#i miss being kissed. i miss the bronze age. i miss the grapes i’ve never really crushed against my palate
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there’s a lot of things i miss that i’ve never actually had
#small example so we don’t get too maudlin: sometimes i miss being romantically compared to dorian#or— well. being thin and young and beautiful enough to come anywhere near fitting that moniker too#(don’t). but did that really ever happen? in reality have i ever had the chance to do anything like that?#can’t miss what you never had. there’s a hedonist in me and he’s been starving for twenty years#i’m glad that there’s no real risk of me ever getting kissed again i’m far more trouble than it’s worth#the minute i’m taken out of myself through this wire-mother cage i’ve fashioned i’m fucked#but i never have been. not really. i have real trouble identifying the last time i genuinely had fun#i miss being kissed. i miss the bronze age. i miss the grapes i’ve never really crushed against my palate#twenty now and i know it’s absurd to feel old. i haven’t wasted my chance you could argue#but where’s lord henry coming dancing from? <- you see this is absurd. i’m a deep cynic in a coat i pose a foxier threat than dorian ever#did. he likes to think. if nobody minds the sheer inconvenience of leading me on do they mind kissing me. or hitting me hard in the head ti#i bleed. just for the record#and key point— dorian was beautiful. well dorian was a muse#what’s happening here? well i’d like to be loved. sorry. still#maybe i’ve never been a dorian. something wronger#all romance i’ve had in my real life has been terrible and i’ve been hurt. can you forgive me for that#<- this is him at his least maudlin
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