#i originally wrote an entire rant but deleted it bc it got too much

[hartmannyoukaigirl]

tough love is such a bullshit concept that's a massive delusional cope for trying to reason out why your parents or partner hit you, or a massive cope of why your piece of shit child is a sociopath and is unable to love its own family that it gave birth to or is the father of

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

My WIPs: Ranting About the State of my Writing

Hey, all. This started as a WIP update on my fic “Aftermath” and kind of turned into a rant about how frustrated I am that I don’t have time to write properly. Sorry about that. I’ve put most of it below the cut, so feel free to skip. Normally, I would just delete the post as being irrelevant, but honestly I have a lot of feels all jumbled up in my brain right now, and I need to dig some out and send them into the world. So here it is, a post born of pure frustration.

I’ve mentioned "Aftermath” a few times, but I figured I’d give you all an update, and also an explanation as to what’s going on with this fic, which was supposed to be the next big historical story in my series, “Sawdust of Words.”

Now, you may recall that I spent a long time working on a truly mind-boggling angst-fest known as “What it Means to Be A Demon.” About 3/4 of the way through, I really needed a break to work on something a bit lighter.

(Spoilers below the break, but nothing very specific, followed by grumbling)

I had a pretty cute idea. Aziraphale and Crowley’s first big night of drinking! And it ends (spoiler alert) with the two of them passed out together! Ooh, and Aziraphale covers Crowley with his wing, because of course he does! Awww!

So I settle in and start with this opening scene of Crowley waking up to find himself hungover and a certain angel lying much closer than expected, then I planned to quickly flash back to the start of the drinking. Gotta show how they met up, etc.

Obviously, I had to stop and think it through. “Demon” takes place around 2400 BC, and there was already a reference to them meeting up and drinking together at a festival in the mid-2600s. So it had to be before then. And my outline for the series has them not seeing each other between Eden and Noah’s Ark.

There were two things I could do here. I could set this story sometime in the three centuries between the Ark and the referenced festival...or I could have them meeting up shortly after the Ark.

Anyone who knows me knows that given the choice between a fun, lighthearted story about two pals drinking and an angst fest about a catastrophic flood...well, there’s really only one way I’m going to go.

It’s fine, I thought. It’s not like I have lots of specific things to say about the Flood. I’ll just quickly go over the events at the Ark, then have them bump into each other a few years later. The plan was to do all this in nested flashbacks.

But that meant I had to think about what they both did the first few years after the Flood. And, surprisingly, I found a whole lot of angst!

This quickly took over the story, making it into a pretty heavy angst-fest. So I restructured it as a hurt/comfort - show the hurt of the Flood, followed by the comfort of them getting drunk and commiserating, and a bit of fluff of them accidentally passing out together cuz like, we really need that!

I wrote the hurt bits pretty quickly, and they got much worse than expected. I may have...um...broken Aziraphale a little. So I wanted to make the comfort more detailed to balance it. Which meant researching the places they were going to travel to so I could do a nice, rapid montage.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I’m...really addicted to historical details in my fics. Things quickly got way out of hand. Each short scene for the montage took at least a week of research, usually two, and then each grew long enough to become a chapter in its own right, and the “brief comfort montage” turned into a slow play-by-play exploring the healing process and some deeper parts of the angst. Which leaves me really stumped on what to do with the “cute, lighthearted passing out” ending I’d started from.

Somewhere around the 20k mark, I realized that this story (now 10 times longer than I’d planned and nowhere near finished) was quite likely going to be the death of me. Don’t get me wrong. I really like it. I want to share it with everyone. Not to mention I’ve tied it into several parts of the overall “Sawdust of Words” storyline, so it does need to be finished!

But because of the way it grew and evolved, it doesn’t have the tight pacing of “Demon,” or the clear theme structure of “Early Days.” And now I’m really exhausted because researching neolithic and early bronze age cultures is fascinating but not bloody easy especially when you don’t have access to an academic library. And since it was originally intended to be written as nested flashbacks, all the reveals are in really weird places in the story’s timeline.

This is the one that I’ve commented both I and my beta are too burnt out to try and fix. I went through it today, moving around pieces to try and get it into its final-ish form (final-ish because there’s still several parts that need to be written, and knowing me this could be another 10k, but at least I’ve identified most of the chapter breaks). I think it can be fixed. It’s worse than “Demon” was at its messiest phase, but it’s not as bad as, say, that one story I started writing in high school and finally gave up on after grad school. (Ask me about that some time. Fun fact: in 8 years of writing, I never gave it a title!)

It’s just that, with everything going on, I don’t have time to settle in and work on it. I don’t have time to research the three remaining stops to a degree I find satisfying, and because the character arc took a bit of a turn I can’t leave them out, either. I don’t want to start any new “Sawdust” stories until I’ve at least checked off a few of the ones I already have on my timeline (including this one, and Ancient Greece story, an Ancient Rome one, a 1968 story, and several after the apocalypse that are intended to reference these as well as get some healing for all the angst I’ve caused). About the only way I can actually get it finished is if I stop writing entirely for a few weeks, and I’ve actually tried more than once and it still hasn’t been enough time.

I really don’t know what to do next. I’m also signed up to write an aromantic Good Omens story for early May and I did write one...it just turned out super melancholy and strange because, ya know, the world right now, I had feels. And it feels strange to submit that? So I tried to start a new one with more lighthearted character moments, and I have plenty of ideas but I just...can’t...find the time.

It’s why I’ve been writing a lot of shorter one-offs (and one adrenaline-fueled insane story, “A Cunning Plan”) -- it’s a chance to step away from all the ideas that have gotten away from me and focus on something that’s just fun. Unfortunately, the longer stories don’t actually get written in the mean time.

So that’s where I am. I’m trying to keep the quality of my stories up to my usual standard, while also producing stuff because I know how much people want to read right now (as much as I want to write). But that might mean these longer historical stories are off the menu for the time being.

(That does not free you all from the angst, though. Keep in mind that both “Obedience” and “Three Little Words” were written in a single sitting!)

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.