, i was in awe of the adults writing all this stuff, and felt so privileged to lurk amongst them and occasionally comment. Would that fandoms were still like this!!!

place of birth: new york, ny in a hospital that's about to close. i was six days late because i was destined to be a sag and not a scorpio. i knew even then!

current location: just across the river and a little bit southeast.

relationship status: hardcore in my aromantic era. i used to be obsessed with love and having a special person and all that, but i don't know...the idea of having to have someone up in my business, entitled to knowledge about me, sharing a space with me all the time...it all just feels like a big NO these days. it actively makes my skin feel crawly. of course, life is designed for you to have a partner which is pretty frustrating. sincerely i'd rather just have a bunch of loving and interesting friends who all live near me. now, am i down for a hookup? sure, but the only part of me worth seeing is my head, so we move!

last movie: "encounter in the air," it's a movie directed by this albanian director whose stuff i love. he doesn't use music in his films, and films on location in/near his hometown in northern albania, and the...soundscape? is so rich and bountiful and gorgeous. you don't realize how noisy movies are till you watch one of these. (this was one of the very rare times when i watch something)

currently working on: reading my way through my library book pile, decluttering my leggings shelf, thinking of how i want to structure a potential fic about a ~75 year-old man having a drunk fuck with his son's wife (with motivations currently unknown to me--and what tone it should have? not my usual pedestrian tone, but how to do it differently? i do have some interesting sentences written down in the draft. i like the sight and then the memory of wet footprints on the hallway floor & mud from the football pitch and carelessly worn boots tracked through the house). also how i'd write some frank/anthony gordon england NT callup dubcon phone sex. now that was a whole serving of word salad. shit, imagine if i was writing TAA/szoboszlai or pedri/gavi.

tagging: @thatbrightblueshine @kvaradonaa @protect-daniel-james @medicalwastebouquet @thundercrack (answer on whichever of your blogs hahaha) and i KNOW i'm leaving people out so...YOU. if you want!!!! no pressure at all.

[starfleetakaashi]

— to the only boy i’ve ever loved before; atsumu x reader

GENRE. fake dating au, college au, fluff, and angst if you squint ur pretty eyes!

PAIRING. atsumu miya x fem reader

SUMMARY. Atsumu Miya was a piece of shit, everyone knew, but your horny teenager ass still had a crush on him, and he knew. Oh, did he know. Thankfully, high school days were over and college days had finally rolled by, and your crush for the blonde setter was gone. Or, so you thought.

WORD COUNT. 3.6k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE. i’ve been simping over this fool lately, so i couldn’t help myself!!! this fic is lowkey inspired by tatbilb (to all the boys ive loved before) and idkkk i find that movie so adorable even though the second one was a disappointment. anyways! enjoy this bbies, pls reblog and leave any feedback!! xoxo also wrote this one in one sitting wtf is wrong with me i

“Stop following me, Miya.” You said his name with so much venom laced in your voice that the said man had shivers run up his spine in slight fear. He swallowed his fear, an evil smirk playing on his lips as he placed his hands on his hips.

“I will eventually,” he says, and you give him a side-eye glance. “If you’re willin’ to listen to my proposition.” He smiles at you, and you groan aloud, not exactly having the energy to deal with his bullshit so early in the morning.

He was on his way to morning practice while you were on your way to the library to get some extra studying before your big test in Chemistry, your first class of the day. His presence was not in your favor, as he was holding you back from getting any studying done, and Chemistry was in an hour and a half.

“Fine, I’ll listen!” You sigh, rubbing your temples as you exhaled, stress building up already. “Hurry up, will you? I’ve got to study, and last time I checked, you have some plans too.” You say, gesturing to the gym that was right behind Atsumu, who turned back to the gym before nodding at you.

“Be my girlfriend,” he says suddenly, getting straight to the point. If you were drinking something right now, you would have spat it right at his face, and you were starting to wish that you were drinking something just so you could have an excuse to spit at him. 

“Excuse me, what?!” You exclaim, immediately laughing at him, and he rolls his eyes as he allows you to finish your childish laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding, Miya. This is a prank, right? Where’s Bokuto, is he hiding in some bushes?” You ask, looking around. The smile on your face disappears when your eyes land back on Atsumu and realize that he was indeed serious. 

“Don’t act like I wanna actually date ya,” he scoffs, and your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “I meant fake girlfriend, doll.” He smirks, and you blush at the pet name before clearing your throat.

“Me? Your fake girlfriend?” You ask, and he nods. “Now, why would I do that?” In all honesty, high school you would have been freaking out since you harbored the biggest crush on the blonde fool, but thankfully those feelings went away the summer before college, which was already almost two years ago, with you and Miya being in your second year of college.

“Just for the rest of the year, I promise.” He said, and you squinted, trying to find any traces of lies in his face, and you failed to find any. “My fan girls are drivin’ me crazy, [Last Name]-chan! With ya in my arms, they’ll surely leave me alone!” He sighs dreamily, thinking of possible scenarios that would consist of you and him in different situations, some a little too naughty to name.

“Oh, be quiet!” You kicked him, and he whines a little from the hard impact your foot had made with one of his ass cheeks. “What am I gonna get out of this? Your little fan girls might murder me,” you said, and Atsumu looks at you as he rubs his ass.

“Ya get to have me all day any day,” another kick, another whine. “Kiddin’, I was kiddin, gorilla!” Another kick. “I haven’t thought about it, but consider it, yeah? I gotta go, [Last Name]-chan, make sure ya think ‘bout me!” He chuckles evilly, waving goodbye to you as he jogged to the gym, and you said your goodbye through waving your middle finger in the air.

He’s so annoying.

Bokuto burst out in laughter as you told him what his stupid setter of a teammate had said to you this morning. It was now lunch time, and despite having a rather difficult test in Chemistry a few hours ago, the day went by pretty smoothly.

“It’s not funny, Bo!” You sighed as he calmed down, whispering sorry’s to you before he held his stomach in pain, probably from laughing too hard. “That rascal, how dare he ask me such a weird question!” You gripped your fork harder, the scowl on your face starting to become more apparent than it already was.

“Yes, but think about it!” He says, and you turn to him with a confused look on your face. “Didn’t you have a crush on him in high school? Isn’t it about time you gave the high school version of yourself a little sneak peak?” He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, and you blush, causing Bokuto to laugh even harder. 

“I hate you, Bokuto!” You yelled, smacking the side of his arm as he threw himself at you, throwing his arms around your neck, engulfing you in a tight hug, and of course, you couldn’t not hug back; it was Bokuto after all. 

“Good afternoon, senpais!” The two of you turn your heads to Hinata, who had just approached you and Bokuto with his lunch box in hand, a bright smile on his face. “You seem like you’re having fun!” He says, sitting down across from you and Bokuto. You dust your shirt off as Bokuto removes himself from you.

“We were!” He says, and you quickly glare at him, afraid he would say something about what the two of you were just talking about. It’s not like you didn’t trust Hinata, you just didn’t want to drag the poor and innocent first year into the dirty intentions that Atsumu held. “[Name] here was asked by Tsum-Tsum to be his girlfriend! Isn’t that sweet?” He asks, and you face-palm yourself. It was your fault for thinking Bokuto wouldn’t open his big mouth after all.

To your surprise, however, Hinata didn’t seem too shocked about it. In fact, he seemed more... intrigued? “Really?” He asks, and Bokuto asks. “So he actually asked you, senpai! What did you say to him?” Hinata asks you, and you and Bokuto blink at each other before reverting your attention back to the orange-haired first year.

“What do you mean, ‘actually’, Hinata?” You ask, and Hinata takes a bite from his sandwich. “You mean he’s mentioned this to you before?” You ask, and he nods. 

“Yeah! I’m the one who suggested it to him,” he says so casually, and Bokuto burst out into another fit of laughter while you sulked. “What, is that bad? I was only trying to help!” He defended himself, and Bokuto pats your head, trying his hardest to stifle a laughter.

“It’s okay, Hinata,” you say, looking up and feeling mentally drained from all the weird events that had occurred to you. “Exactly why did you suggest him that idea?” You ask, and Hinata finishes up his sandwich.

“Well, a week ago, Miya-san came up to me and started talking about his struggles with these girls.” Hinata said as he started chewing on an onigiri that he bought from Atsumu’s brother’s shop, Onigiri Miya. “I felt bad for him, so I started listing some solutions, and the whole fake date thing was one of them!” He grins, and he looked so precious there was no way you could be mad at him.

“See? Why don’t you help out our Tsum-Tsum?” Bokuto asks, and Hinata nods while his eyes were sparkling, and you groan internally. Two of the world’s most precious people were asking you to do them a favor, and a big part of you was telling you to do it. “Plus, your crush on him might come back! That’s extra fun for you, isn’t it?” He asked, and your eyes widened as your face flushed.

“Eh? You had a crush on Miya-san?”

“BOKUTO!!!” 

“You really beat up Bokkun today, I’m surprised he was still in the right condition to practice properly,” a voice said from behind you, and you didn’t need to turn around to figure out who it belonged to.

“If you want, I can beat you up instead.” You said as you stood up from the bench and turned around, being met with Atsumu’s face so close to yours that if you moved an inch, your lips would meet. Your eyes widen and you abcked away, “Sheesh, don’t stand so close to me, creep!” You shrieked, and he chuckled, throwing his head back as he laughed. 

“What’re ya doin’ out here?” He asked, and you pushed a few strands of your hair behind your ear. “It’s kinda late, ain’t it, [Last Name]-chan?” He looks up at the sky that was littered with stars, the moonlight being the only source of light the two of you had besides the light from inside the gym peeking out from the open doors.

You chose to ignore his question, “Shouldn’t you call me by my first name?” You asked, and he looks down at you, confusion evident in his face. “We’re dating, aren’t we?” You asked nonchalantly, and Atsumu’s face lightens at this, and you rolled your eyes as he engulfed you in a hug and twirled you around.

“Glad to have ya here with me, [Name]-chan!” He smirks, and you couldn’t help the feeling of the butterflies dancing crazily in your stomach as your first name had rolled off his tongue like it was natural. “I’ll take good care of ya!” He winks at you, and you smile at him, catching him a bit off guard.

“Well, you better!” You said, crossing your arms. “I don’t let just anyone date me, Miya!” You said, and Atsumu laughs. 

“No!” He says, and you look at him in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. “Say my first name, call me by that instead. I don’t like the name Miya,” he says, and you roll your eyes, sighing.

“Fine, Atsumu.” You emphasize, a grin on your face, and Atsumu smiled as well, hugging you and twirling you in the air once more. You weren’t too fond with the idea of some piece of shit like Atsumu to be touching you like this, but you were doing him a favor, so you had to get used to it.

What you weren’t expecting, however, was for him to crash his lips onto yours.

“Still mad at me, babe?” He grins evilly as he leaned against the doorway of your bedroom. You continued to ignore him as you gathered your necessary things inside your bag, feeling your face heat up as memories from last night replayed.

He kissed you. The little shit kissed you on the lips. Although you two were now ‘dating’, it wasn’t something that you expected nor was it something you were ready for so early. A warning would’ve been nice, but you don’t always get what you want.

“The audacity you had, Atsumu,” you finally spoke to him for the first time that morning, and his smirk only grew. “You could’ve warned me! I should have murdered you,” you sighed, gripping your bag as the two of you left your apartment and started your walking journey to the university. Atsumu laughs as he reaches down for your hand, interlocking it with his tightly. You looked down at your intertwined hands before bringing your eyes back to his.

“We’re datin’ now! I can’t always tell ya when I wanna kiss ya,” he says. “It ain’t believable, so just be prepared for it, babe!” He grins, and you’ve never wanted to smack him so hard in your life. He was already a pain in your ass, and you still had months left until this would be over.

You then started rambling about how you wanted respect from him, and Atsumu glanced at the side before he let go of your hand and captured your face in his hands, bringing your face to his as he locked your lips into a kiss, definitely causing your poor body to enter cardiac arrest (not really, you’re just dramatic).

You glanced behind him and spotted a few girls huddled together as they watched the two of you kiss passionately, and you started to calm down, knowing that he only kissed you in order to start convincing people; more specifically his fan girls.

He pulled away and stared into your eyes before pulling you to his chest, his hand on the back of your head while his other arm was wrapped around your waist. His chin was resting on the top of your head as he closed his eyes in bliss, while you inhaled his scent.

He smelled good.

It’s been a week ever since he kissed you in front of those girls, and from what Hinata has told you, his fan girls were starting to calm down a bit, which allowed Atsumu to relax more, and you noticed it.

You were always a perceptive person, so you knew that Atsumu was always tense whenever practice rolled around. Obviously it wasn’t because of the actual practice, but because he knew that at the end of it, he wouldn’t be able to go straight home and rest as he was always bombarded with his fan girls. Truly the curse of being good looking.

But now, thanks to your little act, his fan girls stopped staying late and waiting for him by the doors and instead just watched from afar, and Atsumu couldn’t feel anything but relief. He was starting to think about having you be his fake girlfriend for the rest of college so that he wouldn’t have to deal with his fan girls, but he unknowingly had other reasons; like maybe actually having you be his real girlfriend because he liked you. Although, you never heard that from me.

You were sitting on one of the benches that were set up in the volleyball gym doing your homework while you waited for Atsumu’s practice to finish up. The two of you were starting to become a daily thing in each others’ lives, and everyone else saw how it was impacting the two of you positively. Bokuto, however, saw it as something else. After all, only him, Sakusa, and Hinata knew of the real thing behind the act the two of you put up.

Bokuto approached you during one of his breaks as everyone else continued practicing. He grabbed his water bottle and sat besides you. You glanced at him for a second before returning back to your work.

“You two are getting closer,” Bokuto says, and you officially avert your attention from your work and focus on Bokuto. “Don’t get too close, ‘kay? I don’t want you getting hurt.” He says, and your eyes widen a little, realization hitting you that this whole thing was fake. You were starting to become a little too comfortable, and it was going to bite you in the ass. You were thankful that Bokuto had warned you, but maybe it was too late.

“Yeah! Of course,” you said, lying through your teeth. Bokuto looked at you, reading through your facial expressions before nodding suspiciously, giving you a smile and a pat on the head before leaving his water bottle on the bench and returning back to practice.

It was then Atsumu’s turn to take a break, standing in front of you as he drank water, even spraying some of it on his face. He looks at Bokuto before looking back at you, pointing to the owl-faced boy. 

“What’d he say?” He asks, and your heart starts beating faster, your mind racing through lies in order to cover yourself and refrain from saying the truth. 

“Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention,” you said, feeling bad that you had to lie to him. But, it was for the best. After all, this was all fake. An act, and you couldn’t get too attached, even if it was too late.

Atsumu eyes you suspiciously for a second and nodded, putting his water bottle back inside his bag before grabbing your chin with his fingers, getting you to look at him and capturing your lips in a passionate but short kiss. You kissed back with no question, savoring it as much as you can before it becomes a distant memory.

He lets go of you and smiles, jogging back to the team and gets into his position, getting back into the practice rhythm almost immediately. You stared at his back before sighing. 

Well, so much for your feelings from high school ‘disappearing’.

It’s been two months since your act with Atsumu started, and just last week was when you decided that it was about time you started fixing yourself. By that, you meant getting yourself together before you completely depend on Atsumu and getting too comfortable with his involvement in your life as it is right now.

You had to start getting used to his absence before you could hurt yourself, and you did just that. You started distancing yourself, only talking to him and engaging in romantic interactions with him when there was people around. 

Before, the two of you used to kiss and hug even without the presence of other people, as if the two of you were actually dating. Which was extremely dangerous, as this was supposed to be nothing but a fake relationship.

Atsumu noticed, obviously. I mean, how could he not? You were starting to become something that he had always expected to show up in his daily life, and when you started to disappear from it, he felt off about it. In other words, he didn’t like it. It was safe to go as far and say that he hated it.

Yes, he knew this was fake, but he was starting to wish it wasn’t. Ever since he heard that you had a huge crush on him back in high school, he could never leave you alone, whether it was through teasing you or engaging in actual conversations with you. If it wasn’t for his full dedication to volleyball in high school, he might have been able to be in a real relationship with you.

It’s not like he didn’t have the same full dedication to volleyball now, in fact he was more dedicated to it since he was in a pro-team, but he was an adult now. He knew how to split his priorities, he knew how to make time for other things — people. 

So, here he was, spending his Friday night in a club with a few of his teammates, drinking his worries away. Drinking the thoughts of you away. He wasn’t drunk, after all, he hadn’t drank that much, and his teammates could tell that the two of you were distancing. They felt bad for Atsumu, as he was the happiest he’s ever been.

Meanwhile, you were in your apartment, watching The Office with a tub of ice cream on your lap. A few tears were dripping off your face as you watched the scene of Pam and Jim getting engaged in a random gas station, and you just started imagining your future with Atsumu. It would never turn out to be what Pam and Jim have, and that’s what hurt you because you wanted it to.

You fell in love with Atsumu, and you wanted to kick yourself so bad, but you couldn’t help it. You should have said no to his stupid offer, but at the same time, you’re glad you got to experience what it would be like to be in a relationship with him, even if it was all fake.

Your attention was caught when your phone vibrated on the coffee table, and you reached over to pause the show and grab your phone, reading whatever notification was displayed on your lock screen.

atsumu stupid fucking idiot: come out ya apartment babe

Your face contorted in confusion.

you: why? im watching the office

atsumu stupid fucking idiot: please babe? lets hang

He keeps calling you babe, and it’s hurting. He’s making it harder for you, but you can’t say no. It was always a yes when its him, huh?

you: fine.

You turn off your TV and shoved the ice cream back into the freezer. You entered the bathroom and cleaned yourself up, changing into less pajama-like clothes before stepping out of your apartment, only to be met with Atsumu sitting down on the floor and leaning against the wall besides your door.

“Atsumu?” You asked, and he looks up at you, a blush on his face. You could tell that he was a bit drunk, but considering that he came here by himself without any means of struggle, he wasn’t too wasted. You helped him up, and he engulfed you in a hug immediately. “What’s wrong?” 

“I missed ya babe,” he whispered in your ear, and tears started prickling the corner of your eyes. No, he can’t do that. It’s not fair. “Why’re you ignorin’ me? It’s not fun, I get sad too, ya know?” He asks, and you sigh, closing your eyes in bliss as you took in his scent, hugging him back.

“I’m sorry,” you said, kissing his cheek. “But this is all fake, Atsumu, I can’t get too attached. It’s not fair to me,” you said, deciding to let your tears ago, creating a wet spot on his black shirt that he always looked good in. Curse him and his good looks, what a bastard.

Atsumu lets go and holds you by the shoulders, looking at your eyes with so much love that you wanted to cry even more. “Who said that? Who said ya couldn’t get attached, huh?” He brings you back in his arms, and you sniffled. “Get attached to me, babe, it ain’t just you,” he says, and you peek up at him, resting your chin against his chest as he looked down at you.

“Can I get attached? Can I really?” You ask, sniffling like a little bitch. Atsumu chuckles, and he didn’t know if it was the slight intoxication he held or if it was his actual feelings, but he was feeling bold. He held your face and brought you in for a kiss like he used to do. Yet, this one seemed different.

This one... it was for real.